10 ways to spot insincere agency women

[dennislevy]

Gents:

I'm a relatively new member, and I talked with a few of you on the phone.  I'm getting on the plane in 31 days, will be in Bogota for three weeks at LLM. I've talked about my target range, (36-52) in earlier posts.

i started teaching myself Spanish seven weeks ago with books and CDs from the library, I study and practice every night for 2-3 hours and I practice with the Mexican ladies who manage my apartment complex.  I can talk about myself, my job, my beliefs,my son (and my two ex wives!) pretty well in the past and present tenses.

One of the most important things an American friend of mine (who used Jamie's agency and married a Baranquilla woman) told me is that the man has a reputation witht agency office and some of the agency before he ever walks into the agency.  So when I've sent emails I've sent them in Spanish (I figured a bad Babelfish translation is better then an incomprehensible English email), and I've been complimentary and respectful. Even when i got an unsolicited email from ladies whose photos didn't attract me, or a woman way too young for me, I replied politely in Spanish, thanked them, said I wasn't the man for them and wished them well. 

I want to try having sitas with women without a translator, even though its only 10 bucks an hour. 
What I'm after are specific (obvious and subtle ways) that an agency woman is not sincere.   Those of you who have been through Colombian agencies, please list what you think are the top (obvious and also subtle signs that a Colombiana is after the "tarjeta verte", or wants you to send money every month to her family, etc.

Obviously, I can ask very direct questions, but if possible (and I don't know if it is possible) I don't want the first sita to sound like "una entrevista de trabajo."  I'm looking to the board for other ideas or anything you want to say about the first sita and cup of coffee.

Thanks!

Dennis
 

Thanks!
Dennis   

Doesn't have to be ten reasons, just what you think is good gringo street smarts! 

       

[utopiacowboy]

Not to break your balls, but it's cita.

[dennislevy]

Utopia Cowboy:

Just what my first wife used to say: "Dennis, i don't want to be a ball buster, but....!!!!" OK and thanks, now I know how to spell "cita", anything else want you to ante up would be appreciated.  Dennis

[catazza]

Use common sense:

1) Study NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), specically the bit about Eye movements any lying. The theory is that the direction of your eyes correlate with the part of your brain you are currently accessing... specifically the eyes move in different directions depending on if you are recalling stored information, or using your imagination. Some good info is here http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies_eyes.php or http://www.google.com/search?q=nlp+lying for more info.

2) Beware of anyone who wants to get married today and move to America tomorrow. No one in their right mind would offer to do such a thing with someone they just met, without having an alterior motive.

3) Double check with yourself: "Would I do this for a woman in America?", (specifically. things like helping out with bill payments, esp. when you have only been on two dates ) If the answer is no, you are proberly being played.

4) Have a trusted friend (preferably female) meet the woman you really like and want to persue something serious with.. Hopefully they can give you an objective analysis without the love-rose-tinted glasses effect

Good luck with your search! I hope you do find the lady you are looking for.

[fathertime]

Dennis,


The language barrier complicates things but I still think there are plenty of obvious things you can see.  I do not have a list but I would say just really look at your dates and see if they seem interested in YOU.  If after a date or two, a woman is not showing any passion, I would take that as a sign of lack of interest.  With only a couple exceptions, I would know within 2 dates if a lady was interested in me or not. Part of the determination was if she allowed me to become physically close to her.   Even being phsically close is no shoe-in obviously, I can remember a woman or 2 that I felt was just going through the motions, so I did not "Date" them again.  I am not talking about boning the women, there are other ways of being close...lingering eye contact, kissing, full body rubbing, pinching their pretty behinds, etc

I have seen goofs that are totally clueless chasing after women that are obvious not interested in them.  You have to take a really hard look at yourself.  You can ask direct questions but you will only hear what you want to hear or what they want you to hear, not necessarily the real truth. 

Overall I guess what I am saying is that there is NO substitute for experience and you will learn 10 times more from one trip than what we all tell you here. 

Colombian woman truely are more receptive to a decent older man, so your odds are much better than in the US or Canada.  As I tell everyone, you must get on an airplane asap and just get there.  Don't wait, "Until you are ready" Just go...NOW! You will learn as you go and you can always go back again...that is if it is a priority!

I wish you luck sir!

Fathertime!

[singlefather no more]

Hello Guys,

I have been waiting to post this for a while and this is the perfect thread to post it on.. The following is posted with permission of JD site owner at Colombiablog.com ; His site does not compete with this site..

"Rules of Engagement" and Dating a Latina... by JD

I've been reading PBH for almost 8 years and running this board for a year so far...

I've had long distance relationships in Colombia longer ago than most of the Americans and Brits on either board...I was in that dating scene since the mid-80's and nearly married one (Colombiana)...

So let's cut the horse [snip] and get down to business...

These are MY rules of engagement and apply to me and maybe some of you...

I'm using "she" for lack of the female perspective...being that I'm not gay nor play soccer or run a coffee shop...

1. If she always talks about a sick child or relative...be afraid

2. She would only leave her life of a strip dancer, hooker or "bar maid", if she had the money to go back to school...be afraid.

3. If she asked for money like a wife when she's only a fiance or girlfriend...gold digger comes to mind.

4. If she has children and she asks you for help with them, you have to wonder where's the dad? And if he's still alive...why did she give this man more than one child...well this equals bad judgement...this is a bad indicator

5. If she has a circle of friends and relatives that are unfaithful and put "cachos" on their boyfriends...guess what...you "girlfriend" is one of them cachistas you fool.

6. If you find out you are NOT her first gringo/british/other boyfriend...RUN

7. If she asks you for money or a gift and it's not the amount or the quality she asked for...if she's less than overjoyed...she's an ingrate and you've learned a lesson VERY cheaply.

8. If she suggests marriage within the first 3-5 months...run

9. If you suggest marriage and she wants to stay in country...RUN FASTER

10. If she asks to buy property under both names...don't even look back.

11. If her friends are all hooked up with foreign boyfriends...baby...I GUARANTEE she has another one on tap just in case.

12. If you have access to her email, online profile or dating service account because she "trusts you" and to prove that she has no secrets or anything to hide......think again...she's has more than one profile STUPID...

13. If you ALWAYS pay the bill for food or vacations or whatever and does not make some attempt to pick up the bill once in a while......man...she's riding you. I don't care how poor a person is...dignity has no price. You are not a [snip]ing WALLET.

14. If you invite her out to a meal and she brings relatives or a friend and you pick up the tab and she makes no effort to have these deadbeats put in something in the pot to pay the bill...YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A PENDEJO MARRANO...and they are laughing their asses off at your expense...

I'll give you an example.."hey prima...what are you doing tonight"...she says "nothing...going out with the gringo tonight.."...they answer back "can we come...we're hungry and we know the wallet will take care of us...hahahahahah"...she answers..." no sean malo con mi gringo...ok..meet us at so and so"....

15. If she does or go to different places when you're stateside...ask yourself why she didn't do or go to those places when you were there.

16. If you constantly call to see if she's home on the weekends and if she's not there you become suspicious...YOU ARE IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP and she has a local novio you moron....

17. If you don't speak the language and have locals vouch for your woman...(this is a new one I heard about a while ago in the DR)...the one vouching is probably screwing your girl.

18. If she's way younger than you and you're less than attractive, out of shape and bald...she doesn't love you because you're one of the nice ones and not like those mean Colombian men that don't know how to treat a lady...in other words...have no money.

Be a realist man...if she's a piece of ass...you nail it...you don't marry it.
She's not diggin' your bald head...she's diggin' the bald eagle on your currency and passport.

19. If she's always hanging out with a male cousin (this is very much the case in the DR too...hahahaha...God you have to give it to the gringo brothers)...it's not a cousin...it's a boyfriend.

20. And finally...Don't ever...ever...ever help your Colombian girlfriend get a tourist, student or work visa...

Can one say...bye bye.?

Sorry if I offended some...but it HAD to be said.

JD
------------------------------------------------
Well guys what Rules do you think should be added to this list ?

singlefather

[mikesy2u]

Thats some great stuff Singlefather. I printed it and can use it right here at home. Don't even need a trip to use that sound reasoning !!

[Calipro]

I don't think anyone here has dated more colombian women or married more of them than me so I'll give you my take on the situation.

The first step is physical attraction. Date women you think are beautiful and who pay attention to your every word and make very good eye contact.

Don't interview the women. Just make good conversation and enjoy yourself.

The second part is sexual satisfaction. Don't take anything a woman tells you seriously untill she has jumped your bones a couple of times (without any gift giving) and keeps coming back for more.

The more she bangs your brains out the more you listen.

After you decide she is the one you want to have an exclusive relationship with, take her shopping to close the deal.

Whatever you do don't buy her anything until she has put out a number of times and you are sure you really want her hanging around all the time.

[singlefather no more]

How about,

If she never talks about her family and does not want
you to meet them..

Or if after a few dates she does not want to show you
where her parents live and introduce you to them be
careful..

singlefather

[utopiacowboy]

I have to agree with Calipro.

[william3rd]

Good point singlefather-

If she wont show you what she is all about, the warning signes are all over the place.

[Calipro]

How about,

If she never talks about her family and does not want
you to meet them..

Or if after a few dates she does not want to show you
where her parents live and introduce you to them be
careful..

singlefather

This would indicate that she does not take the relationship seriously at the time, she doesn't take you seriously at the time (no woman wants to introduce you as her novio an then have you disappear). Or she is embarrassed to show you how she lives.

Anyway you should be well into the sexual satisfaction fase of the relationship before trying to psycoanalys her. 

And if the two of you are really digging each other in the sack there are few obstacles the two of you can't overcome. hehehe !!!

[Kiltboy1]

CP

I do not really follow the WLC too much , but the last time I looked there, you were married to another Calena and now I see you have "LOOKING, AND BRAZIL" in your  bio photo. Did  I misss something along the way ??

KB

[william3rd]

Get a girl a green card based on sex alone and I believe that you will end up well-screwed in more ways than one. 

Been there, done that.

[blockbuster]

And if the two of you are really digging each other in the sack there are few obstacles the two of you can't overcome. hehehe !!!

 You're kidding with that right? Latinas are always fun in the sack and that's the one of the reason so many guys are intrigued with them. Just because you're both digging each other in the sack doesn't mean there are few obstacles you can't overcome. Most young people get married simply because they have that hot chemistry. Then they realize real life  deals real obstacles sex can't solve. That's when divorce occurs.

 Obstacles like finances , cheating,outgrowing each other as she makes new friends, opening up your eyes to realize the person you married isn't what or who you thought they were,etc. Also after living in the US for a few years as a married couple adds stress,homesickness and cultural changes which never hit you when you live with her in her country . The obstacles will come mainly while she's here and the  novelty of being married is over and real life begins. It takes more than being great together in the sack to make a marriage work.

[sean126]

Dennis,

In addition to what these guys are telling you I'd like to say......

Sometimes it's the guy, himself, that is the biggest problem.  Either it's the first time (or one of the extreme very few times) that an attractive woman or "hot young thang" has paid him any real attention and he goes ape sh*t and loses all normal brain functions and does some incredibly stupid things and makes some (nothing short of) retarded decisions.  Some girls are quite blatantly obvious that they are using you, but others have learned and have become more mature, deceptively speaking.  Unless you've played mind games with women in the past, either playing them or having had them play you, you really won't know what's actually going on.  Unless someone has dated more than a few different women in the past...he's at a real disadvantage at spotting BS.  What could be something innocent or legit, he thinks that she's trying to play him.......and what looks to be innocent or legit is her playing him sometimes and he don't even realize it until it's too late.   It's kinda like boxing or sparring.....people can tell you what to do, how to move, how to throw a punch, ect....but until you've actually done it several times, with several different people, you won't know that your being "set up" for the knock out until you you wake up from your knock out.  You will get a "feel" for subtle BS the more your around insincere women.  There's alot of unknown variables sometimes that you need to account for and some men either don't know how to work it in the equation to see if it's really BS or not OR some men are just ignorant when it comes to relationships.

The absolute best advice is sometimes the simplest....it's been said many times on here, If you wouldn't put up with it from a woman here....then don't put up with it from a woman in a different country.  Culture, age, personality or whatever...it makes no difference.  If it bothers you or makes you feel uneasy, then move on and find someone else.  A relationship can't work if only one person is happy, content and at peace.

I mean...we can tell you, if she does "A" then it's a con, but if it's "B", then it's legit.  The problem is...that's not always true in every circumstance with every girl.

One thing I can tell you is....If she talks to you different on the phone when there are people around as opposed to when she's alone, then I'd analyze that.  If she's your girlfriend or fiance, then theres no excuse for that.

[sean126]

Oh, one more thing.  Keep in mind....unless your a stud or ex-stud, remember..remember...remember:  Sex will cloud your judgment more times than not.  If you aren't known to be a ladies man (like "The Great One" Soltero), then I'd try to make sure she's being sincere with you before you sleep with her.  If your not to savvy when it comes to relationships and you rush the sex part....you might as well let her strip you naked, put roller blades on you, tie a string around your weenie and let her pull you around like some little pull toy because that's what you will basically be.  It sounds funny, but it's true.  I've been on roller blades a few times myself and I think Sir William finally put his in the closet.  Catz has a good woman, but he just puts them on for fun now I think.  LOLOL.

[Researcher]

 
    1)If its the first you've met her and she shows up with luggage and wearing a wedding dress.....she might be a "green card girl".
    2)If she wants to know if there are any cute guys where you live....she might be a "green card girl".
    3)If she tells you that prostitution is not just her job..its an adventure...she might be a "green card girl".
    4)If she shows you her red, white and blue panties and you notice a tattoo that says "its all about the Benjamins"....she might be a "green card girl".

      I have to agree with Sean.The problem alot of times is that the guy gets so infatuated with the woman that he don't see the signs of what is going on...or chooses to ignore them.You seem like a level headed guy that knows what he wants in a woman. Just don't rush into anything and take some time to get to know some women before settling on one.I corresponded as much as I could and visited as much as I could.I met friends and family and learned alot from that.If they acted different around thier friends and family than they did with me alone...I took that as a bad sign.
           

[dennislevy]

Gents:

Thank you for all the advice, some of it was thoughtful and some of it was rather funny. I liked the list that singlefather sent and I particularly want to thank Sean for his thoughtful comments.

I am what Fathertime described as an older decent guy, 54, bald as an egg, 5'10 235 with a friendly face and a lot of experience with American girls when I was younger, but not very much in the last 25 years, 22 1/2 of them in a first marriage.  

Of the last 40 months, I've spent 38 of them as a single man (I'm recovering from a 2006  marriage of 62 days and 14 hours (if you count the loose change) to an American woman.  She paid for the divorce and she didn't want anything, just to be free, and it was my fault, while we dated, there were enough red flags for a May Day parade at the Kremlin, I just didn't understand how "complex" her pathology was (until well after it was over) I was just too much in love.  

I'm going to Bogota in mid January for three weeks, looking between 36 and 52 and they have to have a full time job, to make my list for possible first citas. The LLM agency sales man (Jim Southard, a guy some of you may you know) says he'll look out for me, make sure I don't date any sharks.   He's had nothing but good things to say about the women I'm corresponding with so far--and I told him that if I even looked interested in any woman under 36 (and I think that is still way too young for me) he was allowed to "pick me up by my ankes and smack my head against the wall."

I am concerned about the language barrier, and I've got three months of studying conversational Spanish every night under my belt. We'll see what happens.

If anyone wants to add anything to this thread, go ahead. Thanks again to all the guys on the board who wrote. I'll try to post trip reports as often as possible, if anyone wants to talk with me while I'm there (1/16-2/6), just say so on the PL latin board, leave a telephone number where I can call you, the agency gives free calls to the US.

Vaya con dios, caballeros!

Dennis    





 



            

[soltero]

Sean, as usual, you crack me up, but you and Eric are going to get me into trouble! Shhh!!!! I know my girl, and if she ever finds out I post here after she learns English, she will read every post on this entire site!

Besides, we have all seen the videos and know who the real ladykiller is! 

[singlefather no more]

Soltero,

I was going to say something about the Hi way (lol).. But nevermind we want your girl to learn English..

Yes , Soltero you have had such a hard time over the years meeting girls.. I am glad you found such a nice girl to take pity on you..I know it must have been hard on you being celibate all these years.. I am sure when your Mrs. Soltero come and reads this she will sorry for you...

I would like a special Soltero TGIF for this... lmao

singlefather

[soltero]

I would like a special Soltero TGIF for this... lmao

singlefather

Thanks, singlefather! My girl isn't really the jealous type, but I want to try to limit any 'splaining I might have to do in the future! Hoda told me that "married ain't dead, so you can look but don't touch."  I am going to have to collaborate with that video wunderkind Sean126 one of these days and do a PL version of "TGIF". 

[Calipro]

Oh, one more thing.  Keep in mind....unless your a stud or ex-stud, remember..remember...remember:  Sex will cloud your judgment more times than not.  If you aren't known to be a ladies man (like "The Great One" Soltero), then I'd try to make sure she's being sincere with you before you sleep with her.  If your not to savvy when it comes to relationships and you rush the sex part....you might as well let her strip you naked, put roller blades on you, tie a string around your weenie and let her pull you around like some little pull toy because that's what you will basically be.  It sounds funny, but it's true.  I've been on roller blades a few times myself and I think Sir William finally put his in the closet.  Catz has a good woman, but he just puts them on for fun now I think.  LOLOL.

Holy [snip] !!!

I guess Sean might have a very good point if you haven't been laid in a while.

If that's the case I suggest that you just go down and play the field awhile before trying to make the life changing decision of getting married because you shouldn't have to get married just to get a little. LOL !!

[Calipro]

CP

I do not really follow the WLC too much , but the last time I looked there, you were married to another Calena and now I see you have "LOOKING, AND BRAZIL" in your  bio photo. Did  I misss something along the way ??

KB

I'm not sure how that got there.

I'm married and I have never been to Brazil and have no plans on going anytime in the near future. hehehe !!

[catz]

Holy [snip] !!!

I guess Sean might have a very good point if you haven't been laid in a while.

If that's the case I suggest that you just go down and play the field awhile before trying to make the life changing decision of getting married because you shouldn't have to get married just to get a little. LOL !!

Calipro,

 You seem to be focused on "banging the night away" and/or "getting laid" in almost every post. While I am sure that no one here has any problem with those types of activities I do not believe that your "way" is necessarily the "way" that most men who are sincere about and interested in family and fidelity would pursue things.

FWIW