GQ follows American Man looking for Colombian Wife

[DragonballT]

Doesn't appear that many people have read the new GQ Magazine since I cant find any post on it.  The new issue which features Adriana Lima (who by the way announces she is a virgin) on the cover has a pretty long article about an American man going to Colombia for Marriage.  In it they follow a photographer that goes to BQ to meet a girl he has seen on Latin-wife.com.  The girl that he has fallen for though is no longer available.  He still though gets to meet her and although she is committed to another American it doesn't stop him from trying to break that up.  Once that fails he falls hard for another 22 year old and brings her to NY on a Fiance Visa.  To summarize he gets about 1 week of heaven and a few months of hell before sending her back to Colombia.  During that time she seems on the verge of insanity and he gets her pregnant.  Its pretty much a horror story of horry stories.   Pretty much he does everything wrong in trying to find a wife.

The Mail Order Bride

After years of playing the field, photographer Steven Bailllie was looking for a women he could settle down with.  He wanted a postcard-perfect wife: someone gorgeous, of course, who was caring and happy to serve her man-not as spoiled as the American women he knew.  So he looked to South America and the outsourced the search.  Soon, he had more women than he could deal with.  And they were beautiful, available, instantly committed to him.  How could he have known it would end so badly? ... by  John Bowe[/quote]

Thats the first paragraph of the Article.  They still refer to it as Mail Order brides which I think is just inaccurate.  Overall though if you want a detailed illustration on what not to do its a good read.

[conocerme]

DragonballT -

How old was this guy?

These endeavors to marry off-shore women are not for the faint of heart.  But then again, marrying the domestic version is not for the faint of heart either.  Pick your poison.

conocerme

[Jamie]

I have not read the article and I will comment in detail after I do. I suspect there will be much to this story that was not mentioned. This was one of our introductions where all the primary mistakes a man can make were followed. I expected this to be a biased article because I was only interviewed in the very beginning and not anytime afterwards.

[Ken]

You were interviewed by whom and for what? Are you claiming some involvement in this story?

[Jamie]

I know much of the story and I will add to what was published after I read the article. I could not find the article on GQ's website. If someone could email me a copy I would appreciate it.

[DragonballT]

The guy was 38 years old I believe.  Photographer.  I believe he worked for GQ magazine.  I couldn't find anything on the web showing the Article.  It doesn't show Latin-wife in a negative light.  More this individual girl and maybe the process in general.  Although there was nothing in the article that made me question going to Colombia to look for a wife.  This guy was pretty nieve.  He says he was overwhelmed by the number of women that were interested in him.  He pretty much or atleast appears to have decided that this girl would be his wife pretty early in the process. I would type it out for you but that probably would be an all day project.

[Gary Bala]

Here is the Article for those who have not seen it:

http://usaimmigrationattorney.com/GQArticleMailOrderBride.html

[Montrealer]

After reading the article, it's obvious the guy jumped into the committed relationship too early and was probably not at the the maturity he needed to be either to start a serious relationship.

From reading this article, it is a little one sided.  Sure the girl turned into a nut-case and realistically that probably couln't be avoided.  But I wonder how things would have worked out if they were able to communicate more clearly with eachother, had more time to get to know eachother prior to coming to the US, and finding out more about eachothers day-to-day [snip] beforehand.

A good lesson to be learnt besides the obvious of taking your time, would be to make sure that you dedicate as much time as possible to her when she does arrive so that she can get settled in.  A mistake that alot of men, including myself, can make when they enter a committed serious relationship, whether it be with a foreign lady or a hometown woman, is to fall into a routine too quickly.  Just because you are married or engaged, doesn't mean that you don't have to keep working as hard in the relationship as before.

As for the article itself, I find it paints one picture and I wish they went a little further in there research to find some success stories and included them.

But as I said before, it seems the girl was probably a little nuts, and it was best that he got out when he did.  It's too bad that she did get pregnant, and now a child will grow up without a father present.

I would love to hear Roxana's side of the story as of now to see if she has some input into the article.  Maybe if Jamie could show her the article and she could respond to it.  It might give everyone a chance to see if there are 2 sides to this story.

[Ken]

I agree with Montrealer. I think the guy completely lacked sensitivity to the needs of his new young wife and the blame for the outcome rests squarely on his shoulders.

[DragonballT]

Its tough to get a timeline on how much talk they had prior to her leaving Colombia.  Chances are both sides are at fault but the article is pointed completely from his point of view.  I definetely would like to get her point of view to see what was going on in her head.

[nocomment]

Thanks for bringing attention to this article. I read it and I think that the guy in the article, a 38 year old photographer is a complete jackass. What more do you need to know about him but that he brought a woman (girl?) 22 years old to the states and boned her without contraception? Sure, she was immature and unrealistic. Just what you would expect from someone that age. At 38 years old, you'd think this yuppie American would have some maturity and common sense. Now she heads back to Colombia, damaged goods with a lifetime to ponder what might have been.

[Ken]

You're quite right because in Colombia being a single mother she hasn't got a snowball's chance in hell of remarrying at least not to a Colombian.

[EbonyPrince]

Sure the girl turned into a nut-case and realistically that probably couln't be avoided.

I feel that he was totally to blame for the situation.  I feel for him a little, because it sounds a lot like my life.  The difference being my ex was 26 and I was 24, she had a Bachelor degree in nursing, had a great job, came from a small town, with both parents that are still together.  Change a few things here, and add a few there and you have my ex.  So this woman could be any woman in America.  I think she was just acting like a woman.  Many women and men are capable of this behavior, but behavior can be changed.

This guy for one didn't spend time getting to know her.  He didn't spend time learning the culture or her background.  Cultural differences can be a huge factor in any relationship.  He should have spent a little extra cash to enroll her in English classes to learn a little about this culture prior to her "Coming to America".  The girl lost her parents at a young age.  There is no telling how that affected her psyche.  We are lucky to have a lot of support systems in this country.  She is probably just a product of her environment.  Her jealousy and how she displays it is probably accepted behavior in Colombia.

I really don't need to hear her side of the story.  Lets not forget that this was a 22 year old girl.  How many girls in college have displayed the same type of behavior?  Now drop this girl off in the largest city in the world without knowing the culture, the language, and having to depend solely on this man.  For a 38 y/o man (my age) that has been around (seemingly), he sure made all the wrong moves.  He then pretty much dumped her like trash when things didn't fit into how he felt they should be.  If he wasn't ready to put in the work, he should have just left well enough alone.  Now he has affected two lives for a lifetime...

Keeping it real though, I definately will be using the 3-month trial membership if I ever get to that point.  I will also make sure that I use protection.  That just stupidity on his part.

[Landover]

Thx for pointing out the article, I subscribe but missed it.
He made all the classic mistakes:
Just 22yrs old, give me a break, although enjoyed her beautiful photo.
Don't understand  the daughter's presence but common sense says he should have booted out the daughter at the second indication of trouble.
Proposing on 2nd trip was another classic error.
Also the girl was probably not college educated given her unfortunate background.

[Jamie]

This story was originally planned as a two part story. The first part was to be their time in Colombia and the second part their time in New York. The feedback from the couple prior to her trip to New York was always positive. I ran into Steve by chance at hotel Prado he was accompanying Roxana to New York and they both were very happy.  

Our post introduction time with Steve and Roxana was very limited. After his introductions and the first two days with the couple we were no longer involved in any translation services beyond a few hours. We taught Roxana private English lessons for 12 hours and after that we were out of the picture. So our direct involvement was minimal yet enough to see some problems.

One of my teachers had a psychology degree and when Roxana found this out she broke down and cried revealing a traumatic unpleasant history that would require professional counseling for any woman. I recommended to Steve that he allow us not only to help her in English but to work with her in approving her self esteem and ability to adapt. Steve felt Roxana getting a job would be enough to help her self esteem.

He enrolled Roxana into a group English class instead of our private lessons. She would occasionally call one of my translators on how things were going and my translator was telling me she was having significant difficulties learning English. Steve did not speak Spanish yet during his second visit he did not use a translator for most of his very short stay. I am only aware of Steve spending maybe 4 days with Roxana in Colombia the whole time he knew her. You take a situation where the woman is not picking up on English, has a history that that requires professional attention, very little face to face time how can one be surprised there was a surprise.

Below is an email quote from Steve to me

“I regret not discussing matters concerning Roxi with you more often.I would have been better off had I listened more. You once warned me about Roxi's mental condition which I choose not believe.”

And part of my response:

“The reality is most men do not take advice on matters of women they do what they feel. When they do want to talk it is often to the female translators and most of the women who have worked for me know no more than I am able to teach them they are not the best source of help. A lot Latin women are so outside the range of women we are use to dealing with that we often make assumptions that one would think would fit but don't. Your mistakes were not new and simply based on inexperience.”

I feel most of the responses against Steve are a little too strong. I believe Steve to be a good man with good intentions. The mistakes he made are typical of the mistakes many on this board have made. I certainly do not think Steve feels his life is ruined as the cover portrays. I suspect if Steve made a second venture he would be a wiser man and find what he was looking for.

I also feel as most of you do that the journalist was biased against this whole process.


 â€œJudy our chaperone and translator, lectures the women about proper manners and dress, admonishing them about their tight miniskirts and plunging necklines”

Judy is a mature, conservative woman raised in an upper income family. She has proper decorum and it is highly unlikely she would lecture the women is such a situation because she knows it would not have been proper to do so. This is something she talked to me in private about and many would consider her views old fashion. We advice all the women to dress appropriately for the fine restaurants they will attend. The only photo of an introduction reveals proper wear.
I believe the journalist is simply trying to stimulate.

“If they’re gonna go out and get drunk all the damn time…”
Unlikely the woman would use such language “damn” in this situation. They are not among people or settings they know and are on their best behavior.

“Implicit in this scenario is that most of the women are, to some extent, sexually available”

The journalist does not indicate what makes it “implicit” beyond mentioning later that most of the girls liked Steve. Are not most women to “some extent” “sexually available” to those they like?

This one quote tells me the journalist is not being completely factual and most likely has an agenda, “Why is a young, attractive guy like you looking for a mail-order bride?”
None of these women would know or have heard what a “mail order bride” is. Nor would any woman who knew such a term define herself as such. The journalist most likely also threw in the words, “young” and “attractive” because he appears to have a preference to maintaining an untruth that only old, ugly men look for foreign women. At every introduction one woman will ask, why are you interested in Colombian women.

I also wonder why not one quote was used from me or another client that was interviewed in Barranquilla.


My letter to the GQ editor.

None of the women Steve met asked, “Why is a young, attractive guy like you looking for a mail-order bride?” These women have never heard of a “mail order bride” and any foreign woman who is familiar with this outdated term certainly wouldn’t refer to themselves as such. They ask why are you interested in Colombian women. A manipulated quote brings every quote into question. I have never heard of one of these women talk about “escape”. The vast majority of Colombian women would actually prefer that their American husband live in Colombia. Only the extreme minority think about “papers” or “money’ and such women are easy to detect with our supervision. Steve’s outcome can happen to any man that acts too quickly and ignores the warning signs (all of which of were left out of your story). His mistakes were based on inexperience with Colombian women and disregarding those with experience. If done right Steve could have gotten exactly what he wanted even with Roxana.

[zapata]

Jamie, very interesting post...

Just a few thoughts:  This guy KNEW that Roxi had psychological problems but thought that her getting a job would solve them?? PLEASE!!!
Get a job doing what??  she couldn't even speak English.

He spent just 4 days with her in BAQ??  PLEASE??  and you're defending this guy??  he's a dumb a**...

Finally, you write that he would have better success on his next trip down there and finally find what he is looking for...NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I hope DAS doesn't let that guy back in Colombia.  If anything he needs to go down there and be a father to his child, even if it means giving up his life in NY as a big shot photographer, even patching things up with Roxi and getting her the psychological help she needs.  He did nothing but throw gasoline on a fire with his involvement with her.

This guy is just another self-centered, egotistic LOSER american who should NEVER think about getting married, not to a gringa, not to mention a Colombiana.  It's guys like Steve that are giving americans who are looking for a foreign bride a bad name, and are the reason why our gov't is getting involved with the new laws concerning foreign brides.

[Bueller]

Finally, you write that he would have better success on his next trip down there and finally find what he is looking for...NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I hope DAS doesn't let that guy back in Colombia.  If anything he needs to go down there and be a father to his child, even if it means giving up his life in NY as a big shot photographer, even patching things up with Roxi and getting her the psychological help she needs.  He did nothing but throw gasoline on a fire with his involvement with her.

This guy is just another self-centered, egotistic LOSER american who should NEVER think about getting married, not to a gringa, not to mention a Colombiana.  It's guys like Steve that are giving americans who are looking for a foreign bride a bad name, and are the reason why our gov't is getting involved with the new laws concerning foreign brides.

  All due respect to Jamie, but I agree.  This guy totally lost me with his "boning" remark at the end of the article.

[Patrick]

It's guys like Steve that are giving americans who are looking for a foreign bride a bad name, and are the reason why our gov't is getting involved with the new laws concerning foreign brides.

Not that this guy is Mr. Perfect, but it's actually the guys who murdered their foreign wives who provide the best ammunition for the legislation.

This guy simply fits what I would call a fairly accurate stereotype of guys looking for way young hot chicas instead of someone a little older and mature with some character.   There's plenty of attractive women that fit that description.  They don't tend to be the 22 year-old hotties though.

[zapata]

Don't be so sure that it was the few murders behind the recent legislation...I'm sure that the feminists behind the bill are pointing to this GC article as ANOTHER reason why the law was necessary.  Also please refer to the recent Bill O'Reilly interview...murder wasn't even mentioned.

[Ken]

I don't think anybody should jump on the "Psychological problem" bandwagon. That's heresay from Jimmy. I saw no special "problem" in the article other than Roxan being forced to accept an awkward and difficult family situation more or less from the moment she sets foot on US territory and then suffering from mounting pressures. The upshot is Jimmy's got his money, life is back to normal for Steve in the US and Roxan is just another permanently unmarriagable single mother in Colombia.

[flipflop]

LMMFAO

I never get eonough of the failed international marriage.  I wish more people would post their failures

Im in freakin tears over that :lol:

[surfscum]

Ken, can you really say her reactions were within the bounds of "normal"? I agree, the guy is a self-absorbed jerk, but her behavior is not acceptable.  

To all you guys out there reading this, test your women for jealousy!!!  It's not cute, funny or something that will go away.  It's like a third member of the relationship, one that dominates your woman and then will (try to) dominate you.

Do NOT make excuses or explain away aberrent behavior.   Rescuing a damsel in distress may only get you a distressed damsel.

[EbonyPrince]

Ken wrote:

I don't think anybody should jump on the "Psychological problem" bandwagon. That's heresay from Jimmy. I saw no special "problem" in the article other than Roxan being forced to accept an awkward and difficult family situation more or less from the moment she sets foot on US territory and then suffering from mounting pressures. The upshot is Jimmy's got his money, life is back to normal for Steve in the US and Roxan is just another permanently unmarriagable single mother in Colombia.

Ken is definately on point!  Steve's life goes on as normal without a step missed.  If he wanted, he could simply walk away from his situation.  I think that being 38 and coming from the American experience, he should have definately behaved wiser and smarter.

surfscum wrote:

Ken, can you really say her reactions were within the bounds of "normal"? I agree, the guy is a self-absorbed jerk, but her behavior is not acceptable.

Her behavior definately was unacceptable, but lets not forget that we are talking about a 22 year girl from a third world country thrust into an overwhelming situation.  All you have to do is watch the news daily to see how many people from this country have issues, and they were born and raised here.  If I told you some of the [snip] that my ex did in the past, you would see how similiar the stories could be.  A lot of women can lose it emotionally given the right situations.  Men too for that matter.

Behavior can be changed with support and understanding.  Being the older adult in the situation, he should have approached the whole courting thing in a different manner.  We all must be responsible for our actions, but I don't see anything freakishly strange about how she acted.  I have heard and seen the same or worse.  Her actions were unacceptable, but a lot of the situation could have been avoided by him.  There were just too many problems that didn't give the situation a chance without serious work.  These people were strangers that couldn't fully communicate with each other.

[Montrealer]

All it is is just a valuable lesson to get to know the person your with as much as possible before getting hitched.  Make as many trips as possible.  Learn Spanish enough to where the 2 of you can comunicate very clearly.  Learn about eachother every intimate detail, whether it be good or bad.

This whole problem could have been avoided if he made a couple more trips and spoke better spanish.  You can tell he wanted to rush the whole situation and thought of the women as properties and trophies by the way he treated Jhornys.  He was told she was off limits by the agency, the translator, and then twice by her.  Did that stop him from trying to get her?  No.  He even said with the simple word of yes he would have gone out and bought the ring.  He never had an intrest in getting to know any of the women personally, he just wanted what the fem-nazis portray this whole thing as; a chance to take advantage of beautiful, young, women from a low economic background.  He refers many times in the article to "saving" them, which is another huge mistake that men can make when getting involved in this process.  You're not there to save them, and there not there to be maids and prostitutes.  You're are both there to develop a relationship and to grow with eachother.

Again, this is just another representation of how this process gets bad attention.

[KaiserSoze]

Sounds like a very slimy agency.  Jamie was still pimping out Jhornys even though she was engaged to a previous client.