Should I live with her, and her mother?

[bigstew33]

SO I have been thinking of moving to Barranquilla.  I have talked to my Novia about this.  She keeps mentioning that her mother would like for me to live with her.  Man this just brings thoughts to my head.  I know it's common for Latin people to live with their families.  But I have this thought that the mom will always say bad things about me, or maybe undermine the relationship.  Just my thoughts.  I have no idea if this is true or not.  But has anyone lived with their spouses family?  How is it working out?  I see advantages to it.  But it's that whole mother-in-law stigma I am concerned about. 

[Looking4Wife]

BigStew:

This is NOT the way I would want to start my new life with my wife.

Would you do this in the USA?

Its one thing to "marry" the family in a figurative sense, but its another thing to have them living with you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[pan de bono]

ya..uhuh..thats a good idea live with her and her mother.NOT!

[bigstew33]

Yeah so true.  I know it's a bad idea.  BAD BAD BAD BAD idea.

[jediknight]

i think that you need to fill us in more on what kind of relationship you have with your mother in law and what kind your novia has with her.
for what it's worth, my wife has a fantastic realtionship with her parents and my mother in law will take my side before taking my wifes. my wife has told me that my suegra loves me so much that she'll defend me in whatever til the end, so my relationship with my mother in law is great. i've never felt that she was ever trying to undermine or talk bad about me. quite the contrary.

i've stayed with my wifes family everytime i go there, the longest period being 2 months when we got married. i know i hit the jackpot with my wife but i also did with my new family. they totally respect my space and me and it´s not like they are on their best behavior when i'm there, there is always repect in the house.
this doesn't mean that it is an ideal situation but until we buy our own house or apt, living with them is totally fine. the only thing that gets in the way is when my wife and i are intimate, we are both self consious about making too much noise knowing that others can hear. we end up putting on the tv a little louder than normal to cover the noise, we laugh about it, it's totally cool. but other than that, i like living with the family.

we've been eyeing some property about 10 minutes from where they live, we are both excited because we'll have our own space and be close enough to visit when we are in colombia. you may consider staying with the mom until you find something of your own. i maybe in the minority but i like my new suegros and cuñados.
JK

[sean126]

I'd say my situation is pretty much the same as Jediknight's...with the exception of moving there.  But if I was I don't think I would live with my mother-in-law.  She loves me like I was her own son, but still....married people need to be out on their own.

No offense to your girlfriend what so ever....but one of the things I'd be curious about is the motive.  Only you would know the answer to it, but the possiblity would run through my head is....if I'm living there with her mother, then my girlfriend and her mother would know for certain that the bills would get paid.  Again, don't take offense....but it would depend on how well you know your girlfriend and what you think of the mother.   Even if thats not the case....bad idea.
 

[bigstew33]

good input, and good questions.  Honestly I only met her mother once.  She seemed to like me, and told my novia she likes me.  My girl is worried because she is the only child.  I keep telling her married people should live alone when possible.  But I would love to live with them the next time I visit for about a month.  Man that would just tell you so much about her, and her mother.  But I am Leary of it.  I just feel married people should be alone to start a new family.  I keep joking with my novia that her mother would know when we are trying to make her a grandmother.  Eek thats creepy.

[utopiacowboy]

While I would say that it is common for single adult children to live with their parents, I don't think it is common for married adult children to live with their parents. Maybe if they are really hard up for money. None of my wife's siblings who are married live with their parents.

[jediknight]

it seems that both have been used to living with each other and depending on one another that your suegra is afraid of being alone in every way, physically, financially, emotionally. likewise, your novia might be afraid of the new life she will have as your wife and the responsibilities that come with being married, assuming that you're getting married. i think you should jump on this opportunity to see what kind of mother in law your going to have and what kind of relationship she has with your novia, it could be an eye opener.

before i got married, i was invited to stay with my wife and her family for a total of about 4 months over the course of about 5 trips. during those trips i saw exactly how things are done in the house, who does what, how everyone treated each other and they saw how i was also. it was definitely beneficial to me to see what kind of environement they lived in, how they handled day to day things. if i were you i would live with them for a short period, making it clear that it is temporary until you find your own place. bottom line is that eventually a married couple needs a place of their own.
JK

[Fuzzyone]

SO I have been thinking of moving to Barranquilla.  I have talked to my Novia about this.  She keeps mentioning that her mother would like for me to live with her.  Man this just brings thoughts to my head.  I know it's common for Latin people to live with their families.  But I have this thought that the mom will always say bad things about me, or maybe undermine the relationship.  Just my thoughts.  I have no idea if this is true or not.  But has anyone lived with their spouses family?  How is it working out?  I see advantages to it.  But it's that whole mother-in-law stigma I am concerned about. 

   This is one of the best ways to see if it will work. Your girl will start to act normal so you can see what she is really like.

[Nicks]

My wife and i got our own apt before i even moved to panama, there was NO WAY i was going to live with her family, once married. Soo, for the first two months we lived together my wife spent about 3 hours on the phone with her mom after she came home from work. i let it slide for 2 months, just to see if she stoped by her self, she did not. I very politly asked her if she was married to me, or to her mom. She got the mesage, and only called every 2 days, for 1 hour. Then one day i get a call from mother in law, asking me why she can not talk to her doughter, and why i have prohibited her to call her. After explaining, that i would like to spend some time with my new wife, in a country i dont know, speaking a language which is my third, and in general spend time as a married couple, she still didnt get it. We hardly talked, my mother in law and i for a year. No, almost 10 yeras later, we are very good friends. Once she told me she hated me for being there, kind of ^taking her doughter away from her^, but she also gave me a thumbs up, for having the balls, and say NO to a latin mother in law...

Dont live with mom, if you are married!

nicks

[Looking4Wife]

Nicks:

Great story!  Further proving the point...

[el_ruso]

To sum up: no, it is not a good idea.  Do your best to avoid it.  Even if she likes you, LIVING with her could change that.  Basically, you are supposed to run the household, not her mother, and there will immediately be a contest of will unless she lets you do your thing, or you just succumb to her.

Also, if you date or marry a latina, you also date or marry her mother.  You will be hearing about her mother a LOT, to a point that you will think she actually does live in your house.  Do your best to develop a good relationship with her, because basically you will not be able to ignore her.  But resist moving in with her.

[Parlay Rey]

To sum up: no, it is not a good idea.  Do your best to avoid it.  Even if she likes you, LIVING with her could change that.  Basically, you are supposed to run the household, not her mother, and there will immediately be a contest of will unless she lets you do your thing, or you just succumb to her.

Also, if you date or marry a latina, you also date or marry her mother.  You will be hearing about her mother a LOT, to a point that you will think she actually does live in your house.  Do your best to develop a good relationship with her, because basically you will not be able to ignore her.  But resist moving in with her.

Listen to this man, and listen well.

[Montrealer]

I'm going to echo what some others said.

The mothers house is like Mexico City, a nice place to visit, but definantly wouldn't want to live there.

When I moved down here to BAQ, I spent the first couple weeks at my in-laws house, as well as stayed there during previous visits, and I had no problem.  But living permanantly is a whole different story, no matter if your mother-in-laws is your best friend.  Here's why;

- Not your house, not your rules.
- Intamacy issues
- Always feeling like a guest
- Lack of privacy
- Always being in debt to the mom for letting you live there
- Not being able to walk around naked in your own home
- Sets the mom-in-law for financial trouble when you leave.  She'll get accustomed to you helping out with the bills.

And many more.

Bottom line, don't do it for longer than it needs to be done.

However, and theres always a however, she may want you to move there because the family is traditional in that way, where your girl can't live with you until your married.  If that's the case, then marry her if she's the right one.

Anyways, that's my 4 cents.

[papi]

i would never even consider it...not even for an evening. i get a hotel

[JamesDonut]

Bad Bad Bad idea a million times over.  Especially in a new relationship.  You'll get treated like one of the kids by her mom and you'll end up feeling like your novia is more like a sister.  Put your foot down now and nicely tell your significant other no.  If she throws a fit about it, she's not the one for you.