Comment about Cali diamonds experience and suggestions for Newbies

[Chris F]

First...I am happy to hear Cali Diamond that you found someone who has "potential"...I do hope you are seriously studying the language because I truly believe that you will never know if you have "true" chemistry with someone unless you can communicate with them directly. In my opinion and experience...you cannot know if you have chemistry with a translator. I do wish you the best and look forward to your continued updates on learning the language and how things are panning out with your lovely lady.

Now...it is my opinion for newbies not treat this as an "interview" When you take women out for dates in the U.S....did you "interview" them??? Of course not!!! They are not applying for a job!!  Sure you have questions about her....but keep things as "Natural" as possible....just like you would getting to know someone on a first date.

I remember an experience worth repeating. While in Bogota at Latin Intro a few years back. A guy bragged to all the other guys at the agency on how he gave his dates a questionare when they arrived at the agency. He thought his process in getting to know the women was the best thing since sliced bread. It became so "entertaining" to watch his dates eexpressionin shock as he handed her the questionare and walk away!!  They were in SHOCK!!  Can you blame them!!  So again....of course you have questions...but keep things as natural as possible to see if their is potential chemistry between you and your dates!!

Now Cali Diamond mentions some questions to ask the women and their all good questions. But I have one that I like even like better that I read here on this board a few years back, used it in Cali, Bogota and Peru and will now pass on to all of you. If you want to help "filter" out the green card sharks. Make this comment to your date...usually its best to wait until you have a second date before asking this

" You know...I really love your country and its culture and I think I might now be in a position in my life to live here permanently. What is your opinion of this?"

Watch her body language and listen to her response carefully....


Various responses I had with my dates were the following.

"I really prefer being with you in your country. Not here"

""I want to live with you in your country because I have more job oppoopportunitiesre"

"I really dontdon'te my country that much"

Needless to say...their responses triggered "major red flags" in my book.


Now...my favorite response one of my dates made to that comment was the following:

"That would be wonderful!!...(all smiles and excited) when do you think you could move here?"


Yes....I loved my wife's response to that comment!!!!!

Good Luck to all...and Happy Holidays!!!!

[jediknight]

i mentioned this to my wife when we were engaged. her face lit up at the idea of living in colombia. we even went as far as looking at apts in barranquilla and telling her i could teach english because i couldn't stand the northeast winters. she said it didn't matter where we lived, barranquilla, bogota, cartagena.. as long as she was with me.
JK

[utopiacowboy]

Yo tambien. She still has her apartment in Medellin for this very reason.

[Kiltboy1]

Chris

I have used this as well and i think it is the best question you can ask. If the lady lights up and says that would be great, you got a lady with good potential. If not , then things are suspect, In my previous post , the lady that has the Faja business asked me if i would move to Colombia and she would by us a large house to live. Now, i could not do that because i have a 9 year old daughter here that i would not leave, but it goes to show that this was a very serious persona and coming to the US was not her motivation. All the guys reading this should ask this question that Chris presents and you will be way ahead of the game


KB

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH !!

[daytrader]

Hey Chris, calm down!  geeze! 

I used the term "interview" in the sense of 2 people asking questions and exchanging information  -- since most of the women "dressed up" they considered it 'formal'  -- most definitions I looked up online referred to interview as a question/answer time that was formal ---.  I also used the term "meeting" just before I used the term "interview", and I also said the meeting was "low key".   

Since I suggest taking them out for coffee or lunch that certainly is not a rigid formal sitdown interview.  Maybe you're the only one that got that from my comments (let's take a poll!).  Reading my comments in context (and in totality) I doubt someone would think I am conducting a rigid Q&A session. No way. 

2nd thing;  what's this about chemistry and language?  Disagree totally.  Nonverbal communication cuts through language barriers -- so chemistry can be evident when communication with words is ineffective.  There were a couple instances (one after the first "meeting", ahem!) where she is looking for her driver in the parking lot  -- that was SO FUNNY!  She's talking in spanish and I understood her emotions completely!  She had to get back home and here we are in this big shopping mall, how is she going to find her driver!  There are many other instances (worshipping in her Church for example) where nonverbal trumps verbal.  Time will tell, but things look good from here.  This lady's communication skills, IMO, are way above average compared to all others I've met (American, European, Latin). 

Also, I DO know enuff espanol so that when listening to my Cali Diamond speak I can have an idea of her emotions, tone of voice, etc. Also, I have used 3 different translators (plus my powerful Franklin, haha!), one of which is a client and represents my interests (she's done 70% of the translating). 

Another thing I might have touched on but didn't hammer home..she's not striking me as co-dependent during our separation.  It seems the relationship is getting stronger -- to me that means she has made a "decision" and is getting pschyed the more she thinks about it.  I've had several long distance relationships after my divorce, this is the FIRST one that seems stronger while being apart.  Plus my female translator is picking that up as well (we both can hear it in my Cali Diamond's voice).  Interesting food for thought for those that read this board, IMO. 


DayTrader

[daytrader]

RE: "I'd be open to living in Colombia once we are a couple"  concept. 

I liked the questions suggested earlier to sort out the green card seekers, very effective. 


This also was discussed with my Cali Diamond...I brought it up on the third date...she has lived in Cali her whole life, I explained that it would take a year of so of dating + adjustment of status before her family could enter the USA and I had the freedom to live where I wish - we discussed my preference to live near the Carribbean, Santa Marta came up and she is open to relocating there once we are a couple.  She recently brought it up last week, stating that to avoid getting a lot of unsolicited advice from "friends in Cali"  (she knows a ton of people!)  to assist us in our new life, she wants to relocate out of Cali (with me as a member of the family) and avoid the constant din of unsolicited advice (this is an issue with American women I found as well; their "friends" can be relationship killers if your girl can't stick to her choice that she has made). 

-- DayTrader

[papi]

Daytrader, it is not a terrible filter (i want to live in your country) but many of these women have sugar daddy gringos and living with them in Colombia…they are not with their men out of love.  Overall, most of these MOB relationships are not balanced no matter what you do. 

Chris is not a bad guy but I think he tends to sometimes get a stick up his pooper…especially on the Espanol requirement.  As Bundy said, don’t listen to the haters and find your way.  You seem like a smart guy and beginners luck is the best luck of all.  Suerte.

[rpcv]

2nd thing;  what's this about chemistry and language?  Disagree totally.  Nonverbal communication cuts through language barriers -- so chemistry can be evident when communication with words is ineffective. 

I agree Daytrader. I spend 3 years living in a small rural village in Africa and didn't understand the language well for the first 9 months or so. Reading non-verbals saved me numerous times from awkward situtations but in the long run, having a grasp on the language is crucial. Women tend to fall in love with their ears, so the sooner you are able to effectively communicate, the better things will go IMHO. 

[bundy_138]

One of the girls I'm writing  told me that "she would love for me to relocate to Cali because that's where her family is".  I took this as a good sign, although she has a problem with our language barrier.  Another told me that "our language barrier is not an issue because she believes in the "language of love"".  Good line 

My point is....each and every Calena had an agenda.  It may be a green card, a sugar daddy, a husband, a lover or just a great friend.  You cannot put them all in the same category because they have different personalities.  However, I feel that are all after some STABILITY in life, either financially, emotionally, economically, etc.  We as gringos offer a better life for the ladies, and thats very evident.

Treat a Calena just as you would a Gringa here in the states and you shouldn't go wrong.  Just use the head on your shoulders and leave the other in hibernation!!

bundy

[papi]

However, I feel that are all after some STABILITY in life

well, the majority are not very stable...so that would make sense. Good luck...I moved the trawler to another spot

[Chris F]

Papi....I speak from experience which has lead me to marriage that I hope will last a life time. Now...I dont think your a bad guy either and I dont dislike you. But considering that I have achieved the "desired goal" of going to South America and finding someone unlike others here who have no success in long term relationships..much less marriage....I feel my comments about Spanish are valid........

Sincerely,

Saint Chris  or Stick up my Pooper Chris.....whatever you want to call me.....it doesn't matter....

Happy Holidays Steve...

[papi]

ok Saint Poop...I will never win the spanish argument....by the way, I had a pretty hot gf in thailand and couldn't even order salsa de tomate para mis fritas in Thai. feliz ano nuevo

[Nectar]

I am seriously thinking about going expat in the future and living in Colombia so this is a topic of conversation  for me all the time  and I would say in Colombia it runs 99% of the women are in favor of the guy living in country and her not having to leave. I think Chris maybe these women weren't very much into you  that you had so much negativity to your question. Colombianas are VERY close to their family and the ONLY reason they would leave is because they can't support themselves and vis a vis help their family out. I found very few are looking for the quick visa and those few are usually the real sharks at some of the unsavory agencies. Most want just a good man be it they live in Colombia or outside the country.
Now if you are talking FSU women, well that is a different matter, I would say 99% would tell you Dos Vidanya because the life there is so hard and they just want out, no matter what.

[daytrader]

Dittos, Nectar....I only met one latina in the last 8 years that struck me as self-seeking  (all were from Peru or Colombia..and several were already in the States already)...the only one being 1 of the 10 I interviewed during my 72 hour search in Cali last month...even she was not terribly untrustworthy, just very atypical American gringa. 

So, in conclusion, all the latinas I have met in the past 8 hears from SA  were family-first and would not knowingly stab their man in the back/leave for a greener pasture.

My comments on my Cali trip thread touch on the objections from the 20-somethings' cold feet towards the 35 yr+ gringos.. the basis for their cold feet was their family-first-respect-my-culture-dagnabit attitude.  I think they weighed everything and saw they were likely to come out on the short end of the American/European stick...and we KNOW latinas don't care for SHORT STICKS!  lol

DayTrader

[papi]

Daytrade, they will stab their man in the back…and anyone else.  Yes, family first….take the gringos money and send it to the family…same as the mafia and it is Standard Operating Procedure.  I have seen it many times.

-one friend of mine got married to a woman with a kid bringing both here on a visa – he didn’t know that she had a Colombian novio already in the USA

-Another friend of mine imported a girl from Cuba – when she got to Miami it was so long fatso

-A friend of mine living in Colombia and with his novia went back to visit the USA.  On his return, his girl took his stereo and car.  He had to hire a lawyer.

I have ex-novias which I later found out were prepagos and recently got engaged or married.  I highly doubt their partner's know their novias occupation.  I am not saying they are all rotten but if you play with fire, you can get burned. But good luck out there...however, I don't have the patience for it anymore

[daytrader]

Hey Papi --

My condolences to you and your amigos that had these bad experiences...guess you and I swim in VERY different SA fishbowls!  Cali doesn't come off to me as materialistic (compared to my current San Francisco - East Bay neighbors) and I can , with enuff time & info sort out the sharks from the dolphins in SA. 

NONE, and I mean NONE of the ACG hot babes that my younger brethren interviewed -that I met -- (they were all goregous and had no kids) possessed ANY shark in them.  They were ALL head and shoulders above many (but not all) comparable  20-somethings in the USA.  I'm a good snap-judge of character from doing thousands of  cold calls carrying a briefcase in my 20's for my own business.  I was the marketing, shipping and credit manager all in one.  And I did it in 95 degree heat in the Southeast for many years.   

 -- Bogota does strike me as well picked over, a little snooty and materialistic, but then the babes that I've seen and met  there are all middle class or above, and their looks, sophistication, manners and (particularly) their dress rival Paris and Rome, IMHO.  You can still do well in Bogota, you just have to put up with the lousy (IMO) weather compared to Cali/Costa Rica, etc and be at the top of your game. 

-- Cali strkes me as a breath of fresh air and very low stress for those that respect the latin culture.  The gals I met don't go to  discos or nightclubs to meet a guy; they would only go there with a guy they're dating and would never drop them for somebody they met on the dance floor.  That rules out a bunch of latinas from my fishbowl right there.   

My Cali fishbowl would be much larger if I had the self discipline to know espanol before I began my search - however, I put that in the hands of God, and He's taken great care of me these 51 years.   

For those reading this forum - a bit of advice - please do a self inventory of past relationships.  In my 20's and early 30's  I was drawn to a certain personality of woman - it turns out this type of gal is very destructive to my psyche.  In my  30's I figured this out, altered course and did better although I still got divorced.  In the past 8 years I have scrupulously avoided the personality traits of my ex-wife and had much better success and peace of mind.  It's even a joy living alone knowing that you are holding out for a non-destructive personality type. 

Again, Papi  - experience is reality so I don't knock what you say - but you and I swim in different latina fishbowls IMHO.  If you want to chat about this, don't hesitate to send me an email  Oh PreEminent Latin Road Warrior. May the future portend great things for you! 


DayTrader

[papi]

They are experts at pulling the wool over someone’s eyes, especially in Cali.  Go south with eyes wide open…you will see.  Know where you stand in the food chain my friend:

1. Family
2. Self
3. Money
4. Family dog
5. Gringo

I don’t want to encourage the Spanish nutjobs….but you will learn their tricks faster once you pick up the language.  "Expect the Unexpected."  And remember...Prestar in Colombia has nothing to do with actually "loaning" dinero. I am thrilled to have it out of my system before I really got screwed like most of my amigos. Suerte con todo pero que tengas mucho cuidado. cuidate

[daytrader]

Righto - Sir Papi -- good advice!  I'll try not to attract latinas that place the family mutt > me!

DayTrader

[doombug]

I am not saying they are all rotten but if you play with fire, you can get burned

I think this comes from your perusing the fire pits of the world. The bigger cities of LA and Asia, surrounded by slums and red-light districts, adorned with silicon- and cell-phone drenched bimbets chasing their cut of the gringo greenback.

Which leads to yet another new motto and avatar change suggestion fer ya  :

"Don't be the marshmallow at campfire's edge, just waiting to get toasted."

[papi]

Daytrade, once upon a time ago a rich language school owner interviewed me in Taiwan.  She arrived to meet me at the train station and was 30 minutes tardy. I was then relegated to sit in the backseat while her prized pooch rode shotgun.  Needless to say I didn’t accept the offer

[daytrader]

...huh...guess you've gotten the "snooty Bogota/San Francisco/Boston" treatment before....I think we all have been there, I don't let other's mistreatment of moi color my thinking or dampen my enthuasasm for the "nirvana" relationship...we'll see how my Cali Diamond's beginners luck holds out! 

DayTrade(r)......

[papi]

Beginners luck is the best luck of all…I have seen it work many times. In fact, most beginners don't know of these forums and they are probably better off for it. Problem is however things usually crash in the longrun.  But have fun while you are at it…get a prenupt!!

[Wayne5]

I have been married to a Cali girl I met at Margareths place over 5 years ago.  She has been a US citizen for a long time now and it has worked out fine.  She was 22 and I was 37 with no kids either of us.  I consider myself lucky....really lucky.  We travel alot and have spent the last few months in Cali visiting her friends and family.  I live like a Colombian guy and go to the gym, dinner and hang out like everybody else down here.  Being down her for a while has really changed my overall perspective on the place.  1st of all, it is so big and diverse, you can create just about any reality you want down here.  It all can be true.

But, things are a little different down here then you 1st perceive when you show up for a quick trip at an agency with little spanish.  You know so little, you don´t even know how little you know.

1st.  The place is plenty dangerous.   I don´t care about this and I´m not paranoid, but it´s true.  5 bombs have gone off in the city since I´ve been here.  2 quite close to where we stay.  So what but it´s true.

2nd.  There are plenty of good looking Colombian guys to go around, and the girls are doing just fine without us gringos coming down to rescue them.  I go to a really nice gym in the South that is full of beauties of all ages that have money.   If you want to really see and get a feel for this place, go hang out in a place like this and try talking with the girls.  See if you can catch their eye.  Your eyes might be opened.

3rd.  Over confidence is dangerous with these girls.  I have been lurking on this board for a while without posting because I´m not in the hunt anymore.  But I see guys posting like they have it all figured out and are giving advice after one trip because they caught a girl´s eye.  Again, you don´t know enough to even know what you don´t know.

4th.  Knowing what I know about this place now, I just don´t think the odds are in the gringos favor.  I got really freakin lucfreakingI know it.  Is it worth it, well for me I have to say yes.

5th.  Now for my opinion on how to get this done if you must persist.  Stay out of the agencies.  There are plenty of great pretty girls out there just waiting to meet you.  Go after the girls that have jobs.  They are working in the clinics wearing uniforms, they are all over the place.  If your new girlfriend has time to spend with you during the day, you may already be in trouble.  Find a girl with a job and with a life.  Develope a strategy and get out there and work at it.  Yes, you can´t be lazy and get 10 dates set up for a weekend, but it´s quality you are looking for, not quantity.

6th Find out where your new girlfriend lives right away.  If she lives in the east or the west, aqua blanca, or some other poor area, your already on your way to crashing and burning.  An educated successful gringo is going to have a disaster on his hands marrying one of these poor uneducated girls.

7.  Assume you don´t know what you have on your hands.  We have seen prepagos dressed to the 9 driving a nice car in the barrio.  They don´t look like prepagos, they are hot, and look like good dating material.   You just don´t know.  You need a Colombian friend that you can trust to really help you figure out who you are dating.

8.  Listen to Papi,  I think he´s pretty much got it figured out.

So I´m doné for now.  I wife is going to start posting to help you guys a little if you like.  Almost 6 years of this has taught me one thing.  I know very little about this place, and this may just not be a good idea for the average gringo to be messing with.



Wayne

[blockbuster]

 Wayne,

 I'm looking foward to reading your wife's post. Others here with wives should see if they are willing to contribute some trueism here. It would be greatly appreciated as we are only privy here to what the guys think is going on.

[papi]

Wayne, before I got to #8 I was thinking that this was a great post.  Now I know that you are in the know..LOL!  The only part I am not in total agreement is the agency avoidance for gringos wanting to proceed and on a limited timeframe.  Unless a guy has the looks and game it is not going to be easy outside of the agencies.  There are other options like online but those girls are not all that much of a cut above the agency chicas.  My recommendation is not to avoid the agencies completely but buyer beware.  To think you found your diamond on the first trip may be risky although a lot of guys have beginners luck.  Frankly, it is a big crapshoot.  Some succeed, many fail….Safe travels