Questions and Answers

[Ray]

Look at the visa rules for other English speaking countries similar to the US: the UK, Canada, NZ, Australia. None of them has anything like a fiancee visa. In my opinion the K visas should be eliminated.

     

Actually, ALL of those countries do.

*****
Fiancé Visa (Prospective Marriage Partner) Subclass 300

This visa allows Australian citizens or permanent residents to sponsor a fiancé to immigrate to Australia. The wedding should take place within 9 months of arrival in Australia as this visa is for people who genuinely intend to marry.
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New Zealand Unmarried Partner, Fiancé and Marriage Visas

Description: The New Zealand unmarried partner, fiancé and marriage visa is designed to help applicants move to New Zealand to join their spouse, fiancé or unmarried partner (same sex relationships included). This visa is also referred to as a Partnership visa.

*****

There are primarily three major categories for Permanent Migration to Canada:

Family Class, Refugee Class, Independent Migration Class.

Family Class: includes the sponsor's spouse, fiance(e), unmarried dependent children under 19, parents, grandparents and orphaned family members under 19 and unmarried. Family class applications are not assessed under the point system but they must meet basic standards of good health and character.

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UK Fiance / UK Fiancee Visa
 
The requirements for immigration to UK as a Fiancé or Fiancee are very similar to the rules for married couples. You may wish to consider very carefully whether it is best to marry first and then apply for entry as this will avoid the necessity of making a Fiancé or Fiancee application and then a second application to remain as a spouse. However, please note that it is no longer possible for most visitors to change status to a spouse visa.

[michaelb]

Thanks, Ray. I kind of thought they did, but didn't want to say anything because I wasn't sure.

[catz]

Come on catz, that's waaaayyy to logical for this crowd. What if she doesn't like cold weather, or misses her cat? What then?

You're right Jeff. I guess I should just stick to arguing with children huh? I seem to do pretty well at bringing out the 12 year old in some of the members.

[utopiacowboy]

Wow, Ray! I stand corrected. This goes to show you you should always check things out first hand yourself. In Canada's case, I never hear of people attempting the fiancee route. I wonder why not?

[David]

In response to some of you, I am not just getting back on the horse. My last relationship finally died two weeks ago from a long agonizing death. I won't make that mistake again.

Because of my career woes right now, I simply cannot begin correspondence with any women. I need time to sort out my career, probably about 2 years. So I am just looking at all the prospects right now. If I start learning more now, the more prepared I'll be in the future. 

[JamesDonut]

Good answers guys! Keep'em comin'! And I'll keep the questions coming...

So another question I have is this: What was the beauty/compatibility ratio in your relationship, and what did you actually get in your relationship? Let me explain further. Most of you have been to an SA country because you're attracted to the women. And when you met Ms. Right, did her looks factor in, or was it all personality/compatiblity and character?

I'm assuming the answer to this for most of you is going to be 50/50.

I think you need a mix of both beauty, personality and compatibility.  If you take one of the 3 out you will find yourself dissatisfied in the long run.  The key is to decide for yourself what balance of the 3 works for you.  Something that works for me may not work for you or the girl involved either. 

[Jeff S]

See, I disagree. In my opinion, a very compatible women with a great personality will be beautiful TO YOU, no matter what she looks like to anyone else. Likewise a woman who may be beautiful in a photograph may look like a total dog TO YOU if she doesn't have the personality and compatibility. I hate to keep using the analogy, but if you knew nothing about Brittany Spears except the photo, few men would consider her anything else but very good looking. Looking at her through the goggles of knowledge of what trailer trash she is, she's a total bow-wow. Just my 2 cents worth.

- Jeff

[JamesDonut]

Isn't that what I just said...*scratches head*  In any event great post Jeff.

[Jeff S]

Yes, pretty much. There have been a lot of posts recently discussing the necessity of a certain look and body type defining beauty before the man can generate any interest in the woman. I was just pointing out, that with the other two create beauty rather than it needing to exist in the first place.

[michaelb]

Somebody (was it Houndog??) once posted here (and I've repeated it once or twice before)...The most beautiful woman in the world is the one who's eyes light up when she see YOU walk into the room.

[el_ruso]

And if this woman is 250 lbs, but has a very compatible personality and her eyes light up when she sees you?  Will you find her the most beautiful woman in the world?  Or at least attractive?

Personality and character do matter.  But to discount looks, to say that they are secondary is simply being disingenuous.

[Jeff S]

I was hoping someone would throw that out. Thanks el_ruso. A woman who is morbidly obese has "issues" that have nothing to do with her weight. She's didn't become 250 lbs being happy, healthy and well adjusted. I was never interested in a "project" and I can't imagine a healthy man choosing that kind of woman. As Dr. Laura says, rescue a damsel in distress, and all you end up with is a distressed damsel.

But to answer the question you were implying: If she lights up my life, would throw herself under train for me, but is a little chunky yet dresses flatteringly and works hard to control her weight, or if she only has an A cup, or has a prosthetic leg, or stutters, or has one of many other minor beauty flaws (who doesn't,) damn right, she'd be beautiful to me.

- Jeff

[michaelb]

And if this woman is 250 lbs, but has a very compatible personality and her eyes light up when she sees you?  Will you find her the most beautiful woman in the world?  Or at least attractive?

Personality and character do matter.  But to discount looks, to say that they are secondary is simply being disingenuous.

I've got one like that (her eyes light up, not one that weighs 250 lbs).

On the subject of weight: A long time ago a guy at work was carrying on a long distance internet/phone relationship with an AW that he had never seen. The same 3 or 4 of us used to go to lunch together and that was all he could talk about. We all said "cool, got a picture?" but he didn't. She had every excuse in the book for not sending him a picture - she didn't have a web cam, she didn't have a regular camera, she didn't have a friend who had a camera, she couldn't put 50 cents in the machine at Walmart-whatever. We all said "You know, there's a reason she won't send you a picture, and it isn't because she can't find a camera". He said we were just  'untrusting'......finally the big day came, he took his vacation and drove 1200 miles each way to see her. He was back at work three days later. "She LIED to me. She has a weight problem". One of the guys said "Oh come on, now, you KNEW that all along, that's why she never sent you a picture. But you've been saying you were so 'in love' with her for a good six months now, and if everything else is alright, what's a little over weight?". He said she's not a LITTLE over weight. "Oh, OK, so how much weight does she need to loose?"...."three hundred pounds.".... "What!? She weighs three hundred pounds?"....."You weren't listening. You didn't ask me how much she weighs, you asked me how much she needs to LOOSE. She actually weighs 450".

[jm21-2]

I can deal with just about anything but obesity. Even a bit overweight/plump I think you can learn to like if you don't at first (I think there are some girls who actually look very good even though they're a bit overweight)....but obese....I see it as much as a personality problem as a physical problem. Someone who has so little respect for themselves that they get that overweight has some issues, imho. Holding something against a person like how their face looks, or that they got in an accident and have a prosthetic leg, or whatever, I just don't see as fair. They can't help the way they were born or that an accident happened. You can control your weight though. But then again, I would want a girl who is very intelligent, and that's something you're born with as well, so it's not exactly fair to rule out less intelligent girls either.

[el_ruso]

Jeff,

the reason why I have high standards for women is because I don't want someone just to be there to keep me from being alone until someone better presents herself.  I don't want to long for someone else.

I have never cheated on any girl I have dated.  I have never even tried.  I choose to be with women that don't make me want someone else.

As far as class and wealth mentioned above, I am a MAN.  I am educated, self-employed, and I would not dare to expect a woman to help me pay my bills and mortgage, or to marry for her inheritance or wealth.  I am supposed to provide for her needs, and don't need her help in that.  And I could care less if she knows how to place a knife on a plate at a formal dinner.  I in fact hate formal dinners.  I do prefer women who are intelligent and responsible, but those are far and few in between.  I do demand that a woman I choose respects me, shows me how much she values my love, try hard to make me happy, be sweet and a good mother.  Would I choose a beautiful and dumb girl or an intelligent and fugly one?  Neither! 

There are 3 billion women in the world, there is only one of me, and I have only one life, so why should I settle for a compromise?  Why in the world others might think something like  'Well, she is not that pretty, but her eyes light up when she sees me'.  Well, why can't a beautiful AND intelligent AND sweet woman's eyes light up when she sees you? 

Why would a guy value himself as someone who can not make a gorgeous woman (ie, someone that he doesn't have to make excuses for being with) fall in love with him?  Each one of us has only ONE, O-N-E life, and no loser will be reborn Brad Pitt in the next life.  Do you know BTW that Brad Pitt was not born Brad Pitt?  He had to work hard for everything he has.  If a guy feels he is not up to par in looks, work on them!  Go to a gym, stick to a diet, in extreme cases do a surgery maybe, whatever!  This MUST be done to be healthy, live longer and to attract top women.  If a guy is not as rich, he should pick a career or a business that will pay better.  This is America, and if a guy here is any good at anything, he can turn it into profit.  This MUST be done, to make you happy, attract top women and provide for your children.  Personality is great, but an average woman will not have a chance to discover it unless you attract her first.

I am not perfect, far from it, and I have to work on many things myself, and am working on them as much as possible.  I don't think a person can be happy and satisfied with himself in all respects, but that should not stop him from working hard to improve what can be improved.

And doing this will enable him to attract top women, as well as realize the potential of his life in other areas. 

[fathertime]

You can control your weight though

Actually, I think certain people are extremely predisposed to large weight gains and that is really not their fault either.  Other people can eat everything in sight and have difficulty gaining a pound.  So it could be said that this is not a level playing field either.  Now on to my point.  Whether it this is fair or not,  I can handle a woman with a few extra pounds and that does not bother me much at all.  So far I have not seen a grossly overweight woman that does it for me.  I do not always see the trait of obesity as a weak personality though, although often times it is.  Other times it is obvious what a persons genetic destination is, practically from birth.

Someone who has so little respect for themselves that they get that overweight has some issues, imho.

I really don't think this is the case, in many instances.  Regardless it disqualifies them from consideration as a sexual partner for me, since I do not find many extra pounds or obesity attractive.  Even if their eyes light up when they see me. 

Fathertime!

[fathertime]

Overall, the eyes lighting up thing, is pretty much a requirment.  Other things, such as body type, intellect, drive, can be comprimised on, but a woman that lights up when she sees me is a requirment, at least at first, After a few years of marriage, having a lady not throw pans & bowling balls at me is considered success in my case!

Fathertime!

[Ray]

I do demand that a woman I choose respects me, shows me how much she values my love, try hard to make me happy...

If you have to "demand" those things from a woman, then she isn't worth your time.

Rather than "demand" her love and respect, treat a woman the way you want to be treated and if she doesn't reciprocate voluntarily and enthusiastically, dump her!

And you shouldn't be waiting for a woman to make you happy. If you aren't happy now, then no woman is likely to be able to change that. 

This is America, and if a guy here is any good at anything, he can turn it into profit.

Not if your leftist buddies get elected to office...   

[jm21-2]

Actually, I think certain people are extremely predisposed to large weight gains and that is really not their fault either.  Other people can eat everything in sight and have difficulty gaining a pound.  So it could be said that this is not a level playing field either.  Now on to my point.  Whether it this is fair or not,  I can handle a woman with a few extra pounds and that does not bother me much at all.  So far I have not seen a grossly overweight woman that does it for me.  I do not always see the trait of obesity as a weak personality though, although often times it is.  Other times it is obvious what a persons genetic destination is, practically from birth.

Fathertime!

From what I understand about metabolism, there is an ideal weight range for each person. For some it's higher, for some it's lower. If they drop below that range, their metabolism slows down, and it gets harder and harder to keep off the pounds, as they're burning fewer and fewer calories. So it's very difficult for a person with a relatively high ideal weight range to be very skinny. But no one's genetically ideal weight range is anywhere near obese as far as I know.

Ruso:
Class makes a difference for reasons besides money. I wouldn't look for girls who grew up in a trailer park filled with drunks, single teen moms, gangsters, and meth addicts. What are the chances of a girl growing up in that environment turning out well? Sure, some girls who grew up poor as hell will turn out great, but I'm not a gambling man. I like looking in the places where I have the best chances of finding what I want. I want a sophisticated girl. I'm not going to go to an impoverished neighborhood to look for her.

[fathertime]

If you have to "demand" those things from a woman, then she isn't worth your time.

Rather than "demand" her love and respect, treat a woman the way you want to be treated and if she doesn't reciprocate voluntarily and enthusiastically, dump her!

And you shouldn't be waiting for a woman to make you happy. If you aren't happy now, then no woman is likely to be able to change that. 

Not if your leftist buddies get elected to office...  

Ray does have a point russo.  Why DEMAND respect & love.  I would hope she gives this willingly without being browbeaten about it. 
I do agree with you about formal dinners, I feel like an out of place, overdressed loser when subjected to them. 

Fathertime!

[Ray]

...having a lady not throw pans & bowling balls at me is considered success in my case!

BOWLING BALLS?!   Yikes!

Now I know what happened to your face...

Hey, just kidding you handsome devil 

[Jeff S]

Well Ruso I guess I don't see the world in as black and white as you. It's either grossly obese or gorgeous - intelligent but fugly, or a beautiful moron. Nor did I ever see the need to attract women. Just one is fine for me. If a woman would have been attracted to me had I had my big nose cut down but not with my real nose, she would be way too shallow for me. Everyone has their strong and weak points looks, intelligence, class, taste, on an on. Perfection doesn't exist nor is there a need to look for it in my world. I married a beautiful, intelligent, classy lady who meets me coming home every night with a big hug and kiss, a clean house, the bills paid, and an incredible gourmet meal on the table. Would you call her a 10? I doubt it and I don't care - she's a 10 to me. Does she know which is the seafood fork in a formal dinner? Yes, she does and had she not, I'd have taught her, because like it or not, I do have to attend those kinds of affairs. It's part of my job. I can take her to the symphony, a high level business meeting, or on a picnic and she knows how to dress, how to act and how to interface with everyone from the CEO of a major corporation to the waiters. As I've posted many times before, your perception of beauty or ugliness isn't always when looks good in a photo, but is a package deal. I just never felt the need to set some kind of arbitrary standard of looks before you get to know someone. But your mileage may vary.

- Jeff

[David]

There are 3 billion women in the world, there is only one of me, and I have only one life, so why should I settle for a compromise?  Why in the world others might think something like  'Well, she is not that pretty, but her eyes light up when she sees me'.  Well, why can't a beautiful AND intelligent AND sweet woman's eyes light up when she sees you? 

Why would a guy value himself as someone who can not make a gorgeous woman (ie, someone that he doesn't have to make excuses for being with) fall in love with him?  Each one of us has only ONE, O-N-E life, and no loser will be reborn Brad Pitt in the next life.  Do you know BTW that Brad Pitt was not born Brad Pitt?  He had to work hard for everything he has.  If a guy feels he is not up to par in looks, work on them!  Go to a gym, stick to a diet, in extreme cases do a surgery maybe, whatever!  This MUST be done to be healthy, live longer and to attract top women.  If a guy is not as rich, he should pick a career or a business that will pay better.  This is America, and if a guy here is any good at anything, he can turn it into profit.  This MUST be done, to make you happy, attract top women and provide for your children.  Personality is great, but an average woman will not have a chance to discover it unless you attract her first.

I am not perfect, far from it, and I have to work on many things myself, and am working on them as much as possible.  I don't think a person can be happy and satisfied with himself in all respects, but that should not stop him from working hard to improve what can be improved.

And doing this will enable him to attract top women, as well as realize the potential of his life in other areas.

 

I totally agree.

Jeff, I don't think Ruso was saying he's going for total perfection. I understand him well. What he's saying is that he's not going to settle for sub-par. It doesn't mean she is going to be a "10" in all respects. But for men like us, we see our lives as having "one shot, so don't screw it up." You've got a great woman there Jeff, and it sounds like she is suited for your lifestyle. There are beautiful, smart, mannered women out there, but they are the rare jems, and are far and few between. But the same is with us men. Have you ever been to a bar that's been around since the 70's? Whose in there? The same guys from the 70's! There's a name for those guys, LOSERS! In the end, we're all just looking for the same person on the inside, and our definition of beauty on the outside. Ruso and me, we have a longer list of needs/desires than others, or are more particular. What men like Ruso and myself need to eventually decide is: "When do we draw the line?"

[fathertime]

BOWLING BALLS?!   Yikes!

Now I know what happened to your face...

Hey, just kidding you handsome devil 
 

Bowling balls were hard for her to control and throw very far, and I was very nimble.  I always felt it was the intent that mattered most though!

Fathertime!

[Jeff S]

I understand what he's saying David, not to "settle" for sub par. My point, again, is that by setting certain arbitrary standards of beauty, before you're even willing to consider finding out about a woman's personality, you may be bypassing someone who would be perfect for you. Every one of us has met women that you thought were a 7 looks wise, but after you got to know them, they became a 9, and vice versa, you've met 9+s that were 5s once you got to know them. It's amazing how your estimation of looks can change once you factor in the whole package.

- Jeff