Greetings

[Techno]

First of all I would like to give great thanks to the moderator/s and members of this site. I poured over the threads for days before joining. What a bunch of genuine and cool guys. NEVER have I read so many heart-warming (and heart-shattering) tales from guys simply looking for "a good wife" in one place. I first started to take the idea of a foreign bride relatively seriously about 4 years ago, then I met my..umm..recently ex-wife. My story is classic: Western chick, the silver platter, free ride, car, and the house overlooking 100 miles of mountains is not enuff. So here I am. I'm 31, presently living in Colorado (which I love) and have redoubled my research and interest in this concept of a foreign bride. As I am fresh out of the divorce, and temporarily financially ruined, I am approaching this idea with great and deliberate patience. I have always had great appreciation, interest, and respect for eastern cultures (and their jaw-droppingly hot women) so my initial thoughts are Japan, or Thailand of which both cultures, I am basically (as in VERY basic) familiar with. I know relatively little about the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, China, and their respective cultures, and from what I've read, I'm not too hot on them. I know ALLLL about Latinas from personal experiences...um, no. I am also aware that I don't really know [snip] until I go there. I work with 2 Vietnamese guys, one of which has traveled the East; I drill them for any scrap of information they can share on a daily basis, and I am quite sure they are getting quite sick of me...but that's ok. I also have a friend who has been to Thailand for a few months and I grill her every chance I get. I am full of questions but will ask only a couple for now....I am a young, decent lookin guy that can dance and party his ass off and makes ok money. I'm thinkin I'm probably not exactly what many of these women have in mind. I can find very little about Japanese women on this site, and I was curious, being from a 1st world nation, how interested would they be in middle-class American men? How good of a shot does a young/retired punkrocker-partyboy that makes $50k have at finding a good woman? Japanese or Thai. Deceptively simple question is it not?

[Bear]

Welcome Techno!

You have an excellent shot.  We get so tied up in our culture we think the rest of the world is the same and it's not.  The best thing you can understand is American Men (AMs) are well thought of around the world as husbands and Fathers.   Throw in the freedom and opportunities America offers and it makes you a desired target of ladies looking to marry (or to use someone).

I've posted alot to the newbees about the Filipino culture and the Filipinas attitudes toward AMs.  The best thing to do (after reading the achieves) is just start writing, talking, chatting with as many as you can juggle, be honest and watch for "red flags".   You'll find a great many "users" who only want something but you'll also find some pretty awesome ladies who will make your dreams come true, its up to you to be sure of which.  Thats were we come in. Ask questions.

As for being a Punk rocker, our resident would be Howard when he posts.

The Bear Family

[Dave H]

Hi Techno,

Welcome to P-L!

I am not sure about how far 50k will get you in Japan or Thailand. In the Philippines, you would be considered rich (a millionaire in Philippine Pisos, several times over).

"Punkrocker-partyboy"...I will let the Japan and Thailand experts discuss how well you would fit into those cultures.

"I know relatively little about the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, China, and their respective cultures, and from what I've read, I'm not too hot on them."

We only have a few, but very astute members, who are experts on Japan and Thailand. Along with the differences, there are many similarities between some of the Asian countries that you dismissed and those that you were interested in. I would keep an open mind and learn more, especially through first hand experience.  If you want any info about the other countries as well to help confirm that your your feelings are accurate, please ask! Good luck!

Dave

[Bob_S]

being from a 1st world nation, how interested would they be in middle-class American men?

In a word: extremely.  I read a survey of people from Los Angeles ethnic neighborhoods (I lost the link), and Japanese and Japanese-American girls are the most likely to marry outside their ethnic group of all Asian-American groups.

How good of a shot does a young/retired punkrocker-partyboy that makes $50k have at finding a good woman? Japanese or Thai. Deceptively simple question is it not?

A very good shot, provided that you are a retired party boy and have settled into the seriousness of life.  Lots of J-birds go through wild phases too (Google Harajuku), but they understand it is just a phase to eventually be put aside when you get married and start a family.
There's a couple of us here married to nice J-ladies.  What do you want to know?
Though you should know that it took quite a bit of face-time to court these gals.  How committed are you to your job?  Back in '02, I quit my engineering ~$50k job for a $30k job teaching English in Japan so I could chase girls and court a wife.  And I encountered many former engineering guys who were doing the same thing.  We find a nice girl, get serious, marry her, return home (not necessarily in that order), and return to our nice professional jobs.

Want a head start?  Check here.

Planning to live in Japan for a while?  You might find this useful.

There's a lot of pluses and minuses to courting a foreign spouse, including Japan.  Stick around, ask some questions, and we'll be glad to fill you in on some of our personal experiences.

[Jeff S]

Hi Techno and welcome aboard. There are lots of advantages to dating a 1st world girl as opposed to a 3rd, and I suppose some disadvantages, in some people's eyes (i.e. she doesn't worship you as the walking ATM.) 

Glad you took the time to peruse the archives. Lots of good stuff in there.

Looking forward to your questions and posts.

- Jeff

[Techno]

Wow. Thanks for the warm welcome guys. I had actually moved to Colorado with my new bride to make sure the party was over. Nice house in the country, all was well and quiet. We were excited to be parents, the nursery was complete, and a college fund was started. Didn't drink, party, nothin, just worked. Baby came, then BAM, She flipped.....So I just went back to doin what I knew best. Now I lost 40% of my wages. I digress, as this is not the "Why I divorced the psycho-bitch forum".

Bob_s: I could consider relocating for a year-or-two
Dave_H: Yes there were a few countries I left out that I would also be very interested in. I dated a Filipina, and a Filipina-american. As with the Latin women I dated, and a couple red-heads...all was great for the first month, then the mouth started. Left a bad taste in mine.

I would be curious about some reputable chat rooms so I could chat with some  Japanese and Thai girls.

The afore mentioned traveled Vietnamese co-worker told me one day "When I young in Vietnam they tell me "Marry Japanese, eat Chinese and live in the West""
I asked him "Why "live in the West"?" To which he replied in a quick mumble "Ya maybe 30 years ago, but you economy collapsing, so i dunno now."

[Dave H]

Hey Bob,

I can just picture you courting your future wife at Harajuku Station! 

Dave

[Jeff S]

Here are a couple of places to start. You can take it offline to skype or yahoo IM if you hit it off.

http://japanesefriendfinder.worldfriends.tv/public/home.jhtml
http://jtn-abroad.meta4-group.com/public/home.jhtml

Nearly all Japanese girls will have a computer at home, so it's easier to communicate freely than it is with someone who has to save up to use the internet cafe in a poor country.

- Jeff

[Techno]

Yeah Jeff, considering my lifestyle and all, I'm kinda leaning toward a 1st-world girl. Thank you VERY much for the links, as they were more of what I had in mind. I checked out Harajuku Station on google. Definitely my kind of people..crowd seems a lil young. Not where I'd go to find a wife, but I bet I could find my way into a great afterparty. I'll sit and read about a given subject for 4-6 hours on end. So I'm doing a lot of research. Best thing is to start chatting. Thanks again guys.

[Bob_S]

We were excited to be parents, the nursery was complete, and a college fund was started. Didn't drink, party, nothin, just worked. Baby came, then BAM, She flipped.....

That's a very familiar story.  I've heard it a few times.  What is with these chicks?

Bob_s: I could consider relocating for a year-or-two

Oooo, if you are at all involved in your kid's life, you may want to reconsider.  You don't want your psycho-hose beast ex to be the only influence in your child's life.  Though if she's absconded with the kid and burned that bridge for you, it leaves you with more possibilities.  If you are definitely tied to your current location, you still have lots of options.  Plenty of J-girls come to N. America just to study English at local ESL schools, colleges, and uni's near you.

I checked out Harajuku Station on google. Definitely my kind of people..crowd seems a lil young. Not where I'd go to find a wife, but I bet I could find my way into a great afterparty.

If you are looking for a little older crowd, then check out Roppongi.  It's near a lot of embassies, so a lot of foreigners hang out there.  The clubs are full of guys with yellow-fever looking to hook up with girls gagging for a taste of white meat (and occasionally dark meat).  Though, again, it is definitely not the place to search for a wife.  I've only been there a few times because there are a lot of American-chain restaurants around that neighborhood, and after many months in Japan I was jonesing for some Tony Roma's ribs.

I can just picture you courting your future wife at Harajuku Station!

Gah!    I couldn't imagine my wife in a Loli-gothe cosplay outfit.  Though I do get a lot of naughty thoughts when she dresses up in a yukata for Summer festivals. 

Nearly all Japanese girls will have a computer at home,

And if they don't have an actual computer with internet, they definitely will have a cell phone with net and e-mail access.  Most seem to prefer this style of communication anyway as it gives them something to do on long train commutes.

[Jeff S]

Roppongi has plenty of unique Japanese and European restaurants as well. We ate an an OUTSTANDING Hungarian place there last time I was there. Not cheap by any stretch of the imagination, but it was just excellent! It reminded me of my grandmother's cooking (who was an Eastern European transplant.)

[fourholesn1]

Techno, thailovelinks.com is a good site for meeting Thai girls, I found my fiancee there. It costs $25 for a month, too bad you can't buy a week because that's all it will take for you to make friends with 20 or 30 girls. Personal opinion....Thai girls are the sweetest and most beautiful girls on earth. (but Japanese girls aren't bad either) Feel free to ask any questions! -Scott

[Dave H]

Gah!    I couldn't imagine my wife in a Loli-gothe cosplay outfit.  Though I do get a lot of naughty thoughts when she dresses up in a yukata for Summer festivals. 

Hey Bob,

I hear you! I am even having naughty thoughts from hearing "Lip my stocking!" from this 'sophisticated' lady in this video clip!  What is it about Asian women, they are sexy no matter what the wear...or don't wear! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu5WR_hkV1o&feature=related

[Techno]

I've been on Japanese Friend Finder, and after the 1st half-dozen J-girls I talked to, I can tell I have my work cut out for me...challenging, but this is fun. VERY coy, very smart, good English. Fascinating, and I did get 5 Email addys. I was not initially prepared to have rapid-fire witty banter lined up to keep the conversation rolling, but once you get them talking.....One VERY funny thing I would have never thought would help me so much in life is that I grew up watching a LOT of Anime, and reading some Manga when I could find it...LOL!!! I did talk to 1 Thai girl, and despite her good English, the conversation was a little lacking. I like engaging and intellectually stimulating conversation....I like my women smart (but too smart right guys?). I'm learning a lot very fast.

Bob S: Though my X and daughter now live in Chicago, I have open visitation rights, and under NO circumstance shall she be allowed to grow up exclusively under her mothers' ignorance. But seeing as she is 5 months old, I'm thinking this time right now will be the best opportunity I will have to go traveling. At least in spurts.

[Jeff S]

Too smart is like too good looking - no such thing in my book.

This sure ain't like the feminists claim, horny middle aged loser Americans preying on demure subservient Asian girls who don't know any better, right?

[Bob_S]

But seeing as she is 5 months old, I'm thinking this time right now will be the best opportunity I will have to go traveling. At least in spurts.

Ah, good.  She is small enough that she won't notice your absence for a while.  You can sneak out of the country for a year or two. (Though you become critically important to her psychological development when she hits puberty, but that's a separate issue.)
As I mentioned to a previous poster, regarding the easiest way to get into Japan for a while:

英会話 Eikaiwa (English Conversation Schools).  I worked for over a year at AEON near Tokyo.

It puts you there where you can really experience the culture (and girls!).

I've been on Japanese Friend Finder, and after the 1st half-dozen J-girls I talked to, I can tell I have my work cut out for me...challenging, but this is fun. VERY coy, very smart, good English. Fascinating, and I did get 5 Email addys. I was not initially prepared to have rapid-fire witty banter lined up to keep the conversation rolling, but once you get them talking........I like my women smart (but too smart right guys?). I'm learning a lot very fast.

It is a different cultural method of inter-personal communication.  A lot of the burden of understanding is placed on the listener (or reader).  You really have to get outside of yourself and focus on the subtext of what is said (and what is not said!).  That coyness and smartness really makes you step up to the plate.  But your effort will be seriously appreciated by them.
Though be warned, while their written English may be very good (they all study it for 6 years in school), their spoken English might be seriously lacking.  You can really hit it off with someone by e-mail, but don't take it as a bad sign if your phone conversations with them seem to crumble and fall apart.  You may still re-connect when you meet her face to face!  And even if their English turns out very good, they'll probably still apologize for their poor skill.  Patience and encouragement on your part will be appreciated.

One VERY funny thing I would have never thought would help me so much in life is that I grew up watching a LOT of Anime, and reading some Manga when I could find it...LOL!!!

I hear what you're saying.  One of my favorite anime series before I went to Japan was Ranma ½, and I was surprised how well it prepared me for life in the Tokyo suburbs (no, not he constant karate battles, but rather the common mundane elements of the Tendo household and street scenes, household objects, street signs, the sight of food stalls, and so on).  Now that I'm back and going through the series again (my daughter's pre-bed time ritual is "milk and Ranma!"), I can see even more of the details of common life artist Rumiko Takahashi included in her work.

[Marshall K]

I wouldn't get too locked into any one culture, although Japan would have the most Fluent English speakers.  When I started looking I searched the world, and happened on my wife in China.  Open yourself to the possibilities.  Have fun.  After a crappy marriage you deserve it.  And you are right about this being the right time.

[Capstone]

I wouldn't get too locked into any one culture, although Japan would have the most Fluent English speakers.  When I started looking I searched the world, and happened on my wife in China.  Open yourself to the possibilities.  Have fun.  After a crappy marriage you deserve it.  And you are right about this being the right time.

I agree with Marshall with respect to not writing off any one culture right off the bat. Because I had previously lived in Japan for 3 years I initially began chatting with Japanese women but then literally stumbled upon my Chinese fiancee just by happenstance.

I had originally held an inaccurate view of China as being a 3rd world country with a population consisting of a few very rich citizens and a largely poor majority however I could not have been more wrong. China actually has a very large and ever growing middle class who are financially affluent and very modern. My fiancee is highly intelligent, very educated, has a great job and a lot of disposable income. It is very easy to hold an intellectual conversation with her concerning just about any subject. Needless to say she soon shot down all my previous inaccurate perceptions of Chinese culture/women.

Good luck with your search no matter which country/culture it may lead you and have fun in the process! My one bit of advice is that when you think that you may have met that special woman, do not waste too much time before you jump on a plane to visit her for the first time. Chatting, emails and even telephone calls are great but you will never know for sure if the girl is really right for you until you meet her in person.

[Jeff S]

I tend to agree. China of today is nothing like Chairman Mao's China of thirty years ago. It's vibrant, alive, optimistic, and the people are in general, educated, friendly and fun. Sure, it has it's problems, but that shouldn't discourage anyone from considering a Chinese woman.

I've always been a big proponent of making sure you're compatible with the culture of the woman you're considering, also. She will never fully Americanize, so make sure you can deal with her cultural expectations, activities, and all the things that go along with that, before settling on a place.

- Jeff

[Dave H]

I've always been a big proponent of making sure you're compatible with the culture of the woman you're considering, also. She will never fully Americanize, so make sure you can deal with her cultural expectations, activities, and all the things that go along with that, before settling on a place.

- Jeff

Hey Jeff,

Very good advice! My Filipina wife has tried very hard to fit into American culture and life and it shows! I am the one that encourages her to eat her native foods and speak her language. As a rule, Filipinas are known for adapting to any situation quickly. I'm sure there are the exceptions..

It is easy to fall in love with an exotic foreign culture of your lady during the honeymoon phase. Hopefully, guys will continue to like their wives's culture after the novelty has worn off.  There will always be some cultural aspects that you may not particularly like. These exist even in our own cultures. Certain cultures have more annoying traits than others for the individual. 

There is nothing wrong with respecting and learning about each others' culture. But, I think some guys will find themselves disappointed when their lady (certain cultures) expects them to adapt to her culture, rather than  US culture (if they live in the US). I can't count the number of times I've been embarrassed and annoyed by the irrational, impulsive, arrogant, selfish, 'me first' attitudes of many of the foreign born ladies I've dated or been surrounded by in South Florida. That was one of main reasons I started looking toward Asia.

Dave

[Jeff S]

I've been running light manufacturing companies in Southern California and Mexico for the past 25 years, so you could say I've known a few ... well few thousand.. Mexicanas quite well in that time. I really like Mexicans, their food, their fun loving, family oriented nature, and some of the women are gorgeous, but there's absolutely no way I could ever be married to one. Too many cultural things that drive me absolutely bonkers. Listening to that constant gawdawful too-loud boombox banda music alone makes me want to put a 45 in my mouth.