Dominicana Republica

[Zon]

I am NOT a man looking for a wife.   But if the proper woman found me; well anything is possible.  I would prefer to enjoy my new singleness for a year or so.  I would prefer to find a woman of Eastern European origin.  But I am a man, and men rarely know what is good for them.  So, I travel to the Caribbean often.  I am looking forward to visiting Colombia soon.

Often I receive PMs from my contributing posts.  I have never made a real TR.  This one will be different than most.  I will combine experiences and impressions of many many visits, all made within the last year.  Usually, I stay in the DR for 2 weeks at a time. 

"Hey Rivardco. I was very much interested in the Dominican culture. If you can tell me a little bit about the woman of Santiago, I would greatly appreciate it. I've heard that both Santiago and Santo domingo are great stomping grounds for wife material. So let me ask you a question. What makes the Dominican woman good choice? I've heard that Colombia is better, but I really do like the dominicans. I've also heard that both countries have gold diggers. If you can help me out with info on Dominican Republic I would greatly appreciate it.

Hmmmm.  In a place with 6 million people, you are certainly going to find tremendously beautiful people - in Santiago this is especially true.  But, I don't particularly find the Negro aesthetic to be the most beautiful to me. Still, I have dated some of the most beautiful women in God ever made, some where Negro.  I have also dated many many many ladies that are mulatto.  For men that are turn on by this type of woman, physically ... you  will think you have died and went to heaven for sure.  Beauty in the DR is no problemo

And they are VERY attracted to gringos - especially white gringos; but any gringo trumps almost all Dominican men to almost all Dominican ladies.  In the DR, any American man will feel like a rock star.

The women are simple.  Very simple.  Too simple for my serious consideration as a wife.  (Perhaps I just want to make my life hard and complex).  The women are able to love honestly and passionately with great devotion and strength ... once they have found a man that will truly be their man.  Sex is different in the Latin culture.  You better raise you labido! The standard American once a week thing just will not work.

Gold diggers?  That is an oversimplification of an economic reality that is almost universal. and likely to be misunderstood.  Would you have sex for money?  What would you think of your neighbor doing it?  Your sister?  Your sister's friend's daughter?  The sale of sex for money (directly or implied) is everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  Everything is a game to make a dollar, to get ahead. If every gringo left the island today, it would not change anything. This is a cultural behavior that is backed into the equation.  BE CAREFUL!  You can extrapolate from that what you know in the US and apply it to the DR.  When a woman is a whore in the US, she is a whore.  When a woman is a whore in the DR, she may well be just 3 months away from becoming a medical doctor. 

The culture permits this of single women without judgment.

So there are differences.  But that comes with the territory.

I am certain that many men can find solitary happiness with a DR woman.  I am more certain that men can live a complete second lives in the DR (it is only 1.45 hours out of US).  I have traveled the entire country many times by myself.  I usually spend my time in the Punta Cana; or Cabarate area.

Any other questions, just ask.

[soltero]

When a woman is a whore in the US, she is a whore.  When a woman is a whore in the DR, (she is STILL a whore, but ) she may well be just 3 months away from becoming a medical doctor. 

The culture permits this of single women without judgment.

Stay away from the poorest of the poor. Unless you grew up in poverty, you will NEVER understand their motivations and neither will they EVER understand yours.

Walk away...

[Zon]

Already I have been asked to clarify "simple"

I do not use it in any derogatory sense whatsoever.  I mean simple as good, fibrous, clear thinking.  Remember that episode of Star Track where Captain Kirk lived an entire life with an Indian woman?  They had an Indian baby?  They lived a very very simple life.  When he returned to the complex space ship, he felt removed from happiness.

And, so why is it that I chose NOT to like such a thing? 

I am hoping I can find both a simple approach to life combined with advanced awareness of humanities too.  It would help but not be required to have a perfectly fulfilled relationship.

By the way, I think we all are getting to choose much more than we deserve.  Those of us here have just realized that we are NOT potted plants:)  we can move, learn and change.  With that, our choices multiply endlessly.

[Kiltboy1]

I dated several Dominican women in the past and I know what you mean by "SIMPLE". To me it was hard to have any real conversation that could have any attention span more then a few minutes and then to give a thoughtful , drawn out response to something and they answer "OK" , WAS JUST ANNOYING. This is just how they are and me being a guy that loves to have good conversation, it was just a turnoff for me as far as anything other then friends having fun.

KB

[no comment]

That's funny Kiltboy. I've had plenty of those (online) chats where I have to do all the work, and it's with women who contact me, not visa versa. I stay away from the ones who are too young but some 20 somethings will initiate contact just to talk, not because they want a relationship with an older guy. After a while I'm looking for a polite exit and I'll explain that I have to leave because I've got to work early in the morning and what a pleasure it's been to chat... and then she responds "okay."  And of course she leaves the hotmail address.
Rivardco, I think I missed the Star Trek episode where Kirk had an Indian chick and a baby.

[utopiacowboy]

I remember that episode. The chick was hot. Kirk was out of his mind to go back to the Enterprise.

[bigstew33]

That's funny Kiltboy. I've had plenty of those (online) chats where I have to do all the work, and it's with women who contact me, not visa versa.

What I have seen this is true even with many of the Colombian women.  You have to "do all of the work" in holding conversations.  I get irritated many times because when first meeting someone, most women wont ask you questions about me.

[Zon]

The degree to which communication is limited, simple, or struggled is astonishing.  If it were not for their immense beauty, I would not give these ladies a second though.  But ....

I will wait to make personal meetings before drawing conclusions.

[utopiacowboy]

A woman could be drop dead gorgeous but if I can't communicate with her and joke around and make her laugh, forget it. Even when my Spanish was limited my wife and I always had fun conversing together. We used to talk with the web cams a couple of hours every night while we were apart.

[soltero]

I remember that episode. The chick was hot. Kirk was out of his mind to go back to the Enterprise.

http://www.cbs.com/classics/star_trek/video/video.php?cid=649548575&pid=plv0izouZUGC3O2GUcg_gGwONBHYtxd5&play=true&cc=2

[fathertime]

http://www.cbs.com/classics/star_trek/video/video.php?cid=649548575&pid=plv0izouZUGC3O2GUcg_gGwONBHYtxd5&play=true&cc=2

Great website! That was a great episode.

That hot Indian gal's name was Kathie Browne AKA Kathie Browne McGavin, she was a natural blonde.   She become disallusioned with acting at age 40 and died at age 63.  In her prime, I would have allowed her to bear me children!

Fathertime!

[Zon]

Excellent reference link!  That emphasizes EXACTLY what I intended to convey.

So the 1 Million dollar question to me is:  Are ladies from Colombia similar to the ladies I have described from the DR?

I have already received evidence that ladies - especially from the capital are very formal and proper in manner. 

[EbonyPrince]

I personally believe that women are the same all over the world, but it is culture that separates them.  I recall feeling some of those same sentiments when meeting women in Colombia on my initial visits.  I have met women through agencies, friends, and most recently on dating sites.  You really have to continue searching till you find that special someone that has the majority of characteristics that you seek. 

There are many ladies from Colombia that are simiilar to the DR.  I remember that an agency owner told me that their conversation is based upon their experiences, and many women from these countries haven't experienced much.  This is why they appear so simple.  They simply lack experience of being exposed to many things.

[utopiacowboy]

A woman doesn't necessarily have to be uneducated or ignorant to be simple. My wife has experienced a lot of tragedy in her life. Her father was killed by members of Pablo Escobar's gang when she was in her early twenties. Her husband died an untimely death when she was in her late thirties. A lot of people would be sour on life and bitter as a result. She is the happiest person I know and is always singing a little tune or dancing a little dance. She doesn't think about anything too much and get all knotted up like many people. She has a kind of simplicity in living in the moment and enjoying it to the fullest. I am just glad that I can experience it with her.

[no comment]

This isn't a site devoted to Star Trek.  Let's get back on topic.  Check out this Colombian I just met.

[Zon]

Other valid generalization that I can forward from the ladies in the DR:

They are very subservient to the man, AND they care greatly of their man's well being.  The care and interest they take is constant and honest.  They are strong in domestic activities. Not especially well suited for the modern world challenges (internet, communication; writing; etc...)

They do not judge the value of a man on looks, or even wealth. The women have very very low expectations of a man.  If a man is able to be constant and provide minimumly, he is a demi- god.

I am convinced that all Dominican women presumes their man to have constant and frequent affairs.

If a guy is looking for a beautiful, simple (which is not a bad thing), caring, and incredibly loyal woman ... with the right investment of time and judgment .... you can find such in the DR. 

NOTE: But take strong note of my critiques that are general and cultural.  They apply almost universally.

For me, I doubt 100% if I will find my second half on this island.   I have business reasons for spending 1 - 2 weeks per month in Punta Cana and the North Shore.  Honestly, it is a great ego boost to be received like a movie star during my stays.  (there are tons of Italian, Spanish and Russian tourists too).  I would recommend it strongly for a good time and a vacation.  For a serious place to find a wife - so so .

Lastly  -  and I hesitate to write this - It occurs to me that almost all pretty girls have sold their bodies in one form or another in this country.  I KNOW!  It sounds incredible.  Nonetheless, it is more true than less.

[utopiacowboy]

"Lastly  -  and I hesitate to write this - It occurs to me that almost all pretty girls have sold their bodies in one form or another in this country.  I KNOW!  It sounds incredible.  Nonetheless, it is more true than less."

I had heard the same thing as well but I wasn't sure whether it was true or not. One thing I can say this statement is NOT true of Colombian women regardless of what some gringos may think.

[blockbuster]

Other valid generalization that I can forward from the ladies in the DR:

They are very subservient to the man, AND they care greatly of their man's well being.  The care and interest they take is constant and honest.  They are strong in domestic activities. Not especially well suited for the modern world challenges (internet, communication; writing; etc...)

They do not judge the value of a man on looks, or even wealth. The women have very very low expectations of a man.  If a man is able to be constant and provide minimumly, he is a demi- god.

I am convinced that all Dominican women presumes their man to have constant and frequent affairs.

If a guy is looking for a beautiful, simple (which is not a bad thing), caring, and incredibly loyal woman ... with the right

   I grew up around Dominicans in New York. I have also been there countless times. I have a few friends who married Dominican and brought them here. EVERY single one of them is fed up with having to send money home for emergencies. The joke going around within our group is as soon as the Dominican hits U.S. ground Abuela,mom or some other family member gets so sick they need medical attention so money must be sent back home. It's not that many Dominican women  look to a good guy and think he's God. It's that many look at the good guy and Thank God for the dinero they so value but is lacking.

  High class well educated Dominicanas rarely look at the average gringo and think he's God. Unless the gringo are extraordinary. Money makes a huge difference in DR. Even the young guys will act like Big Hippo White  Abuela is a Goddess! That takes some serious acting and some real desperation for cash! Dominicans are great actors. They can also fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. The girl that was madly in love with you last week and wanted to have your beautiful babies is surprisingly easy to lure by a richer dude.

[blockbuster]

Ricardvo, This is a link to a DR1 post. In DR men and women are really great actors. But it's all about the dinero. Especially when they see a gringo or gringa. The true measure of how desperate the young people in a country will be for money is the fact hard bodied guys are willing to sleep with such old and ugly gringas. Not only sleep with them, but romance them and declare undying love for them. Meanwhile the guillibe gringa really believes all the hot Dominican women in the country  have nothing to offer these DM. Therfore the gringa(or gringo) feels inferior and really believes these are the most loving and romantic people they ever met.Keep your eyes open and think with the big head when dealing with Dominicanas!


http://www.dr1.com/forums/men-mars-women-venus/75870-relationships-women-101-a.html

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Join Date: Sep 2002
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 Relationships for Women 101
After passing this by Anna (our moderator) I am going to break this long post down into 3 parts!!!!

IF you are new to this forum please read this. IF you have a new relationship please read this. OR if it applies to someone you know - have them read it.....

Relationships in the Dominican Republic
You're here for a 1 or 2 week vacation or maybe living here - you have to get realistic about Dominican relationships. Basically there are 3 different scenarios:

First: The tourists

Women come to this country and get their heads turned by the men! There are many truly stunning men here, with good bodies, beautiful smiles and other “things”. Women have been watching “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” and are all the new “Stella”…….. Women come here and get seduced by the island mentality, the Hollywood / Harlequin romance dream. And then they get seduced by a Sankie!!!!

What is a sankie? A man (or Sankiette for the women) who makes a profession of preying on naïve tourists. He is someone who works in a field that gives him access to tourists – hotel worker, taxi driver, bartender etc etc etc But it can also be a lawyer, bank teller etc. The key is access to tourists and intent. He will then use that access to appeal to your need for romance, your need to be wanted, your need to experience the “dream” to separate you from your common sense, your wallet and in some cases your future.

He will make you feel special. He is often sooooo smooth. The key is – he is beyond most women’s realm of experience. Often we wonder if women exchange their brain cells on the plane for an extra dose of hormones! Seriously, whatever happened to common sense? There are tales of professionals – bank executives with master’s degrees falling for this. It is not just the needy – the stereotyped older, larger, less attractive woman but also the young or middle aged, beautiful, slim, highly educated women who get conned!!!

Rule: – all hotel workers are sankies. There are no exceptions! OF course that is not actually true – but, for you, the tourist – IT IS TRUE!!!!!!

The only thing you will be guilty of is bad judgement when things start to stare you in the face. There are things you need to be aware of:

First – go to Dominican Republic News & Travel Information Service and read the Sankie forums. Read the information provided and all the stories. Do not doubt the accuracy of these stories or the advice given. Unfortunately those of us who live here and hand out the hard to hear advice know it is true!

Second – if it seems too good to be true – IT IS! Use your common sense. You will not come here on vacation and fall in love! He, who has access to hundreds of tourists every single week – will not fall in love with YOU in one week or two weeks. Actually I don’t think many of them even understand the concept. It is not culturally an issue.

It is hard to understand Dominican lifestyle and morality when it comes to sex and love. Sex is recreation (what else can you do when you have no money); morality has no part in the equation. You cannot take your North American or European standards and apply them here. It WON’T WORK.

Let’s get real here! Why would this stunning man (in many cases) who is in his 20’s, fit, want to be with a “gringa” who is 20 or 30 years older then he is? You have nothing in common other then you have money and he wants it! You are culturally worlds apart, know almost nothing about each other and often barely can communicate!

In a one or two week vacation, how much time do you actually spend together? How much do you actually know about him? And how much can you personally verify to be true? NOT confirmed by his “friends” “coworkers” or “family”……. But you actually verify….

Third – here are some common lines – if you hear them – RUN! RUN FAST! - in the other direction. “You have changed my life.” “I can’t live without you.” “No one else understands me.” “I’ve never been with a tourist before this.” “I am not married.” For other lines, just read DR1.

Fourth – should you not listen to this advice and the advice on Dominican Republic News & Travel Information Service then pay close attention to this: DO NOT SEND MONEY FOR ANY REASON!
Do not buy him a new cell phone - NO, he did not lose his. NO, it did not fall in the pool.

NO, his daughter does not need an operation and neither does his mother.
Life is hard here but he has a good (by local standards) paying job. NO, he does not need you to buy him a damn car; he can take the bus like everyone else.

NO, he does not need a computer so he can email you from home. Let him go to the internet café. It is very cheap to rent time and there is one on every corner.

His boss is not a horrendous person out to get him, so NO, he most likely was not fired. He does not need to quit his job and study English so he can be with you. Etc., etc.

REMEMBER – he got along just fine before he met you and he will do so in the future. He is not your project. He does not need your pity or sympathy.
Fifth – when he tells you he loves his country and does not want to live in yours – do not for one second believe this crap. He is dying to get out of here. He thinks the streets where you come from are paved with gold – no matter where you are from. He thinks he will go to your country and live like a king!

Sixth – if you insist on having a long distance relationship – he will NOT be monogamous!!!! It is not in the culture. It is expected that he will have other women. He will have many other tourists and most likely has a Dominican “wife”.

NOTE:As a tourist you will NOT have access to quality Dominicans. IS it possible to meet one on vacation? Yes, he could also be on vacation at your resort. Or he could show up in the disco on Saturday night. BUT, no self respecting Dominican of quality wants to be with a tourist! (The exception is a weekend fling!) They have no reason to want to. Dominican society is very class and race conscious. For more info on that read DR1. It is too complex to cover here.
Just remember this – as a tourist, ASSUME he is a sanky and act accordingly!

NOTE 2:It is not personal, it is not about you. You are not a bad person. You may be too trusting and a bit naïve. BUT you are just one in a series! This is all about them – they use women to get what they want. They are professionals!

[Zon]

Now we are getting into the nitty gritty, are we not?

Actually, there is a cast system among these kind of sex workers.  I have seen more sophistication with the males rommancing tourist women then with females. Interestingly, NOT all gringa are UGLY charity cases!!!!  In some cases, many actually, I have seen HOT - [snip]ING HOT - Italian, Spanish, and Russian woman fall and use every bit of the male Dominican.  Don't feel sorry for the you guy:)  I know many that are already legitimately married to FANTASTIC Italian / Spanish women.  They are kept, much in the same way we imagine a sugar daddy keeping a hot young lady.

More base Sanky Pankies are hustlers.  They do anything for a buck - straight / gay / drugs whatever. 

It all underscores the economic disparities at work here.  It is a lot like sausage.  It is hard to enjoy once you see it being made (in all its truthfulness)

[blockbuster]

 I agree not all the gringas are ugly. I also agree though the men are much more sophisticated than the women the ultimate goal is the same. To get a sugar daddy or sugar momma since options on the Island are not that good. I think many men like to imagine that hot beautiful sexy 20 year old is really feeling him. I think at that moment where she "thinks" life can get better and this man may be the ticket to helping her get there, she may "feel him" too. But ultimately, she is more into what he can do for her than who he really is.

   Though a gringo may seem like God to many Dominicanas. Suprisingly the ones in New York who can barely speak English feel the opposite. They are not that into gringos and preffer to stick with their own once here.

   Though there are many very high class Dominicanas around, few gringos get a chance to date them. I have a friend who dates a very high Dominican officials daughter. She is well travelled,well educated and stunning! He's hit on a gold mine since she does not need him at all for a better life. In fact her life there is a dream life he can never provide for her. Private schools, American University,chauffeurs, has travelled to Europe and the U.S.,She will actually be down grading if they marry and he brings her to the states. Biut he was able to get that rare 5% Dominicana who is dream material.

[Zon]

I am surprised to see your comments about Dominicans preferring their own once here.  I have seen nothing short of blatant racial prejudice against black Dominican men very very often.  However, I am sure you comments are true and accurate.

You wrote: "Biut he was able to get that rare 5% Dominican who is dream material." 
I would gently suggest the real mathematics is .005%

[blockbuster]

I am surprised to see your comments about Dominicans preferring their own once here.  I have seen nothing short of blatant racial prejudice against black Dominican men very very often.  However, I am sure you comments are true and accurate.

  If you go to the Bronx or Corona(Queens) there are tons of Dominicanas. If they date a "white boy" he better have tons of cash". They don't marry "average" white guys unless she's sort of ugly. Otherwise they will stick with their own.  I know it's weird. But I think most cultural groups do that once they get here. They're no longer impressed with the "average" American after living here a few years. Florida,NY ,NJ are chock-full of Colombians and Brazilians.  But you  better have something special to get one of the hot ones fawning all over you like you would a similar looking girl back in her country.

[Kiltboy1]

Punta Cana is great .I was there in 2000 with the last of my American GF's. Great water, weather, resorts, food. I played golf at the punta cana club, a P.B. Dye carve out. Man, what a great course with several holes directly on the clear blue carib sea. I would go back in a heartbeat to Punta Cana and will take my wife there or down south of Playa del Carmen Mexico later this year.

[Zon]

When in Punta Cana I stay in a great Villa right at the Punta Cana Golf Club, or I host seminars at CoCo Tal.  hard to have a bad time for sure