do people know how you met your girl? or did you make-up a story?

[RJS]

Personally, I'll be saying that I met her during my spanish immersion course in LA. There's too much of a stigma attached to these types of marriages. And for their part, do the families usually know that their daughters/sisters are in marriage agencies?

[william3rd]

The truth is always better than a lie.

Especially when they start asking her how she got here. . . and she can't explain.

And then later on,  stories told to freinds while in a relaxed environment that contradict your original statements paint you as a liar.

Better to endure the "stigma" than to lose your credibility.

[fathertime]

You can always say.  I went to "Colombia to meet a beautiful woman I saw over the internet, and now all she does is use me for sex". That should shut any questioners up! With mom and dad you can skip the part after the comma.
 
 Nobody will believe some made up story about "Immersion and Spanish".  Who cares what anyone thinks anyway? Your marriage doesn't have to be

these types of marriages

You have the time and ability to make it a regular marriage with someone who started out real far away.

Continued good luck!

Fathertime!

[RJS]

Interesting points. I actually am going down there for a spanish immersion course though.

[sean126]

I told my family and friends.  Of course their initial reaction was that I was crazy and stupid for going to a dangerous country like Colombia....and then they started in with all the "well, what if...."'s.  These of course were by divorced people.  

I told them...."I may be irresponsible with money, but I'm 35 years old and never married....you know I've had a few opprotunities, but I never pulled the trigger.  Why?  Because I'm very smart in that area...I've dated hundreds of girls and I know who is and who isn't for me.  Mom (Dad also), you've been married and divorced at least 2 times a piece...Who's to say that I'll get a divorce after a year or 15 years, your either smart when it comes to picking a spouse or your the kind that keeps getting married and hoping it's the right one.  Well, I think I've found the right one after all these years.  If she leaves, she leaves...but I don't think she will. I'm extremely smart when it comes to knowing myself and others."

That pretty much shut them up and when they met her...everyone simply fell in love with her, just like I suspected.  I thought I was going to have to kill some of my coworkers at first though...with all the "Oh, your buying a wife" type comments.  You'd be amazed at what a serious death threat will accomplish.

Overall....it wasn't that bad, when she came over it was relatively easy because she's so sweet and genuinely loving to everyone.  Like Sir William said...no sense in lying about it.  It will come out sooner or later.

[Jeff S]

I'm happy to tell anyone. It's a lot more exotic and fun sounding than their boring stories.

[Brainiac]

Tell the truth.  The women think it's romantic and the guys can't believe how easy it is.  As for the few who have an attitude about it, I like FatherTime's response.

[utopiacowboy]

You may have been joking when you said "Colombia to meet a beautiful woman I saw over the internet, and now all she does is use me for sex." but that's pretty close to what I tell people. Sure some guys give me a bit of a hard time but you can also tell that they're just a little envious that they don't have what I've got.

[el_ruso]

Truth is the best, except if you think your family will think bad of her, which is possible.  Depending on where you live, you could say that you met her when she was visiting her aunt or cousin in US, and then she had to go back and you could not forget her.  That is believable of course if there is a hispanic population where you live.  And the only valid reason to make up a story is if you think your family will treat her a lot worse if you tell them the truth.

Good luck!

[fathertime]

Yo UC, I used to say a version of that all the time!  My past wife was stunning and I was, well...quite a bit less than handsome, so people got quite a kick out of it.  How does your lady react? Mine used to start panting and gyrating around one of my legs. She was a damn good sport...

Hey Ruso! Great to see you here, how's it going?

Fathertime!

[Dan Las Vegas]

I've told family and friends I met her on the internet and they were fascinated, but they were really not surprised as I've traveled quite a bit in my life and been all over the planet. People seemed to be more interested in the "danger" than in how I met her. I think that they were surprised that I have survived two trips to Medellin in the past couple of months without a scratch.  I did show them a photo of me at Pablo Escobars grave to prove he is dead and gone as he is the only thing that most people seem to know about Medellin.

[michaelb]

Easier to tell the truth than try to remember to whom you've told which lie. Not to mention that the people you've told will talk to each other. Example:

Gracie, at the party the other night I couldn't help but overhear you bragging  to Mrs. Johnson and Mrs. Nelson about how long we've been married.

Well, George, you KNOW how proud I am to be married to you.

Yes, and I'm proud to be married to you, too, but later that same night you told the Smith sisters about your high school graduation.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Nothing.  Except they  played bridge together last night. Now they're all wondering why I married you when you were four years old.

[zack]

As for me, most people don't even know that I'm engaged. If someone asks about my love life I say that I'm seeing someone but I'll go into the details on another day. It's really none of their business. When my fiance arrives here, I will introduce her to everyone and suprize them with a wedding announcement. When they actually meet her they won't be able to criticize me because she is so sweet and beautiful. They will understand rather quickly why I went this route. Why should I tell them now and listen to all their ignorant BS? I'd rather wait and watch the men drool upon meeting my lady, then tell them that I met my fiance in Colombia. They won't have time to criticize me.

[Looking4Wife]

do people know how you met your girl? or did you make-up a story?

RJS, the problem is in the question, since the 2 parts of the question are not mutually exclusive.

For example, you said...

Personally, I'll be saying that I met her during my spanish immersion course in LA.

... which in your case would be true (presuming you actually do find your wife-to-be during your Spanish course).  Whether you used an agency during the time you were in LA, or whether you "connected" via the internet prior to actually meeting her in person, is ONLY the business of those you wish to disclose those details to.

First of all, in most cases in life, lying can easily be avoided by simply putting more thought into telling the truth.  Society has taught us to be mentally lazy where the truth is concerned.

For example, there must be some fictional, magical school that teaches administrative assistants to say "My boss is not in", or "My boss is on the other line right now", etc., even when the boss is there and not on the phone.  I would always cringe, followed by a reprimand, when I heard my assistants say that while I was in the next office reading or doing whatever.  I always instructed them to truthfully say "He's not available right now".  "Not available" is the truth, and whatever I'm doing that makes me unavailable is my business, and my business only. 

I mean, let's keep it real, how many people are using their REAL NAMES on discussion boards.  Is it "lying" to use an ambiguous username?  No, of course not!  Its information that doesn't need to be publicly disclosed until you "meet" another poster by personal email, phone call, or in person, if ever at all.

My peronsal life is just that, "my personal life", and is disclosed on a need to know basis. 
Personally, the way I handle it is this:

1.  Of course my family, closest friends, and employees know all the gory details of how I met my wife.  I had to explain to them why I was taking these long trips every 60 days...

2.  As to everyone else (i.e. business associates, acquaintances, etc.), "we met while I was on vacation in the Caribean coast of Colombia."  This is totally factual.  Now the fact that I went of vacation and hired an agency to help me find a wife during said vacation is none of their business... unless I want it to be.

3.  If they find out more info later thru the grapevine, then so be it.  They weren't lied to in the first place, so there are no proverbial tracks to cover up.  They just found out that there were certain details of my life that weren't disclosed to them, but they knew that anyway because they're just "acquaintences" and haven't disclosed their most personal relationship issues to me, either.

Travelling before marriage and before she arrives in the USA:

Although I know RJS is targeting Peru right now, I can only share my own experiences.

First of all, anyone who travels to Colombia knows...

1.  People in the USA (including your family and close friends) think going to Colombia is basically a "near death" experience and are afraid of Colombia

2.  When you mention Colombia, they are thinking that you may have ties to the drug world

NOTE:  Let's face it, before actually investingating the prospect of finding a wife in Latin America, the only 2 words I knew to describe Colombia were... "Medellín Cartel"

3.  Given the first 2 points above, the idea of travelling to Colombia for LOVE (actually insert any reason here) is totally absurd and an intervention should be formed to check you into the closest mental hospital, post haste

Before my wife arrived, many of my business associates had no idea I was travelling and/or going to Colombia.  Why get into high-drama, fruitless discussions with people who are going to have no positive impact on your relationship... especially while you're dealing with all the ridiculous drama of immigration?

After she gets here, tell whoever you want however much you want, but there's no need to lie about anything.

[watson]

Looking4Wife's answer should be stored somewhere here as one of the best and most definitive answers to this question.  Time for a "best answer to basic questions" section?

And eventually in life we reach the "I don't care what anyone thinks, I am doing what I want" stage.  We just do what we need to do. 

[Looking4Wife]

Looking4Wife's answer should be stored somewhere here as one of the best and most definitive answers to this question.  Time for a "best answer to basic questions" section?

Thanks for the props, watson!

[chizz]

This is a very interesting question, and one that i've thought about alot. My friend married a girl from barranquilla, and told everyone how they met. My friend also has a big mouth, and tells his buisness anyway(like telling everyone he was using viagra at home, I had to tell him he needs to chill with that nonsense.). Noone says nothing to him to his face, but when he's not there they'll say things like, "she's just using him", or "she'll be gone after she gets her green card" and such. I did have a girlfriend who lived in canada, that I met on a site called "Black planet", and noone had a problem with it. But if you tell someone you met a woman from one of the latin countries online or through one of the agencies, people automatically look at you like you have three heads. To be honest i don't know how I would answer, granted it is noone's buisness, but if you live in a busy city like i do, where everyone is in your buisness, they'll find out anyway. I think initially people will look at your marriage as a sham, but in time, if you two are really in love with each other, it won't make a difference because in the long run, you'll be the winner.
chizz

[Parlay Rey]

Why should you have to lie? The stigma attached is but a social construct forwarded by feminists to make guys like us who bypass them look like 'weirdos' or 'creeps' when in fact we're more astute because we don't settle for their nonsense. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Dating and marrying internationally is the same as if you were to meet your bride on Match.com, Eharmony, or Yahoo personals.

Don't be ashamed of how you met your wife. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts she's not ashamed of how she met you.


Esos solo son mis dos centavos.

[Looking4Wife]

the problem is in the question, since the 2 parts of the question are not mutually exclusive.

A little while after I posted this, I realized too much time had elapsed for me to edit my post.

In the interest of accuracy and thoroughness, what I meant to say was something like:

"The problem is in the question, because it assumes only 2 possibilities.  Another possibility is to tell people truthfully how you met your wife (i.e. another country), but reveal deeper levels of detail on a need-to-know basis as you see fit."

[Parlay Rey]

A little while after I posted this, I realized too much time had elapsed for me to edit my post.

In the interest of accuracy and thoroughness, what I meant to say was something like:

"The problem is in the question, because it assumes only 2 possibilities.  Another possibility is to tell people truthfully how you met your wife (i.e. another country), but reveal deeper levels of detail on a need-to-know basis as you see fit."

Muy bien dicho, Sr.