Would like to talk to someone who has been successful at this

[drell283]

I would like to discuss expectations versus reality with someone who has made a successful relationship with a Latin woman.

Is there anyone from the St. Louis area?

How did your dating work out? Did you make multiple trips to her home country? Meet and then carry on a lengthy email correspondence?

Please let me know,

Thanks,

[Patrick]

Drell,

Are you looking for someone local you can meet up with?  Better to ask everyone on the board rather than just one person so you get replies from guys with a broad range of experiences.

As for my personal expectations versus reality, I'd say reality was better than expected because I had some pretty low expectations going into this.  My experience was long ago though.  I've been married for 11 years now.   All I expected was that I would improve my Spanish (I was taking night classes at a junior college at the time) and maybe have some fun vacations with a friend/tour guide waiting for me.  It wasn't until the 3rd trip that I really started contemplating marrying one of these women.

I met my wife on my 4th trip.  I made another trip to see her again and we decided to take it a step further and get a finance visa and live together for 90 days.  We married on either the 89th or 90th day if I remember correctly and she's been here since then.


Don't expect nirvana.  Marrying a foreign woman comes with it's own set of issues.  Cultural differences, communication problems, and not least, the temptation to go too far outside your league in terms of looks & age.  If you find yourself thinking "Why do this if I can't get a much younger and more attractive wife?"  then IMHO, perhaps you shouldn't do this.

[raycjs]

Drell

Welcome to the board

I wish you the best of Luck.

Ray

[singlefather no more]

I would like to discuss expectations versus reality with someone who has made a successful relationship with a Latin woman.

Is there anyone from the St. Louis area?

How did your dating work out? Did you make multiple trips to her home country? Meet and then carry on a lengthy email correspondence?

Please let me know,

Thanks,

Drell welcome to the board..

I met my Fiance through a email / MSN correspondence.. If you have any questions I would post them in the general Latin section of the board or PM any of the members..

All the best,

singlefather

..

[michaelb]

and not least, the temptation to go too far outside your league in terms of looks & age.  If you find yourself thinking "Why do this if I can't get a much younger and more attractive wife?"  then IMHO, perhaps you shouldn't do this.

That's good advice, Patrick.

[Researcher]

        Having unrealistic expectations is probably the biggest reason relationships fail.Remember that even if you find a woman and get through the immigration process there is still the long term.Whether a woman is too far "out of your league" is important to consider but don't forget about other important things, like having common values, interests and goals in life.

[drell283]

        Having unrealistic expectations is probably the biggest reason relationships fail.Remember that even if you find a woman and get through the immigration process there is still the long term.Whether a woman is too far "out of your league" is important to consider but don't forget about other important things, like having common values, interests and goals in life.

Having a wife too far out of my league would make me overly paranoid and I pretty much keep it real when I am looking. More than anything, I want to know what it is like for the woman. What do they expect life to be like in the USA? I'm learning Spanish as I have a few months before I go. I want to be able to communicate without a translator tagging along all the time. I think that being able to properly express the common values, interests, and goals in life is very important.

[eddomo1970]

Drell, I am in much the same boat as you. I have been conversing with some very nice prospects. I am not planning to go before January. So right now i am fighting to keep the woman at bay right now. Only a couple have not asked for a commitment from me already.

Problem i have is that there are 3 woman that i want to really spend some time with, and they all live in different countries. So i have to choose which one i want the most and what if i make the wrong choice.

When i started down this road it seemed like a mad rush, but now i am taking my time and thinking everything through 20 times.

[Researcher]

More than anything, I want to know what it is like for the woman. What do they expect life to be like in the USA? I'm learning Spanish as I have a few months before I go. I want to be able to communicate without a translator tagging along all the time. I think that being able to properly express the common values, interests, and goals in life is very important.

       It varies depending on the woman.What they expect life to be like in the US is a good thing to ask them.

       Keep up learning Spanish.It is an advantage even if you are not totally fluent.

[drell283]

Researcher,

Do you know of any common misconceptions that may be had?

[dennislevy]

Hello:

You asked Researcher the question, but if you don't mind, I'll jump in.

Common misperceptions that men have:

1. All women living in CA, the Caribbean or SA want to leave their country.
2. Once I bring my fiancee/wife to the US, things will be much better and smoother.
3. Love conquers differences in culture
4. Large age differences don't matter that much.
5. I'm marrying her, not her family.
6.  It can't be all that difficult for her to learn English.
7.  I can find easily find someone in one trip to another country.

8.  Latin women will hang around in a correspondence for several months...


Those are some big misperceptions, there are a more, but that's a beginning.
dennislevy
 

[drell283]

Dennis,

Tell me how far off I am in what I think:

1. If they are using a international match making service, they will at least entertain the thought of leaving their home country.
6. That is why I am learning Spanish.
7. Make a trip half looking for a future bride/ half regular vacation. I can make a couple of trips to CR as I have the frequent flier miles. Hope to meet in one trip and make more get to know you trips.
8. Make the get to know you trips about 1 month apart and have corresonpondence in between.

[Jeff S]

It's not that they want or don't want a free ticket to come to the US - It's that in general, they're looking for a good man and are willing to relocate if needed. My wife, Stephen's wife, and a number of other wives who have good marriages, would have preferred not to have come to the US, and probably would return home if they suddenly found themselves single.

It's great that you plan to learn Spanish and look at it like a vacation. That's what it's all about, enjoying yourself and getting to know other cultures. While Costa Rica may be a pretty good vacation spot, I'm not sure it's a great wife spot. You shouldn't be looking for transplants trying to get away from something, but rather a successful intelligent, established kind of women, who is generally happy with her lot in life.

People's happiness really doesn't change much overall throughout their adult lives - it might change up or down temporarily if someone wins the lottery or loses a loved one, or something, but happiness levels usually return to their normal state in people - so, I'd recommend marrying a happy girl.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7502443.stm

- Jeff

[Dave H]

It's not that they want or don't want a free ticket to come to the US - It's that in general, they're looking for a good man and are willing to relocate if needed. My wife, Stephen's wife, and a number of other wives who have good marriages, would have preferred not to have come to the US, and probably would return home if they suddenly found themselves single.

- Jeff

Hey Jeff,

My wife dreams of the day  that I say "Tayo na!" Personally, I would avoid women that are dying to live in America!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POXyZv2LQE4

[Researcher]

  drell,

         I think you originally asked what are some common misconceptions the women have about life here in the US. IMO, just from the women I have known over the years, one example I can think of is that they believe life is easier in the US than it really is.Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we have it bad, just not as easy as alot of the women I have known think.Alot of thier perceptions come from what they see in movies and on television.

        Another misconception is that alot of the people think that we have the same mass transit system as they do. I don't think they realize how much we drive ourselves instead of taking busses, taxis or trains. I didn't think about that much until I got married.Now I realize that I have to teach my wife how to drive. I can tell that she is not looking forward to it because she thinks the traffic here will be like it is in Bogota.I just tell her that I have been driving for over 25 years and I don't want to drive in Bogota.

        I'm sure there are many other misconceptions they have.These are the only ones I can think of at the moment.

[dennislevy]

Drell:

Let me respond to your comments and then I'll piggyback on to Researcher's comments (which are as always on target).

It depends on what you are referring to as an "international match making service." Personally, I would not invest any time or money in web sites that sell only addresses or promote men's group tours (12 to 15 guys at a time going somewhere). 

I think you can possibly achieve the best results with personal introductions agencies or web site "personals" sites like the "Cupid" family, or a combination of both.

In both environments, beign careful is the name of the game.

And yes, you are looking for a woman who will "entertain thoughts about leaving her country, but be careful not too spend too much money "entertaining" her.

I don't know what age group you are looking at, or how old you are, but the older a woman is, I think its generally harder to leave her family or her career and her country.

Learning Spanish, absolutely!  I admire your motivation. 

Your attitudes about a first trip are perfect (half wife looking, half vacation)and the first trip should "open your eyes."  Stay busy, meet a bunch of women, and if you can afford a trip every month, fantastic.

Regarding Costa Rica, obviously its accessible, easy to travel to, the country is geared towards the dollar, it has the highest literacy rate in SA/CA, I don't have very strong opinions about the women.

Researchers' comments are "right on". One thing you should think about is what adjustments  will a woman make to your region of the US. Near St. Louis, so I assume hot during the summer, etc. Do you live in a big town, in the suburbs, your own home, apartment, etc.

If you have to "drive to survive", that is a big factor. Will you need two vehicles?

Are there large Latin communities where you live?  Will she be able to find other women (hopefully only women) to talk with and confide in.  I've talked with enough men who say that the feeling of homesickness that women have is extrordinary, most of America is not Las Vegas or Miami, or New York or the images of TV programming that they see.

Finally, unless you are fortunate, there will have to be a budget--and there has to be honest disucssions about money, about budgeting and goals You should know and undertand a woman's attitudes about money well before you inititate a K-1 visa or marry her.

Have a good day!

Dennis         

[drell283]

Dennis,

I have passed on the websites that sell addresses. I don't need a pen pal. I am shooting for a personal introduction agency.

CR because I am too scared to make Columbia my first trip out of the country.

I'm looking for 24 up to my own age of 34. I am 32. Any younger than 24 and I will feel like a molester. Maybe when I'm 40 I'll go for 21

St. Louis is hot in summer and cold as can be in winter. I live in a suburb in a condo.

I assumed that she would need her own car. My thoughts if I were to bring a potential mate back would be that first she would have to learn some English and take some driving lessons so that she could go to school or work. Driving lessons because from from what I hear everyone behind the wheel a car in LA/SA is just seconds away from killing someone with their car.

Early on I would want to ask what they think life would be like in the U.S. I'm in love with the American Dream and feel that I have achieved mine for the most part. I would love to help someone else achieve theirs. Therefore, I would like a woman with some ambition.

[Bob_S]

I'm in love with the American Dream and feel that I have achieved mine for the most part. I would love to help someone else achieve theirs. Therefore, I would like a woman with some ambition.

Please be very careful.  That type of reasoning is awfully close to the "white knight" rescuer mentality that leads so many guys into horrible mistakes.  Some guys think they'll find a woman who will appreciate them spiriting the woman away from her oppressive situation, and it often doesn't work out that way.  It's one of the rules of the game.  Don't seek a woman who places too high a value on the country that you come from and what your country has to offer her.

[soltero]

CR because I am too scared to make Colombia my first trip out of the country.

I have always wondered why guys would want to go to the overly exposed, watered down versions of SA like CR and Panama instead of going straight for the gold and that explains it in a nutshell. Fear. The only way I would book a trip to the CR is if I were going there strictly for the Eco Tourism and nothing else. There is no way I would go there looking for a wife as it has been ruined by American sex tourists. Women flock there from CA and SA to work in the brothels and I really wouldn't feel too comfortable trying to hook up with a woman, especially if she is not from there as her occupation is probably in the service industry, and I don't mean she works in a hotel.

Beware the low hanging fruit...steady your nerves and try to forage a little deeper into the promised land.

[drell283]

Soltero,

You're absolutely right. Fear. I'm not making my first trip out of the country to Columbia. My 2 1/2 weeks in CR will be 1/2 vacation and 1/2 bride search. I am thinking about the future and may very well try Columbia next spring when I have more frequent flier miles to cover the trip and my bonus to cover the agency. I have thought about an international bride for years. A vacation in a safe country to start sounded like a good way to start.

[soltero]

Soltero,

You're absolutely right. Fear. I'm not making my first trip out of the country to Columbia. My 2 1/2 weeks in CR will be 1/2 vacation and 1/2 bride search. I am thinking about the future and may very well try Columbia next spring when I have more frequent flier miles to cover the trip and my bonus to cover the agency. I have thought about an international bride for years. A vacation in a safe country to start sounded like a good way to start.

Colombia isn't as dangerous as you might think as long as you stay in the major cities. Especially if you consider how bad thieves have gotten in CR. Drunk American sex tourists have made them braver than usual. If you went somewhere like Jamie's in Baranquilla where they babysit you from the time you get off the plane until you leave, you would be much safer than going it alone in the CR. I don't get how people fail to realize that ANYWHERE is dangerous depending on how you relate to your surroundings. Hell, if I remember correctly, I believe you said you live in St. Louis. I am sure you know of more than a few places you would not need to go to in your own city. It's all relative, and the only thing fear is good for is keeping you sharp, not keeping you from going. One bad street corner is the same as any other any where in the world.

You can run into trouble in your own city, in CR, or in ColOmbia. It depends mostly on you than anything else. The same trouble exists everywhere. The only factor that really changes is you being somewhere new and different. Once you realize how to be and realize that as long as you stay the same because the predators are all the same regardless of where you are, you might lose enough of that fear to keep you from wasting money and time going somewhere that is going to probably prove fruitless when it comes to looking for a wife.

At least you are curious enough to try and get your feet wet, but I would concentrate more on the vacation part of it if you are going to Costa Rica and less on the wife search. The gems are further south than that, and I would be very suspect about anything you might pick up in CR. You will at least get to see many Colombianas and can compare them to the natives and other nationalities that have drifted into CR, but remember what most of them are doing there, and save your wife searching for when you can go on into the promised land. You will appreciate this advice in hindsight if you happen to hook up with anything in Costa Rica.

[dennislevy]

Drell:

Soltero has completely valid points.

As long as you don't wear brand clothes, or shorts or flashy jewelry, or engage in stupid behaviors that scream; "roll me, I'm a gringo", you will be safe in a city like Bogota.  In the course of a normal day in Bogota, you'll see a minimum of 50 policemen, soldiers and private security guards in the street, all carrying automatic weapons-- and 50 is a conservative number.

I feel very safe in Bogota and at night, I observe the normal "be careful rules" that I observe in any US city.

Uribe is dead serious aobut "democracia seguridad" and the country is changing, enough for me to move to Bogota in....11 days!

Also, I don't think there is any coparison between ticas (Costa Rican women) and colombianas. You can walk into a mall in Bogota, Cali, Medellin, even a city like Ibague with only 350,000 people and you will see more 8+ and up women in 20 minutes of rubber necking then you will see in an Amnericna city in a year or in Costa Rica.

Gorgeous wopmen are like flowers in Colombia plentiful and everywhere.  You won;t have any trouble finding spectaculary beautiful colombianas in their 20s, the challenge will be to find the right one for you.

You spoke about ambition, I like the same quality and I search for women with completed educations, jobs that htey hold on to and a self sustaining life style.     

Have your vacation in CR, and when you're over your fear come to Colombia!

dennislevy   

[drell283]

I have seen the website for Jaime's agency. Truth be told, I considered the pics too good to be true. That was one of the reasons for just going to CR. The pics looked more realistic, but still attractive. If I go to Colombia in the spring, I will definately go to Jaime.

[soltero]

I have seen the website for Jaime's agency. Truth be told, I considered the pics too good to be true. That was one of the reasons for just going to CR. The pics looked more realistic, but still attractive. If I go to Colombia in the spring, I will definately go to Jaime.

The pics on Jaimie's site tend to actually downplay how the women look. If you look into the trip report section, you will see more than one poster describe how much better the women look in person. I rarely try to point anyone in what direction to go, as that is an individual's choice, but knowing the HUGE difference between Colombia and Costa Rica, I would be remiss in standing by and not pointing out what a grave error it would be for you to cheat yourself like that.

Besides, if the Costa Rican agencies list where the women are from, the most attractive will probably be from Colombia, but remember, ANY transplant to Costa Rica is more than suspect (and I would look at the Ticas sideways also...).

[Researcher]

Soltero,

You're absolutely right. Fear. I'm not making my first trip out of the country to Columbia. My 2 1/2 weeks in CR will be 1/2 vacation and 1/2 bride search. I am thinking about the future and may very well try Columbia next spring when I have more frequent flier miles to cover the trip and my bonus to cover the agency. I have thought about an international bride for years. A vacation in a safe country to start sounded like a good way to start.

   drell,

          Soltero is absolutely right.The safety issue is there no matter where you go. When I started travelling everyone warned me about where to go or not go but I really didn't pay much attention to them. That time in my life was pretty dark. I had went through some bad times and just didn't care.I'd go anywhere, most of the time alone.Places like Mexico City, Guadalajara, Cali, Bogota and Manila.I once left Cali and went up into the countryside with no problems.

          Just learn to be aware of your surroundings and use common sense.