juggling act

[papi]

i have 3 serious plays, 2 in lima and 1 in a small town in colombia. age 21, 26, 28

i still dont know how to juggle this...all 3 work for me so far. plus new potentials drop in daily. the 21 y/o make me nuts...she is a dream. the other two are also wonderful. we chat for hours...it is becoming a full time job. i must admit i got it wrong before on the spanish thing unless a guy really has beginners luck which does happen. i am fluent with the chatting, occasionally stumbling on a word

[chizz]

I also was wrestling with this dilema also, about how to tell a chica that you want to see other chicas. One girl I was talking with threw a fit on the phone, and had me wondering if she had some "anger" issues. However, there is one girl I am particularly interested in, but I got burned before with the "going to colombia to see one chica" thing. (Turned out she was a model used to get me to come to Latinencounters by margareth, but that's another story, i told before). Back to the present, This one chica I am taking a serious liking to, has her profile on a agency and  I noticed it had recently been updated. I asked her, how did that happened. She said the agency wanted to know if she still wanted to be in the agency, and she said yes. Boo-yah!! She gave me an opening. So i said to her, "the agency wanted to know if you were still interested in staying in the agency, correct?" She said yes. I then said " They asked you this while you and I were getting to know each other, and talked about meeting in colombia, right?" She said yes. I then said, "So basically you are unsure if you and i are going to work out, that's why you said yes, correct?" She said yes. I then said, "Well, this is what i've been trying to tell you, there's no way you or I know if we're going to work out, and for me to come over 3000 miles to see you, and if we do not work out, then my trip would be wasted, so just like you're unsure if we're going to work out, Im just as unsure, that's why i should meet other women also. Im not going down there to sleep around, i can get that here, im going down there to meet someone to spend the rest of my life with, it might be you or it might not be, but just like you, I need to keep my options open"
She agreed with me. I could see in the web cam she didn't really like it to much, but she completely understood. Things are still going good, so maybe she might be the one, but now at least i have options.
chizz

[valleydude]

I'll definitely let you know if I ever find a way.
I can juggle them online a little bit, while I narrow it down, but for a visit, I can't seem to pull it off. I think the best way, is to keep a little distance with all of them from the get go. After it starts crossing over and becoming more personal is when the difficulties start.

To some of them, once you start exchanging pictures of the family is when they actually believe they have introduced you to the family. Now let the guy try and tell her that he is going to meet other girls.

How do you tell a girl you are going to visit her and others, after you have been
chatting/camming for 3 hours daily I think that's where an agency is good.
Everyone is supposedly looking for marriage from the get go and seem to respect the process. I think that is why Bundy's girls are cool with it.

On the amigo's type websites the girl may have just started looking for a friend and now she thinks the guy is "the one". I had a pretty good handle on this visit. I swore I wasn't going to go and only meet one girl, but it's starting to look like I just may be doing that again, because they just don't get it. I am not expecting anything but a friendly hug upon meeting, but once you tell them you are going to meet a girl besides them it kills most of what you got going. They assume the man is doing this because he is a player looking to sleep around, which is totally understandable.

I think UC said he only went to meet his wife, but what about KB?
Did you ( KB ) only go and meet one girl from cybercupido in your last couple of voyages?

VD

[valleydude]

That is a good point!

I forgot about those open doors.
I had that door once and didn't really utilize it like I should have.

That is the first I saw about your LE experience. With something like that, I still can't see how difficult it is for these girls to understand? Ahhh!

VD

[sean126]

Yeah, this would be a problem.  If you lined up, say 3 women in Cali and told each one your coming in Mon., Tues., and Wednesday, then the first girl you met on Monday is going to be thinking..."What's wrong with this guy?  He spent all this money to come here and I haven't seen him for two days."  or she will be thinking you don't really like her (if in fact you do).  Then another problem you run into with going to multiple cities is that she will be thinking you came all this way just for 4 or 5 days?  Because she/they don't know you will be in a different city for 4 or 5 more days.   Papi's situation (and possibly others) is unique because he can spend more than a week or two in one spot and then hit the next city, but for the regular joe, I'd say pick one city.  If you don't and she don't know what your actually doing then she'll think you have money out the ying-yang because all she knows and sees is you hoping on a plane, spending 2 or 3 days with her and then your gone.

On the other hand, you tell them the truth....and you may lose a few good ones before you even get to meet them.  No one likes competition and I can see their point and I'm sure more than a few would think your just on a sex hunt, even when your not, if you disclosed everything.

I've had several of Chizz's experiences with women.  They never see my point and act illogical UNTIL the shoe is on the other foot.  I personally think most women act stupid and illogical on purpose many times, just to get their way and to bully us in their own little way.

I'd say the higher in age you go, your chances would be better at telling them the WHOLE truth and not have them freak out and not want to meet you.  But what do I know?  For 3 days I thought Papi was calling me stupid until I realized what his kiss principle was...K.I.S.S.  (keep it simple stupid)  maybe I am...it took me 3 days to figure it out LOLOLOLOOL.

[Looking4Wife]

With an agency, it is presumed that the man is meeting multiple women, and that the women may be meeting multiple men via the agency.

So... why not establish this from the "git-go" when cruising for chicas online?

From the 1st or 2nd contact establish up front (in Spanish of course):

"I am on this website because I am ultimately looking for a wife.  I am planning to travel to (desired country) within x months.  In the meantime, I expect to chat with several girls as friends before I go, and then visit several girls when I go to see if there is any chemistry for a more serious relationship.  You seem like a good person to get to know..."

From reading the postings on this topic, it seems like people are trying to introduce this into the equation after the fact, when it should probably be done up front to reduce confusion.

Buena Suerte...

[daytrader]

Sean - On the other hand, you tell them the truth....and you may lose a few good ones before you even get to meet them.

I disagree.  The "good ones" will be confident you will make the right choice.  If she doesn't respect your rights as a single guy to make your own choices then she will likely be a bitch after she has your ring, your car, your credit cards, your furniture, your laptop, etc. 

Looks aren't everything, character IS everything. 

DayTrader 

[sean126]

DT,
I totally agree with you that the good ones with be confident you will make the right choice and that her character is everything.  I almost wrote also... that the mature ones would understand....then I remembered we was talking about "women". LOL.  (that's a joke of course) 
I was looking at it from a woman's perspective, or trying to.  You have a guy that you don't know, who says he likes you and wants to come and see you but he's also going to see 3 or 4 other women.  Some will understand and some will think..."oh, he's a player"  type of thing....which I can understand WHY they would think that.  This is maybe a better explaination about the few good ones I was talking about.  Although they aren't as popular as the younger ones....I would think the older ladies, 30+ would understand better as a whole, than say the women who are in their early twenties.

But I can see your point and I agree for the most part. 

[Jeff S]

I personally think most women act stupid and illogical on purpose many times, just to get their way and to bully us in their own little way.

I totally agree with you Sean on the first part, that women "act stupid and illogical on purpose many times" but not on the second part. IMO they do it to test you - to see how you react. If you get flustered or collapse into a needy wussbag trying to make sure you don't offend them, you lose, and they write you off as a long term lover - though maybe not as a sugar daddy. If, on the other hand, you handle it in stride and come off as cool, confident manly type and maybe make a teasing joke about how their bratty behavior is losing them points, you win, and their attraction to you multiplies.

[sean126]

Jeff,
LOLOLOLOL you couldn't be more right.  Unfortunately I didn't find my "coolness" until after about 3 and half years of hitting a dry spell and being alone.  Wow, that was a long time, but I was able to re-group.

I would tend to go with Looking4wife's and DT's paths.  Honesty would be the way to go.  If nothing else, you wouldn't have to worry about bumping into one of the other girls and have her think your a liar AND a player.  It's kinda hard to explain the truth and get credibility back once you get busted.

[Jeff S]

Oh I wasn't implying you lie or try to keep it a secret - just keep your cool if she throws a hissy fit. When she gives you face about someone else, just give her a wry smile and say something like, "Don't worry, you're still in the running.......... that is if you don't blow it now."

[papi]

Chica: he decidido desactivar mi cuenta en latincupido  estas deacuerdo???

[utopiacowboy]

I only went to see one at a time. I corresponded with a Mexicana that I met twice, once in Monterrey and once in Aguascalientes. I liked her a lot and she was very attractive but I just couldn't see her as my wife. We are still friends though and correspond from time to time. After that I started writing to the woman who became my wife, a woman that I couldn't and still can't get enough of. 

[Cachaco]

I think it depends on the woman, how she will react when told you want to visit other women too, but I agree you should make it clear from the beginning.

I have been talking to one girl for about 5 months, but didn't tell her from the start that I was also talking to others - bad mistake. When I did tell her, she was very pissed and almost broke it off. However, she finally accepted that I had a right to do that since there is nothing serious between until we meet in person and decide that we could have a future together... but she did imply that she thought I was going down there to play and maybe wasn't really serious about finding a wife. We'll see what develops.

The other  women I want to see are okay with it, but I told them early on that they were not the only one. All are in different cities, I don't want any unfortunate encounters... and I met all these ladies on websites. Papi is right, there is gold in those sites, except amigos, which didn't work for me either.

[papi]

Papi is right, there is gold in those sites, except amigos, which didn't work for me either.

papi is right about a lot of things...

it only took 6 years, struggling to learn a new language, $200K, FF miles, hotels, taxis, pizzas and a visa dodger.

[valleydude]

We got all kinds of good info in these past few posts.
I guess probably the best thing is just tell them up front for the man to stand his ground. The only thing is one ends up catching your attention and things begin getting personal.

I have one that we are waiting entirely on the "in person chemisty" and one other that believe it will only get better in person. I really like both of these girls and they both are probably the best ones I have found in the past few years. There personalities are different, but they both score major points in great ways. Before I find one that I like, I usually go through 1,000's of girls, now I got two that I am interested in.

I think I made my decision tonight and this is what I am going to do... I'm think I am just going to go and make two trips if needed. They are in Cartagena and Barranquilla. This would be an easy one to pull off in one visit if I wanted to start creating the stories, but it just isn't my style, so two trips it is.

Both of these girls are realitively new. After a 5 month break, I started up about 2 months ago. I am going to start cutting one loose and go see the other first. If things work out in my first visit, I'll make the second trip to see her again. If things don't work out, I'll go see the other and start there. Now... which one to visit? jaja (Actually I have a good idea)

If neither work out, I am just being straight from the get go, and sticking to my guns. I have told them up front before, but when I get honest with myself, I wasn't clear enough with them. It was always light hearted and jokingly.

VD

[valleydude]

Just the cost of doing business....

VD

[papi]

VD, i think you could work a CTG/BQ same trip. I am struggling with 2 in Lima. I dont think we have resolved managing 2 or more established cyber/webcam relationships in the same city. We could use some divine intervention about now....

[Jeff S]

When I did tell her, she was very pissed and almost broke it off. However, she finally accepted that I had a right to do that

Classic test - you passed. Had you said, "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry, how can I make it up to you?" you'd have failed and it would have been all over. Maybe she would have still let you buy her things, but any kind of real relationship - adios amigo.

- Jeff

[bundy_138]

Sorry I missed to start of this topic!  Yes, it is true, I am juggling several women.  It is not difficult because (a). I let them know up front I was talking to several women (b).  I take notes on specific details about each woman so I won't call her child by another name or get details mixed up between them and (c). don't be afraid to have confidence! 

If you pick a "smart" girl, she will understand that there are TONS of single women out there and both of you are looking for the same thing.....happiness!  Do you think she is online just talking to you?  NO!  She has guys writing all the time (you wrote her , didn't you)?  Don't get mentally or physically attached so quickly, it only sets you up for heartbreak!  Take your time, see as many women as you are able to handle, and narrow down your choices.  You can't write one woman, fall in love online, promise her the world then meet her and find out you have no chemistry!!  THATS WHY YOU ALWAYS GET BURNED!  Play the numbers game!  The more you talk to the better chances are you can find the right one!

I am no Player by any means, but I cam e to realize that for every women out there that breaks your heart, there are 2 more ready to take her place!

Bundy

[Ray]

it only took 6 years, struggling to learn a new language, $200K, FF miles, hotels, taxis, pizzas and a visa dodger.

What the heck is a "Visa Dodger"?

Is this what you were referring to???

   

[doombug]

At first, I thought he meant this:



But then I noticed the Mastercard logo.

Still, if one existed, I wonder if the USCIS would allow me to charge my MOB to a Dodgers Visa.

If so:
 

• How many frequent flyer miles would I accrue, say, if I bought a woman from Haiti over one from Chile? (A boats-per-capita discount.)
• Later, if I discover that she actually lusts for a greencard, would the card issuer reimburse me for my loss? (Shark insurance.)
• If my MOB breaks down, would they temporarily replace her with a wide-bodied AW model? (This feature would be a certain deal killer! )

[papi]

LOLOLOL!!!!!   

[Ray]

Hey Doom,

That Dodgers MasterCard is neat. They also have a Dodgers Green Card, for the card sharks out there:

   

Beware of Card Sharks!  They'll bite you in the ass every time...   

[papi]

if it was not for IMBR and the visa paperwork, I would be a proponent of importing sharks and the 2-year rotations