Adjustment approach

[Anzer]

After reading Dennis post regarding his situation, what would be an ideal approach of how to get your wife to adjust to American life and the mountain of adjustments that come behind it?  Also, would you prefer an ideal location, (i.e. metropolitan city or rural area, north/south etc.) where she may not be so intimidated of adjusting to American life? 

I know this question may generate a diverse response but it is always good to have it in mind when I go to Colombia soon.

Thanks

[michaelb]

Large city with a large Hispanic population is the only one I've tried to have a wife adjust to....works pretty well, she has plenty of Spanish TV and radio, business that cater to Hispanics, Spanish speaking friends (although not all of them necessarily with the proper paperwork), job opportunities (albeit low paying ones due to her lack of English). Only problem is with all the Spanish speaking "support" (including the fact that I speak it very well) she's been rather slow about learning English. I sure wouldn't want to try to acclimate a city raised Spanish only speaker in a rural/small town setting with no other Spanish speakers for her support group. In fact, I know a Colombian lady that tried that (small town, only English speakers) and she was miserable the whole time (except for being with her husband, who treated her right). Not only did she miss her family and not have Spanish friends, culture, etc., she said she was the target of a lot of "those damn foreigners" prejudice (even though she was legal). After a couple of years her husband died (cancer). She stuck with him to the end, but was back in Colombia ASAP after the estate  was settled and says she's NEVER coming back to the US.

[Looking4Wife]

Anzer:

You mentioned Dennis' post, but I hope you understand that what happened with him and his wife has nothing to do with adjustment, and everything to do with incompatible expectations (whether fraudlent, misleading, or otherwise).

Now to answer your question from my own experience...

My wife has been here about 7 weeks as of this writing.  She is adjusting very well.

1.  Being family oriented, she asks about how my parents are doing almost daily.  (I don't know, dear, I haven't talked to them today.  You can call them if you like :-)

2.  During our relationship, I have always spoken only Spanish to her, and she has always spoken only English to me.  This way, we help each other learn the language.

3.  My wife is concerned with knowing my family, and my friends, hanging out with me, and learning English.  She is not necessarily excited about meeting other hispanics or Spanish-speaking people.  When she encounters other spanish speakers, its a pleasant surprise and nothing more.

4.  She enjoys meeting people and talking with people... whether they can understand her broken English or not :-)

5.  She chats / emails her Colombian family & friends almost daily.  She also receives or makes several short (20-min. max) phone calls per week to her family.

6.  When she first arrived, she would have moments when she would expressed how much she missed her little 4-year old sister.  She still says that, but not as much these days.  I was really concerned there at first, but I didn't say anything because I knew for her it was a natural result/adjustment of uprooting from your family, culture, etc. (almost like grieving).

7.  What has also been great for us, is that we have another couple that has a similar relationship that we keep in almost weekly contact with.  This was a poster that I "met" thru another similar discussion board.  We both used the same agency to find our wives around the same time, and ironically I actually had the opportunity to meet his gorgeous wife (before he came along) during my intros with the agency. 

We are both devout Christian couples, which has provided a lot of common ground for us.  I know that our friendship with this couple has helped make mine and my wife's adjustment go much more smoothly.

Note that I referenced "my" adjustment as well, because it is an adjustment for both parties.  Its a more drastic adjustment for the lady since she is uprooting from culture, country, family, friends, etc.

8.  Oh yeah, we live in a large metropolitan city in Ohio.

Hope this helps...   

[Ray]

My advice:

1. Chose a mature woman who has some experience living on her own.

2. Choose someone who has already shown an interest in and made an attempt to learn English.

3. Choose someone who has a sense of adventure. Someone who sees relocating to another country more as an adventure rather than a scary experience. If she has previously traveled away from home on her own, better still.

4. When she first arrives, try to have two or three weeks off from work to spend time with her 24/7. Make sure you give her the personal safety indoctrination!

5. Don’t go out of your way to expose her only to local Latinos. If she gets too caught up in the Hispanic “sub-culture”, she may never assimilate fully. Instead, introduce her to some nice English-speaking folks who would be helpful in her adjustment.

6. Before she comes over, help her learn all she can about your hometown, family, and friends. If she can get to know some of them before she arrives, it will be very helpful to her.


I didn’t quite understand your question about an ideal location here in the States. Unless you are willing to relocate before she arrives, aren’t you pretty much stuck with having her adjust to your area, at least initially? Where do you live now?

[Anzer]

In the Jacksonville, Fla. metro area. 

[bundy_138]

Good post Looking4wife.  Sounds alot like my novia.  We speak "spanglish" to each other, you know...the mish-mash of both languages.  I try and speak solely in Spanish, but I still have the vocabulary of a 6 year old.  jajajaja    She does the same in English, phone conversations are tough, but when we are together, everything flows normally.

My thoughts exactly about having the Spanish population available, spanish TV, radio, internet and phone access are very helpful.

Hey Anzer, give me a shout.  I live in Jacksonville (at the beach) and my novia should be here (hopefully) late September to late October.  If your going to Colombia, I can give you the ins-and-outs of Cali.  I feel like a pro after my third trip!

Bundy