Petitions for money inappropriate?

[EbonyPrince]

Your question really depends on the situation.  I don't know her, so I can't really judge.  I will only give you my opinion from what I have seen you writing.  Asking for money under most circumstances is inapproprate.  You sound like an enabler Mark, excusing away red flags.  I have communicated with and met over 50 women in Colombia, and I have yet to have anyone ask me for money.  I thought I saw in one of your posts that she even tried to con you out of the money. 

This is a major character flaw, and it won't be corrected if brought here.  You are asking for major trouble.  Good, hard-working, honest, decent people don't ask for handouts.  I have been down and out with a sick child back in the 90s.  I was deep in debt and was about to lose everything.  I had a mortgage, two children, and a wife to support.  I contemplated bankruptcy.  My wife told my mom our situation.  Her parents helped out by bringing food  and items every now and then.  My mom had just gotten like $6000 from a home equity loan to fix her house up.  She called me and offered it to me.  I told her no that this was my family, and they were my responsibility.  I also made it my mission to ensure that all my creditors got paid.  In 1999 my grandfather died at 72 of cancer.  I remember him telling some minister (on his death bed) how he worked two jobs in brick yards and drove a cab to support his family of 5 kids.  This was back in the 50s and 60s, when times were really hard for black people.  During his funeral, there were all these older white guys that were at his funeral.  They spoke highly of my grandfather, and they all had traveled like 45 minutes away from back-woods areas to be at his funeral.  That said a lot about the respect they had for my grandfather back in those days.  My point is that good people are good people.  I was raised not to ask for handouts and my grandfather didn't take handouts.  There are people here going through just as tough times as some Colombians, so I really don't buy your excusing away their situation.  There are poor people all over the world.

In life we develop patterns of operations.  Some people get stuck with these negative patterns that they repeat over and over throughout life.  I see it here everyday with family and friends.  People are the same all over the world.  Character flaws and negative patterns don't go away, unless you make a conscience effort to alter them.  The majority of people don't try to alter them.  That is why it is best to find someone that has the quality that you are looking for.  Trying to change someone  is a mistake.  They have to want to change and put forth the effort.  Only you know all the details and can make the final decision.  IMO some women are just for having fun with and are not marriage or life-long material.  IMO a good women with good qualities will not ask you for money.

[markanthony7]

I want to clarify my point, if a woman does not have a a general sense of interest in you as a person for both romantic or inmate reasons, or chemistry, I would tell anyone not to give her a brown penny, thats just exploitation or using you as a sucker, I am referencing cases or scenario's when a woman has genuine personal feelings for you in a romantic relationship and at times she may inappropriately ask you for money, like the young lady I am involved with did to me on several occasions, instead of just asking me. she some what tried to con it out of me and it pissed me off!, should you scrap the relationship or try to work things out, does this mean she completely lacks integrity and has done irreparable damage to the relationship or is it something you can drum through, in my personal situation we talked it out and the problem never really occurred again but I have sensed her about to revisit the area but she suppressed it after I brow beat her, likewise I have seen guys have a some what decent relationship with a young lady but this issue reared its head in the course of the relationship and communication. In so many words what I am saying is that altough these women have the propensity to inappropriately ask for money at times does this make them completely vile and despicable, are these inappropriate petitions for support motivated by impoverishment and economic deprivation or just the influence of the culture in general, like welfare recipient's that always want and expect a hand out?  Can a relationship that has some foundation over come a set back or a woman that has mentality such as this?  and again would it even be significant if she were in our country and had access to opportunity and professionalism?

Ebony Prince I know we all have financially difficult times but your momentarily bad situation does not compare to the continual hardship that these people are subjected to for a life time, at least you had the opportunity to file bankruptcy or welfare there is none of that in Colombia , you are just SOL, [snip] out of luck!

[sean126]

MA,

I think everyone is giving you the same advice in different words.  All of it good.  I especially liked the "enabler" comment.  I think that fits.  I think I know where your coming from....sounds like your asking from a Christian perspective, correct?

I would be willing to bet that your also a "soft touch" and easily manipulated, from what you write.  Not meaning that your a bad person or anything, it's just one of your weak points that you should be conscience of....like me and my bluntness.  I think I mentioned this observation about you before.

From a Christian perspective....It's my opinion, again, that circumstances, bad luck or life in general is no excuse for bad manners and insincerity.  You said it your self that she tried to use deceptive means to extract money from you.  And this is a girl, that I presume, your dating!  She's suppose to care about you.  You could say that she doesn't care enough about you or respect you enough to be honest with you, therefore....to me, that would show that she, in fact, didn't care about you.  Not the fact that she asked for money, but the fact that she wasn't honest with you. 

If your asking from a Christian perspective...consider this:  Does God care what your circumstances are in relation to how your suppose to act?  Did he say..."Thou Shall not steal, except in dire circumstances when theres no other option"  If someone is scamming you (or trying to) then they are stealing from you.  Because you gave on the basis of a lie that they told you.  Your trying to excuse it away.  A lie is a lie, stealing is stealing, fraud is fraud and bad manners is just bad manners no matter what the circumstances...period. 

If you want to help someone, then help them....but don't excuse their deception.  When you do that, they are not only doing something wrong...but your trying to make them feel better about it by excusing it away.  As a Christian, you know that the earth is the Devil's playground and things are only going to get worse....if you believe the Bible, so why be so surprised when you see people become "lover's of self".  As bad as any girl's situation is, that you date, you can find someone else's situation even worse.  If you want to help, then help someone who isn't going to lie to you to get money, sleep with you to get money or use guilt to get money from you.  I'm sure there are honest charities that need the money more. 

If your serious about anyone of these girls and if you have feelings for anyone of these girls then why do they even need to ask you, if you know their situation?  If you care about a woman that much, then go ahead and help.  If not, then don't excuse their deceptions and call them on it.  She's lived this many years without your money and she will live the rest of her life without your money.  If she truly, truly and sincerely needed your money....don't you think she would be honest with you?  I'm sure I don't need to remind you that the Bible says that your heart can deceive you.  You of all people know where to go to look up the answer to your question, yes?   

Consider your lady in question very cunning and smart.  She knows how to work you and it's working....otherwise you wouldn't have a conflict going on in your mind. No matter how you phrase the question and no matter how many variables you insert....you will still get the same answer.

[utopiacowboy]

Who cares what her motives are? What was she going to do for money if she hadn't met you? Bringing money into a relationship before there is some basis for a monetary exchange (she is your girlfriend or wife) poisons the whole relationship. How would you ever know what she was in it for - the money or you? Leave the money out of it and if she sticks around then it's you.

[markanthony7]

Thats the point Utopia Cowboy brings out effectively, if you rebuke her and she ignores you, does not write again or even act as if she is not interested in maintaining a relationship with you, then her interst were not about you but your wallet and she is attempting to utilize you as a cash cow but if after you confront her indiscretions and she still has love or at least admiration for you then possibly her feelings for you are genuine, at this point its not about enabling her or encouraging her to commit fraud but its a matter of the exercise of forgiveness and how important the relationship is to you from a personal stand point, I am not trying to make any excuses for these womens actions, I am actually identifying their indiscretion, the question I am provoking is should we allow some latitude for human imperfections? or should we hold this indiscretion or lack of integrity in contempt and be intolerent?, are these women beautiful yes , are they faithful yes, affectionate, loyal, traditional family values yes, etc; but this one negative attribute can be persistent in women from SA and poor women in general and how should it be regarded? if they have 9 positive qualities and one negative quality, do we say OK 9 out of 10 is not bad?, or is this one negative quality such an infraction that it eradicates the other 9 good qualities?, should we hold the perspective that there is no such thing as perfect no matter how beautiful and virtuous these women maybe?, my favorite movie of all times is the romantic comedy featuring Jack Nicholson and Meg Ryan in " As good as it gets" Jack Nicholson had a plethora of negative qualities but Mega Ryan had to learn to except Jack Nicholson's  short comings because as the moral of the story suggest there is no such thing or person as perfect, as Meg Ryan's mother advised her daughter, so its not about making excuses for these women but understanding human nature and accepting faults in perfections in others and finding a constructive way to love and maintain a healthy relationship. But also I would like to amplify that I personally feel that the motivation is not out of greed or personal gain but its about survival and desperation, just trying to get by day by day but again its how much of a serious infraction to the person involved in the relationship that will determine if the relationship is worth salvaging, again all your thoughts and opinions have been very informative and educational, I am not dis regarding any advice everyone is stipulating in your post, these are pearls of wisdom

[Ray]

...I am not trying to make any excuses for these womens actions...

On the contrary, that's EXACTLY what you have been doing...making excuses for bad behavior.

You can try to excuse lying and stealing all you want, but it's still lying and stealing.

Mark, you can ask the same question over and over and over and over again, and you'll still get the same answer... DUMP HER!

For the other folks out there just getting into this game, it isn't rocket science. Listen to cowboy and keep money completely out of these relationships. As soon as money enters the equation, you will NEVER know for sure what her real motives are...end of story.

And if one of these poor, traumatized, impoverished, starving, destitute, young ladies tries to con you out of some money, then the proper response is NOT to brow beat, chastise, lecture, look down upon, or otherwise try to embarrass her. Be a real gentleman and just quietly walk away.

You can forgive her if you like, but don’t try to reform her and don’t try to excuse her character flaws. If you really feel the need to make a donation out of the kindness of your heart, then go ahead and make a donation, but then still WALK AWAY!

[markanthony7]

1. Ray I am not making excuses for them, I am acknowledging, this indiscretion and error, what I am saying in so many words is that every relationship has problems or issues, some sexual, selfishness, communication, politics, (money, American style arguing and deciding where it goes), womens independence,  can these issue be resolved through communication and counseling? or is it so severe that intolerance you just dump her?, can or should they be treated like any other issue that might arise out of a relationship?, I am convinced that there is no person or relationship that is perfect, some people have problems in one area other people have problems in another area but if you take her from her impoverished environment will that street mentality dissipate? or exasterbate?

2. Have we challenged the question about her impoverished background and how it may negatively influences her mentality or behaviour?

3. Please remember I am indifferent on this subject altough it may seem as though I am tolerent of this conduct, I was a minister and I believe in exhausting a subject on till you arrive at a conclusion or conviction

4. Likewise please don't get the mental impression that all the women on our website demonstrate conduct or behaviour, it has happened on occasion but not routinely, this subject matter is for discussion, the good book says"that wisdom is found in the multitude of counselors"

[Ray]

excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses, excuses, excuses,excuses...

          D U M P  H E R !

[sean126]

1. Ray I am not making excuses for them, I am acknowledging, this indiscretion and error, what I am saying in so many words is that every relationship has problems or issues, some sexual, selfishness, communication, politics, (money, American style arguing and deciding where it goes), womens independence,  can these issue be resolved through communication and counseling? or is it so severe that intolerance you just dump her?, can or should they be treated like any other issue that might arise out of a relationship?, I am convinced that there is no person or relationship that is perfect, some people have problems in one area other people have problems in another area but if you take her from her impoverished environment will that street mentality dissipate? or exasterbate?

2. Have we challenged the question about her impoverished background and how it may negatively influences her mentality or behaviour?

3. Please remember I am indifferent on this subject altough it may seem as though I am tolerent of this conduct, I was a minister and I believe in exhausting a subject on till you arrive at a conclusion or conviction

4. Likewise please don't get the mental impression that all the women on our website demonstrate conduct or behaviour, it has happened on occasion but not routinely, this subject matter is for discussion, the good book says"that wisdom is found in the multitude of counselors"

 Your multitude of counselors have been saying...."It's a big enough deal to end it".  How many times would it take for someone to shoot you before you turned and ran away?  Your saying..."it's only a flesh wound" and we are saying..."But dude.....she shot you!"  Bottom line is....it doesn't matter what we think.  If it's no big deal to you...then more power to you.


Being a minister....I don't think you will find one story in the Bible where God "challenged the question about their impoverished background and how it may negatively influence their mentality or behavior" as a reason for having a life style of continually acting wrong.  Do you know why?  



roflmaoooooooooooooo at Ray's eloquent and "straight to the point" response.  LOLOLOLOLOL.  Theres genius in simplicity sometimes.

[EbonyPrince]

Excellent post from a Christian perspective Sean, but lets just keep it real Mark.

Likewise please don't get the mental impression that all the women on our website demonstrate conduct or behaviour, it has happened on occasion but not routinely, this subject matter is for discussion, the good book says"that wisdom is found in the multitude of counselors"

You say that it has happened on occasion.  Some people do it. Some people don't.  As I said, we develop patterns in our life.  Some people positive and some negative.  If Colombia was so bad, then everyone would be doing it.  I propose to you and you know everyone doesn't do it, therefore you are making excuses for the ones that do do it. 

When I was young in my career and arrogant and cocky, I had an old boss tell me that "Perception is Reality".  I would always respond that no "Reality is Reality".  I didn't feel that I should worry about what people perceived.  When I got older and wiser, I finally understood what he was saying.  Mark you wouldn't be posing this question if you didn't have other perceptions on her character that maybe you aren't mentioning here.  Hell spending a few hundred bucks in Colombia goes much further than it does here, so why should that concern you?  It concerns you because you potentially feel it is or could be a futuristic problem.

I am not telling you to dump her, that is your decision.  I will say that she does have a character flaw, because by your own admission not all Colombianas pull this.  As someone said: If she truly loves you, she wouldn't ask you for money.   It would be different if the circumstances were dire, but I don't believe they are.   If you loved her you would give it to her without pondering this question or getting negative perceptions.  It doesn't make her a horrible person for asking, but I don't feel that it makes her a quality person for a life-long partner.  If you want to kick it with her and you aren't that emotional, then continue seeing her but keep her in check.  If you can't handle it otherwise and you are looking long-term, I would offer the suggestion that it is probably best to part ways.

Mark with all that you have going on and to offer, why would you not want only the best in character that you could get?  I don't buy into things may work out and she may change.  If that is the case then you can find any woman off the street that you could wait on to change.  True there aren't perfect 10 out of 10 people out there, but there are people that have the right combination of traits that you are looking for and that aren't deal breakers.  You can use that Colombian, poor people excuse all you want, but people are people all over the world.  There are good and bad.  There are many other Colombians that have it a lot worse than her that I am sure wouldn't try to deceive money from you.  Good is good regardless if you are here or in Colombia.

[jm21-2]

1. Ray I am not making excuses for them, I am acknowledging, this indiscretion and error, what I am saying in so many words is that every relationship has problems or issues, some sexual, selfishness, communication, politics, (money, American style arguing and deciding where it goes), womens independence,  can these issue be resolved through communication and counseling? or is it so severe that intolerance you just dump her?, can or should they be treated like any other issue that might arise out of a relationship?, I am convinced that there is no person or relationship that is perfect, some people have problems in one area other people have problems in another area but if you take her from her impoverished environment will that street mentality dissipate? or exasterbate?

Trying to con you out of money is a bit more drastic of a problem than say, an error in communication, being bad at gardening, or some disagreements over politics.

2. Have we challenged the question about her impoverished background and how it may negatively influences her mentality or behaviour?

Poverty is horrible for people, generally. Hence my aversion to lower class girls. I've been there, done that, and can look around and see how the poor people I knew turned out. It's rarely good. It is so many times easier to succeed if you come from a good, stable family, and so much easier to have one if you're not impoverished.

Also keep in mind that poverty is relative to a specific country or environment. What seems poor to us might not be poor to them.

3. Please remember I am indifferent on this subject altough it may seem as though I am tolerent of this conduct, I was a minister and I believe in exhausting a subject on till you arrive at a conclusion or conviction

MA, as a former minister, every time you open your mouth you show the flaws of organized religion.

[soltero]

Mark, I get that you are being overly redundant to keep this going (I hope). I will try and come at this from a different perspective, pulling a page from the player's handbook. I would think you should already know this, as the clergy I have met have usually been the biggest players of all.

Women size you up quicker than men would. They pretty much already know within the first few minutes what level of potential you have. Asking for things is one of the prime indicators as to whether or not you have passed any number of tests and are still in the running. A woman who is in to you is going to stick with JFK. She will not ask what you can do for her, but what she can do for you. You keep bringing up poverty. A mark is a mark (no pun intended). In reference to women, I doubt that a guy would be interested in any who appear to be starvin' and stinkin'. She existed before you showed up and will continue. Poor people get by with less, but they usually get by. The things you basically need to survive are free anyway. Don't let an overblown sense of what's necessary in life lead you to not interpret the basics of getting played for a sucker.

If a woman is trying rifle through your wallet to get you for the short con instead of trying to put her best foot forward to land you for the long haul, then she has already canceled you out for that potential. If you give her the money, she will suck you up for more until there is no more to be had because you have already been counted out an to her, are good for nothing else. This is not 100% as few things are, but it is a definitely possible scenario, and since there are many more women than the one of you, it is best to keep things simple and avoid anyone who might throw up that type of flag.

[bundy_138]

Girl + asking for money = dumpsville! 

If she asks for money, just say NO! Would you give an American woman you just met in a bar $30 because she asked for it? 

Bundy

[markanthony7]

Well the consensus poll says I need to tighten up and not be to soft , i guess if you look like a lemon they will squeeze you!

1. Does timing or frequency play a part in the evaluation of this issue?, example if a couple has established a relationship for some time and then during the course of the relationship she test the waters is this a red flag or indicator that she is playin you and you need to move on and severe your relationship?, like wise frequency maybe significant, what if this only transpired a few times but for all intense purposes after you denied her request but she still has love and admiration for you in lieu of the fact that you did not give in to her inappropriate request for money, in my personal situation she cried, ( I don't know if they were crocodile tears but she never really seriously attempted this again but I do support her but it is not something of great monetary expense , perhaps a $100 or so a month to help her and let her know I am concerned about her needs

[soltero]

Well the consensus poll says I need to tighten up and not be to soft , i guess if you look like a lemon they will squeeze you!

1. Does timing or frequency play a part in the evaluation of this issue?, example if a couple has established a relationship for some time and then during the course of the relationship she test the waters is this a red flag or indicator that she is playin you and you need to move on and severe your relationship?, like wise frequency maybe significant, what if this only transpired a few times but for all intense purposes after you denied her request but she still has love and admiration for you in lieu of the fact that you did not give in to her inappropriate request for money, in my personal situation she cried, ( I don't know if they were crocodile tears but she never really seriously attempted this again but I do support her but it is not something of great monetary expense , perhaps a $100 or so a month to help her and let her know I am concerned about her needs

You have been given in abundance the hard, brutally honest response that this situation warrants despite the various scenarios or "what ifs" one can try to rationalize into the equation, but the heart does want what it wants. I would suggest doing whatever makes you happy. That is all that really matters while it lasts anyway. When it ceases to make you happy, you won't be feeling the need to ask anymore questions. It may be bothering you, but it seems not enough for you to walk away (yet).

If you have been in a longstanding intimate relationship with this woman, then it is expected that you help her out. If you haven't then you have been warned so proceed however you choose.

[rpcv]

1. Does timing or frequency play a part in the evaluation of this issue?, example if a couple has established a relationship for some time and then during the course of the relationship she test the waters is this a red flag or indicator that she is playin you and you need to move on and severe your relationship?

Ok, I'll jump in on this discussion. Folks can come up with all kinds of sad stories regarding the reasons they need money. I can guarantee that if I hit Powerball today that a large percentage of my friends (and co-workers) would not hesitate to ask me for $$ tomorrow. Why not ask me today? Because they are aware of my current financial situation and asking would make them feel foolish since they know I am not a millionaire. But hit the lotto and that all changes.

In Colombia for certain women, the perception is you are already a millionaire. Or at least well off and 500,000, 1,000,000 pesos etc won't deplete your savings. I have met plenty of women that fit this description. But I have learned now to steer clear.

My philosophy is that 200,000 pesos turns into 400,000, then 700,000 and perhaps more. or she just goes for the big kill all at once and then bails. Even sending a few $$ can have repercussions. If she is truly a respectful lady I don't believe she will ask for $$ based on either timming or frequency. Her folks/friends might but not her.

[David]

There are many other Colombians that have it a lot worse than her that I am sure wouldn't try to deceive money from you.  Good is good regardless if you are here or in Colombia.

For the purposes of this conversation, I think you need to take it to the extreme: life or death, because some of us are facing these situations. To examine anything else would not be justified or fall short of being arguable.

So between starving and conning someone out of some money, you would say: "Stick to your morals! You may die, but hey, you died with honor." How can we as human beings let others die just because of our "she's not going to fool me" pride? How good are we as to let someone die versus saving our pride? Yes people are good, but I bet if you put ANY OF US in a situation where it was life/death, kill or be killed, you would do what was necessary at whatever the cost. Example: Sophie's Choice.

Does that mean we want to be with that person after their horrible situation? I think it depends on the woman. To the men who are married here, what if they faced a bad financial situation for awhile. Any woman, and man in those circumstances would have thoughts of abandoning ship because their partner is no longer providing. I think it is reasonable to assume that a woman wants the "whole package." She may not be looking for money, but ain't going to fool around with a broke hombre. Should they stick with you through think and thin, yes, and shouldn't you stick with your woman through thick and thin? What kind of men are we to write someone off who is having trouble? There's a word for that: hypocrite. For me, I would rather the woman ask me straight out because then its in the open and there is no hiding or treachery.

I guess it comes down to "how well do I know this person? Because if I know her well, her intentions are just to survive, not use me, and yes she still loves me. But if I know her just somewhat, and she is treacherous in her petitioning of funds, then I guess that woman is not 'good.'"

Thoughts?

[jm21-2]

For the purposes of this conversation, I think you need to take it to the extreme: life or death, because some of us are facing these situations. To examine anything else would not be justified or fall short of being arguable.

So between starving and conning someone out of some money, you would say: "Stick to your morals! You may die, but hey, you died with honor."

First, chances are they aren't starving, they just want a bit more luxury. Second, I would rather starve than try to con a stranger or beg (though I'd figure out a way to survive on my own in all probability). Third, I wouldn't want to marry a girl who would con people for money because she's in a tight spot, any more than I would want to marry a prostitute or beggar. Like I said, give her a few bucks to get by if you feel really bad, but don't marry her.  We aren't talking about saving our pride here, we're talking about selecting a suitable partner.

Should they stick with you through think and thin, yes, and shouldn't you stick with your woman through thick and thin? What kind of men are we to write someone off who is having trouble? There's a word for that: hypocrite.

Sticking it out through thick and thin means you started out stable, then hit a rough spot, but will eventually rise back up to your former level.

A girl asking you for money at the beginning of a relationship is COMPLETELY different. It's a dumb decision to marry someone when they are in such an unstable point in their life (this is assuming the best case scenario for the situation, that they truly are in a desperate situation, and not just looking for a quick buck to buy a new purse or something). You're just asking for trouble. They aren't making the right decisions, and they're thinking unclearly and using the wrong criteria. Instead of thinking about "is this guy a good life partner," they're thinking of a quick way to get out of their current bind, or to get ahead a bit in life. You want to find someone who's in a stable position, has a clear head, and is making a good and well thought-out decision about being with you. Or at least, that's what I'd want.

[blockbuster]

 Most guys will say not to give money. I agree with that. But the reality is, I've seen many guys who laugh at guys who give money spend far more on their girls in other ways.
 Guys who take their girls on vacations and stay in top hotels they could'nt afford in the U.S. take her shopping all the time and pay for beauty treatments, go to expensive restaurants and nightclubs. It's ultimately the same thing because you are getting the same outcome. A woman who falls in love with the image rather than the man..

   Most women, especially women in poorer countries will seek a man with high social status. love comes second. If you are spoiling her in any of these ways, you are no different then just  a guy handing her money or American guys who have money and attract much younger women with it as a lure. The women are impressed with a man who can pay her rent,take her shopping,take her to high class nightclubs and restaurants. In other words she will fall in love with the lifestyle you provide for her,not him.

   Sadly,most of the gringos who project that lifestyle in SA can't carry it over in the U.S.  So giving Mark the advice you give is great. but take a look in the mirror and see if you are basically doing the same thing.

  the reason there is such a high rate of dissapointment with latinas is because American boyfriends and husbands give them a vision of Strata 5 or 6 lifestyle in Colombia. Then she gets here to face reality the rich guy she thought she married is not who she thought he was.

   You have to give these women a dose of reality when you're there. Because no matter how poor you claim to be, if you are showing her a lifestyle way beyond what reality in your world is because the U.S. dollar goes so much further in a foreign country you are doing your relationship an injustice.

  

[markanthony7]

As I learn from everyone contributing to this thread, I am becoming convinced its about the person as an individual and what you can live with or without and your threshold of pain, introspectively, there are somethings I am intolerent about in a relationship that I refuse to compromise or live with and thats a bossy nagging woman!!! " the good book says it is better to live in a corner of a roof top than to dwell in a house with a nagging woman" as where I might be lienant and passive about money issues, (a softy), I am intolerant of a woman that constantly challenges me politically and chides me to death, however some men are passive acceptant of this conduct from a woman, also I think it is important to note that I have been with this particular woman about 4 years, so it is not as though I am acting impetuously and the some I quoted I more recently began to disburse this to her more recently but other than that one infraction that occurred a few times over a 4 year period , she has been a relatively good woman, as far as I know

[soltero]

...also I think it is important to note that I have been with this particular woman about 4 years...

Yep, I think it would have been important to note that! (at the beginning of the thread!)

You have pretty much wasted everyone's time who posted regarding this! If you have been with the woman that long, you might as well be married (and may BE as far as Colombian common law). Why would you ask something that would pertain to the beginning of a relationship about someone who you have been able to put up with (and who has put up with you) for 4 years?

[sean126]

Yep, I think it would have been important to note that! (at the beginning of the thread!)

You have pretty much wasted everyone's time who posted regarding this! If you have been with the woman that long, you might as well be married (and may BE as far as Colombian common law). Why would you ask something that would pertain to the beginning of a relationship about someone who you have been able to put up with (and who has put up with you) for 4 years?

Ditto.  I was under the impression also...that this was the beginning stages of the relationship.   That's like saying....She killed someone, but you failed to say an intruder broke into her house and tried to kill her mom or something.

The question would now be....is she sitting on her butt or is she sincerely trying to find work?  Some people are lazy and don't deserve help.  Others are trying and doing the best they can.  Two totally different situations there also.  The answers to those should be obvious. 

[jm21-2]

Ahhh man, I can't stop laughing, hahaha. What the heck is with this guy? He writes these barely comprehensible posts about his girl trying to squeeze money out of him, then he's been with the girl for 4 years???

Maybe she tried to con you because you were a stingy jackass who still wasn't doing anything to support her after 2 years together or something?

I thought it was kind of pointless giving advice to ol' brickhead here, but I had no idea quite how pointless it would be, hahahahaha....

[markanthony7]

Well in partiality, I hear guys that date foreign women in general not specifically Amor De Cartagena complain of this specific issue and my purpose was to have an objective and candid discussion on the subject, that others can arrive at a decision about how they should proceed in a relationship with a woman whom they have had this type of negative experience, in so many words you can overcome a dilemma such as this and still have a fruitful relationship or its time to move on

[markanthony7]

Likewise , as an agency owner people confront me with this issue , my suggestion is that it is not necessarily a deal breaker, but if you confront her with her indiscretion and she alienates her self from you then more than likely it was about the money but if she is remorseful than she more than likely respects you and regards the relationship as significant, many people I have talked to recently are in the valley of decision about this particular issue and I wanted to utilize the collective input to illuminate the subject, that others might benefit and make an informed decision and determine the direction they must elect with the relationship they are currently involved with, so I personally don't feel this thread was in vain or a waste of time, I can not begin to tell you how enriched intellectually I have benefited from this subject matter