AN OBSERVATION TO PHOENIX POST OVER ON WLC

[Kiltboy1]

I do not post over on the WLC, but will read from time to time posts that have substance instead of trading insults and today i read a post by PHOENIX about the relationship with his wife and her "MALE FRIENDS"  and i do not really care what anyone thinks on this matter because i have been a victim of LATINAS HAVING MALE FRIENDS and Phoenix has real cause for concern. My soon to be ex wife would not stop having male friends and they eventually worked there way into her life and she ended up cheating on me with at least one of them and maybe more. I came home one day from a business trip one day early to find a Venezuelan guy in my house. I hit the frigen roof as you can imagine. Another time this Mexican guy told my wife in front of me that he was in-love with there, thinking i did not know Spanish. My point to all of this is two fold. First Latin men are DOGS no matter in there country or ours and your wife is just another MACHISTA CONQUEST. Number 2, Latinas have a hard time controlling themselves because as a culture they need constant attention and we as American guys have a lot of responsabilities and thus cannot always be there for the Latina as a iresponsable LATIN DOG can. So Phoenix, if you read the P/L, i am with you 100%. If your wife continues with this pattern, sooner or later you are going to get cheated on and then left. I wish you the best, but i make it very clear to any woman now who we start taking about WHAT IFS, that if she is with me, she cannot have Latin men friends  if they are not part of our couple circle of friends and i explain exactly why this is. There is very little respect left in the world and the LATIN MAN has  ZERO respect for anybody or anything. Good luck Phoenix and if you need some support, you can ask me for my email and i will tell you all about how it can and will go down if your wife continues this pattern.

KB

DO NOT READ IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE THE TRUTH !!~

[latinsurfer]

You are doing a major disservice to those reading this board who are looking for their first experience with the Latin culture.
Did it ever occur to you that if you treated your wife in the manor in which she needed to be treated , she maynot have had to look outside the marriage. Or possibly you weren't right for eachother from the beginning. If she wanted to have an affair it wouldnot matter weather she had male friends or not. There are many guys out there both Latin and Non-Latin who will be more then happy to bed a pretty lady.
As I have spent countless hours working with guys doing their initial legwork before taking the plunge, I would say it is best you keep your personal feelings toward your own sad situation to yourself.
BTW, I am not Latin so I didnot take this as a personal insult, just an insult to those intelligent and sincere guys looking for a partner in SA.

[Kiltboy1]

Sorry

I will stand by my observation and i treated my wife very well. This is not the first or last time you will read guys having this problem. It s common in Latin america for the women to have male friends , but here in this country there is a total lack of respect  for marriage in general and Phoenix  is going to get burned if he cannot find a way to stop this. This comes from a total lack of respect on the womans part and i WILL NOT SHUT UP BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. I speak the truth and i do not care what you think period

KB

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH !!

[Kiltboy1]

And our job here , the guys that have been through this crap is  to point these things out so the new guys will know exactly what potention problems that can happen and be able to discuss this with there novia/wife  so as to have a clear understanding and an agreement BEFORE  stuff like this starts to happen. I did not know before i went to SA to look for a wife that this type f problem existed. But i do now and it is more common then one might think. So i urge all guys that are thinking about going south to put this one in your :RULES OF THE ROAD" , darn, i knew there was  a Biggie i forgot to list. This is a potential Bomb in a marriage and one that needs to be handled before you say  "I DO"

KB

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH !!

[flipflop]

I agree with KB. My wife doesnt have any "male friends" and I dont have any female friends. Its about trust and respect and being happy with your own family. Awhile back my brother told me his american girlfriend (who he had dumped) was spending evenings with a male friend. My brother was trying to rationalize this behaivior as some kind of space he should have been giving her. I told him ive never been in a relationship nor would I continue in one where my mate was spending ANY time with other men. If your not friends, she doesnt enjoy your company, seeks compaionship elsewhere (male of female) then somethings wrong

[Patrick]

FF,

You're the only guy in this thread who makes sense IMHO.  KB and Phoenix in my mind are whimps.  I would kick any woman who did this to the curb without waiting for her to start f*ing the "friends."

I haven't seen this with Latin women, but I have with American (plus one Vietnamese immigrant and one Indian immigrant).  Latin culture has no monopoly on friends with benefits and no doubt a lot of people reading this forum assume it's a Latin thing.  It's not.  It's just something to expect from someone with poor character.  I've seen multiple examples of opposite sex friendships involving married people.  In all cases these friendships either turned into affairs, or ended with problems when one of the two revealed that they want more than friendship.

This actually just happened with a friend of 10 years who wanted to f a female who used to report to me at work.  They went to the gym together, hiked on the weekends, etc. but in reality, he was more interested in poontang than friendship.  This idiot woman had to end the friendship, and is now trying to "patch things up."  She won't listen to common sense when I talk to her.  Of course, this is the same woman who thinks there's nothing wrong with being naked in front of her 12 year-old son.  She goes out to happy hours with male co-workers while her husband watches their kids.  She's from India.  Her husband's an (American) idiot.

I know a Vietnamese guy who's wife actually goes on weekend surfing and ski trips with her (gringo) male friends while her husband stays home to watch the kids.  This guy's an idiot.  Another one is a gringo who's f*ing an Asian guy's Asian wife.  They're friends too.  Then there was two couples I knew years ago where one man and woman formed a close friendship.  Both marriages ended (with a total of six kids between them).

Any man who allows a woman he's married to to have male friends is a fool.  I would even suggest that when it does happen, that instead of putting your foot down, you should dump the woman because she has poor character and it's going to continue in some way at some point.  Doesn't sound like fun being on constant alert that your wife might be attracting another "friend" to hang out with.

One last point-  Liberals are idiots!

[Kiltboy1]

Patrick

I have never taken a jab at you and i am surprised by you calling me a wimp. I only tried to allow my wife to have some Independence and not control her , but she was not able to handle it and i did kick her to the curb after i realized she could not be respectful. I am not for controlling a woman and i am not a liberal, i am a libertarian if you must know.I agree this happens in all cultures as well, it comes down to respect. But many Latin women are not well traveled or experienced and when they get a bunch of lines put on them, react in immature ways, not all , but some, again, not a Latin thing. But what is a fact is Latin Machismo culture and wanting to conquer a woman at all cost, regardless of her marital status.Not all Latinos are machismo just as Not all Gringos are Mongers or Cold personalities. I still stand by my opinion that having friends of the opposite sex can work if there are boundaries, but many times one or the other oversteps those boundaries  and in my case and it seems with Phoenix, it was the women. I will ignore and forget you called me a wimp because i always thought that when you ran the ship here, you were objective and non partial. Maybe being away from it gives you the balls to call names  which i am not going to do and is the main reason i choose not to post on other forums because this one is about men telling there experiences both good and bad. Hell, if all the experiences were good ones, there would be no more single men left in America, they would all be in SA.

KB

DO NOT READ IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE THE TRUTH !!

[Parlay Rey]

It is NOT a Latino thing. It's a MAN thing. You got a pair between your legs just like I do. You have the same innate hunger, beads of sweat, heart-pumping high blood pressure when you smell the scent of a woman (unless you're a Nancy boy). We can't help it. It's best to stop situations like these before they start.

All that notwithstanding, I'm going to oversimplify this with the 4 words I live by when it comes to my woman:

'WHEN HARRY MET SALLY'

[Parlay Rey]

The previous post is NOT directed at Kiltboy1. YOU should be read in the general context as WE in reference to men and masculinity. Again, not a personal attack.

Parlay Rey

[Ray]

...it is best you keep your personal feelings toward your own sad situation to yourself.

And just what is it that you are afraid of hearing?


I have to agree with Patrick on this. Any man who condones his wife spending time with other men whom he doesn't even know is a complete and total IDIOT!

Ray

[Patrick]

... and i did kick her to the curb after i realized she could not be respectful.

Okay KB, I retract my wimp post with apologies.  I (apparently in error) assumed it was she who left you.  Well done.  I still disagree with it being okay for married people to have close friendships with the opposite sex.  I don't do it myself, and wouldn't allow any woman I was involved with do it either.  I wouldn't attempt to control her behavior.  I would however, end things.  I suppose I can understand situations where there are kids involved and a man doesn't want to get divorced, lose his children,  and become a slave (which is what men who pay alimony essentially are).

[Kiltboy1]

Guys

Go back and read the original post. I do not condone the women having men friends and i also tried to tell Phoenix he needs to stop that behavior and also i said anyone i talk to now and get involved with, i explain to them why it is not good to have men friends. Did you guys not read that part??? I do not want my wife to be involved with men friends and in my marriage to the calena, i tried to stop it, but she continued behind my back and that is then i told her it was finished.


KB

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH !!

[bundy_138]

MEN DON'T HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS....we just say we are friends in hopes of getting in their panties.    I dumped my last novia (Puerto Rican) because she had more time to spend with her "male friends" than she did with me.  It was hard and it broke my heart, but I got rid of her!  I find this problem alot with Latinas.  Latino men are very Macho and although Latinas say they do not like it, they are lying to your face.  It is part of their everyday life and culture.  Not only is it improper, it is disrespectful.  I know what other mens intentions are.  I am a man.  I am not friends with a woman and have no reason to be overly nice to her unless she's gonna give up the goods.

Any man here who has yet to date a Latina, do not be fooled.  Any women (especially Latinas) should not have "male friends".  No reason to have another mans attention when she is supposed to be your "woman".  JMHO!

Bundy

[fathertime]

MEN DON'T HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS....we just say we are friends in hopes of getting in their panties.

A story that may apply:


Two weeks ago, I was walking with my kids and dog around the neighborhood.  We took a different path this time.  After we meandered on some different streets, we ran into an old girl I knew from high school, I had seen her casually through the years occasionally, since my little sister was friends with her.  She is married with a little girl of her own.  She invited me inside her lovely craftsman house and we got to talking while all our children played together.  Fairly early on she said she was not happy with her marriage and seemed to be soliciting advice, since she knew I had been down the road she is contemplating.  I did nothing to discourage or encourage a separation/divorce, but told her if she is discussing marital problems with another man, her marriage is in deep trouble.  I know I would be very angry if I were the husband in that situation.  Anyway a couple hours passed and it was getting dark, the kids were hungry, so it was time to walk back home and for supper.  As I was leaving the husband came home from work, we had met years ago so we shook hands and spoke briefly.  I could definitely sense some uneasiness on his part and rightfully so.  It so happened his wife had an unseized upon affection for me since our old high school days. 

Since our first encounter, I have received a couple phone calls and I have also taken the same path for our walks.  Our children play together while we talk on the back patio. There is some sexual tension building from her end mostly.  As for me, I find this old girl quite attractive; she is very athletic and well toned.  Essentionally she is the prototypical attractive California Blond.  Although nothing has happened physically, I feel sorry for the husband more now than ever.  He came home a second time while we were visiting and must feel very uneasy about the whole thing. 

I actually enjoy this ladies company more than anything else.  I have no intention of banging her now or ever BUT if she were to literally jump my bones I doubt I wound stop before the likely orgasmic end.  I can't let that happen.  I am going to stay away from her house and minimize contact with my new "Friend".  I do not want to be perceived as the man who brought down an already failing marriage and I don't want anymore bad Karma.

What I have learned from this entire thread is: I don't want my future wife to have male friends that I don't already know real well.  It just is not appropriate and too many bad things can happen even if that is not the intention at first.

Fathertime!

[rpcv]

I wonder too how much of this behavior is her actually trying to "test you". Meaning, she wants you to put your foot down and tell her not to hang out with other guys. Women are strange in that way; one minute telling you they want to have their independence and the next, wanting you to lay down the law.

You can be as nice as possible, but the minute she thinks she can turn an inch into a mile, she will attempt it.  

[blockbuster]

Kb,

 remember the Dallas Steve story. His wife is allowed to have male friends,males giving her gifts ect. But as soon as he talks to a woman she would flip out. She was even staying out all night with her friends. I can't believe he puts up with that!

[Patrick]

Remember the Dallas Steve story. His wife is allowed to have male friends,males giving her gifts ect. But as soon as he talks to a woman she would flip out. She was even staying out all night with her friends. I can't believe he puts up with that!

Isn't he on his 2nd marriage to a Latina right now?  I hope you're talking about his 1st!

[blockbuster]

 patrick,

 Though I think DS sounds like a really likable guy I have to say it's wife #2. But I think he's  prett ok with it as he sauys he has no regrets even if this marriage ends also.

[doombug]

Clay seems to be handling this situation perfectly. Thus far, I've yet to sense any "wimpiness" on his part. To the contrary, he seems to be trying his damndest to rein in the urge to just up and pounce (at least verbally speaking) on those matrimony-meddling butt munches.

Props to him. His intuition picked up on some early telltale signs of potential infidelity.  Rather than overreact, he sought out advice and support from those who could empathize with his situation best. And, finally, he abided by the "Goldilocks standard" when it comes to putting your foot down: not too early, not too late, but just when things are heating up. As well meaning as his wife likely is, I don't envy his situation. It can't be a pleasant feeling dealing with such nebulous characters so soon after marriage.

Though I, too, cringed in disagreement with his pigeonholing of Latinos as machistas*,  or even as the sole practitioners of machismo, KB nonetheless makes a great point about reminding gringos of the need to be more aware of what pitfalls lie ahead in the world of MOB. It's safe to say that most of us, prior to our first voyage abroad, were attuned to the more "traditional" indicators of infidelity, and completely blind to these other, extra-cultural inducers of infidelity.

[What a term paper that'd make for any of you high-school kids lurking out there!  Extra-cultural inducers of infidelity. ]

Peace out, ballers!


* Oh, hi! It's me again. I'm here to pass along this etymological tidbit related to the practice of machismo. Machistas are those who live by the machismo "code,"and machismo is defined as follows: Exaggerated pride in masculinity, perceived as power, often coupled with a minimal sense of responsibility and disregard of consequences. In machismo there is supreme valuation of characteristics culturally associated with the masculine and a denigration of characteristics associated with the feminine. It has for centuries been a strong current in Latin American politics and society. Caudillos (military dictators), prominent in the history of Latin America, have typified machismo with their bold and authoritarian approach to government and their willingness to employ violence to achieve their ends. Peace be wit you, my brudas and sistas!

[utopiacowboy]

What kind of wife wants to hang out with other guys? The thought would never even cross my wife's mind - in fact on the weekends she gets a little miffed if I can't spend every waking moment with her. She kind of reminds of the blue heeler I used to have. That dog was completely obsessed with me, would follow me out to where I was working on the ranch and stay with me until the job was finished and accompany me back home. She used to tag along with me while I went jogging and help me with the cattle. There are not many women who could match a dog like that in devotion and loyalty but my wife can. That's about as high a compliment as I can think of. Shorty was one helluva dog.

[Nicks]

Hello people,

this is a ver intresting string. I dont know if colombianas are diffrent when it comes to having male friends than panamanian women. Here a single girl, or a girl with a boy friend, can have several male friends, not a serious problem. The boyfriend just has to adjust to the fact that his girl have male friends from before they met, and she has to accept that he has female friends from before. Now, ones they are married, the contact with friends of the oposite sex, is practicaly 0, even friendship with same sex, is very low. My wife had a very large group of friends before we married, mostly men, but as soon as we tied the not *poof* they were gone. Since i didnt know anyone in panama, i had no friends (got myself a cat, as a friend), so we had no *friend* problems.
At the time my wife was pregnant with our first son, a new marketing manager started in the casino i was working at. We had our offices next to eachother and it was natural due to our work, that we spend time together during working hours. One day while she and her assistant were in my office going over a marketing plan, and having coffee, my 7 month pregnant wife walks in. I could see that she had a mental fit, but she remaind calm, and was very polite. Man, when i got home, i got yelled at! Who was the putana, and her lesbian friend in my office, how many times had we [snip]ed, etc etc etc. She finaly calm down, appologist for her behavior, and said it was the hormones, and since she was pregnant she felt fat and uggly, and there fore was worried i would cheat on her, with this beutiful manager and her assitant. Point being, do not have female friends if you are married, not even work friends, do not socialise, cause you never know whn wiffy is coming for a visit.

My wife also told me thisvery intresting thing, one time when i was going out with some male frieds.. Nicholas, i trust YOU, but i do not TRUST women. I said that, well, if i would cheat it would be because i wanted to and not because i was raped. My wife then said, no honey, you dick says yes, but if your brain says no, then you are ok. Women make your dick and brain say yes, and thats when you cheat!

nick

[Patrick]

What kind of wife wants to hang out with other guys? The thought would never even cross my wife's mind - in fact on the weekends she gets a little miffed if I can't spend every waking moment with her.

Hey UC,

What's the age difference between your wife and yourself?  I can't help but wonder of the male friendship problem isn't something the guys who marry way outside their league have to deal with far more often than guy's who marry women reasonably close to themselves in terms of age and looks.

My wife has never had any male friends since we married.  She thinks it's wrong and would lead to an affair.  I agree.  I've seen some men try this and get shot down quickly by my wife.  She knows why they want to be friends.

Maybe male friends and disrespect are the price many men pay for marrying young hotties.  Doesn't sound like a good trade-off to me.

[Parlay Rey]

Another cinematic mantra for the ages..."Trust me with your life, not your money or your wife."

"NAVY SEALS"
 Lt. JG Dale Hawkins (Charlie Sheen)

[blockbuster]

Hey UC,

What's the age difference between your wife and yourself?  I can't help but wonder of the male friendship problem isn't something the guys who marry way outside their league have to deal with far more often than guy's who marry women reasonably close to themselves in terms of age and looks.

My wife has never had any male friends since we married.  She thinks it's wrong and would lead to an affair.  I agree.  I've seen some men try this and get shot down quickly by my wife.  She knows why they want to be friends.

Maybe male friends and disrespect are the price many men pay for marrying young hotties.  Doesn't sound like a good trade-off to me.

 Patrick,
  The fun part of the search is getting girls beyond your league. The hard part is keeping her. This ain't easy.

[utopiacowboy]

Hey UC,

What's the age difference between your wife and yourself?  I can't help but wonder of the male friendship problem isn't something the guys who marry way outside their league have to deal with far more often than guy's who marry women reasonably close to themselves in terms of age and looks.

My wife has never had any male friends since we married.  She thinks it's wrong and would lead to an affair.  I agree.  I've seen some men try this and get shot down quickly by my wife.  She knows why they want to be friends.

Maybe male friends and disrespect are the price many men pay for marrying young hotties.  Doesn't sound like a good trade-off to me.

There is six years age difference. My wife and I, while we are 52 and 46 now, still look very young and attractive for our ages. She's not a young hottie - like Monica Belluci, she's an old hottie.