Looking for some opinions about a situation with a girl i am writing

[garythfla]

I am trying to decide if a girl that I am writing to is serious about me. It would take forever to explain the whole situation but I will try to give some of the background:

1. I met this girl the last time I was in Bogota (last July before I met my now ex-fiance). When we first met we hit it off really well and her body language led me to believe she was into me. The first 4 days I was at the agency she could only see me 2 days. One day she was going to see a friend of hers that was in town that she hadnt seen in a long time and the other day she was "sick". When I saw her the next time she didnt look like or act like she had been sick to me. Anyways, I figured at the time that if she was already choosing her friends over me at this point then she was either: (1) not as serious about me as i first thought...lets face it guys, women can really fool us when they want to,lol. (2) she was trying to balance me with 2 or 3 other guys she was dating or she had a local boyfriend.

This girl is one of the better looking women at the agency I used and I've been to Ukraine twice and Bogota 4 times (once to the agency the other times were to see my now ex-fiance) and one thing was the same in those countries and in america....the really hot ones usually have 4 or 5 guys on a string and/or they are just as high maintenance as american women who are really good looking.

Anyways....this is what was running through my head at the time so I stopped seeing her.

Flash forward about a year later......


Me and the girl I was engaged to broke up...she was a visa w***e in my opinion but thats a horror tale for another time,lol.

Anyways, right after me and her broke up, the first thing I think about is this other girl and the way that things ended between us. I write her a short email and tell her why I did what I did and that I didnt think she was a bad person.

She writes back to me and say basically "don't worry about it, no problem". After that I didnt expect to hear from her again and I forgot about it after that.

Now one month after all this I get a short email from her that says something to the effect of "do you remember me? i would like for us to write to each other again".

I'm not writing to any women right now and I am curious to see if i could have somethng with this girl, so I figured what the heck(she's 30 and I am 35 btw). So I write her a letter and send it to her on the morning of April 5th. She reads it on the 9th of April (I can see through the agencys email system when the girls read the emails).

Although she has read the email, I havent heard back from her yet and I am wondering now again is this girl just stringing me along (along with some other guys). NOW...comes the point I have been building up to,LOL...I have been an impatient bas***d in some past incidences in my life and I have been trying to change that the last few years and I also know in her culture they DO NOT get in a hurry (compared to americans)....
still its hard for me to grasp how if someone is in a MARRIAGE agency and they are serious about finding a husband that they cant find 30 or 45 minutes in one week to shoot off an email. i dont care what anyone says, nobody is THAT busy,lol.

Anyways,I wanted to see what you guys think about this situation....should i just go along with this and see how it plays out? its just emails so i really have nothing to lose. I guess i am trying to figure out if i am being unreasonable in my expectations and just need to relax and see where this goes....if this girl turns out to be a good person (but just an airhead about answering emails)...she would be quite a catch,lol.

Another consideration....i want to be careful with this situation because i dont want to piss away money going to see this girl in Bogota if it isnt going to go anywhere because i am trying to save up to go to Jamies agency agency at the end of the year if everything falls into place financially,lol.

p.s. this girl has a really good job and going to an internet cafe and emailing her isnt a burden for her (I wouldnt be surprised if she has a computer in her home in fact). I have been to several internet cafes in Bogota when I stayed at my ex-fiance's house and I know how much internet cafes in Bogota cost to use.

p.s.s. if any of the agency owners who read these boards see this, i would be very interested to hear your opinions about this based on your observations of these women.

thanks in advance for the advice:)

[sean126]

In the immortal words of Barney Fife....Nip it, Nip it, Nip it!!!!!

Don't waste your time dude. Plain and simple.  You'll just go through a little heartache again.  She could be the next Ms. Colombia and be the most respected woman in South America....I don't think she's the right one for you.  No one's fault....but I think it's a waste of your time and energy.  Don't forget...you can afford to be picky, what you can't afford is to be impatient and Hasty.  Don't pick something up again after you put it down.

[fathertime]

Garythfla,  It does'nt look good.  At first I was going to say, ah what the hell while you are down there look her up and see what happens BUT you are not planning on returning to Bogota and are instead going to BAQ. I would forget about this chica if you are going to BAQ.  If she really gave a shxx, she would have not let this correspondence be so tenuous.  If you and her suddenly started corresponding frequently things could change but as of now, my opinion is move on, and have fun in BAQ.  There will be plenty of attractive girls that will not give you ambiguous signs, assuming you are a decent enough man. 

Fathertime!

[Looking4Wife]

I think the main lesson here is:  don't get too focused on one girl who isn't going overboard to get your attention.

She may have an interest (apparently casual).  She may have had a family crisis arise.  Most people I know with jobs in Colombia work 10-12 hours a day, then they have family obligations after work (moreso than we do in the USA), so she may be in a time crunch.  Who knows? 

One thing I can tell you from experience is that if the girl is crazy about you, she will make time to communciate with you and/or be with you... after hours, after her crises are resolved, but she will make time.

Just because this girl isn't showing evidence that she's "crazy" about you at this point, doesn't necessarily mean she's a bad girl.  Based on the limited info you've shared, it seems your main mode of communication is email rather than telephone.  That certainly has never been the case with any Colombiana I was interested in.

As fathertime said, you're planning to go to BAQ anyway so why waste time on this girl in Bogota who only has a casual interest in you?

Besides I've heard that BAQ has some GORGEOUS women that make EXCELLENT wives... at least that's what sean126 thinks!   

Oh yeah, my wife seems to agree!   

[garythfla]

thanks for the advice. i've learned over the years that it helps sometimes to bounce ideas off of other people.

[jediknight]

great advice here and i agree that if you have your eyes on barranquilla, don't waste your time on someone who is in bogota and not totally into you. my wife is gorgeous and from barranquilla, there are many beautiful women in that city and i ended up marrying one after having dated a few in bogota and cartagena. when i first started communicating with my wife i asked her if i could call her, she said yes and that ended the wait time for emails because i could just speak to her. when someone is interested in you it shows, likewise when they are not, so forget the past and move on to greater opportunities.
JK

[doombug]

When we first met we hit it off really well and her body language led me to believe she was into me.

I'm no Dr. Phil, but if she's hesitating this long in responding to your message, then she isn't really into you. As she only pokes her head up when there's a brief vacancy in her dating schedule, consider yourself relegated to the second fiddle, reserve squad.

Of course, there's always Option B. 

Try tempting her with photos of your sexy toys.

Here. You can borrow some of these:

Your beachfront home:



Your Jag:



Your office:



Your wallet:



Your accountant, Phat I. Cicle:



Your dog, Hemingway:



You, sleeping at your desk as she rambles on in Yahoo! Messenger about how her family can't make ends meet:



Your bird, Freddie Mercury, joining you in solidarity:



Props n' out!

[Dan Las Vegas]

don't waste your time with her, if she was truly into you, she would find a way to make the time to respond to your email.  Cut your losses and move on as you only have limited time in Colombia.

[pan de bono]

good stuff Dommbug, pictures are worth a thousand words.

[utopiacowboy]

Good advice above. She only has a caual interest in you.

[garythfla]

what i dont understand is why they tell you they like you and want to write to you,etc,etc.....and then dont write back to you when you write to them.....

is it because they just want to keep you on a string....like a backup plan or something?

[Frank Rizzo]

Gary, in my experience the colombianas and colombianos say the most flattering things. The women keep commenting on how good looking you are, the men do the same.

It's a very, very warm society but initially superficial. Not to say they do not love as deeply as any other woman. It's just that they (colombians) immediately go to words of how great each other is on the first night or date. It's just how they are.

You know how it goes for a man, tell them the things they want to hear, but make sure for your heart or head not to actually "believe" those things until you have enough time to really know.

You know the deal, it's the way we've done things for 1000's of years.

[fathertime]

what i dont understand is why they tell you they like you and want to write to you,etc,etc.....and then dont write back to you when you write to them.....

is it because they just want to keep you on a string....like a backup plan or something?

Who the hell knows the reason why?  The important thing is to realize that this does happen, OFTEN.  Don’t even concern yourself about it man.  Judging from what you have told us, she would probably have you dancing like a fish on the end of a hook anyway, so who wants to live like that, even if she is Miss Colombia.  I would not even consider myself a “Backup plan” in her eyes. I think, you think that there is some sort of remote chance that circumstances have led to her barely communicating with you.  I say to you, that you are a very low priority and I would not want to be around a woman that does not feel a Certain Spark and real interest not to mention that I would consider it disrespectful to keep such inattentive communication with you.   Maybe you are a future potential financial target, but like I said, who the hell knows. Head out to BAQ, and you will quickly forget about her.  When you look back, your only regret will be that you devoted any brainpower to someone who showed you very little consideration in return. Good luck!

Fathertime!    

[EbonyPrince]

In the immortal words of Barney Fife....Nip it, Nip it, Nip it!!!!!

Don't waste your time dude. Plain and simple.

My words exactly.  She could be peeling you off an email while she is writing someone else at the internet cafe with her remaining time.  I personally feel that if she isn't making an effort to stay in frequent contact with you, she is a waste of time.  Now if I happened to be in Bogota, I would give her a call.  I however wouldn't waste money going to see her. 

You will have a much better time and a better chance for success in BAQ.

[Ricardo]

I've had similar experiences, and anyone of us here on PL who have spent significant time in Colombia and LA has had them too. 
My advice to you:  put your energy into 'developing' other prospects.  You'll be pleasantly surprised, maybe, how quickly you'll stop longing for her emails.  It's pretty obvious that she's not interested.  Save yourself the heartache.  As we like to say here on PL - "proxima". 
Flaky women in Colombia - just part of the process.  Don't take it to heart.  And, Suerte! 
Ricardo

[valleydude]

Looks like everyone has hit the nail on the head, but if you would like some encouragement, I do think that this sort of thing can  progress, but it won't until you meet her in person.

Some of these girls keep themselves in check until you meet them; which is totally understandable, but even at that point do you really want a chick that started off on these terms? She is the type that will be 2 hours+ late for everything, and her dad will die about 6 times until you realise that she is not the one.

After you play these games a while they all start to became a novelty. Until then, don't try to make sense of it. Just don't deny yourself the truth which is: Yep... she is keeping you on a string.
Or if you prefer, F**king with you, playing games, not serious, doesn't know what she wants, crazy, etc... (which ever works for you)

I think one of the most important things to learn in this whole process is knowing when to move on. I wish I had learned that a lot sooner than I did. Besides time, it can save lots of money too!

VD

[bundy_138]

During the "courting" period, my novia emailed me EVERYDAY.  She would be mad if she didn't see an email from me on a daily basis.  She also calls me from her cell phone if I have not called her by a specific time.  (Thats expensive for her) 

All in all, if she is not trying to get your attention, she is probably not fully into you. 

Bundy

[Kiltboy1]

I would have to say cut her from the team or try a different approach. When my wife and i were dating, i took a " I AM GOING TO PLAY HARD TO GET " role and reversed the normal rules, because i learned from past mistakes, A Latin woman can smell when i guy is really really interested and can sometimes take advantage of that. So, i basically told my wife, i like you, but i have many other options from many woman that are always trying to contact me , but i like you the best, but i am not going to always be the one making the emails or calls, Well, that just drove her crazy and thus, i never had that problem again. Maybe try that with her and see if she gives you more attention. If not, then my man, she is just not interested.

KB

[garythfla]

you guys told me what i needed to know.....all i wanted to get a feel for is if i was over-reacting or not.

as far as i am concerned when a girl goes over....a couple of days... without answering me then she gets marked off the list. its too easy to meet a girl in colombia to have to put up with any bull***t.

like i said....i just wanted to make sure i wasnt having unreasonable expectations about when she should answer me.

[papi]

sounds to me like you got the correct advice. I was shocked to learn that my novia's brother was dating a cheek kisser for 4 months! So even the latinos can't figure out some of these colombianas. You will know when they are into you

[garythfla]

its getting harder to get motivated to go back over there to colombia. great country but i have pi**ed away alot of money on this little endeavor the last 2 years and have absolutely NOTHING to show for it.

i always laugh when guys say..."oh this is cheaper than american women",lol....i have NEVER spent this much money on american women.

[papi]

Gary, I hear you...and have felt the same many times throwing in the towel only to return later and try again. Guys who tell you it is easy are full of mierda in my opinion. Many of these women are gold-diggers, flaky, scammers, unreliable, etc. They also are clueless on the time, money and risk we take. It can be an excruciating and frustrating process. I know several guys with game that gave up or are struggling with the project.

On the other hand, some of these women are a dream come true with traditional qualities you won't find in an American women besides being sexy and beautiful. If you are inclined to try again, the best advice I can give is to work the internet and develop a few solid relationships before you go. Then use the agencies/tours as backup.

Good luck whichever way you go....but as Pete used to tell me, you are probably spoiled for life

[soltero]

you guys told me what i needed to know.....all i wanted to get a feel for is if i was over-reacting or not.

as far as i am concerned when a girl goes over....a couple of days... without answering me then she gets marked off the list. its too easy to meet a girl in colombia to have to put up with any bull***t.

like i said....i just wanted to make sure i wasnt having unreasonable expectations about when she should answer me.

My amiga and I communicate almost everyday. We have done so for the almost  2years we have been dating. Honestly, I don't have to talk to her everyday and every now and then I try to skip a day or two. When we first started talking, if I missed a day, she would call, send me emails, worried sick that something had happened to me and wanting to know if I was ok. Sweet, but a little overboard. Now, I know that if I hit 3 days without calling her, she will be getting in touch with me without fail.

Point being, if they don't let you know you are important to them, you probably aren't. I have kissed plenty of frogs to get to that understanding and my princess charming.

Good advice given here by all...

[papi]

I have kissed plenty of frogs to get to that understanding and my princess charming.

Amen!

[fathertime]

its getting harder to get motivated to go back over there to colombia. great country but i have pi**ed away alot of money on this little endeavor the last 2 years and have absolutely NOTHING to show for it.

i always laugh when guys say..."oh this is cheaper than american women",lol....i have NEVER spent this much money on american women.

Garythfla,  I don't think it is any less expensive than dating American women, especially if you are not dating anyone at all.  If you have good options in the U.S., I would go for it.  Personally, I never care about the money part of it, since the reason I make money, is to spend a lot of it, and spending  money on women or a woman is ok with me.  In regards to having nothing to show for it, you might be surprised if you think about that some.  Maybe you have something to show for it that you don't realize, even if it is just a dream at this point.  Some fellas have been to Latin America many times before they found the right woman and right up to the moment before they found her, they could say they "Had nothing to show for it".  I think you should try to be more positive about this 'Search' since at this moment that is all you have...
Good luck man!

Fathertime!