8 Year Anniversary

[sawyer1370]

I wanted to post since my wedding anniversary to my wife from Cali is coming up next week.  I joined Latin Connection back in ’97.  I know a lot of people who have been around the whole foreign wife thing a while will remember that Ed Beckwidth had the most popular and successful agency in Colombia.  I wanted to post here and let people know it is possible to find the woman of your dreams.  I used to post at TwoGringos a lot back in the day, but I’m not paying for a membership I bought years ago to keep posting.  So here I am.

I went down in September of ’98 for 2 weeks.  I met my wife the second day I was there at one of the parties.  I thought there was something special about her after spending the whole time at the party talking with her.  She spoke pretty good English.  And between my poor Spanish, and her pretty good English, we were able to get to know one another.

Since it was my second day, I didn’t want to just give in the second day, so I told her I would call her in a few days.  I went dancing that night with a bunch of ladies, and a few of the guys.  I spent the rest of the weekend meeting with all the ladies I made appointments with.  I did a lot of soul searching before I went, and spent a lot of time writing notes to myself about what I was looking for, some of the tips I got off some of the forums and other helpful info.   I met a lot of nice ladies, a few were almost 10’s in the looks department.  Many didn’t catch my interest as soon as I sat down to talk with them.  I did meet some ladies that sparked a bit of interest. 

After 3 days of meeting plenty of ladies, and getting the attention of a Rock Star, I realized that there was even more that made the lady I met on my second day special.  To make a long story short, I spent the next week with only her, and was able to easily confirm she was the woman I had dreamed of.

I went home and told my family and friends I met the woman of my dreams, and most were skeptical.  I didn’t care because with every phone call and email, I realized even more she was all I could have hoped for and so much more.

I went back down in November to visit my new lady, and stayed with her at her house.  I spent a week with her and her family.  Staying with her and her family really helped me see into what made her the person she is.  That really proved to be helpful later on during our marriage.  I proposed, she accepted, and her parents gave the ok (after her mother tried talking me out of it for 2 hours explaining I didn’t know how difficult she could be).

I came home and filed for the visa.  We got luck and received the ok within 3 months.  She came to live with me at the end of January.  I won’t lie, the first year was by far the hardest!  Dealing with things like the adjustment to the culture, her not having any friends, her being homesick, etc.  There were times I didn’t know if we would make it.  The thing we kept going back to is how much we loved each other.  That is the thing we always have gone back to for the past 8 plus years.

We have two beautiful children, and my wife recently graduated from Nursing School, finishing second in her class, and is currently an RN.

The whole process was a lot of work, and very challenging at times.  But I have a beautiful wife, who turns heads everywhere we go.  She works hard trying to keep me happy, and is a great wife and mother.

I just wanted to share my story to let people know it’s possible.  I know in these types of forums, there aren’t too many people that come back and share their success stories years later, and I wanted to do that.

Pics of the family
http://www.laringdesign.com/family_pics.html

Regards,
Larry

[william3rd]

Hearthfelt Congratulations on your success!!!!! You have it all!!!

[sean126]

Sawyer,

I liked your post and I especially liked reading the part about your first year of marriage being the hardest.  I'm crossing that bridge right now.  Married one year now.  I'm glad to hear that it gets easier.
Your family is very beautiful and your a very lucky man...and so are they.  Best wishes to you and I hope you will continue posting here.

[daytrader]

Hey Larry;

Thx for the wonderful post, the pixs of your family are great!  You and your gal triumped because of hard work, common values, your love for each other, perseverance and ignoring the negative nabobs.  Your kids are wonderful!  God Bless! 

DayTrader

[Looking4Wife]

Larry:

Fantastic post!  Thanks for sharing your story and the photos.  You have a beautiful looking family!

NOTE: I used to post on gringos.com also, but the poor quality/negative content of late certainly doesn't justify a membership fee.  It's not the minimal cost, it's the principle, but I digress...

My wife is from Barranquilla and we are almost finished trudging through the quagmire of the CR-1 Visa process.  Just curious what type of visa you guys did?

Also I appreciate what you mentioned about the relationship challenges due to the adjustments the wife is being face with, being uprooted from her home/country/culture and being transplanted into ours.  Although I'm sure we will experience a lot of joy once we are together, I know that there will be many "adjustment issues" as well.

What advice would you give to other couples on making the transition go more smoothly for the wives?

And/or knowing what you now know, what you have done differently to help your wife's transition go more smoothly?

[Ray]

         


   Happy Anniversary!

       

[sawyer1370]

Thanks all for the kind words.  The first year was the hardest, and there were times I didn't know if we would make it.  It is a huge adjustment given the culture, language, being so far away from home and family.  We all know how important family is to the Latin culture.

But marriage takes a lot of work regardless.  And throwing kids into the mix, it just gets more challenging.  The thing is, most Latina's are going to bail on you when the going gets tough, and they put their husband and family first.

I'm a very lucky guy, and I wouldn't have done it any other way.  I'm glad I realized that I didn't think I could get all I wanted in a wife and marriage from the typical American woman early.  I met my wife when I was 28.  So being down in Cali and being the youngest guy, it was like I was a rock star.  Many guys I think get caught up in that whole vibe, and it would be easy to do.  You really need to do a lot of self studying before you commit to this whole thing.  Most of us get these dreamy ideas of how it would be if a beautiful lady loved us.  Well there is so much more to it than that.  I just wish more people realized that and were realistic about things.

I wish others have the same success and find the same level of happiness I have.

[blockbuster]

What do you mean by realistic? Are you trying to say most gringos involved in this aren't.

 I'd love to have your wife's take on this whole thing. What does she think about most gringos going to Colombia? Does she feel they are realistic? I'd love to hear the take from a Colombiana who has lived here for awhile. Would she or any of the girls she knows find it normal to have large age gaps?  Are the agencies blowing smoke up our butt??So many questions.

[catz]

Are the agencies blowing smoke up our butt??

Doesn't Ray have an emoticon for this? 

sawyer,

 Huge congratulations here! 8 years is a success no matter where you are from and with an international marriage it is even more than that. Here's to the next 8! May they be more fulfilling and happy than the last 8.

Catz

[sawyer1370]

Well her take on guys going there to find ladies that are interested in relationships isn't a big deal, I mean she married me right!?  The age gap for her is kinda a bigger deal.  I am 4 years older, which isn't a big deal.  She personally feels that anything more than about 10 years can (but not always) lead to issues.  If you are 50 and want a 25 year old lady, are you being realistic?  I say no.  Most latin women want children, and do you want to be starting a family at 50?  I know I wouldn't.  I have two young kids, and I wouldn't do it all over again in another 10-15 years.

Most of the guys we saw during my trips had been divorced 2 or more times, and I didn't think they had any idea what marriage was about, or had any idea as to what it would take to have a successful and lasting relationship.  But you are asking my wife's take on this.  She felt sorry for guys like that, cuz they just will never get it, no matter where they are going to find a lady.

My take on things made me different than most of the guys that were there during my trip.  I was 10 years younger than most guys being 28.  I had never been married before, but knew I didn't want the hassles of a materialistic woman.  Even my sister is guilty of things I just wasn't willing to settle for in a relationship.  My wife doesn't have many friends.  One reason is because the few times she has gone out with some American women to clubs for a girls night out, she comes home and tells me how they were flirting with guys just to get free drinks.  Or she was embarrassed by their behavior.  I know my wife would never cheat on me unless I did something that drove her to take that action. 

Yes the agencies are blowing some smoke, but you have to take everything you hear, including the stuff I'm saying, with a grain of salt.  Some women will do anything to get out, and I can't say as I blame them.  The options for my wife were basically either marry a guy, knowing he was either going to cheat, be abusive or both.  Become a married man's girlfriend and become the trophy woman who lives in an apartment and have everything paid for by him, knowing that in a year or two or more, she would be put to the curb like yesterday's garbage.  Go to school overseas and try and do something from there, which is what she was working towards when she met me.  She had most of the stuff done to go to school in Italy.  Or join an agency and try and find a decent man.

Now we all know there are ladies there you need to be careful of, but on the other hand, there are guys who go down just to play and take advantage of the situation.  It's a tough call for both sides, and it can be a challenge navigating your way through such dangerous waters.

I'm willing to field any questions people might have, and am willing to include my wife's take on things.  Keep in mind, I have been out of the loop for going on 9 years now.  The whole agency thing has changed so much in that time.  None of the agencies that were around when I went through this are even around any more.

[Patrick]

Congratulations Larry,

Your family looks great.  Your advice about being realistic is spot on IMHO.  I wish more guys looking for foreign wives were realistic.

Patrick

[blockbuster]

 By the way, your wife and family look great.

 I agree with you on the 50 year olds who want 25. Not a good idea, especially if they already are divorced with kids. Doing it again is rough. Life is to be enjoyes after a certain age and raising kids takes los of drive,energy and commitment.

   So many guys are looking for arm-candy,but ignore the fact the arm-candy would not even go near them if they were not in desperate situations. If you want a marriage, you look into the charecter of the woman even moreso than her appearance.An average woman can be "beautiful" to a man if he feels like a King with her as she puts his needs first and treats him like gold.

. A beautiful woman can look plain to a man after a few years if he feels he lives to be her servant and provide all her wants,while she only takes notice when he does for her,but rarely treats him like her king.

[Looking4Wife]

I'm willing to field any questions people might have, and am willing to include my wife's take on things.

Larry:

What advice would you give to other couples on making the transition go more smoothly for the wives?

And/or knowing what you now know, what you have done differently to help your wife's transition go more smoothly?

Thanks in advance...

[sawyer1370]

Well I think the transition will depend on the individuals involved.  My wife felt very guilty (and still does at times) leaving her family, since she basically ran the house hold.  I would say expect a trip every 18-24 months, and budget for it.  Get the parents/family travel visa's so they can come and visit.  Set the family up with a computer and a camera, so you can use MSN or other things to chat and be able to see each other.  Get vonage, so the calls are much less expensive.  Beats buying the calling cards.

Set expecations on how much money will be sent back to support the family.  I told my wife none of our money would be sent back.  If we were raising a family, then that money had to be used for our family (college fund, vacations, retirement).  The family back in Latin American made their beds, sorry to sound harsh but that is the truth of the matter in my eyes.

Try and find other Latins in the community.  This didn't help me because my wife is shy and not very outgoing.  She has never had a lot of friends, so she doesn't socialize much.  But be careful, because women when they get together can be vicious, and I have seen some relationships suffer because of this factor.

Don't even try to understand the difference in culture.  I tried the first 2-3 years, and I just gave up.  There are things you will never understand about it, and the same goes for the ladies involved.  Just know that the difference in culture is much bigger than you can imagine, and it will impact your relationship on a regular basis. 

Understand some of the things that come from the culture, like hot tempers, jealousy, dedication to family, etc.  All of those will play a factor.  Go with the flow as much as you can in that regard.  I still hate seeing my wife get so upset over stuff I think is small, especially concerning me.  But it blows over in a day.

Then just understand that regardless of culture, men and women are very very different.  We think and reason completely differently.  Women are very emotional, and Latin women more so than American women.  Men take the shortest path to deal with things, and women deal with things with emotion. 

Read up on things like Men are from Mars and some other books.  I know it may sound silly, but man it makes a difference.

Make sure you both have a lot in common with issues like money, raising children, hobbies, lifestyle, etc.  My wife and I are very active, and love to stay fit.  I couldn't be with a woman who wasn't.  We are both morning people, she is up at 4:30 most days because of the schedule, and there is always stuff to be done, and I'm up early too.

Lastly, we have based everything on three key principles that have gotten us through the most difficult times.  We always communicate, even when it is hard to do so.  We always stick together, we are the home team and everyone is against us type thinking.  And always remember that we love each other, and why we fell in love with each other.  The times we get to go away for a weekend without the kids, or have a date night, we have the most fun together.  We recently went to Vegas for a long weekend together.  We had as much fun together as when we first met.

There are tons of other little things, but I think you get the picture.  It's a lot of hard work, but any relationship is.  Their are pro's and con's with having a Latin non-American wife.  The pro's should outweigh the cons ten fold, if you have found the right women for you.

[Ray]

Are the agencies blowing smoke up our butt??

Doesn't Ray have an emoticon for this?

Well, sort of...

[sean126]

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

After laughing, crying, coughing, farting and being able to catch my breath I can say....

THAT'S ONE OF YOUR BEST RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rpcv]

Excellent post and great advice Sawyer1370!

[catz]

Ray,
 
 I just knew I could count on you to find something.... appropriate! 

Catz

[papi]

where does he come up with this stuff? Same goes for Doombug

[Ray]

where does he come up with this stuff? Same goes for Doombug

A:     

[Parlay Rey]

Wow man, 8 years is awesome! Congratulations to you and your beautiful family.

[markanthony7]

Congratulations Sawyer! as an agency owner in general people have a tendency to only focus on the negative issues and failed relationships with regards to international marriage, the biggest problem that I have as an agency owner is that a lot of people that have success with a foreign brides or marriage suppress this knowledge and truth and selfishly wont share it with others so others can be encouraged, personally I feel that it is selfish to value your privacy more than some one else that might have had the same problematic dilemma that many men endure when seeking for love and romance in America, any way the horror stories all ways seem to get the most media attenion and notoriety, there could be 99 success stories but people will only publicize the one that went bad

[sawyer1370]

MarkAnthony, yeah I know what you mean.  When I started thinking about the whole process way back when, I wanted to talk with some guys that had been married a few years, to really see how things were after the honeymoon period.  I want everyone to know that it takes a ton of work to have a successful relationship, but that is regardless of the woman you marry.  The benefit with a Latin wife is if you love her, are honest and trustworthy, she will do everything to make you happy. 

I don't envy you being an agency owner.  I got to know Ed Beckwidth a little bit, and got to know a few other owners.  Man what a thankless job, and there isn't much money in it when you factor everything into it.  I wish you luck!

[Dan Las Vegas]

wow 8 years, congratulations and you have a beautiful family!!! It was great reading your story and I hope that I have the same good fortune as you.

Dan

[sean126]

I put JM21-2's comments under a new topic heading....."Questions about Latinas".  It kinda drifted onto a whole different subject and I thought It would be a good, whole new thread.  Papi's response to it is there also.
I thought it had the makings of a good starter thread.