What happens if you don't get along?

[Noah]

Being the skeptic that I am, I was just wondering what happens if you finally get your fiancee over, and before you get married you find out that you really aren't happy or find out that you've been scammed all along?  Has this ever happened to anyone?  What can you do about it?

What about a prenuptual agreement with a foreign bride? Do they even count?

I'm trying to get some serious answers, so please refrain from making jokes.

I'm certainly not expecting that to happen to me, but after all the things I've seen with Asian girls nothing surprised me anymore...

[jm21]

"What about a prenuptual agreement with a foreign bride? Do they even count?"

As a law student, I'm not giving qualified legal advice here, but my guess would be no. It would depend what state you're from because contract law is governed by state law not federal.

Generally speaking, from what I understand, courts don't like pre-nups and will try to get out of enforcing them if they can for the most part (again, depending on your state).

Also, if she doesn't speak English well, and specifically if she doesn't understand the language of the pre-nup, your chances are probably about nil of having it enforced. Unless she understands what the contract means, it probably won't be enforceable.

Further, think about explaining the pre-nup to a future wife...hahaha. "Well I want you to sign this because I don't trust you and..." Aren't there some statistics that show there is a significantly higher rate of divorce if a pre-nup was used?

In the end, in my unqualified opinion, marriage, especially with a foreign woman you don't know through and through, involves a certain degree of risk. It's a matter of risk vs. reward. By marrying a foreign girl you don't really know that well, you're taking a serious risk, but could end up with a huge reward. The fact you put out a risk for her seems like it would strengthen the bond between you. Just IMHO, I'm not married and haven't done the foreign bride thing, but those are some thigns I would assume.

MODIFICATION:
Also, there is some unequal bargaining power there, especially if you make the pre-nup a condition of you marrying her. Think of a third person looking at it: this poor woman leaves her home, family, friends, and job to travel halfway across the world to foreign shores for you, and you want her to sign a pre-nup? And can she really refuse at that point, especially if it was a 1-way ticket? I don't think there are many courts that would tolerate that.

[Noah]

Ok, that makes sense, but what if things completely fall apart before you get married? Is it a big deal to send her back home? what if she has relatives in the USA she could potentially run away to? Are you responsible?

[Montrealer]

I'm far from an expert, but I think this might work.

If she gets to the US and one you decide it's not going to work out, you need to make Immigration aware of it.  As well show that you asked her to return to her home country.  This should get you off the hook if she decides on staying illegally.

But again, I'm not an expert.  Maybe Ray could help you on this one, as he's fairly smart when it comes to this stuff.

On a personal note, if the relationship doesn't work out, then you should not feel guityl about sending her back.  However, you could be a nice guy and maybe help her out a bit so she could stay.  As long as it wouldn't interfere with you sponsoring anyone else to come to the US so that you have other options.

[jm21]

You would have to marry her in order for her to stay I think. If you don't marry a girl her fiance VISA will be revoked (90 days? with the possibility of extensions for good cause?). I don't think you can help her to stay here unless she miraculously gets a work VISA (which I understand doesn't have very good odds, and I'm pretty sure wouldn't be possible within 90 days).

The best thing you could do at that point would probably be to buy her a ticket home and give her some money to help her get back on her feet I would think. I wonder what kind of stigma would attach to her as a "returned bride" though, aside from how emotionally upsetting it would be to her personally...

[Noah]

Of course I agree it would be a terrible thing, but surely it's happened to somebody?  After all my years of living overseas NOTHING surprises me with the way some girls behave! I'm not talking about "bargirls" either. When I was living in Thailand especially, I met many girls that were engaged and still dating other guys. When I was living in Indonesia about 3 years ago, I had been seeing a lovely girl for a few weeks, and was thinking everything was great between us.  Then she told me one day she had to leave for about an hour to go the net cafe to chat with her fiancee from the Netherlands!!! I found out the poor guy was a bank manager or something and they had been engaged for over a year. She said she didn't think it was bad to be with me since he wasn't living there. He just flew there to see her once in awhile until they would be married. The funny thing is I got an email from her several months later with their wedding photos!!!

 Anyway, you never know what might happen. It could be that you just don't get along. It seems like alot of guys don't  seem to even really know their fiancees very well, so I thought I'd ask "what if".

[Ray]

Noah,

Actually it’s not that unusual for things to fall apart and the wedding gets cancelled while she is here on a fiancée visa. Maybe she finds out that you aren’t the person that she thought you were or vice-versa. Maybe she turns out to be a scammer or maybe you turn out to be an abusive jerk.

The K-1 fiancée visa is really very simple. Either you get married to the petitioner within 90 days of arrival, or you go back home. A K-1 visa cannot be extended or converted to any other type of visa. About the only real exception is in the case of documented physical abuse, where she may be allowed to stay. You should notify your CIS Service Center promptly in writing that you have decided not to marry.

If for whatever reason it does not work out and either of both of you decide not to marry, I would normally expect the petitioner to take the responsibility to pay for all of her expenses to return home. Keep in mind that she has pretty much given up her previous life and returning home may be a real problem with losing face and starting over with a new job or whatever. That’s the main reason why I don’t usually advise using the K-1 as a “trial period” to see if you really want to be married.

Pre-nups are legal matters that should be discussed with a family law attorney in your state. jm21 gave you some good advice on pre-nups. Your state has procedures governing divorce settlements based on law and precedent, so you can’t use a pre-nup to bypass the law or violate her rights. In most cases, a pre-nup probably isn’t necessary to protect your interests unless you have special circumstances. I know in California and probably most community property states that you can protect most of what you own before marriage if you keep it separate and don’t co-mingle anything. Again, see an attorney for advice.

As jm21 mentioned, language is often a problem. To make a pre-nup stick, you should make sure that your fiancée has her own attorney who is fluent in her primary language and everything should be translated and signed in both yours and her languages. Even then it’s a gamble that it won’t be thrown out in court.

I don’t think the time to discuss a pre-nup is after she arrives here. For reasons mentioned by jm21, it wouldn’t be fair to her under the circumstances. If you didn’t fully discuss a pre-nup before she left home, and she didn’t have the opportunity to discuss it in detail with HER attorney, then I would advise against it in most cases. But you could always try it and see what she thinks if you feel your situation warrants it.

Ray

[Noah]

Great info as always! I was lucky enough to spend alot of time with my fiancee oversesas, but I see from this site that many guys don't get that chance. I certainly hope only the best for everyone, but it's good to have the info!

[Jeff S]

As I undrstand it, in California at least, a community property state, whose laws you cannot override by a prenuptual, the only time a prenup is warranted is when you have a business or substantial assets and children. Even with children there are better and legally more secure ways to protect their inheritence, than a pre-nup.

You have to remember that you're taking a bigger chance here than you would be if marrying the girl next door, if for no other reason than you simply cannot spend as much time getting to know her than you could if she lived down the street. So is she, too.

I've found that it's not usually things that work out or not, it's people making things work out. Love isn't something you find or fall into - it's something you do, every day, month after month and year after year. If you're both willing to put in that effort, things just magically work out.  If not they usually don't.

- Jeff

BTW, if she does take off, and violate her visa, don't think the ICE will send out a posse to track her down and deport her. There are between 15 and 30 million illegal aliens in the US. One more isn't suddenly going to make things somehow different.

[Bataanj]

just kidding....jeeez

 Good Luck! and God Bless.  

I"m not sure about that sick humor above. It's a little much and maybe this post should be deleted...

 Your right, and I forgot who you were , and the trials yoiu went throgh to get her here,

My bad, Noah.

Take Care,
Jay

[Noah]

I'm happy to say that we're getting along perfectly, and life is good. I"m not sure about that sick humor above. It's a little much and maybe this post should be deleted...