How soon before she said "I love you"?

[bundy_138]

How soon was it when your SA hottie said that she loved you?!  I have been talking to a girl in Cali for about two months strictly by email.  No phone calls, web cams, instant messaging....nothing, just exchanging email.  Yesterday she tells me that she loves me.  Now don't get me wrong, this girl is easily a 9 and she is 27 years old.  I was flattered more than anything.  I just assumed that since she is a little older that the whole love aspect of the relationship would come later after we meet.

I told her thanks for sharing how she felt and left it at that.  She now tells me how strong her love is for me in each email.

Has this happened to you, and if so, how fast and what did you do?

Bundy

[william3rd]

I usually ask them to send me a plane ticket and money for a visa, plus some show money so I can clear immigration. That is, of course, after I send them some provocative.

[blockbuster]

  She may feel she is "In love" with you due to desperation or because she needs someone to talk to. But true love comes with spending time with each other and meeting face to face. I can't tell you how many guys I know spoke with a girl through e-mail who claimed to be "in love". The first meeting (depending on how the guy looked like in person) usually had half the girls changing their minds. I advocate meeting in person before you and she decide she is "in love" . You also have to remember latinas are in love with the idea of being in love and always looking for a savior. Especially if she is 27 and the clock is ticking in her culture. A few years later her in-love feelings are gone if you're not the ideal guy she has already built up in her head.

[bundy_138]

Don't get me wrong.....I didn't tell her I loved her back.  I do not fall in love very easy and it takes a lot for me to get that involved with someone.  I told her from the beginning that I was talking to several women and intended on meeting them all when I arrived in Cali.  She says that she loves me because I am honest and sincere in what I say.  I took it as "silly talk" and brushed it off.  We will see how she reacts when I meet her face to face.

Blockbuster...what do you mean by "Especially if she is 27 and the clock is ticking in her culture"?  Is there some type of stigma in Colombia for women her age to be single?  She already has a child and she was never married before.  Could you explain further?

Bundy

[papi]

Latinas talk in code. Here is a good rule of thumb to understanding the actual translation regarding the A Word (amor word):

If she says "I love you" in 3 minutes: she wants 40.000 pesos for the taxi (which cost 10.000)
3 hours: can i order an extra dinner carryout for mom?
3 days: ok, this might work. i will jump your bones
3 months: i really, really, really like you
1 year: "I love you"

[blockbuster]

 So she already has a child ands is not married. So her time clock is not ticking. Unfortunately,most decent Colombianos will never even entertain the thought of marrying her. Think U.S. in the 1950's where guys did'nt marry single moms. Her chance of marriage are slim to none unless she marries a gringo. If she is poor, a single mom and does not have a good job, she may really be desperate to get out of her situation which can only happen if she wins the lottery or marries a gringo.

[Chris F]

In South America...they use  "Te quirro Mucho" and Te Amo Mucho" realize these both translate into English as "I Love You"

But their is a huge difference in Spanish

Te Quirro Mucho  is used to tell someone you care for them very much. This is used for good friends, guys they are "getting to know" and many (not all)  use it with family members. (i.e. mother, father, brothers, sisters)

[i]Te Amo Mucho  is used when they are deeply in love with the person....like a boyfriend or husband.[/b]My wife did not use "Te Amo Mucho" until my second trip to see her...

Hope this helps and could you tell us which "I love you" in Spanish did she tell you??

[jediknight]

reading your post get me thinking about my relationship with my wife and how it developed. briefly, we emailed, talked on the phone, IM'd and webcamed for 7 months before meeting and until then the most we expressed toward each other was te quiero. as chris pointed out, te quiero mucho TQM is used a lot as a sign of strong affection towards someone, but falls short of romantic love. it wasn't until we met, became novios that my wife said te amo.
JK

[Brainiac]

Minor correction, Chris F.  It's Te QUIERO, no quirro. (Caps for emphasis, not shouting.)

How was your trip to Peru?

[bundy_138]

Ha ha....good one Papi.

Yes, I know the differences in the "I love yous".  She definitely dropped the Te amo bomb on me.  I mean it completely blind-sided me.  Where in the heck did that come from?!

Yes, she is single, she has a child, and has not other family close to her but a brother and sister-in-law...so I guess she is somewhat desperate.  The bad thing about it is that she is not my #1 choice.  She is tied for 2nd!  (Hey, gotta keep the options open).

I just feel somewhat sad that some of those women are in such a bad situation that they would have to use "love" as a way out.  It really is tragic.

You learn something new everyday in this SA dating world.  I thought dating in the good ol' US of A was tough, but boy have my eyes been opened!

Bundy

[papi]

Bundy, putting the sharks aside for the moment, a lot of the agency chicas are attractive, smart, sincere, but still want the green card, i.e. la abogata. It complicates matters because she is not really into you for you. Call it the MOB paradox if you will...but don't worry - papi still loves you...lol

[william3rd]

Wellll- from my own experience, the girl that said she loved me during communications phase (not Latina-not that the country of origin  matters), jumped my bones as soon as the door closed in our room when I went to see her in person (after all, we are in "love") and we spent a great honeymoon period together. And then I discovered her anger management issues and figured the relationship would need a lot more time to develope.

So- she ended up marrying someone else shortly after I slowed the relationship, got a green card through that guy, breast implants, got a divorce, and I saw her again here in the US last summer 9 years after the last meeting. And she looked even more beautiful than she did 9 years ago.

Personally, I think an I love you at this point in the relationship is a deal killer. I would drop her like a bad habit. That is, unless she is trying to push you into going down to see her because you seem to be operating too slowly and she doesnt want to retire before you get there.

[bundy_138]

No problemo Papi!    Now I see your point of view on some of these girls.  I can  see how easy it is for some "uneducated gringo" in Cali to be duped by a young, beautiful latina droping the "I love you's" soon after the first meeting.  Especially if that guy is interested in her before she says I love you.

We will see how it plays out.  By her telling me that, it dropped her "potential cita" with me in half.  I am somewhat scared of her now!   What if she gets psycho and starts with the fatal attraction syndrome!!!  

I might need to call in the Calvary for protection!  Papi will lead the charge!!

Bundy  

[papi]

Bundy, these women will say "te quiero"  in the same breath as "I need to go to the bathroom and blow my nose."  It means nothing.  I have hundreds of emails that say TQM and so forth.  Don’t let that stop you…just don’t believe she means it.  Better that she says TQM than it is going to cost 40.000 pesos for the taxi to meet you. Go for it!!

[papi]

Bundy, below are 2 emails I received from "Cali Jane Doe" on 10/20 about 7 hours apart


Email 1
Sent to Papi: Fri 10/20/2006 2:38 PM

amor!!!!!!!
ya hable con mi jefe ,trabajo hasta hoy!!!
nos vemos mañana!
quiero que nos vallamos a miami juntos,estuve pensando y creo que es mejor! para los dos : )!!!
voy empacando para san andres!!!!!! : )
bye
kisses!

----------------------------------------
Email 2
Sent to Papi: Fri 10/20/2006 9.48 PM

olvidese de mi
 lo siento pero esto no es lo que yo quiero para mi vida
im so sorry
no estoy lista aun y no creo que valla a estar lista nunca para hacer el amor o para casarme con alguien que no amo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lo siento mucho, perdoname!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[blockbuster]

  I'll say it again. A lot of these latinas are in love with the idea of being in love. So what she says and what is actually in her heart long term are two different things. Nothing wrong with that. But I think because of their romantic notions and their inability to truly know what they are looking for, a lot of these marriages go wrong once the couple begins living in the U.S.

[bundy_138]

WTF!!!  Damn Papi, now I see why you were so pissed!  Sounds like she may be a little looney!  Funny how they can change in a second! 

Bundy

[Nicks]

Papi... what did you tell her, if anything during those 7 hours?

I dont wanna be rude or anything, but i can see how a man might respond to the first e mail she sent.. WTF...paying for a airline ticket??

In any case.. in panama Te Amo is as usual as What time is it? Just by buying a girl a drink, you get a TE AMO!

Also, i dont know what you guys think. but for me to say I Love you, or Te Amo, is much easier and means less, than if i say it in my own language...

nick

[papi]

I dont wanna be rude or anything, but i can see how a man might respond to the first e mail she sent.. WTF...paying for a airline ticket??

Nicks, I am not sure I understand what you are asking. She sent me 2 emails back in Oct 7 hours apart. In the first email, she called me Amor and followed up with a second email later that evening telling me to get lost.  Typical for Cali. There was nothing in there about buying a plane ticket (we talked about going together to San Andres).

[el_ruso]

Bundy,

Latin Americans are emotionally open people.  It usually does not take a great deal of time for a girl to give you TQM's.  All it means is that she likes you.  She might genuinly like you, or rather the idea of you that she has in her mind.  Even if she is pretty, since she has a kid and probably not upper-class she is used to be treated as meat by men, and if you are showing genuine interest in her that in itself can make her feel very flattered and interested to get to know you as well.  Of course when you meet each other, you will have better idea of who both of you are.  As another poster has written, she might be also trying to manipulate you to come to visit her and to push her ahead of the game since you have mentioned to her you were writing to different women.

She might be a "shark" or she might be a genuine girl who genuinly likes you.  Honestly, why do you assume that she is not sincere?  You will have to meet her in person and spend time with her to make that call.

GOOD LUCK!!!

[doombug]

Email 2
Sent to Papi: Fri 10/20/2006 9.48 PM

olvidese de mi
 lo siento pero esto no es lo que yo quiero para mi vida im so sorry
no estoy lista aun y no creo que valla a estar lista nunca para hacer el amor
 o para casarme con alguien que no amo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lo siento mucho, perdoname
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should really consider giving this one a second chance, Don Papi. I count only 323 exclamation marks in the correspondance above. Anyone worth his salt knows that 325 is the deciding threshold.

Translation: This little mango is playing hardball.

My suggestion to you: Fire off an email to her ASAP!

In it, promise her the world.

As a down payment, deliver two of these globes:



Soon enough, she'll melt in your hand like a Hershey's kiss over a thermite grenade.

[papi]

doom, lol! just trying to show Bundy not to put any stock into the amor word. means nothing

[Nicks]

Papi,

what i meant was that if you during these 7 hours between the mails, told her that you would not cover her expenses on the trip to San Andres. That would be a big reason for her to stop loving you 

nick