My first year of marriage

[sean126]

I thought I’d write about my first year of married life to my little Barranquilla beauty.   (The cliff notes for Papi…Everything is great!)  
This is my first and last marriage by the way.  In a couple of weeks it will be a year since we had our “Pre-” wedding in Barranquilla.  We had a priest come and bless our rings and do what he normally does for a wedding…just not the actual vows.  We had about 180 people at the best wedding and reception party that I’ve ever been to…if I do say so myself.  It didn’t matter what age the people was…they ALL was dancing for almost 5 straight hours.

When we arrived in the U.S. and had our wedding here and begun our married life together I thought I was prepared a little better than I actually was.  I’ve heard married related stories and such…but until your actually making your OWN story, you really cannot relate.  I had lived with a few girls in the past and I can tell you as a first time husband…Marriage is NOTHING like playing house.  I’m a naturally deep thinker.  I do it all the time.  I can watch T.V. and not hear a thing about what’s going on…because I’m thinking, just random thoughts.  Anyway….Bless her heart, I love her more than life itself BUT…..if I have to hear “Honey, can I tell you something?” or “Honey, can I ask you something?” one more time…I think I will scream.  I’ve told her that she doesn’t need to make an announcement every time she is going to say something to me, but it’s no use. She does it anyway.  Yes, it does sound cute….and it was…for the first 10,000 times she said it. Now, not so much. LOLOL.

We got her enrolled in a ESL course (English as a second language) and luckily I found one just down the street from me and the cost is zero, which is the best part.  She is so gung-ho about it that she goes twice a day.  She is anxiously wanting to work, but I told her I thought it was best that she wait a little while until her English improves.  My reason?  Because she was a supervisor where she used to work and she is on the sensitive side and I thought it might hurt her feelings too much to be possibly fired from her first job because she doesn’t understand people very much or that they don’t understand her to well.  We don’t need the money and it gives her time to focus on her English full time.  This week we are going to send out resumes finally.


One thing I cannot emphasize enough….There is the possibility that your little angel could be like mine in a way, so be prepared for a slight shock.   When she was in Colombia, she rarely ever asked me for anything.. I used to have to ask her if she wanted to go shopping or that it was OK for her to go to the movies if she wanted.  I told her just let me know when she was going to use my ATM card so I could make sure there would be money in the account.  OK, she gets to the U.S. now…..everything is like “normal” for the first couple of months.  THEN she discovers Macy’s Department store.  WOW, I always heard women loved to shop…but I never actually dated one who loved it that much.  As soon as your little angel gets comfortable and settles in…she WILL discover the malls and stores.  It’s not so much the buying…sometimes I have to pull the reigns in on her, which is normal with any woman…BUT SHE HAS TO LOOK AT EVERY SINGLE THING IN EVERY SINGLE STORE!!!   I can actually feel my skin beginning to flush because I’m getting so upset…after 3 or 4 hours I’m ready to explode.  We’ve since decided that we shouldn’t go shopping together.  And as with any woman, especially your little angel….she will be like a kid in a candy store at first.  Men, nip this in the bud!!!  My little angel is the epitome of a good angelic Christian wife…UNTIL!!!!! She gets at the doors of Macy’s Department store and then it’s like the Exorcist Movie….She needs and wants everything.  Good Lord, I didn’t even recognize her the first couple of months after she got comfortable.  It was like a cowboy trying to break a wild horse.   So guys…don’t be shocked when that little doll baby goes nuts on you a few times and gets the candy store syndrome.  I am happy to report that it’s just a phase.  The sad part is…it comes and goes. LOLOLOL.   She is definitely NOT a gold digger or materialistic….but she IS a woman and as Soltero said…women are women.  Of course I’m trying to be sarcastically funny about all this, but honestly…your sweetie will get extremely bored and tired of just sitting at home (if she’s not working) and you WILL need to take her out for some fresh air, unfortunately (for me) most of the time my wife wants to go to the mall to walk around.  What can I say?  I can’t tell her no, so…  

My wife didn’t know how to cook.  While she was waiting on her visa her mother was teaching her how to cook and I have to say…There is nothing that she’s fixed that I haven’t liked.  She’s a good cook.  She’s also an excellent housekeeper and bless her heart, she forgets that while she’s in her “prime”…..I’m starting to get old.  I just can’t work it like a part time job any more.  I'm working it more like a “concession stand”. LOLOL.

I’m used to being by myself for the most part…so having a wife in the house is good and bad.   Everyone knows the good stuff, but sometimes I like to watch a T.V. show in it’s entirety…or if I’m writing an award winning paper, like this one, I like to be able to finish my thoughts.   When your married you have to exercise “flatulent control” and you need selective timing.  And I’ve noticed that while in bed… that “pretending to be asleep” doesn’t work…you will still get hit.  Especially when she goes to move the covers on the bed.  My advice….if you let a silent one slip…place a pillow over your head.  Her backhand doesn’t hurt as much then.  And laughing about it only makes them madder, especially if she’s gagging.   Another thing is…I’m a smoker, so I had to establish dominance right away.  We talked and “we” determined that I’m the king of my porch and damn it, if I want to smoke outside on my porch…I WILL!!!   We got new furniture and apparently she wants to keep it for a hundred years because I’m not allowed to sit on the couch…that much.  She prefers I sit comfortably on the floor.  Which is alright I guess…I’m a little guy and I’m still able to move around pretty easily,  believe it or not…this is true.  I’m not allowed to eat in the living room…which is OK because as the King of my Castle I happen to like the kitchen table. LOLOL.

She caught on rather quickly with her English.  Her teacher was so taken by her that she called me in to talk with her about how quickly she’s learning.  She communicates very well with my family and they absolutely positively adore her.  She fits right in.  She really hasn’t had a bad adjustment.  She even told me that she was surprised because she thought she would be really sad and depressed for a while, but she wasn’t.  I was even surprised.  She never did go into a real depression phase or homesick phase.  I’ve heard horror stories about  guy’s wives or fiancés that did.  We worked out a plan that she could have 3 $20 calling cards a month.  Usually she sticks to that.  As I previously have written…She sends home the same amount as she gave them before, when she was there which is $200.  They even have my ATM card down there.  No one has even asked for anything other than what we give them.  I love them, so I help them out when I can with extra stuff...the same way I help my mother out here.

We recently went back to Colombia.  I plan on going back every year.  Even when I can’t, she will be going.  I’ve read a lot of sad stories about when guys bring their women over here and it‘s nothing like they hoped it would be, but I honestly can say that God’s blessed me so much with giving me the kind of wife I have that I’m almost ashamed to ask Him for anything else.  She’s a complete angel and 99% of the problems we have (when we have any) is because of MY impatience and me being accustomed  to living by myself.  She really doesn’t do anything wrong and she keeps me on the right path.  I really haven’t seen or been part of anything out of the ordinary that you’d expect with having a wife from another country.  Maybe I’m one of the few lucky ones, I don’t know, but we’ve had zero problems in our marriage or relationship pertaining to her being from another country. Probably at the end of the year, we will start trying to have our first baby.

Now comes the fun part of teaching someone who has never sat behind the wheel of a car…to drive!!!!!

[P Daddy]

Sean,

Congrats...you're a great looking guy with a beautiful wife.  One piece of advice...don't teach your wife to drive, enroll her in a driving school.  Of course you can help her some, but in the long run it will be better if someone else teaches her.  Too hard on the patience to teach a latina to drive...

Good luck and continued success!

[jediknight]

sean, thanks for the post, i throughly enjoyed it. i also married a wonderful, beautiful barranquillera and can see similarities in our relationship. i think the advice on a driving school is very good. infact i plan on enrolling my wife in one in barranquilla so that she gets use to being behind the wheel, then enroll her in anther one when she gets here. posts like yours are great and i wish more guys with experience would do so. i also plan on going to colombia every year when possible so if we are ever in barranquilla at the same time, my wife and i would love to get together with the both of you.
take care and continued success.
JK

[Looking4Wife]

Sean:

Fantastic post!  This is what these boards are supposed to be about!

As you know, my wife is also from BAQ, and I anticipate her arrival here sometime between April and June.

Thanks for the heads up on some of these critical issues.  I will handle some things much differently then you, but we all have to pick our battles and don't sweat the small stuff.

I'm very interested in this shopping scenario you described.  I imagine when my wife gets here that nearly everything will be fascinating.  My wife is a fashion designer so she will have an extremely keen interest and awareness of clothing, shoes, etc.  I hadn't thought about how many hours I will spend in the mall, but now you've got me thinking... do I need to get a PSP (handheld Playstation) to occupy me in the mall after the 1st hour walking around with her?    Or should I just bring some work along...?

Also, can you provide some more info about the free ESL program?  I know that the public library system in my city offers some free language classes (not only spanish), but I'm not sure if it is as extensive as a full-blown ESL program.

As far as driving, I think its a good idea to have someone else teach your wife to drive, as P Daddy mentioned, even if the husband helps out too.  I'd be concerned that I was leaving out some important safety info that I take for granted as second nature.  Solo mis dos pesos.

Jedi:

Interesting idea on starting your wife out with a driving course in BAQ.  I think if you can drive in BAQ, you can drive anywhere.   Have you checked into costs?

[JimmySTLOUIS]

great story

You when you poset here, you are posting from actual experience. WOW 

I know what you are talking about with the shopping. I have been more times to the mall in the last two years than I have ever been to the mall in my life. Maybe more times than most men in TWO lifetimes. Wait until she finds TJ Max and Marshalls!

TE AMO PERU!!

jim

[sean126]

Yeah, that's a good idea about the driving school.  We practiced a few times in a parking lot...it wasn't pretty.  Not because I was yelling or anything, but because I think she gave me whip-lash.

Looking4wife.....The ESL classes were extremely hard to find on the internet for me.  I don't know how I found it, but it's a government funded program at the same place people go to get their G.E.D.'s.  So I would think when looking for those G.E.D. classes you will find it.  My wife starts again on Monday and I will get her to ask one of the consulars how to find them in each state.  I'm sure many men would like to know.

Thanks guys.

[Jeff S]

Thanks for the story Sean - It brought back a lot memories of my first year with my (Asian) wife, too. It was my first marriage and I'd been living alone for over 15 years (except, like you, for a few times living with other girls for a few months) so my transition similar - a bit frustrating at first - aw, even still. She can insist on not being disturbed wheile watching some TV show, but if I'm immersed in a book or watching something, I'd better be ready for "Honey can I ask you something..." Yes, the shopping gluttony subsided with my wife too - and these days she's more frugal than I, but she still likes the hour after hour looking at everything thing - so I rarely accompany her.

- Jeff

[Parlay Rey]

One of the best threads I've read here. What a stark contrast to the 'ketchup' troll (I guess some people will do anything for attention).

Excellent advice all around. I'd recommend also to enroll her in a pro driving course. What a nightmare is was teaching my ex-wife to drive stick (an AW latina). I awake with dripping sweat remembering the grind of the gearshift in my poor Jeep TJ!

Free ESL classes are offered almost everywhere out West or with large concentrations of latinos. You can find them in night school/GED courses at public high schools and community centers. If all else fails, the public library should be easily able to point you in the right direction. Believe me, a plethora of resources exists for Spanish speaking immigrants in this country.

Awesome post, man and well wishes to you and your bride!

[papi]

Sean, great read!! I appreciate the cliff notes but went ahead and read the full report. I concur on the driving thing (above feedback) based on my experience with my first novia. In fact, my recommendation is never and I repeat never get in any car with your wife driving unless you are inebriated. Another recommendation, get www.skype.com. You will save on calls to colombia.

[bundy_138]

Nice!  Thanks for sharing!  I have been a bachelor for 34 years, no wife, no live in girlfriends and I always wondered how I will cope if I meet Mrs. Right?!  Thanks for clarifying some of my thoughts!

Bundy

[blockbuster]

Thanks for the story Sean. You guys make a great couple!

[william3rd]

For English Education- contact your local school board. Jurisdiction here is under each individual school district. And yes- they are free. Wont move along as quickly as the private college courses (you have to pay for those), but they are adequate.

Most of the junior colleges out here also offer free ESL courses. Contact the local JC for information. Also, on expanded basic cable, there are english classes featured.

[papi]

Also, on expanded basic cable, there are english classes featured

TV is a big help especially if you read the subtitles for learning both English and Spanish. Once I went to see a long, extremely boring German movie in Cali with Spanish subtitles. Talk about torture

[william3rd]

Trust me- not as bad as seeing an Italian opera at the Marinskii Theater in St. Petersburg with Russian sub titles scrolling above the stage. 

[Dan Las Vegas]

Fantastic post sean!!  Look forward to more

Dan

[utopiacowboy]

Very interesting post. If you live in an area with a lot of Spanish speakers and a good economy, it might be possible for her to work even though her English is not too good. My wife's English is marginal but she is a chemical engineer with a lot of experience so she is now working as a supervisor at the San Antonio Toyota plant.

[Jamie]

Driving lessons in Barranquilla is of questionable value. What the women will not learn is how to confine driving within their lane, how to operate at high speed, when to stop and who has the right of way.

The longer I stay here the more uniformity I see in the women regardless of their education and economics. These preannouncements are hilarious, “can I ask you a question” (and if you just look at them hoping they will just ask the question they wait until you say yes), “to tell you the truth” (does this mean you weren’t telling me the truth all the other time you did not announce you were speaking the truth?) The tiniest accomplishments are a big deal for these women they seem to strive for status. Here is one girl introducing herself, “Hello I am --------- and I am the queen of the supermarket” so we would not forget this she reminds us 2 more times. To put this in perspective during Carnival time I think you have about 23,000 women anointed the queen of something.

Glad all is well.

[Ray]

Thanks Sean!

That was refreshing after all those stupid threads that Papi starts every 15 minutes or so... 

[papi]

Ray, I count that I started over half the 12 active threads today generating substantial forum activity. How many have you started in the last month? No one is putting a gun to your head to read my posts

[Cali-vet]

Sean I highly reccomend that you sign your wife up for driving lessons in Barranquilla if she will be returning soon. lt will be much easier for her to learn from a native instructor in her own language. The traffic laws in Colombia and the US are essentially the same so she won´t have any surprises up there. I am speaking here from years of experience as both my wife and I went to driving school in Colombia (me to learn my way around the city and be granted a drivers license and she to learn how to drive.) The quality of instruction was excellent and my wife will soon complete four years of accident free driving both in Colombia and the US. The only technique your wife will likely not learn in that flat city is starting on a hill. The driving STYLES are of course different in the two countries but my wife adapted immediatley to US style driving just as I did to driving in Colombia and I think your wife will benifit from learning first in Colombia. 

[sean126]

Cali-vet....Too late, she's already back.  I agree though, if someone can safely drive in Colombia then they can drive ANYWHERE.

Thanks Ray.  My hero's writing style and themes are a little different than mine I know. LOL.

 

[el_ruso]

Sean, congratulations.

You are an inspiration   I don't know where you live, but most community colleges have ESL classes.  Regardless, she will learn English better through having to use it than through any classes.

[Ray]

I count that I started over half the 12 active threads today generating substantial forum activity

So what do you want, a prize? O.K., why not...

                         


         aka "NUTJOB"

[Chris F]

Thanks for the great post Sean!!

I have been married now to my beautiful Peruvian sweetheart for about a year and a half now. I echo some of your same comments you are experiencing with:

Shopping- My wife is addicted to it. Like you I am always pulling the reins of what feels like a runaway coach. When the new Victoria Secret catalog arrives in the mail…..she starts salivating in the mouth..

Driving- My wife had two years driving experience  in Peru before arriving here. She still drove me crazy breaking her of her aggressive mentality (its not just Colombia Sean…its South America!!)  She wanted to honk at people all the time. Constantly changing lanes depending on which lane was going the fastest. Slamming on the brakes at red lights and slamming on the gas the minute the light turned green. It took over six months to really break her of her South American driving habits and you really need a lot of patience!!

Back in November and I had been telling her that she can’t just slow down at stop signs. I told her she needs to come to a complete stop or she was going to get a ticket. She did not listen until she was stopped by the police for a roll stop through a stop sign.I paid the ticket and two hundred and fifty dollars later…she now understands she needs to stop.

My wife has been driving here a year and a half now…..so our insurance rates recently dropped almost by half from what I was paying before for two cars.  (went from $2500 to $1400 a year). Insurance companies do not like new drivers to this country from South America. After a year and a half…my rates have finally returned to normal.

Even with all the issues of adjustment. I would have not done anything differently. As you know Sean....a  wife from South America is the best thing that can happen to any man!!

Again…..thanks for the great post!!!

[doombug]

She is anxiously wanting to work, but I told her I thought it was best that she wait a little while until her English improves.  My reason?  Because she was a supervisor where she used to work and she is on the sensitive side and I thought it might hurt her feelings too much to be possibly fired from her first job because she doesn’t understand people very much or that they don’t understand her to well.

Temp. agencies are a great intro. to the job market for the new arrival.

As soon as your little angel gets comfortable and settles in…she WILL discover the malls and stores.  It’s not so much the buying…sometimes I have to pull the reigns in on her, which is normal with any woman…BUT SHE HAS TO LOOK AT EVERY SINGLE THING IN EVERY SINGLE STORE!!!   I can actually feel my skin beginning to flush because I’m getting so upset…after 3 or 4 hours I’m ready to explode.  We’ve since decided that we shouldn’t go shopping together.  And as with any woman, especially your little angel….she will be like a kid in a candy store at first.  Men, nip this in the bud!!!

Or just coordinate shopping trips to malls/locations where the both of you can be served. E.G.: He likes Fry's Electronics/Best Buy/Circuit City; she loves Target/Nordstroms/Victoria Secrets. So, each heads off on their own separate way, agree to keep in contact by cell, and meet up later at a designated location. I see couples/families doing this frequently when I'm out.
    

When your married you have to exercise “flatulent control” and you need selective timing.  And I’ve noticed that while in bed… that “pretending to be asleep” doesn’t work…you will still get hit.  Especially when she goes to move the covers on the bed.  My advice….if you let a silent one slip…place a pillow over your head.  Her backhand doesn’t hurt as much then.

Sorry. I never fart, so I can't imagine my bride ever suffering from toxic blanket asphyxiation (TBA).

Now comes the fun part of teaching someone who has never sat behind the wheel of a car…to drive!!!!!

That's easy. Just tell her that, as a non-citizen, the U.S. government restricts her to driving only these:



Peace and out!