Jamie's agency in Barranquilla vs Medellin Agency

[Quixote9]

So if you read any of my recent posts, you know I got dumped on my most recent trip to Barranquilla.  Things had been rocky when I last visited, but once she moved in with another former client of Jamie's and poster on this board (mbison) who had recently broken up with his novia,  things went from bad too worse.  I came back to Barranquilla because my girlfriend told me she wanted to clean the slate and give us another chance.  But I really wasn't given any second chance at all in my opinion, she had obviously already moved on with her life romantically and knew she was breaking up with me before I arrived.  After a week of being made to feel unwanted, uncomfortable, and jealous she finally broke up with me after I pressed her on the issue.  She had wanted to wait until I was about to leave to tell me... I guess so that I could ."enjoy your vacation".  So she wanted me to stay there with her the rest of the week while she slept in the next room with her friend because "his bed is bigger". Yeah, that didn't make me feel like my heart was being ripped out at all.

So I had a week left in Colombia, but I obviously couldn't stay where I was and had no idea what I should do.  I thought about just going right back to Jamie's agency, but he is usually booked up well in advance and besides I was a little embarrassed because he had repeatedly tried to warn me off my novia and I had talked with him the same night I got dumped and told him that things with my girl were "fine".  I also wasn't looking to get right back into another relationship, just didn't want to spend the rest of my time alone.  Decided to head to Medellin and see what that city is like.  First, I must say Medellin is much prettier than Barranquilla, both the buildings and the surrounding mountains.  The climate is much more tolerable and I wasn't constantly molested by mosquitoes.  The people are very friendly enough if you strike up a conversation with them, but are a little more reserved and image oriented than the people near the coast.
Lots of perfectly sculpted models types around but I was informed they are all either prepagos paying off their plastic surgery or Models who are sponsored  by their drug dealer boyfriends, and either of those seemed like trouble I was not looking for.  Met some nice American ex-pats near parque lleras, and after I bored them silly with my tales of woe they dragged me to a place I wont name in an attempt to cheer me up but I was still too depressed to have fun, plus it wasn't really the kind of fun I was looking for.  Not really sure what to do with my time I finally called up an agency in Medellin.

I am not going to name the agency, because it would be unfair to judge them based on my experience.  After all, they accommodated me on very short notice, I was not truly looking to start a new relationship, and I was depressed and in a bad mood.  The place was seemingly more economical at first glance than Jamie's operation... but they really nickle and dime you on any extras, and everything was an extra.  The staff was a lot less helpful and less organized than Jamie's. Lots of problems, lots of unexpected expenses.   I would say that the selection of women to choose from seemed much smaller than in Barranquilla, on average far less attractive, older, and most had children.  I did meet a few nice women, but they seemed very reserved and wanted to be home in bed by 9pm, did not drink or eat meat, and dressed very conservatively.  I ended up going to a club called Mangos by myself as there wasn't anyone who I wanted to take who was willing to go out late.   I highly recommend visiting Mangos by the way,  coolest night club I can remember visiting. The one bright ray of light was my translator, who was excellent.  I didn't really need her to translate for me, but she was far more fun to hang out with then any of the girls I met with.  She was brand new with the agency but did a great job, but I felt like she was forced to do a lot of extra work that wasn't her responsibility.  I was paying her extra just to translate, but it seemed like she was expected to do other things that should have been handled by the  other staff members, as a result she was kept too busy doing these other tasks to actually translate.   The agency seemed to tolerate a lot of no-shows, double booked some of my appointments,  and did not really provide me a way to politely eject from a date that was going nowhere.  I don't mean to imply that this agency is a rip off, I'd give it a C+, but I really missed the attention to detail and perfectionism that Jamie provides.

Stick with Barranquilla unless you can't stand the climate near the coast.

[the_ace33]

Yo Quixote9!
You should have come to hang out with me in Barranquilla.  I got a little setup over here, couple friends, a translator, place to stay.  Anyhow you are probably already back home.  You really gotta pick urself up and dust off quick around these parts I have learned.  I have had my share of dissapointments for sure.  The good things is that there is always a new lady to meet.  I like to walk around the malls and meet ladies here.  There is not a whole lot of commitment here with the 18-22 year olds, especially the party girls.  Do not ignore red flags.  This girl that dumped u is crazy!  Like Fathertime says...erase her from your mind!!!!  When you are in Colombia do not let any girls stall you out... gotta keep on truckin.  Make sure you do not put all ur eggs in one basket

[fathertime]

  After a week of being made to feel unwanted, uncomfortable, and jealous she finally broke up with me after I pressed her on the issue.  She had wanted to wait until I was about to leave to tell me... I guess so that I could ."enjoy your vacation".  So she wanted me to stay there with her the rest of the week while she slept in the next room with her friend because "his bed is bigger"

Well Q, I must say the first night my woman slept in a male friends bed rather than mine (for reasons other than being genuinely conservative) I would be out the door the next morning looking at other options, regardless of how into her I was.  I am very curious what was going through you mind all those nights when she was leaving you solo.  I am not looking to criticize but more to see what your rational was for hanging in there with her.   
FYI: I am not entirely new to this sort of thing happening, In the past I had an absolute Colombian knockout sleeping with me 2 nights, but not allowing anything to occur...needless to say I hung in there 1 night too long, as she was never interested in me, although another factor could have been that I had a horrible case of the trots!

Fathertime!

[Quixote9]

She wasn't sleeping in the other guys bed at first, I arrived on friday and the first time it happened was the next thursday.  We all got back late and rather than follow me into her bedroom she went to lay down in his.  It was too late for me to get a taxi, plus I wanted my engagement ring back, so I stayed the night and drank a whole bottle of Ron Meddelin the the backyard.   She found me passed out there the next day, appolgized profusely, told me nothing was going on with the other guy, he was just a good friend, that she had fallen asleep there by accident and I should have come in there and waken her up.  So the next day she was pretty nice to me until we went out dancing, and this other american guy (not her room mate) kept acting jealous around us, demanding to dance with her and speak with her in private.  I almost hit that guy,  I should have hit that guy, but I am not exactly sure what colombian jail cells are like.  Anyway, she pretty much ignored me the rest of the night and spent it talking and dancing with this other guy, blaming this on me because I was upset and being boring.  The following night their was a going away party for a girl at Jamies agency and after it was over my novia dumped me and told me she was going to sleep in the other guys room.  Spent the night backing and the next day altering my travel arrangements.

[fathertime]

She wasn't sleeping in the other guys bed at first, I arrived on friday and the first time it happened was the next thursday.  We all got back late and rather than follow me into her bedroom she went to lay down in his.  It was too late for me to get a taxi, plus I wanted my engagement ring back, so I stayed the night and drank a whole bottle of Ron Meddelin the the backyard.   She found me passed out there the next day, appolgized profusely, told me nothing was going on with the other guy, he was just a good friend, that she had fallen asleep there by accident and I should have come in there and waken her up.  So the next day she was pretty nice to me until we went out dancing, and this other american guy (not her room mate) kept acting jealous around us, demanding to dance with her and speak with her in private.  I almost hit that guy,  I should have hit that guy, but I am not exactly sure what colombian jail cells are like.  Anyway, she pretty much ignored me the rest of the night and spent it talking and dancing with this other guy, blaming this on me because I was upset and being boring.  The following night their was a going away party for a girl at Jamies agency and after it was over my novia dumped me and told me she was going to sleep in the other guys room.  Spent the night backing and the next day altering my travel arrangements.

Yo Q!
Thanks for adding some of the details.  If I am to understand this situation correctly, your ex was sleeping with you for 4-5 nights before she tipped her hand.

What a strange turn of events, you must have had some serious signs something might be amiss during that period of time.   

Did you hang out together during the days, or was she giving you excuses about having other things to do?  Was she behaving in a distant manner or being all lovey-dovey with you? 

Are you planning on getting back on a different horse or are you going hang up your saddle?

Fathertime!

[chizz]

Yo Q,
I had to read your post a few times to make sure i was reading it correctly. You slept in one room, and she slept in another guys bed, with him??? I'm sorry, but that is one of the most ridiculous things i've ever heard. I know you were into this girl for whatever reason, but you brought this on yourself. Jamie tried to warn you, and the red flags she was sending were off the charts, not to mention the nightclub incident with the other american. Truth be told, if you don't open your eyes to this type of nonsense, it will only happen again with another girl. If she was brazen enough to behave like this in front of you, she had no respect for you, and if you don't start standing up for yourself, and putting your foot down when this crap is going on, no woman will respect you. Not trying to sound to critical, but this whole scenario was simply pathetic.
Chizz

[bcc_1_2]

I have to say not punching the dude was wise. This isn't about being a man... this is about being smart. You aren't from Colombia and you sure as hell want to get out in one piece when you are ready to leave. I'd have to say you controlled your anger and your temper well.

You could have done a lot of things differently I'm sure. Listen to Jamie get your ring back faster. But it could have been a lot worse. Remember the lesson, forget the girl, and move on.

[utopiacowboy]

Regarding Medellin, the paisas themselves think being in an agency is one step above selling yourself in the street. I'm not saying that I share this opinion, but it's their opinion. As a group, they are traditional, conservative, hard-working, thrifty, punctual and worried about presenting an acceptable image in the eyes of society. I realize that few gringos want these qualities in a wife so they should pretty much steer clear of Medellin.

[satori]

Few gringos want these qualities....  Really?  Sound like perfect women to me. 

[Alabamaboy!]

Dude that is a sad story.  I makes me feel like puking to know there are women that cold blooded that would do a guy like that. But also, it makes me feel bad for you that you absorbed that punishment without making a score of your own. 

I hope you get right back up on your feet again, dust off all the bad memories of that girl, and find you someone real nice and sincere. 

I like that saying the "best revenge is living well".  Just keep telling yourself the best is yet to come, and that you should thank God that you did not end up with that particular woman.

[Quixote9]

Yeah, I am pretty raw about it still.  Especially since now I realize she'd been involved with another guy for months, she even had him calling me up at 6am and asking me to pay for her rent money!  I thought it would be the Colombian guys I would have to worry about when I was gone, but it seems American guys are 100 times worse.  Just shows, don't let people you think of as friends around your Novia, not even guys from this board who know how difficult a process this all is.  Oh well, I am sure they will live happily ever after because they are both obviously such incredibly honest and trustworthy people

[Looking4Wife]

Things had been rocky when I last visited, but once she moved in with another former client of Jamie's and poster on this board (mbison)

Ok... I think somebody said this already in another thread, but it bears repeating vehemently... if you didn't realize your relationship was over before she moved in with this guy, then it was DEFINITELY over the MOMENT she moved in with this guy.

If she wanted to move in with the guy, then you should have ended the relationship at that point immediately.  Period.  The fact that it got to that point in the first place, says that there were probably some other red flags that you ignored.
 
The story about her "accidently" sleeping in his bed with you in the other room is actually redundant foolishness, since neither one of you guys should have been under his roof in the first place since you had a relationship with her.

This brings into question whether "any" part of your relationship with her was "real" at all?  This is a rhetorical question for you to examine.

As someone else said, if you don't learn the lessons from your situation, you will be doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

Although many of us fashion ourselves to be savvy, we usually got that way from learning from our own mistakes, or observing those (or the advice) of others.

Good luck on your next venture with the wisdom (hopefully) gained from this experience.

[Quixote9]

Ok... I think somebody said this already in another thread, but it bears repeating vehemently... if you didn't realize your relationship was over before she moved in with this guy, then it was DEFINITELY over the MOMENT she moved in with this guy.

If she wanted to move in with the guy, then you should have ended the relationship at that point immediately.  Period.  The fact that it got to that point in the first place, says that there were probably some other red flags that you ignored.
 
The story about her "accidently" sleeping in his bed with you in the other room is actually redundant foolishness, since neither one of you guys should have been under his roof in the first place since you had a relationship with her.

This brings into question whether "any" part of your relationship with her was "real" at all?  This is a rhetorical question for you to examine.

As someone else said, if you don't learn the lessons from your situation, you will be doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

Although many of us fashion ourselves to be savvy, we usually got that way from learning from our own mistakes, or observing those (or the advice) of others.

Good luck on your next venture with the wisdom (hopefully) gained from this experience.

Sadly, I must agree with you.  This relationship was never real, there was never any honesty or investment on her part. It was no accident that she was in bed with him, I realize now that she was jealous of some other girl paying too much attension to her "room-mate" the first night that she went to stay in his bedroom and that she also did it to intensionally hurt me as well.  I see she now she loved the drama of having us both under the same roof.  The only night I mananged to get her away from him, he kicked in his bathroom door, and she was obviously pleased "Mickey is sooo jealous!".  I remember thinking "why the heck should he be jealous?  And why do we have to bring him everywhere we go?"  I remember he changed his facebook profile to "in an open relationship" less than two weeks after she moved in.. I grilled both him and her about that.. but they kept insisting that he just said that in his profile because he was "ashamed to say I'm single".  Of course that was total BS, as it was when she insisted that someone had "hacked" her facebook profile and changed her relationship status to refect that I was no longer her boyfriend.  That was in august, but the lies and cheating started long before she started up with mbison.  Looking back with clear eyes, I realize that she probably cheated on me the very same night she agreed to be my girlfriend.  I caught her in several obvious lies the first week of our "relationship", but she really knew how to mess with my head for a girl of only 19 at the time.  Jamie and my translator tried to warn me, told me to open my eyes.. that she had no respect for me.  She kept "accidentally" calling up her ex-boyfriend William anytime she wanted to emotionally blackmail me,  and when I refused to let her move in with mbison she told me that William was offering to marry her and she had to think about his offer (dispite the fact she'd just gotten engaged to me days earlier).  Jamie emailed me and told me that he had 3 reliable sources who had observed her displaying behavior "inconsistent with her being your girlfriend" but would not elaborate.  All this cannot be blamed on mbison.  Also, I did not warn him that his girlfriend at the time was cheating on him with all the guys in her colombo classes, I had wanted to... but my then/now his girlfriend insisted that I not.  So perhaps there is some cosmic justice in that he did not give me heads up.   I can only say, despite the pain and humiliation I currently feel, that this has all worked out for the best in the long run.  She would only have continued her childish behavior had I brought her to the US, and she would likely have soon left me for some other guy anyway.

Why did I put up with all this stuff you might ask?  I can only explain by admitting I have social anxiety disorder, which makes me constantly doubt myself and question how others see me.  It makes it very hard for me to meet people, very inexperienced in relationships, and when I meet someone who makes me feel accepted I tend to latch onto them.   I had told her about my condition, and she used that against me constantly.  Some of the stuff she said and did to me on my last visit now seems exceedingly and intentionally cruel, given what I now know.  I believe she did it all so that I would break up with her, and she could escape blameless.

[Looking4Wife]

Why did I put up with all this stuff you might ask?  I can only explain by admitting I have social anxiety disorder, which makes me constantly doubt myself and question how others see me.  It makes it very hard for me to meet people, very inexperienced in relationships, and when I meet someone who makes me feel accepted I tend to latch onto them.

Hopefully you're getting some professional help to deal with this "disorder".  I've not heard of it, but there's lots of things I haven't heard of :-)

In Colombia, and BAQ specifically, there are so many beautiful women that you have plenty of opportunities to "practice" your social skills, without fear of losing out on something special.  There's all kinds of stuff to read online and in bookstores about improving your confidence and social skills with women (USA or wherever the women are in the world).

The real issue here, social anxiety or not, is that you ignored valuable input from Jamie and his staff.  They do an excellent job, as you experienced firsthand, in providing priceless input about the sincerity of the girls in the agency.  Ignoring that input is not the fault of the social disorder.  That's just pride, or stubbornness, being in denial, or something like that.

When in a foreign land (or anywhere out of your comfort zone), you may as well defer to the better judgment of the local experts you are paying.  The whole reason agencies exist, alledgedly, is to help guide those of us who may not know the terrain.  That's what we pay them for.

I'm not saying this to call you out.  My only intention is to help and encourage you.  As Soltero alluded to in a recent thread, many of us have been burned at one time or another to some extent.  It sounds like you are definitely learning and growing from this experience.  Kudos to you on that!

This reminds me of the story about an understudy talking to a wealthy businessman he admired and worked for:

Understudy:    How did you learn how to make so much money?
Businessman:  Good decisions son, good decisions.
Understudy:    How did you learn to make good decisions?
Businessman:  Experience son, experience.
Understudy:    How did you get so much experience?
Businessman:  Bad decisions son, bad decisions.

Buena suerte y Dios te bendiga
 

[bcc_1_2]

Hopefully you're getting some professional help to deal with this "disorder".  I've not heard of it, but there's lots of things I haven't heard of :-)

This is not something I'd overlook. Actually I think we should applaud how freakin' honest Quixote is being about himself. I empathize with you man! I know some guys like you. I'd be worried if Quixote wasn't doing the self examination and being so damn honest.

My best dating advice for you (its something I'd give to another guy I know) is to first calm down and try to relax when you are meeting and dating women. I would guess a new relationship (basically jumping in the deep end of the pool before wading) was pretty stressful for you. Get beyond the beauty and focus on those qualities that will make you happy long term. When you are meeting these ladies on 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc they need to meet you halfway. You shouldn't have to make excuses for the yellow and red flags.

[drm64]

Quioxte,

In hopes of offering you a little input regarding your disorder, I think it is important for you to come to the realization of who you are. Not that we as american guys are superior. I think all God's children were created equal but it is also very true that we bring 90% to the table. We have our lives, success, homes, careers, cars, etc. Most of these women have only the substance of who they are as the person God made them. Of course we have been more blessed being born in the US while being from Colombia does not afford the same opportunities. Still, you must realize you have the "goods" and any of these woman would be exceedingly lucky to be chosen by you. Make them step up to proving they are worthy of such an honor! See that they treat you in such a way that shows the substance of who they are. This after all is what is really important. Not the things we can accumulate. For some guys, this could be dangerous advice as they would go overboard with the machisimo the latinas don't like in their own men. You don't strike me as being one of those. It sounds like you are easily emotionally attached. So am I and for guys like us it is necessary to step back and make a decision based on logic as well as feelings. This will lend itself to smarter decisions. Good luck.

[sean126]

I applaud you for telling your story.  Many men wouldn't have gone into the detail that you have. 

Although it's not much comfort, but you need to do what you can to get to the point of being truly content by yourself.  Once you do...you'll find that you don't put up with alot of BS.  Also, you'll start to give off this air of confidence in yourself that women find attractive and mysterious.  Although it doesn't feel like it right now, this is a blessing in disguise.  You won't marry her because she's the wrong girl AND you gained valuable experience.  I wish I had a nickel for all the experience I've gained with women.  I'd be quite wealthy now.  No failures and heartaches= No experience and bad judgment. 

Hang in there dude.  Get your self respect and self confidence where it needs to be and you'll be just fine.  All the good looks, money and material things in the world can't replace being a decent, good man.  Remember that!

[Maria]

This nothing to dwell on, If I were you I would be glad it ended before you became more engaged to her or in the USA. You can be sure she was going to betray you sooner or later.  It has nothing to do with you. That is her character and she was not sincere enough to show you her real feelings. Obviously she did not tell you right away simply because she was trying to keep both options opened. Until it all became a big lie to hide.

It is possible to meet a good woman but you need to keep trying, don't rush into anything and don't ignore the red flags.  I hope you did learn from all of this.


FL

[happymundo]

Few gringos want these qualities....  Really?  Sound like perfect women to me. 

Sounds goood.

[Caballero2009]

Wow I just read this tonight i had been skimming but i read a few older posts.

Man Quixote  .. sorry to hear that seems like a totally f-ed situation...... man i dont know how i would even be able to function in that kind of messed up situation. Im still a bit confused exactly what happend but i guess someone from the board stole your girl ... man thats low.... dude sorry.

Ill have to keep a little bit more watch when i decide to go down there.

Cab

[texassingledad]

Wow Quixote that really sucks man. Sorry you had to go thru that. But your story has really helped me to be sure I'm on alert and not get caught up in things.

Good Luck to you.

Les

[Quixote9]

Well thank you guys for all your words of encouragement, it has helped a lot.  This all happend months ago, and I would like to say I am all better now, but I still can't wrap my brain around what went down and why the other people involved chose to handle it the way they did.  Seems like a phone call telling me "I changed my mind, don't come back." would have been alot less brutal for me (and saved me about five thousand dollars and 2 weeks vacation time) and a whole lot easier for everyone else as well.  But it happend the way it happend, and that is the way it is. 

Red Flags I will not ignore again (there were many ):
1. Mysterious or nonsensical reasons for her absenses.
2. Excessively brings up past boyfriends and other guys currently romantically interested in her.
3. Resistant to taking her profile off dating websites, or general unwillingness to display any information about her romantic involvement with me on her social networking sites.
4. Constantly receiving flirtacious texts, phonecalls, instant messages, facebook posts, etc. from other interested guys, and complete refusal to see why that makes me uncomfortable and no sympathy for the discomfort she is causing me.
5. Creating lame excuses for unwillingness to display affection physically.
6. Accepting money &/or expensive gifts from other guys.
7. Uninterested in picking me up or dropping me off at airport.
8. No interest in starting or completing visa paperwork.
9. Sent her money to pay for English lessons, passport, vacinations, rent...  all spent on drinking and clothing instead.
10. Insists she must be allowed to spend time with unattached male companions "as friends" even when there is a clear romantic interest or past with the other males involved.
11. When I ask questions about her odd behavior she was evasive, when I asked her friends and relatives about what was going on with her she became incredibly angry and hyperdefensive that I was "checking up on her"
12.  Explanations for strange occurances that make no logical sense.  Excessively deffensive when I point this out.
13.  Sudden changes in established behavior, like no longer saying "I love you" or not having her cell phone turned on when she knew I was going to call her.  Phone conversations less frequent, shorter, and displaying a general disinterest on her part.
14. Refusal to discuss issues of great importance, constantly postponing giving me answers until some arbitrary time frame.
15.  Behavior displaying complete insensitively to my emotions, valuable time, and finances.
16. Constantly critical of me, but cannot accept the mildest of critisim herself.
17. Complete inability to admit a mistake, take responsiblity for it, and apologize.
18. Avoids being alone with me.
19. Found myself constantly forced by her to apologize for feeling jealous, anxiety, unhappiness, or suspicious, when clearly her own behavior was responsible.
20. Started grabbing the change from cashiers every time I tried to break a 50.000 COP bill, because she was afraid she wouldn't have any money "incase" she decided to break up with me.
21. Does not make effort to introduce me or make me look good to her friends & family. Gets upset when I do not do a good enough job of introducing myself and making myself look good to her friends and family.


Reading these back to myself,  I realize what a chump I was.  Any one of these is pretty much a valid reason for breaking up with someone.  If I hadn't been so focused on trying prove to both her and myself I deserved to be with her, I would have realized that she did not deserve to be with me.  You have to be ready to walk away, no matter how much of yourself you have already invested, because if you aren't willing to walk away things will only get worse and not better.

[Caballero2009]

You know its both really cool and sad at the same time that people on the board can learn from other guys mistakes.

I have read some pretty bad stuff on here in regrads to how women treated guys, failed relationships, guys being blind when going down to do this, etc etc. but its good to hear because you can learn from it.

But there are some good stories that come out of the boards... and lots of good advice which is why i sitll pop on here sometimes.

Im not rushing it..i guess its both a blessing and curse i have to take it slow i cant go until late fall anyway.

Ill bide my time, learn from others, and prepare

[bcc_1_2]

Well thank you guys for all your words of encouragement, it has helped a lot.  This all happend months ago, and I would like to say I am all better now, but I still can't wrap my brain around what went down and why the other people involved chose to handle it the way they did.  Seems like a phone call telling me "I changed my mind, don't come back." would have been alot less brutal for me (and saved me about five thousand dollars and 2 weeks vacation time) and a whole lot easier for everyone else as well.  But it happend the way it happend, and that is the way it is. 

Red Flags I will not ignore again (there were many ):
1. Mysterious or nonsensical reasons for her absenses.
2. Excessively brings up past boyfriends and other guys currently romantically interested in her.
3. Resistant to taking her profile off dating websites, or general unwillingness to display any information about her romantic involvement with me on her social networking sites.
4. Constantly receiving flirtacious texts, phonecalls, instant messages, facebook posts, etc. from other interested guys, and complete refusal to see why that makes me uncomfortable and no sympathy for the discomfort she is causing me.
5. Creating lame excuses for unwillingness to display affection physically.
6. Accepting money &/or expensive gifts from other guys.
7. Uninterested in picking me up or dropping me off at airport.
8. No interest in starting or completing visa paperwork.
9. Sent her money to pay for English lessons, passport, vacinations, rent...  all spent on drinking and clothing instead.
10. Insists she must be allowed to spend time with unattached male companions "as friends" even when there is a clear romantic interest or past with the other males involved.
11. When I ask questions about her odd behavior she was evasive, when I asked her friends and relatives about what was going on with her she became incredibly angry and
hyperdefensive that I was "checking up on her"
12.  Explanations for strange occurances that make no logical sense.  Excessively deffensive when I point this out.
13.  Sudden changes in established behavior, like no longer saying "I love you" or not having her cell phone turned on when she knew I was going to call her.  Phone conversations less frequent, shorter, and displaying a general disinterest on her part.
14. Refusal to discuss issues of great importance, constantly postponing giving me answers until some arbitrary time frame.
15.  Behavior displaying complete insensitively to my emotions, valuable time, and finances.
16. Constantly critical of me, but cannot accept the mildest of critisim herself.
17. Complete inability to admit a mistake, take responsiblity for it, and apologize.
18. Avoids being alone with me.
19. Found myself constantly forced by her to apologize for feeling jealous, anxiety, unhappiness, or suspicious, when clearly her own behavior was responsible.
20. Started grabbing the change from cashiers every time I tried to break a 50.000 COP bill, because she was afraid she wouldn't have any money "incase" she decided to break up with me.
21. Does not make effort to introduce me or make me look good to her friends & family. Gets upset when I do not do a good enough job of introducing myself and making myself look good to her friends and family.

Not to kick you when you are down, but I'm not sure chump is the word. You even mentioned that she was taking your money right in front of you in case she wanted to dump you later. That is way beyond chump man.

I still think this board is great for advise on this whole process and latin america in general. But on issues such as meeting women and spending habits there is a lot I read that I disagree with. The last time I checked for me a ticket down there was like $780 bucks. At 14 nights at $75 a night for lodging and that runs you $1050. So how'd you spend $5,000 in two weeks?

IMO if you are going to be successful you've got to have a backbone. You want to hang out and do something tonight fine... if not there is a long list of other women who'd like to be in your shoes. You want to take advantage of me, disrespect me, my time, and my money? GTF out of here.

[CeeTeeEnn]

A good Peruana friend of mine once told me "you're too hard on these girls and should give them a chance." Yeah, right... when i read post like yours, Quixote9, i have no regrets whatsoever for being as hard-assed as is necessary.

All these are serious red flags/lights; 8 & 9 are inexcusable. But the ones that stand out as "early warning signs" are 3, 4, and 13. If she cannot even put up a photo on facebook, Hi5 or Sonico of the two of you together, and change her status to at least "it's complicated" whilst she lets the other guys know she's on the way out, then she's duplicitous. Same goes for her not introducing you as a serious date to her friends at the very least (if not yet her family.) I've been there once and i'm not going there again.

As for the mobile phone thing, this is my rule: 3 missed calls from you without a prompt reply and a very good excuse for the lack of one and it's adios. Yes, mobiles are switched off, calls are missed, they run out of juice/credit and get lost. But they are not pagers, and there's no excuse for lacking the decency to reply with at least a text message or email saying "sorry i missed your call today."

And as for 11, if you are sending her money for specific purposes then IMO you have every right to check up on her - period.

Not all girls her age are players. I came across a couple of young 'uns on cybercupido recently who were pretty straight with me; they weren't quite the model type but they weren't too shabby-looking either