virgins vs mommy

[fathertime]

It is a shame that it sometimes takes a child for a woman to grow up and understand responsibility, but it shows more responsibility (to me) for a woman to avoid the necessity of being a mother to find her good sense.

To be perfectly Earnest (Borgnine) http://www.mir.com/Cognobology/lil-borgnine.jpg I think the timing is great for a gal to Become responsible while pregnant and thereafter.  I believe the order of things should be
1) Child First
2) Marriage...additional children optional
3) Divorce...also optional
4) Permanant remarriage to Mr Right

Heck you miss all the early volatile steps and just step right in as the titular head of family.  The hero factor will allow you to live in comfort as an obese, studly slob, thats the best part.  Who the hell wants to put the effort in to be a hardbody at our age anyway!

[jm21-2]

If the child is unmarried and meets the age requirements, the American citizen spouse can petition a stepchild as if it were his own child. There would be no waiting for a visa number and only the I-130 processing time would be applicable.

In the case where the visa applicant chooses not to bring the child with her or have the child follow within a year, that is what would normally be the procedure to bring the child over later.

Ah, didn't know you could petition for a stepchild as your own. Makes sense.

Ruso: I can't understand a young girl who doesn't want children either. I can understand not wanting them while young, but never? If I heard that from a girl in a poor country, I would instantly think scam. A young girl who just wants "hot" sex with some old guy? Sounds more than a bit suspicious to me. Maybe if he was rich and she was waiting for him to kick the bucket.

[Jeff S]

I agree with you completely in your assessment of the single mom, but where I find difficulty is in is it worth it to take in the anklebiter because mom has now found good sense out of necessity? If I was able to dodge that bullet up unti this point, I don't see anything that would make me give up and just accept responsibility for someone else's screw up at this late date no matter whether they learned from it or not.

My wide was married when her child was born. She's been divorced for seven years when I came along.

- Jeff

[el_ruso]

FT,

I am glad you are back.  I don't think marrying a woman with a kid makes me a "hero".  I don't want to be viewed as one.  All I did was I met a woman who made me happy and that made me to fall in love with her.  She has a child, so...  what.  Plus I frankly really liked the kid.  I just don't go around with a checklist: this woman meets requirements A, B, C, but fails D - not interested.  If I like a woman, I like her.  If I don't, I don't.  As I have said above, I do have certain requirements, but they are based on the girl's personality that directly affects viability of a potential relationship with her.

Paps,

you still have not answered my question.  Regardless, once again, I am not insisting that you "breed" (your own words).  The point to life is to have a loving family, live it with someone who loves you, raise kids, see as much of the world as possible, have good friends.  There is no reason you can't have lots of sex while doing it.

[Christopher]

I don't really view having a child as a "screwup", even if the relations between the child's parents did not work out.  I did not purposefully seek a woman with a kid, and I doubt anyone does.  But as I have said I believe the potential advantages outweigh the potential negatives.  When you pick a girl, there are always pros and cons, and if a child is something you can't accept, I don't blame you or judge you.  It is indeed a great responsibility. 

For me what I would NOT accept are substance dependency (drugs, alcohol, etc), excessive involvement with religion, lack of desire to have children and a liberal view on abortions.  If I were dating a woman, and found out she had one, unless it was a rape or a medical concern, I would leave her, even if she were Miss Universe.  Or for that matter if she stated that she thinks they should be allowed on demand whenever. 

Well, and the obvious things like propensity to violence, manifest dishonesty, manipulation, dislike of her or my family, lack of respect.

I agree with the above 100%.

I dated a woman who had an abortion once, and she was royally screwed up.  She was also excessively into religion, probably because in part of the abortion and she could not reconcile reality.

[Christopher]

The point to life is to have a loving family, live it with someone who loves you, raise kids, see as much of the world as possible, have good friends.  There is no reason you can't have lots of sex while doing it.

With respect, and I realize this was not directed at me, but this is solely your opinion.  There is much, much more to life than raising kids.  In fact, you listed a lot of it right there! 

[papi]

I truly go crazy over kids. I love them. I just dont want any at 47. I'd like a wife and a dog...that will suit me fine

[utopiacowboy]

"I don't see anything that would make me give up and just accept responsibility for someone else's screw up at this late date no matter whether they learned from it or not."

As I have pointed out before a significant number of the single mothers in Colombia are widows. And as I have also pointed out, I think they have learned from their husbands' deaths - relationships are precious and you've got to savor every moment.

[Christopher]

Speaking solely for myself, I don't view a single mom under much of any circumstances as a screw-up.

But I think it would be very, very hard for me to deal with all that.  I view kids as an additional challenge and an additional stress on a relationship, which is already profoundly difficult as it is.

YMMV.

[Frank Rizzo]

That's the point El Ruso, "Plus I frankly really liked the kid."

If you have a girl with children very young, that can adapt to you then you are in real good shape. Or you really like the kids and there is a separate chemistry between you and the child(ren) it can work. That is by FAR the most important thing in my book.

On another note, the mother (regardless of how good looking) must be completely over joyed (no idea how to spell that one) with the fact that you have come into not just her life but the life of her children. Good for you!

[Jeff S]

Yes, and if the ratio of the kid's height to the age is right and if the mother does this and if a snake had hips and a chicken had lips....

But when a little girl hops on your lap and says "Daddy, daddy, daddy, can we go to the beach?" It suddenly doesn't matter if she's 6 or 16 or whether her mother's actions were 76% or 83% on some arbritrary grading scale, all that crap goes right out the window as your big macho heart melts into a bowl of quivering jello.

- Jeff

[Frank Rizzo]

Good point Jeff. There is definately the heart factor. I've dated a girl with a very young daughter. I wouldn't do it again, but I loved that girl (her daughter) and you're right a kid can melt a heart of a man.

I've got my own child and it's the same, man I love kids.

[jm21-2]

Yes, and if the ratio of the kid's height to the age is right and if the mother does this and if a snake had hips and a chicken had lips....

But when a little girl hops on your lap and says "Daddy, daddy, daddy, can we go to the beach?" It suddenly doesn't matter if she's 6 or 16 or whether her mother's actions were 76% or 83% on some arbritrary grading scale, all that crap goes right out the window as your big macho heart melts into a bowl of quivering jello.

- Jeff

Jeff, I have to say, you probably give the best advice on this board. I'm also looking into the possibility of building my own boat so you get extra points, hahaha. Any plans for a sailing, hydrofoiling trimaran with forward-swept amas?

[zappa]

Must we be careful of profiles (dating agencies) where the girl say they are virgins? or love sex?
And when they are in bikini photo, or their breasts are falling out of a shirt that is too small  .
Are These girls serious? Or is it only their way to be in the life without any preconceits, due to the tropical weather  ?