should I wait till I'm more established or start looking?

[Brainiac]

You asked about internet access in Peru.  Internet cafes are very easy to find in Lima and in all the cities I have visited. 

Look out for the food, though.  If you're not allergic to it, you can buy Cipro (a strong all-purpose antibiotic) over the counter in Peru and it's great for attacking the Inca's revenge if you ate some bad ceviche.  I know when I've eaten something bad when I get horrifically sick in a very short time. 

One place I can recommend is El Senorio del Surco.  It's a couple of blocks north on the coast road from Larcomar.  World-class food with a view of the ocean.  Mango's in LarcoMar has a great view due to its perch on cliff over the sea and the food there is safe.  I think they have a buffet on the weekend.

Don Beta cevicheria in Miraflores has excellent ceviche, a dish you cannot miss in Peru.  They make it different than they do in Mexico (better, of course) and it is usually eaten for lunch. 

When we are in Lima, my wife and I will usually go to La Vecchia Trattoria in Barranco, a great neighborhood south of Miraflores.  Barranco is great for a romantic Saturday night with food, dancing, bars and a great view of the sea from the cliff.

Most of this stuff is in Lonely Planet, but I like to play tour guide.

Suerte

[doombug]

Look out for the food, though.  If you're not allergic to it, you can buy Cipro (a strong all-purpose antibiotic) over the counter in Peru and it's great for attacking the Inca's revenge if you ate some bad ceviche.  I know when I've eaten something bad when I get horrifically sick in a very short time.

Her name is Shigella.

Here she is at a family picnic:



I encountered her twice in three trips to Peru.

She broke my heart.

And turned my ass inside out.

[RJS]

Jimmy makes many good points.  These women really don't know what life is like outside their little worlds and it will fall on you to introduce them to that bigger world when they come here.  That is a BIG responsibility.  I would add to Jimmy's post the following:

1.  Find a woman who already speaks English.
2.  Find a woman who is working in a real career.
3.  Find a woman who has travelled out of her country.
4.  Find an educated woman.

I know that really limits the field, but if you find a woman with those accomplishments you've found a real jewel.  She'll have an easier time adjusting to her new life here because she can quickly become independent. 

If I can get only one thing across, let it be this: 2 weeks here and there over a couple of years is NOT enough to know your wife.  Therefore, those little things she does that you don't understand or make you uncomfortable or whatever need to be given more attention.  They may not be red flags, but connect the dots to see if they indicate a real problem. 

Depending on how the timing works-out, I might stay in her country for a couple months after I'm done with school and before I change jobs, which would obviously be ideal. Who knows who I'll meet, but I'm definitely aiming for a girl that's educated or interested in going to university. As long as she was willing I'd have no issues supporting her. Intelligence and education is very important to me. I've never been able to endure dumb girls for very long. 

This topic of conversation actually reminds me of a colombian couple I know in another city. They each take turns upgrading their education. The husband is working on his masters in engineering and his wife is working, after which he'll commence his career, and she'll do her masters. They're a really great team.

As for the integration bit, I expect it to go fairly well compared to some locations. I go to salsa once a week and if everything works-out I fully intend on bringing her along and introducing her to spanish-speaking people there. Who knows, she may even be able to get a job as an instructor if she's really good. My instructor was actually engaged to another one and I always thought that was a great thing to share. Not many western couples have anything similar.

[Parlay Rey]

Jimmy makes many good points.  These women really don't know what life is like outside their little worlds and it will fall on you to introduce them to that bigger world when they come here.  That is a BIG responsibility.  I would add to Jimmy's post the following:

1.  Find a woman who already speaks English.
2.  Find a woman who is working in a real career.
3.  Find a woman who has travelled out of her country.
4.  Find an educated woman.

I know that really limits the field, but if you find a woman with those accomplishments you've found a real jewel.  She'll have an easier time adjusting to her new life here because she can quickly become independent. 

**Good points, but I think only he can answer that question. What do I mean? I pesonally wanted a more traditional wife, so I wanted none of those points above. I have a close-knit Latin family so I wasn't worried about her being isolated, either.

If I can get only one thing across, let it be this: 2 weeks here and there over a couple of years is NOT enough to know your wife.  Therefore, those little things she does that you don't understand or make you uncomfortable or whatever need to be given more attention.  They may not be red flags, but connect the dots to see if they indicate a real problem.

**VERY GOOD POINT. Which means you'll have to have plenty of open, honest communication and probing, in-depth converstations. Not just empty calories marshmallow fluff, neither. Meet her 1/2 way and get your Spanish up to par now. 

You'll find that when you are down there it will be a vacation for you and rather intoxicating.  I had a lot of fun for a few weeks dating 2-3 women a day until I met my wife.  Then it was a thrill to get on the plane to see her and spending time with her in Peru was a vacation for me.  So while I'm relaxing because I'm feeling no demands on my time, she thinks I'm this wonderful guy who can give her all the attention she's dreamed of. 

**and MAN, do Latinas need attention!

And I know others will post that their wives don't match my list, yadda, yadda, yadda. 

guilty as charged.  

Fine, but most guys on this list have been married more than once and there aren't many success stories out there.  Life is too short to settle.

**yep. this is my 2nd and LAST marriage. being married to an Entitlement Feminist Latina American Woman for 8 years was enough life lesson for me.
never, EVER settle.

[RJS]

**Good points, but I think only he can answer that question. What do I mean? I pesonally wanted a more traditional wife, so I wanted none of those points above. I have a close-knit Latin family so I wasn't worried about her being isolated, either.

Do you think education and traditional values are fundamentally at odds with each other? I don't want a woman that's going to be obsessed with having a career, and I do want her to put family first, but I'd like her to do something useful with her time and have opinions based on knowledge. I would be more than happy with someone that wanted to be a social worker, school teacher, nurse, or hell, even an academic, but one thing i absolutely do not want is a businesswoman or lawyer because I know how that will turn-out.

[Parlay Rey]

Depending on how the timing works-out, I might stay in her country for a couple months after I'm done with school and before I change jobs, which would obviously be ideal. Who knows who I'll meet, but I'm definitely aiming for a girl that's educated or interested in going to university. As long as she was willing I'd have no issues supporting her. Intelligence and education is very important to me. I've never been able to endure dumb girls for very long. 

LOL, me neither. My wife is a college grad CPA but I prefer that she work from home. I'd been there/done that with the whole 'modern' marriage thing.

As for the integration bit, I expect it to go fairly well compared to some locations. I go to salsa once a week and if everything works-out I fully intend on bringing her along and introducing her to spanish-speaking people there. Who knows, she may even be able to get a job as an instructor if she's really good. My instructor was actually engaged to another one and I always thought that was a great thing to share. Not many western couples have anything similar.

my friend, you are 90% ahead of most guys that frequent these boards.
salsa is ubiquitous, attracts dedicated, disciplined people (it is NOT an easy dance to learn), and other spanish speakers. besides it gives you something in common to do on any give saturday night around the world.

some fine tuning, lots of spanish lessons and you'll be AOK.

[Parlay Rey]

Do you think education and traditional values are fundamentally at odds with each other? I don't want a woman that's going to be obsessed with having a career, and I do want her to put family first, but I'd like her to do something useful with her time and have opinions based on knowledge. I would be more than happy with someone that wanted to be a social worker, school teacher, nurse, or hell, even an academic, but one thing i absolutely do not want is a businesswoman or lawyer because I know how that will turn-out.

Absolutely not. My wife is a college grad but is a traditional homemaker. Now do I personally think that CAREER women and traditional marriages are diametrically opposed? Absolutely. Contrary to what Feminism says, women cannot successfully balance career and family. One or the other always takes a back seat.

And with (Foreign-born) Latinas, 99% are hardwired to form families. I figured why swim against the current? I wanted a family, she wanted a family so we discussed early on that her role would be primary caregiver/nurturer and mine would be primary breadwinner. win-win situation.

[RJS]

Absolutely not. My wife is a college grad but is a traditional homemaker. Now do I personally think that CAREER women and traditional marriages are diametrically opposed? Absolutely. Contrary to what Feminism says, women cannot successfully balance career and family. One or the other always takes a back seat.

And with (Foreign-born) Latinas, 99% are hardwired to form families. I figured why swim against the current? I wanted a family, she wanted a family so we discussed early on that her role would be primary caregiver/nurturer and mine would be primary breadwinner. win-win situation.

It sounds like we're in complete agreement on this issue. And my keyboard is dying so I that's it for tonight. It sounds like you found a great woman.

Btw, why so few success stories? Do they all end badly or does nobody report back?

[Parlay Rey]

It sounds like we're in complete agreement on this issue. And my keyboard is dying so I that's it for tonight. It sounds like you found a great woman.

Thank you. She's everything I could've hoped and prayed for...¡y hasta más!

Btw, why so few success stories? Do they all end badly or does nobody report back?

Good question. For me, I value my privacy immensely, so this is I think the most I've ever posted on about my marriage. I probably will not post about it much more.

You sound like a decent, open-minded guy who knows the culture,learing the language, knows what he wants and not a candidate to be a visa trainwreck.

We already have enough big enough stigma attached for marrying foreign wives/dating internationally and Tahirih Justice Center and their ilk is always looking for ammunition to use against us.

Don't know. Call me a crusader, I guess.



Regards,
Parlay Rey

[utopiacowboy]

"Btw, why so few success stories? Do they all end badly or does nobody report back?"

I think there are plenty of success stories. Probably many many more than the failed relationships we hear about. My wife and I have been married for almost four years and we are still in love with each other.

[william3rd]

no- they report back for the most part. Alot of the failures do not report back-a matter of face.

The problem is determining what a success is. Marriages beyond the five year line are deemed successful.

Overall, these marriages have not been successful. The reasons are readily apparent. Short meetings before engagement and marriage, language barriers, cultural barriers, the quality of the man, the quality of the woman, inability to compromise, lack of consensus on major life issues, etc.

Group tours, by any measurement, have the lowest success rate-although they claim the highest. Their measure of success has been engagements. However, the numbers of engagements seem to be off as well.

Reading on sites like this you can find a way to maximize your success and avoid common pitfalls.

[daytrader]

Do you think education and traditional values are fundamentally at odds with each other?

...No, but the two put together make a nice package....I'm rather computer literate and always up on technology....if you are well acclimated to the finer things in life, it helps to find a latina that has a good college education and has been exposed to a successful white collar environment in her culture. 

If so, you two will be going in the same direction faster and smoother than perhaps another lovely latina that might struggle living with the nicer things in life without her struggling with the rampant materialism and superficial relationships that are the norm in the USA. 

Being in Colombia several times, it's really nice to immerse myself in the culture and close familia that the ladies I've dated take for granted on a day to day basis.  Spend a lot of time down in her land before making any major decisions, 3 weeks or more per trip.  This will flush out a lot of issues that would not arise until she is Stateside. 
 
This .02 is only from my experience....

DayTrader

[JimmySTLOUIS]

this thread has turned into a good read for any guy thinking of going this route

Brianiac hit the nail right on the head about you being on vacation down there and everything.

People from Peru see me as this easy going happy go lucky guy who always has cash or a credit card for what ever strikes my fancy. I am like a dumb china man (with $$) to them (cant speak spanish - just smile and open the wallet)

I do crazy stuff (in Peru) like buying full cases of those little bottles of coke and a fresh rose to bring back to my girl. I also bring tons of gifts for everyone. I also do crazy stuff like buy 4 NEW tires with real tread on them for my father in laws car. I fill a shopping cart at E.Wong etc

In real life I have been known to work 7 days a week missing family events etc. I also keep the a/c off until the last minute and save money where I can.

You guys know the type of guy I am. You can can see the type - they cant. They just see the one side.

so its not always what you can figure out but she has to do the same thing when figuring out you.

Most girls I know about in Peru live in a small circle so the advice given above is great advice but you will have to look long and hard to meet the criteria.

Its the things you figure out later that will surprise you the most.

You want a simple girl - you might get a girl that has a hard time adjusting here (unless your idea of adjusting is for her to sit locked up inside your smelly apt on your old furniture)

You want a girl to be a student. Now YOU ARE IN LUCK!!!!! there seem to be more professional students in Lima than anywhere in the world. They love to go to school and study. Why they might even take three or four classes at a time and maybe study for years - without ever even using the education
Work? who wants to do that when you can just study and study and study
If you tell a girl you want her to come to the USA and study, you will have them lining up at your door!

You want a girl from a nice upper class family? well those girls have maids and dont be too shocked when you find out the the upper class Peruvians have more money than middle class Americans. There are people in Lima with beach houses that I cant afford.

Most all girls in Lima know designer brands and like to shop.

Now there are exeptions to every rule but just keep your eyes open.

TE AMO PERU!!!!

jim

[Brainiac]

William, I don't understand your post.  Are you saying that more international marriages fail than succeed?

[RJS]

William, I don't understand your post.  Are you saying that more international marriages fail than succeed?

I'm confused as well. I thought I read somewhere that divorce rates were 20% vs 50% for regular marriages. Of course, I never delved too deeply in to the methodology of the study.

[william3rd]

It is my opinion and belief that many more of these marriages fail rather than succeed.

My opinion is based on the results of hundreds of marriages of my clients and consultations with several other attorneys in the field.

Romance tour results may be as low as 10% success.

However, you can reach success if you follow the right game plan and not be afraid to cut your losses early.

If you are referring to the 1997 study, they had no real baseline data to work with as the key data was never collected by anybody.

If you look at how the 129f is designed now, they should be able to get data that is meaningful.

[Brainiac]

I believe the same thing.  In fact, I discourage people from doing this.  I think it's a fool's quest.  That's not a slam of those who have been successful, it's just that I think the odds are stacked against these relationships.

[jm21-2]

I saw a survey based on Thai-Farang couples (the men from various nationalities), and if I remember right, the number of couples who had stayed married for over 10 years was something like 16%. Obviously it would be a different figure for Peru, but probably pretty similar. I don't think that's TOO much lower than American relationships though. And it probably includes some unrealistic marriages as well (the fat old guy with the hottie bargirl he met 3 days before who thought he was filthy rich, etc).

I'm in the same position as you RJS. Waiting to finish school, then explore this option. You sound like you're in a much better financial spot than I'll be for a few more years though. Anyways, good luck!

[william3rd]

Funny you should mention bar girls. . . .

There is a romance tour that plants itself right between soi cowboy and nana plaza. Lots a romance there in Nana Plaza-hehehehehe.

But then the tour dummies think they have a shot at finding a wife.

[RJS]

I'm not planning on using agencies, personally. I'm sure there's cross-over between girls that are on agency sites and dating sites, but I have a gut feeling that I'll meet fewer girls that are just looking for a visa if I go the regular internet dating route.

In about a months' time my spanish will be good enough for texting and emails. I'm gonna use dating sites to line-up dates for when I get down there and I'm gonna try to talk to as many of these girls as possible over skype beforehand, both to improve my ability to talk to girls in spanish (which requires different skills than talking to a business partner), and to get a better idea of who they are before devoting my limited face-time to them. 

I'm just gonna play the angle that I want to get to know some girls in peru before my upcomming trip so that I have someone to show me around, etc.

Or I could just go down there and hit-up the salsa clubs which I'm sure are filled with gorgeous females.

[utopiacowboy]

"I'm not planning on using agencies, personally. I'm sure there's cross-over between girls that are on agency sites and dating sites, but I have a gut feeling that I'll meet fewer girls that are just looking for a visa if I go the regular internet dating route."

I think you're right, there is some crossover but there are also a lot of women like my wife who had her profile on an internet dating site but would never have registered with an agency. She wasn't looking for a visa, she hoped to meet a Colombiano but was willing to consider guys in other countries due to her situation. Not too many Colombianos are interested in marrying a widow with three kids no matter how hot she is. 

[jm21-2]

I've met some really solid girls over Skype. Nothing romantic though. I've had the impression that not many girls use Skype for romance, just friends (may be different for you though, I haven't really been looking for romance). A lot want help learning English too (I don't know about Peru, but other countries), so they might not want to talk in Spanish much. I would also say middle and upper class girls (the kind you will probably meet on Skype, or at least that's been the case for me) are a lot less willing to move to America too. One of my friends on Skype is a medical student in Brazil. Very bright, curious, adventurous, feminine, and great to talk with (as well as a former model), but I don't think there's a chance in hell she would ever want to come here. I think I've convinced her that Americans aren't black-blooded demons who enjoy eating babies, but that's about as far as I've gotten, hahaha. This despite the fact that she thinks it's common for Brazilian men to desert their families when they've been married a decade or two (her dad did it), cheat on their GFs/wives, visit prostitutes, etc. But I've learned a LOT about Brazil from her (or at least her view of her area).

I would assume it's much better to meet outside an agency, but it's always nice to know they're willing to relocate. So far I've only seen two agencies I might think about using and they're on the other side of the world in Asia.

I'm thinking one of the sites like cybercupido.com, latinamericancupid.com, latinlovesearch.com, or latinkisses.es might be a good middle ground...don't know though really. There are plenty of nutjobs on American dating sites.

[RJS]

You've made some good points. I guess there's noise you have to filter-out no matter what the search method. If you go with agencies, you have to worry about girls that are just looking for visa and will cut-and-run as soon after they land, and with regular dating sites there's the arrogant assumption of "who wouldn't want to relocate?" which may not always be the case.