Fathertime strikes fools gold or what?

[soltero]

I WROTE THIS POST LAST NIGHT BUT PL WENT DOWN OR SOMETHING

Christ I feel horrible now...Me and my lady wound up in my apartment as she just wanted to hang out and that was fine with me.  We wound up having a prolonged chat and ultimately I made her cry.  I don't know if I tossed the 'genuine article' to the curb or someone that was simply using me.  This episode is going to scar me, that is for sure.  I don't know that I have ever hurt a woman feeling so bad...seemingly

I don't know what to make of this whole thing.  During the course of our time together she has compared me to 'A Wolfman' 'a gorilla'  "Shrek" and worst of all the actor "Philip Seymour Hoffman " but now she tells me it was all a joke and she really likes my appearence. Well anyway...I sent her home very sad this evening.  

UPDATE 15 MINUTES LATER:  My obsession is bombarding me with IM's now.  I think I may have misread this situation terribly or maybe that is what I am doing now...Hell I am a middle aged man breaking up and reuniting as if I am a pimple faced teenager...Christ and I haven't even kissed the girl yet!  I guess if 'my obsession' cares enough to be in tears and wants me back this bad, I just can't say no to he...I think I am worse than Machin when I see a girl so hurt, I just resist taking her back!  It seems to me this shouldn't be so hard or as "Okieman" used to say, "this process would be easier if we had a vulcan mind meld"   I guess I do have to let the cards play out a little further after all...

Fathertime!

I say have the balls to push yourself and go for something that might be great! Even though expecting for a girl to jump your bones before the third date seems to be the barometer, every woman isn't going to be like that, and it doesn't have to mean that she is using you. Sometimes, the one that you have to work a little harder for is just the one you need. I have to sit on the opposite side of the fence on this one. As far as I am concerned, sex will always be great once you have it...what are you going to do with the rest of the time you are with her? This one woman has made you write more than a few grunts, so she definitely must be interesting.

Take your time and go for it! I am secretly hoping that she turns out to be the one and you start flitting around and writing huge sonnets to her like SF! He can get away with it, but you, I will torture unmercifully, you big lug! 

[fathertime]

I say have the balls to push yourself and go for something that might be great! Even though expecting for a girl to jump your bones before the third date seems to be the barometer, every woman isn't going to be like that, and it doesn't have to mean that she is using you. Sometimes, the one that you have to work a little harder for is just the one you need. I have to sit on the opposite side of the fence on this one. As far as I am concerned, sex will always be great once you have it...what are you going to do with the rest of the time you are with her? This one woman has made you write more than a few grunts, so she definitely must be interesting.

Take your time and go for it! I am secretly hoping that she turns out to be the one and you start flitting around and writing huge sonnets to her like SF! He can get away with it, but you, I will torture unmercifully, you big lug! 

#1.  If I ever and I mean EVER start posting the way SF does, I WANT you to punch, pummel, and pound me into motorcycle grease!  

#2  I agree entirely with your post and this is course of action I am going to take.  If I am wrong, I am wrong, but I see little harm in letting things play out a little more. 

Another one. If the early stages of a relationship are this much WORK, what is the rest of it going to be like? To hell with her. Smoking chicks are un centavo a dozen in Colombia. I don't care how hot you are. Next!

Thanks UC, but frankly she is NOT work, I doubted her sincerity because of the lack of physicalness.  I have tried to look at this through her eyes and I do understand her and perhaps many other ladies perspective now:  I could appear like a dumb white guy from the US that is just pouring it on, to bang her and then take off when it is 'mission accomplished'

How old are you anyway? Are you sure she just doesn't see you as a mentor or father-figure? I've heard of girls not wanting to sleep with a guy for 3 months, but never not allowing a peck on the lips is just weird. This is wild speculation, but maybe she sees you as a chance for escape from whatever her life is, and when you crushed that, you set off a whole bunch of emotions that had nothing to do with you. I made the girl i saw cry, but we had been chatting exclusively for about 3 months and spent 3 weeks night & day together, and we were intimate almost from the beginning. You're gonna do what you're gonna do, but consider the other possibility that showing this sort of emotional baggage this early on may also be a flag. Anyway, it's always easy to say these things looking in from the outside. You'll just have to be very careful with this one until you figure out what's going on in that head of hers (if it's even possible).

Did you get any answers from her that suggests there's a way forward? Or are you purely reacting to her tears?

Thanks RJS, once again your post hits home. 
1.  I am 40 years old, a regular dinosaur!
2.  Believe me, all of what you said is something that I am taking into consideration.
3.  At this point I do think we are formulating a plan forward, I am meeting the family this evening.  I have to get to the official 'novio' stage, once I attain that status then things will change.  I just need to find out what types of hoops I have to tumble through to reach this status, and see if I am willing to perform these tricks!

But FT....you have to get her to the sexual dynamo stage to really make it worth while!!!!!!!  If she is willing to share those special times with you like that....then it all makes sense.....at least to me.

Yeah Machin I know I am taking a chance here with that lack of early intimacy, but I think there are some gals that operate this way, so as I said earlier, I just have to let it play out a little further.  In the past, I have been intimate early and that has gone nowhere in the end so what the hell, I will take my chances and try to do things a little different this time!  One NEVER gets his fill of sex with these beautiful girls, but I have had much more then I ever rightly deserve so I think my lifetime quota has been filled for this life and perhaps a bit of my next, so taking it slower may be a good, but just this one time!

Fathertime!

[RJS]

I say have the balls to push yourself and go for something that might be great! Even though expecting for a girl to jump your bones before the third date seems to be the barometer, every woman isn't going to be like that, and it doesn't have to mean that she is using you. Sometimes, the one that you have to work a little harder for is just the one you need. I have to sit on the opposite side of the fence on this one. As far as I am concerned, sex will always be great once you have it...what are you going to do with the rest of the time you are with her? This one woman has made you write more than a few grunts, so she definitely must be interesting.

Take your time and go for it! I am secretly hoping that she turns out to be the one and you start flitting around and writing huge sonnets to her like SF! He can get away with it, but you, I will torture unmercifully, you big lug! 

That is the exact rationalization i've used in the past when i had to work harder than usual for a girl. Specifically, there was one girl I tried to kiss a couple of times after some really fabulous dinner dates, but I never got any real action from her. She loved my company and I had the best conversations i've ever had with a woman with her. They were full of laughter and every sign she was putting out said she was interested. I never got anywhere with her before she moved on to the next guy though. Little to my surprise, she ended up marrying a guy with a net worth in the 8 figures. She was truly the master of manipulating men and is the archetype of the type of woman i'd like to avoid from now on.

Nobody here is saying she should be sleeping with him. It's just a little suspect that he can't even get a peck on the lips. Only he can really judge the situation, but when i've been there in the past, the collective voice of the majority has usually been right, even when I really didn't want it to be, such as with the woman I describe above.

[papi]

If Papi really cared, he would have sent you a flake alert.

I can see that I need to also spend time writing on cheek kissers. I have met many especially on the coast and not sure what is worst: a gold digger, cheek kisser or flake.


Where have all the young girls gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the young girls gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the young girls gone?
Taken husbands every one
When will "we" ever learn?
When will "we" ever learn?

[papi]

If I am wrong, I am wrong, but I see little harm in letting things play out a little more.

Well, look on the bright side, at least this gets your mind off the crap table. But in this case, I am reading 7-out!

Dating another super hottie is your trip's salvation. Put your chica in cold storage. She may come back some day but you are pushing too hard. Time to forget dice and go play some poker....

[papi]

We must remember that this is a numbers game.

Recently, I went to Medellin with limited leverage (chicas lined up) and ended up spending too much time with one hottie that was lacking in affection. She kissed me but I could tell she was not into me.

To make matters worse, she did not eat meat and would order shrimp or whatever was the most expensive item on the menu. My last night I took her to a nice place where she proceeded to order an expensive meal of seafood and wine.

Unfortunately, Papi was not on the menu. When we returned to my place, she called a taxi in 5 minutos. Cheek kissers, been there done that....

[Researcher]

           FatherTime,
           I have to agree with RJS.It's not that she isn't sleeping with you, its that she isn't even kissing you at this point. PROCEED WITH CAUTION on this one FT.

           As far as the crying when you send them on their way, I got used to it and I'm glad I did. I still get emails from women I have broken up with even though I have told them not to write.

           I hope this one does turn out to be "the one" FT.Even though I think there is something fishy here, I am still pulling for you.

           Researcher

[papi]

I hope this one does turn out to be "the one" FT.Even though I think there is something fishy here,

I never really understood the cheek kisser phenomenon but it is rampant especially on the coast. In most cases, the situation is hopeless.

[utopiacowboy]

Not even a kiss? Meanwhile she's probably getting boned by some Colombiano while putting on the old Miss Prim and Proper routine. I can understand that she might be afraid of the old Hump N'Dump but does she have such high standards with Colombianos? I doubt it. What would a Colombiano do? He'd kick her to the curb hard. Next!

[singlefather no more]

#1.  If I ever and I mean EVER start posting the way SF does, I WANT you to punch, pummel, and pound me into motorcycle grease!  

Fathertime!

Fathertime ticking time bomb,

I will take that as a compliment and I sincerely hope this girl turns out to be a wonderful girl that can make you happy. This girl has definitely got your attention and I think you secretly like that she is not a pushover..

Buttttttt her not kissing you is a real concern.. She lets you massage her body but not kiss her ? This does not make sense.

It will be interesting to see how her family reacts to you tonight.. Keep your eyes and ears open..

I like the fact that she has not asked for money and is uncomfortable with you spending money on her..

Call up J*** aka Montrealer and maybe go on a double date with him and his wife and let them help you check her out.

All the best,

singlefather


..

[papi]

Not even a kiss? Meanwhile she's probably getting boned by some Colombiano while putting on the old Miss Prim and Proper routine. I can understand that she might be afraid of the old Hump N'Dump but does she have such high standards with Colombianos? I doubt it. What would a Colombiano do? He'd kick her to the curb hard. Next!

bingo!

[sean126]

I'm with RJS...I thought the same thing.  Father figure.

You said it's about lust you think. Kinda silly to go through all of this on someone you just want to see how far you can go in bed with isn't it?   Your playing a game that's going to burn you.  Your going to obsess so much and be so lustful that the line will get blurred and next you'll be saying you love her.  Lets archive this post and refer back to it later.   

[papi]

Kinda silly to go through all of this on someone you just want to see how far you can go in bed with isn't it? 

FT, since my recent How To Guide has been banned from PL, I'd say you'd better get to Sunday School, repeat Three Hail Marys and/or dial 800-Hottie. Of course, bedding someone has nothing to do with forming a meaningful relationship. Good luck amigo!

[Alabamaboy!]

Hey...if you already tried the "we need to see the chemistry before we go on much further" thing, then maybe it is time to put her on ice like Papi said.  No big deal, just tell her you are there on vacation, but are looking for someone very special in your life and you want to meet other people until "the one" comes into your life.

That way you are free to browse again, it is the truth, and maybe that will be the little extra that makes her understand this may be a "once in a lifetime opportunity" with you. And once you are gone.....another hot babe is going to be right around the corner to take you up on the opportunity.

It is not a bad idea. 

[papi]

I like it! Especially the part about finding a meaningful special relationship. Pushing it won't fly...we end up backing them into a corner. Leverage is key

[fathertime]

sweet Jesus can somebody correct the topic headline...the  'r's on this keyboard sometimes don't work,  so 'strikes' gold as in the headline of the topic is ridiculous!

I hear all you guys and I am absorbing everything.  I will be meeting the family in a few hours so I am listening to any thoughts about the 'family dinner' we are going to be having.  

SF: I was joking with you...I sometimes want to vomit with all the sincerity of your posts but I understand where you are coming from... btw...going out with monty and wife tomorrow as a foursome...should be fun and give me more perspective perhaps.

NC:  Yes I am a ticking time bomb and I am glad you are being entertained!

Paps researcher, et al:  I hope you are all mistaken but your advice is not being ignored, I am just gently placing it in 'cold storage' while I do what I have to do.  I have plenty of 'leverage' but I am only going to use it if necessary!  Now to kill time while my 'obsession' is working, I am going out on a date right now! Chao

Fathertime!

[zack]

Fathertime,

This girl is feeding you seasoned crap (as you put it) and yet you not only like her, you are obsessed with her. She obviosly isn't into you physically. If she hasn't asked you for money by now, she probably will soon.

This makes me wonder what she looks like. She would have to be an Adriana Lima look-alike before I would eat that much crap for so long. She will probably respect you more if you give her the boot and tell her the truth: There are other attractive ladies who are more interested in you and you would rather devote your time to them. She will respect you more for that and may even become more attracted to you for having the strength to say "no" to her. I'm sure that she's used to men doing whatever she asks.

Zack

[RJS]

sweet Jesus can somebody correct the topic headline...the  'r's on this keyboard sometimes don't work,  so 'strikes' gold as in the headline of the topic is ridiculous!

I hear all you guys and I am absorbing everything.  I will be meeting the family in a few hours so I am listening to any thoughts about the 'family dinner' we are going to be having.  

SF: I was joking with you...I sometimes want to vomit with all the sincerity of your posts but I understand where you are coming from... btw...going out with monty and wife tomorrow as a foursome...should be fun and give me more perspective perhaps.

NC:  Yes I am a ticking time bomb and I am glad you are being entertained!

Paps researcher, et al:  I hope you are all mistaken but your advice is not being ignored, I am just gently placing it in 'cold storage' while I do what I have to do.  I have plenty of 'leverage' but I am only going to use it if necessary!  Now to kill time while my 'obsession' is working, I am going out on a date right now! Chao

Fathertime!

I think leverage of any kind is the exact wrong way to find someone to have a meaningful relationship with. It's great for getting quick sex, but it's not the way to make things last. I hope you don't have to resort to that. Of course, it may be the only thing an old fart like has left.  

[braindead]

During the course of our time together she has compared me to 'A Wolfman' 'a gorilla'  "Shrek" and worst of all the actor "Philip Seymour Hoffman "


You seem to be a glutton for punishment and verbak abuse mate!
Would you kiss an of the above??

[Alabamaboy!]

Yeahhhhhhhhhh.....let us know how it all goes.  Why not go for a nice massage while you are waiting for her to get off work?  Or BuenaVista to exercise the eyeballs a little? Orrrrrrrrr....take a nice long nap just in case you hit the jackpot tonight.  You don't want to run out of gas in the fourth quarter when you finally get the opportunity to do your work!

[soltero]

I can't believe I am on the opposite side of this situation from practically everyone! The girl seems to be perfect except for not having dropped her drawers already! After I don't know how many trips and conquests, FT has finally more than two words to say about a woman he's met while in Colombia, and you guys are all giving him shyte about it! I just don't feel that vibe on this one, and I am sure FT has been at this long enough to know what the potentials are here. Seriously, after bedding many women and not having a dern thing to say about them after the trip was over, it is obvious that there is something special about this one. What does he have to lose besides some time and money? Having had great sex but coming home alone would get old to anybody after a while (well, maybe not...), but if the woman wants to hold onto her panties and not just be another gringo notch, then she's a prickteaser and should be cast aside. Well, again, after having had plenty of sex on multiple trips, taking one trip to try something different isn't going to kill him. If nothing else, he will be able to get over the wondering about what could have happened.

[Ray]

During the course of our time together she has compared me to 'A Wolfman' 'a gorilla'  "Shrek" and worst of all the actor "Philip Seymour Hoffman "...

Hey Wolfman, give her time.

Perhaps your ugly mug will grow on her and she will be ready to kiss you in a few years... 

[Researcher]

I can't believe I am on the opposite side of this situation from practically everyone! The girl seems to be perfect except for not having dropped her drawers already! After I don't know how many trips and conquests, FT has finally more than two words to say about a woman he's met while in Colombia, and you guys are all giving him shyte about it! I just don't feel that vibe on this one, and I am sure FT has been at this long enough to know what the potentials are here. Seriously, after bedding many women and not having a dern thing to say about them after the trip was over, it is obvious that there is something special about this one. What does he have to lose besides some time and money? Having had great sex but coming home alone would get old to anybody after a while (well, maybe not...), but if the woman wants to hold onto her panties and not just be another gringo notch, then she's a prickteaser and should be cast aside. Well, again, after having had plenty of sex on multiple trips, taking one trip to try something different isn't going to kill him. If nothing else, he will be able to get over the wondering about what could have happened.

      Hey Sol,
           With all due respect, its not that she hasn't had sex with FT it is that she won't even kiss him. I know that FatherTime has been doing this long enough to be able to take care of himself but something just doesn't add up here.

[soltero]

I know it's strange, but FT is from the "No piden se roban" school of kissing...I am sure she is just taking a stand. For some reason, I just don't get a negative vibe from this situation. I think after all of his searching, the ol' boy is about to get whipped and I for one, am happy for him! I think she really likes him and wants to make sure he sticks around...

[utopiacowboy]

I know it's strange, but FT is from the "No piden se roban" school of kissing...I am sure she is just taking a stand. For some reason, I just don't get a negative vibe from this situation. I think after all of his searching, the ol' boy is about to get whipped and I for one, am happy for him! I think she really likes him and wants to make sure he sticks around...

Let's think about this. She really likes him and wants him to stick around. So he doesn't even get the tiniest kiss. Nothing. Nada. Even my wife, who really is Miss Prim and Proper, would give a guy she was going out more encouragement than this (if she liked him). He's about to get whipped and you're happy for him?