So you think you know your girlfriend/ fiancée?????

[mudd]

So you think you know your girlfriend/ fiancée??


Friend of mine, who lives in a city in Colombia, part time, goes back and forth between the USA and Colombia, has internet in his house, and of course, his girlfriend was always using his computer to check her e-mails. Well, he decided to see who she was sending letters and instant messages too. I won’t say how he did it, but he was a little surprised by the letters and instant messages she was sending. Now this girl is extremely affectionate with him, attractive but not hot, and he is pretty good looking also and there is not a big age difference between them, not like a 20 year old girl and a 40 year old man, so they have a lot in common.

Well, apparently, she has been chatting with a few guys, one in the USA and one in a different city in Colombia. Of course, both guys are sending love letters, and romantic instant messages to her, and of course, she is playing along with them, and has not told either one that she has a boyfriend, her little white lies are going to be big white lies in time, so it seems, she is the typical Colombian girl, keeping her options open.

My buddy is wondering what to do with her, because he thought he knew her personality pretty well, knows her family, friends ect, but this came as a complete shock to him. So, the next time your little angel, jumps on the internet, start to wonder, who she is chatting with, could be the next boyfriend.

[william3rd]

Keystroke registers are nice. . . . . . .

Zero integrity on that one, it seems. Time to get out the ax. . . .

[Fuzzyone]

Keystroke registers are nice. . . . . . .

Zero integrity on that one, it seems. Time to get out the ax. . . .

   Yea that was how I caught my ex she just was not smart enough to figure out how I was finding out what she was up too.

[blockbuster]

I bet a majority of the girls are still actively searching for a bigger better deal at all times. Especially when she is with a gringo ,who is financing her lifestyle. It is interesting almost every guy who has posted his women's opinion has stated there are a minority of good girls which should tell us all the take our time.

 

[william3rd]

There are a surprisingly large number that keep trying to trade up after they get here. Geographics are not the limiting factor. Once they get the magic green card, they can start maneuvering around.

I am using the non gender "they" because men that come over with AM do the same thing.

Inside, they think "you" are too fat, too stupid, too bald, cant enunciate properly, etc. But outside it is te amo/ya bluh, etc. and the daily sexual circus.

The green card arrives-or perhaps citizenship, if they have a lot of family members to petition.

Then comes the gym membership (so she can look beautiful for you  )or going to vegas alone with his/her friends while you are working. . . .

John Roth-probably the most experienced K visa attorney in the US-and I compared notes on our client bases and we were shocked to realize that the vast majority of our clients were divorced from their foreign brides. . . I had more agencies and he had more individuals. (Was it Diogenes who used to wander the streets with a lamp?)

However, TAKING ONE'S TIME is the real key to success. . . .

[P Daddy]

You'd be surprised at how many gringos keep 2 or 3 (or more) latinas on the ropes via internet when they are in a "committed" relationship with Colombiana...it's probably close to 50/50, that is, gringos not staying faithful either.

I'm not quite sure that it's because these girls are looking for a "better" deal...many are very insecure (from my experience), and doubt the gringos' sincerity.  Hell, my girlfriend swears up and down that I have a girlfriend here in Atlanta...although I've never given her a reason to be suspicious.

[blockbuster]

PD,

   Not to be rude, but you are an acception to the rule. Your experiences are way different from many others.

 Your situation is uniuqe, but as William3rd wrote. A majority of the young  girls are thinking the guy too fat,bald,old ect,but whispering the opposite in their ears..

  Of course the girls are insecure, because it's almost like applying for a really good life position. They have to win the "golden" ticket from Mr. Average Gringo in order to get the prize. A good life. The gringo is in control and competition for that position is fierce since women outnumber the gringos..But a woman wants to be physically attracted to the guy too. They get that oppurtunity to get love and physical attraction when they get here. Why so many of these unions fail with the young hotties. She is not willing to forfeit the high feelings of  lust  and butterflies for a man at such a young age.


 I have a friend I gave to good talking to yesterday about his weight. He is marrying a 22 year old  really cute Filipina at 48. He has taken to wearing buttoned down shirts worn over pants which make him look pregnant and old. But he swears  she likes him chubby because he asked her .The guy has literally let himself go and in total denial he is looking like sh... His reasoning, he is close to 50. 

  I told him FW tell a guy what they think he wants to hear. She will never tell you that you are fat or those shirts are unflattering and make you look like a guy ready to deliver anyday.  I had to remind him he is marrying a woman 25+ years younger. She has an accounting degree and will be working. Does he really believe after awhile here she wants humpty dumpty as a husband when young fit guys will be checking her out?. It was a bit cruel but he needs a reality check if he wants a happy wife rather than one who just settled,but has no attraction for him. Unless it's a sexless marriage,physical attraction is important from both sides.

 I see many couples here who are a really good match physically and age wise.

Sean and his wife
Chris F and his wife
Kiltboy and his fiance
Jimmy and JLo

I don't think any of the wives will be hearing "what the hell is she doing with him"? All day long. It takes a very strong man(yes there are guys dating real beast and don't realize it until someone else mentions it:) or woman hearing that comment all the time to truly not begin to wonder why everyone is saying that.

[Jamie]

This situation is not unusual where you will have women with a formal boyfriend or fiancé corresponding with other men. I think in many cases it is because the women hear love having the attention of other suitors even though they have no real intention of being with them.

A couple of days ago a younger better looking man was pursuing an attractive woman that was in the beginnings of a relationship with a much older and unattractive man. As I was watching things unfold I was expecting to have to talk to her as the relationship with the younger guy appeared to be growing as was his seriousness for her. And then on one date she became very cold with the younger man which complete confounds him. While she would not admit to the guy that there was a change in her behavior from talking to her in private she expressed more comfort in being with the older man and did not want to move forward with the young man when it came down to crunch time.

The solution for you friend is very simple. He reveals what he knows without giving the details of how he found out and tells her the relationship is over and to spend your time with (whatever there names are). He does not get in an argument with her and he leaves. If the woman is really in to him she will come back regardless of how adamant his position was that the relationship is over.

Men and women do much of the same, for every woman who does this you probably have a like man with the same behavior. Guys are always writing to multiple women saying you are the one.

I personally do not think being a physical match is a strong indicator of the future success of a relationship in Colombia. I see too many beautiful married women with unattractive overweight Colombians and handsome young Colombian men with average overweight women. I believe the women here are much less oriented to the men having to be handsome.

[papi]

I believe the women here are much less oriented to the men having to be handsome.

a wallet and/or green card are very sexy. At the same time, I see a lot of hottie colombian chicas with young, good looking latinos. i think we will be debating this until we are all in our 80's

[mudd]

yep, more green in your wallet than the local competition is a luring thing to a local girl, so is the idea of a nice house, car and retirement pan, more so if she can get half of it after she gets her green card after a  few years with him. I have seen many Colombian girls keep in contact with their EX Colombian boyfriends that went to the USA, while dating and being married to a gringo, always keeping their options open.

[el_ruso]

Well, most guys would contact several women at the same time, would even date several at the same time when they are in Colombia.  To date a beautiful woman, whether in Colombia or US, one has to have more than $'s - be confident and secure in himself, otherwise jealousy will drive you nuts.

When I date a woman I try to give her my best, and if I would discover that she was cheating on me, well, I will leave.  I will not trust her again, and I will not care for her reasons.  Even though it might hurt as hell, she will not find a guy who will love her and treat her as well as me, so it will be a punishment.  But I doubt I will be snitching on her on purpose either.  I definitely will not stand anyone reading my mail, and neither will be reading theirs as well.

[P Daddy]

El Ruso,

The more I read your posts the more I respect you...for me, if someone came to me and said, "here is your girlfriend's password to her e-mail account" I wouldn't take it, nor would I want to see who my girlfriend is e-mailing.  And of course, I wouldn't want my girl to have access to my e-mail.  Not that I have something to hide, but there is something to be said for "blind trust"...there is no way I could have peace of mind if I was checking my girlfriend's e-mail account all day. It would doom the relationship.  Plus, I'm not a jealous or possessive guy, and that's one thing my girl loves about me (besides being handsome, with a body of Adonis, beautiful smile, great personality, etc. etc...... )

[blockbuster]

Jaime,

 In Colombia anything is possible. even a teen mistress for a senior age men is and her parents know and allow it because they need his financial help. Thing is, in the U.S. a lot of these relationships don't travel well. That's why there is failure.

 A Colombian woman who wants financial security may think she can only get it in an older package and l thinking like a Colombiana thinks this older man less prone to cheating.

 The U.S. offers to her men of closer age, handsome,just as successful and just as willing to be faithful to the right girl. This is often a shock to the latinas coming here as they are very popular with the opposite sex and a match between Beauty and the Beast or Much older man and young hottie has a small chance of survival once she sees what is available around.

    We all know human nature dictates we try to find the best mate we can find in the area where we "presently" subside. Will you be the best guy available to her once she lives in the U.S.?

   As to latinas not caring about how handsome a man is. Get into a group of latinas young and old and watch a very handsome man walk in. They will all make as huge a fuss over his looks and how lucky the woman to have him is as any women around the world would. Looks help. They preffer it, but will trade that off for a faithful husband. But don't think a woman willing to trade-off won't be much more prone to cheating with a man who is close to what she really wanted physically when he is available. Married or not! They want what we want. A man who is the total package they are proud to show off to old and new friends alike.

[papi]

I have seen many Colombian girls keep in contact with their EX Colombian boyfriends that went to the USA, while dating and being married to a gringo, always keeping their options open.

Mudd, i have seen this too. In fact, it happened to the guy that introduced me to colombia. Tell me again why we are in this?? LOL..

Are gringas hopeless??

[bundy_138]

Guys, give me a break!  You sound like a bunch of pansies!  Is anyone aware of how many SINGLE women there are in LA?  I am talking to 6 different women in Cali and each one knows that I am seeing the other 5 when I get there.  They know the deal because I told them up front.  If a chica wants to email other guys, you should email other chicas.  Play her game, and be better at it then she is.  If she is a real women and a keeper, she won't need to do it.  If you are not comfortable with her doing it, drop her and get another one. You all make it sound like it is such a bad thing! 

Trade places with the majority of those girls.  Poor, a half assed education, most likely has a child, no job possibilities, living with family.....wouldn't you want the best possibility of a stable relationship?!  I mean the money and the security part of it?  If what I have is not enough for a woman, I hope she can upgrade from me and I'll just keep trying till' I find the right one.  I won't sit in solitude and cry about it.

You should have the mentality to treat your woman like a car:  treat it nice, keep up the maintenance, respect and love it.  If it keeps giving you problems and doesn't run right, trade it in for another one.

Also.....PRENUMP!  Works everytime!   

Bundy   

[utopiacowboy]

Who would be interested in a woman with these qualities? "Poor, a half assed education, most likely has a child, no job possibilities, living with family"? Better to get a chick with assets as well as an ass.

[bundy_138]

Well, UC....alot of guys do not have anything to offer these women, so thats what they have to settle for.  Can't be a dead beat here and then expect to be a rockstar overseas and bring home the 10's.  These are the girls that most likely want the greencard and the free ticket out of there.

Bundy

[el_ruso]

I really don't care if the woman has money or not.  I am a MAN, and ultimately I am supposed to maintain the family.  If I will not be able to do that, I doubt a woman will stick around, whether she has assets or not.

The only downside to a poor woman is that she will be desperate for money, and I might end up having to support her extended family as well.  (I don't mind helping and will enjoy doing it actually, but it is difficult to be responsible financialy for so many people.)

Also, most women will live with their family unless they are actually very poor and the girl has to support herself, or she was kicked out by her family for being desobidient.  It is part of their culture.  There are of course instances when a woman goes to a bigger town for education or a job, but generally when a single woman living by herself it is frowned upon.  It might be a red flag actually.

[Parlay Rey]

Listen well, gentlemen. The Russian knows of what he speaks.

[papi]

Bundy, I think the bigger concern expressed above is being involved and/or married to a chica who has a man on the side. I was living with a woman in Thailand - who at the same time was IMing and taking phone calls from gringos. I know guys that have married chicas only to find out later they had a novio waiting for them. happens. I wouldn't be all that surprised if my CZ was trying to help alleviate another gringo from his pesos while being involved with me

[bundy_138]

Don't worry Papi....I would tell ya' if your CZ was pm'ing me!   jajajajaja


Bundy

[Jamie]

Blockbuster

As to latinas not caring about how handsome a man is.

I never said this, of course good looks are appreciated by both men and women. I said the Colombian women appear to be less stringent on the looks of the men then American women. I do not believe many women leave their husbands because of how he looks. This is with the understanding that she sincerely entered into the marriage.

Bundy_138
You are missing the point the reference is to a woman in a committed relationship communicating with other men. As you said you don’t need to hide the general fact that you are corresponding or plan on meeting other women during you search. However I am not sure what purpose it serves to tell these women the exact count.

Here’s a new one a girl shows up for an introduction and then after the introduction tells us she is going to get married to someone else. When we asked, then why did you come to meet this guy, she says, well he seemed like an interesting man. But why did you want to meet an interesting man if you are going to marry another man, well you invited me. Well we invited you because you did not tell us you were engaged you did not have to accept the invitation, but he seemed like an interesting man.

You just can’t get a straight answer.

[utopiacowboy]

I didn't know that my wife owning her own apartment in a good area of Medellin was a red flag. Live and learn.

[papi]

You just can’t get a straight answer.

anybody that has spent time in colombia should be in full agreement with this statement

I didn't know that my wife owning her own apartment in a good area of Medellin was a red flag. Live and learn.

it is not and highly unusual. 97% i dated (and I dated a few) live with mami

[el_ruso]

UC,

As I mentioned there are exceptions.  As far as I remember, your wife was over 30, a widow and with several kids.  I would never say that her living independently could be a "red flag".

However, for example if a 23 yo girl, who has not been married, is living by herself or "with friends", it is a red flag.  By Colombian convention, she simply HAS to stay at home until married.  If it is otherwise she either was kicked out for partying or running away with a bf or something along those lines, or her family is so dirt poor that they can't support her, or something else could be wrong.  Again, she might be from a small town and studying at a university, but most families will not let them live on their own, and the university scenario is not nearly as likely as the negative ones.