My Journey

[Fosgate5]

My Journey
 
 
So really my journey started nearly 15 years ago. I was 30 then and I noticed something in the dating scene that really changed when I hit that age. I could not put my finger on it at the time, but I knew I had doubts about finding marriage material. Friend of a friend brought a Columbian woman by and she was super cool enough that I browsed the online dating-“Mail order bride”-etc sites. I was intrigued but at the time my business was really struggling and loosing money so I certainly could not justify a trip. Also there was in the back of my mind the “Mail order bride” idea of what people would think. Five years went by and I dated/one night standed several women until about 2008. I met a woman on a blind date that a friend set me up with by asking me on the phone if I’d like to go out with a friend of his with big tits and likes to f#$k. Well, I was sold. Little did I know that would waste 5 years of my life with about 3 of them being a toxic relationship.
I reflected back on what went wrong with friends. I thought back to about 2 months into the relationship when I didn’t listen to that little voice in my head that told me to hang up the phone and walk away when she tried to pick a fight one morning over the phone. I didn’t though. For some reason I thought to myself, “Man, not everyone is happy in their marriage, if you want to make it work sometimes you have to eat a chit sandwich.” Little did I know that would be a regular daily meal. For 5 years I submitted myself to the torture before we parted ways.
I learned a lot from that breakup. First, she was a total feminist whether she admitted it or not and if she threw accusations it was not really because she thought I was doing it. It was more she was doing whatever she was accusing you of or lecturing you not to do and didn’t want to get caught. Though she was the cream of the crop I discovered after living with her for five years there were many of the same characteristics I saw in many of my other women failures.
My parents divorced back when I was in 5^th grade in the late 70’s. My mother was a stay at home mom and I had sold myself I wanted a woman that was like one of the guys, successful career and I’m not going to get divorced and put my kids through the emotional trauma I did when I was a kid. Or so I thought. I’d always targeted women with successful careers and realized I was going after the wrong type of women. Feminists were right long ago that women were not being treated right. What I found though since splitting with that 5 year long term fiancé and after dating several women after her was that women in American are acting just as badly.
In my humble opinion American women have given up in maintaining a family for the most part. I was banging the cool one of the guys-likes to F$%k-very little respect for men until I hit the point where the women who wanted families already were in one, divorced with serious trust issues, or just plain f’ing mean with low self esteem.
What to do though? Go back to the bar scene? Pickup chicks at church, grocery store, Tinder, POF? I tried POF and while it was easy to get laid, every one of those women was an absolute train wreck. That’s when I recall sitting in a healthcare class in college, me and another non traditional student and about 30 20yr olds. The instructor asked for a show of hands of who has dated someone they met online before. Me and the other non trad look and giggle, but when we looked behind us we were the only ones who didn’t have our hands raised. I then realized that online dating was a stigma that ended awhile ago. About this time I saw an old Army friend had just had a kid with his Filipina bride whom he married a couple years before. That’s when I found this site and just read and watched for a couple months. I was thinking of looking for a Columbian woman as I found Latinas very attractive. Then someone here began chatting about Filipinas, Spanish history of the Philippines and difference in temperament/cultures. That’s when I started looking more seriously at Filipinas and got on a couple dating sites to meet them. I just looked for a couple months and learned the routine of the scammers and learned quickly how to avoid them and listen to the voice in my head. At this time I had just gotten out of college, moved in with my brother, no job and didn’t have two nickels to rub together.
I chatted a couple Filipina’s that were not scammers but quickly saying “I love you” which freaked me out thinking they were weird and dropped them. Again I did not fully understand the culture. I approached one woman named Anabelle. Attractive little Latina looking Filipina. At first, she thought I was some player (She told me a couple months later.). I had about 200 screening questions I asked her and she also asked some back and we both passed each others questions with flying colors. Mind you It wasn’t like an exam. Conversation surrounded each question. About 3 four weeks (If that) of chatting and skyping daily and she started to say “I love you” and I decided to roll with it. Never looked back, within about 6 months I transitioned to a decent job and moved out of my brothers and 9 months relocated to the opposite side of the state.
Things by all means were not always smooth, come to find out Anabelle had broken up with a Filipino man that had a stalking issue. I did not learn of this for about 6 months, It was just some random text via Facebook in the middle of the night. She told me it was her ex and that she was with friends and that he was there and had used her phone when she wasn’t aware. We chatted about it a little and it satisfied my red flag. About a year later it came up again a bit more serious as I was concerned about videos I had watched about a common problem is women are often still married and trying to get away but will never be able to leave the country because their husbands will not divorce them. I quickly learned inconsistencies in the guys claims and he popped up about every 6 months and became a real problem when he came into her office and swiped her phone from her. I chatted with some friends and family and I worried about her safety enough for a while that I even considered just breaking up with her for her safety. I found out abuse towards women is often not investigated or addressed in the Philippines. I always had my head on a swivel of the possibility of a scam but at some point I just extended some trust (not blind trust) after I educated myself and thought about things a bit before acting brash.
I finally went to see her in April of 2017. Picked her up in Manila and went to Coron for a few days and then to Bohol for a few days. She was quickly more that I expected as without knowing it she was superseding every day with her actions. It was like reuniting with a old friend who never left. She was totally the negotiator when it came to dealing with cab drivers and merchants.  As we were leaving Coron I tested her when I discovered one of our tours was not billed to our room. Rather than notifying the receptionist right away I wanted to see Anabelle’s reaction would be as to her character. I told her and her response was, “You need to let them know Mahal (my love), someone will have to pay it…and god will know if you don’t.” I was wowed by that response. At that moment I knew she was the one. She had always been supportive, showed great empathy and great respect and had the idea I would probably propose to here while there. This was the moment that I realized to myself how lucky I was and don’t eff this up dummy.
Money- So after I proposed to her in Bohol we made plans to pick out a ring in Mall of Asia in Manila. I asked how much does she think I should spend on a ring for her. She said it was up to me but she will pick out the ring. $10k I asked her and the response was a look at me and an instant reply “That’s too much!”
“$5k” “Too Much!!”
 “A Grand?”
 “No mahal, too much.”
“Um, OK.”
We set out to the mall and she would walk out of a jewelry store as fast as she walked in. “Too expensive.” We essentially walked into one that the jewelry was used and about 15 minutes she had two picked out and asked my opinion on them. She settled on one and I handed her $1000 cash to pay for it which she did and then promptly handed back all but $150 of the $1k I had given her. “Are you ?hitting me?” I’m thinking. Then I’m thinking, crap she makes about the equivalent of $5 a day, sends 1/3 of that to her mother so she really knows what $1 is worth. All through 2 ½ years she had never asked for a dime. Once I proposed to her I flew home I looked at money differently and my responsibility to her now. I offered money on a monthly basis and she would often turn it down or ask for maybe $100 to help with some bills while she made plans to her final trip home to see her family before she came here.
               She flew here on Sept 1^st and we married on Oct 18^th. I gotta say, best decision of my life. I’m fortunate enough to work from home and she will sit on the couch next to my desk while I work and keep herself occupied in silence. She just enjoys being in my presence and we can hours without silence and my first thought is she doesn’t flip out thinking I’m pissed at her like so many women of my past. However, she can read my expressions like a book. She knows immediately if I’m worried, stressed, pissed etc and she confides in me and can calm me like no one else.
               So how’s family and friends? I’ll tell you what, you will never be asked, “So how did you two meet.” So much. I disassociated myself from two family members, one being my mother in the last year. They have both had it coming but I had learned both of them where scheming, planting the seed and providing the fertilizer that was TNT in my old fiancé. I was sure as He L L not going to expose Ana to those two hens. I learned quickly that as many people that wish you well there are equal number that just wanna see a good crash and they want to be a part of it. My typical response to the above question, “I found her on the inside cover of Filipina mail order bride monthly.”. They usually look at you like a deer in headlights as you look at them straight faced. Then I laugh to break the moment and they will often be dumb enough to ask again. That’s when I tell them “Online…Not Mail order bride….Gave up on American women, think most my age are disrespectful feminist C U N T S anymore” and that answers that question. I swear when I was going to the Philippines I’m pretty sure some of them thought I was going for sex tourism. I just don’t care about hurting their feelings for trying to put me or her on the spot. It’s me and Ana Vs. The World. You’ll really know who the people you care to associate with real quick after you shake them up. I don’t discuss with Anabelle about racism, politics etc. I made the decision to let her form her own opinion about those topics without me stating mine. I’m lucky enough to have a few close friends who’s wives have been a tremendous help as well. Me being a guy I don’t fully understand some girl things. For instance, I thought I would have to buy her an entirely different wardrobe moving to a cold climate. Two of them shared that that’s not necessary and that clothes are really an part of who they are. Just buy some things to allow here to layer with what she already has without looking like a marshmallow. So instead of buying a whole new wardrobe we wound up just buying a good Columbia Coat, hat, gloves, Cuddle Duds thermals for women, socks, warmer leggings, few long sleeve [snip]s and that’s about it.
               Visa process. If there was one thing I would change I would have not gone the K1 route and gotten married in the Philippines and applied for the CR1. Why? That whole proving a Bona Fide Relationship is up to some desk jockey’s opinion and it is not always easy to provide the documentation for that. We were denied at first and I quickly contacted my congressmen and wrote an email to them and the consulate. The consulate saw in my letter the reason I had not met her parents and no photos was because they are in Mindanao which is against the travel advisory of the Embassy. Called me in the middle of the night and they reversed the decision which just doesn’t freakin happen from my understanding. So we caught a unicorn after being smashed. We were simply lucky. I was facing having to go marry her there and file a CR1 or hire an attorney to fight a lost cause which would not be cheap. This is why I say just marry and apply for the CR1. It’ll save you headache and heartache.
               I love every day and night with her. She is soft spoken, shy and laughs a lot….I mean a lot. We were watching Joe Koy a comedian with filipino ancestry doing his stand up on Netflix when he menitons his mother cursing his sisters about “Throwing your pek pek at everybody.” And she bust out laughing. Of course I ask and she tell what “Pek Pek” means. We have these laughs about American sayings also. Her mother never taught her how to cook but that’s ok as I love to cook. She watches me in the kitchen and cleans as I go which is awesome. She takes the cleaning responsibilities and I make one rice dish a day for her as I cook a mean Pork/Chicken Adobo (9 out of 10 on her scale), Filipino Fried Rice, Pork Calderata and we explore other Japanese, Vietmanese, Indian, Spanish, Mexican and American Dishes. One of her favs is an aged Angus beef steak seared and braised in a cast iron pan served with Asparagus fried in garlic and olive oil with plain jasmine rice. She clearly makes her love for me known to me and others in very tasteful ways.
               If you’re  on the fence. Don’t worry what people think. People are like crabs in a bucket in that they will pull your azz back in to keep you from escaping, you can escape if there no other crabs in your bucket. You and your woman are all that matters. Stop wasting time, keep your head on a swivel and go. There are plenty of people her to offer solid advise. Look for solutions around a problem rather than “Don’t, No”. 
Me and Ana.... our journey has just started.







               

[mambocowboy]

Glad you found happiness Fosgate. As long as you two don't let others come between you, you should be fine. Congrats!!!

[robert angel]

Glad you found happiness Fosgate. As long as you two don't let others come between you, you should be fine. Congrats!!!

Ditto. And certainly some lessons to be learned from Fos's experience. I wonder if the drastic shift on K1 visas not being as 'user friendly' as spousal visas these days holds true for other nations besides the Philippines?

I mentioned it to my wife and she said that the USCIS has been rejecting a LOT more K1's lately, and NOT just for serious things like criminal records or because one party still not legally 'single', etc.

She told me that things that used to be fixed easily,  like you filled out a form wrong by mistake (and the forms CAN be confusing) are no longer necessarily easily remedied.

Whereas before, they told you what you did wrong and you redid a particular form, perhaps resubmitting a payment a 2nd time, now your K1 visa is increasingly simply rejected

Also, another person who's been through this, said that certain matchmaking websites for the Philippines had a bad rep with USCIS and best to steer clear.

So it's gotten harder and even if you do everything right, slower and more expensive.

Yea, it involves at least one or more trips to marry her in her country and then file for a spousal visa, but it seems like that's where things are headed if you want it as 'fool proof' as possible.

If the K1 goes awry on you, getting a lawyer and dragging it out is probably going to take another trip, plus add in legal and USCIS costs all over again. And as seemingly always, longer delays.

And, as Fos pointed out, getting the USCIS to change their mind after the fact, is almost like catching a unicorn.

[robert angel]

 
 Her mother never taught her how to cook but that’s ok as I love to cook. She watches me in the kitchen and cleans as I go which is awesome. She takes the cleaning responsibilities and I make one rice dish a day for her as I cook a mean Pork/Chicken Adobo (9 out of 10 on her scale), Filipino Fried Rice, Pork Calderata and we explore other Japanese, Vietmanese, Indian, Spanish, Mexican and American Dishes. One of her favs is an aged Angus beef steak seared and braised in a cast iron pan served with Asparagus fried in garlic and olive oil with plain jasmine rice. She clearly makes her love for me known to me and others in very tasteful ways.
               
Me and Ana.... our journey has just started.


             

Did you guys with foreign wives find them to be pretty good, versatile cooks when they got here?

Fosgate's description is not unusual in the Philippines this generation. While both my wife's parents were college graduates, they decided early on, that a rural farming life was what they wanted for a their family.

That said, they expected their children to at least by also having an education, to have a choice besides between a rural, agricultural life, to also be well educated and able to get (for that country) what constituted a good corporate job in a city, either there or hopefully abroad.

Many years when the crops were bad and/or crop prices low, they struggled. But for the most part, especially for the younger children later on, private school was their choice and money for that came before Christmas and birthday presents. 

Actually, while Christmas and birthday are HUGE events over there, gifts and presents aren't a big part of it for most families. My wife's family always celebrated them, but the means and inclination for 'gifts, presents' wasn't there. Sentimental people yes, but eminently practical.

Tuition due dates and as the practice there, paying for each upcoming exam (or otherwise being booted out of school) were tense, high priority times.

No govt. student loans there.

Not quite as intense as Japan, but make no mistake, many parents, including my inlaws, raised my wife and her siblings to above all, excel in school.

Learning to bake, to cook dishes much beyond the all important pot of rice, was not a priority. Preparing for an adulthood, with options that might promise a better life, WAS.

My wife was raised with great values, moral character, but not to be, as the USA term says, be "Susie homemaker".

But her deeply ingrained values and moral character have made her a fantastic stepmother, example for my sons. And a fantastic wife, who nonetheless tolerates my 'rough edges' and tries to praise me if I do anything remotely admirable. (like wash the dishes)


They graduate from high school over there at age 16. By that age, if my wife and her siblings had shown enough maturity, They were allowed to move to the big city, three hours away to attend college on their own.

Incredibly, my wife had a five year university degree in both computer hardware and software engineering right about the time she turned 20 years old.

Fosgate's wife Ana, went to a very fine University.

But like Ana, the pay for the job after graduation was awful. With so many families having huge amounts of kids, unemployment is incredibly high in the Philippines. Especially for women.

In her Senior year, my wife worked an internship for Coca Cola. That's Philippines, NOT USA Coca Cola. Way different. But they liked her a lot, as she's beautiful, smart and hard-working. Plus she could tolerate their 'boys will be boys' mindset and so they hired her on after graduation-- but as is common there, only as a 'contract' worker.

She was the only female amongst a bunch of guys and they were often rude 'dudes' making fun of the 'cute girl'-- sexist behaviors that'd get people fired in the USA as of late.


But that contract work scenario, is also increasingly the same here, where our US postal mail is delivered by a contract worker, making about $10 an hour, w/o benefits.

But anyway, my wife worked 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. Then, once a month, working in logistics, she even had to come in on Sundays for inventory.

Like Ana, despite making little money, my wife, the eldest daughter, always sent money home, in her case, to help pay for her younger sibling's tuition.

Between helping her family and rushing to the internet cafe to pay to chat and webcam me (and NEVER asking me for a single peso) for four years, she usually didn't have enough money for meat, not fish, chicken, never mind beef.

it was "veggies and rice" most nights.

To her, a fast food hamburger was like lobster at a five star restaurant here.

If they were guys, they'd probably make more money, but that's just how life is in the Philippines. There, if you're female, don't have a college degree, aren't physically beautiful and are under age 25, your chances of getting a good job as a sales girl in the mall, never mind with a huge corporation, decline drastically. If you DO qualify, the pay, contract or otherwise, is peanuts.

A woman gets closer to age 30 there and getting a good, career type job is very unlikely. Again, with too many young people, guys get the best shots.

After all, literally thousands of people will line up to take that same job, although not true as much as they pretend, They think guys are the responsible 'breadwinners'

As soon as word gets out, the line's a mile+ long and getting a jobs like winning the lottery....

Then finally, against long odds, Coca Cola was decided to make my wife a 'regular', a non 6 month contract employee, after a lot of previous contract renewals.

But by that time, she and I were serious. She had to gamble. To take weeks off to spend time with me meant resigning. Future employers would surely wonder why a Filipina left such a fortunate position. Pretty much career suicide.

Thank God she took the gamble and I think we both, but especially me, won that gamble.

And when when she arrived here, like Ana, she didn't really know how to cook. And even then, a lot of things, appliances, foods, recipes here were a lot different than what's over there.

Eventually, my wife caught on (I don't cook a whole lot, so that was good) but we had some hilarious moments getting there and things like the: " Two Ingredient Cookbook" ( Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup and pork chops or  chicken, etc) weren't of much help. Cook books in general weren't.

It's like riding a bike-- a book doesn't help too much.

We had some hilarious disasters, as mentioned once when I was at work, her correctly slicing the frozen 'slice and bake' chocolate chip cookies in the oven and baking for twenty minutes, then when smoke started filling the kitchen, not realizing they didn't mean the MICROWAVE oven! (Not that bad, kinda smelled like VERY roasted coffee for a few days, LOL....)

But hey, before you think "DUMB" -- I remember when microwave ovens first came out. My older sister thought it was so cool that you could make microwave popcorn in paper bags. So she figured, 'Why not use Tupperware?'

Tupperware then wasn't microwave cool. It melted and we had a weird kind of carmel corn stuck to the oven! Mom was NOT happy!

Thankfully, my wife at least chose a ceramic plate rather than metal for the microwave!

But we've basically worked together in the kitchen to learn, which we still do to an extent, and it was, it is still, fun and romantic!

Ask a lot of woman and they'll tell you that they find their husbands working in the kitchen with them, fun-- even messy, erotic fun at times!!

My wife's in the kitchen now, whipping up something that smells mighty fine, but the critically vital to the SEC championship Georgia--Florida football game is starting, so she'll have to do it solo!!!

We'll have to work together on 'dessert' after.....

[mambocowboy]

My wife is a very good cook. Cooked all my meals for me when I was visiting her in Colombia too. No matter how angry she's gotten with me at times during our 6.5 year marriage,  she cooks for me without my ever asking or demanding....

[Fosgate5]

Thats' so tru Robert. You have to remember a lot of times that they have not seen or operated such a device. IE: Ana does the dishes after every meal and thinks the dishwasher machine is a waste. Toss out any leftovers past their prime...waste. This is also have the fun though. Showing her a dandy lion flower in full bloom and finding another one ready for the wind to take the seeds away when you blow on it. Every day and every corner is a new experience for her and really it's refreshing. Takes you back to when you were younger.


I was reading some of the old posts I think "Sucker of the Year." I remember reading that a few years ago and thought they guy had some valid points. I reread it today and thought, "Wow, That's really singularily ignorant to think of ones own perspective only." Put yourself in their shoes. If someone is coming to marry your brother and sister your probably going to go wether the foreigner invites you or not. He L L, they probably don't even know you exist but your mother tells you that you better be there to support your sister. Now here we would probably not really realize that things like hotels are not Filipino prices so much as tourist priced. Take into account many Filipino's make about $5 a day on average. Here in the U.S. probably $120. You can generally stay at a hotel pretty easy on a days pay here. $5 hotel room in the Philippines? Yeah right. Cheapest we found was something like $30 for a smaller version of a Days in. To them a hotel is a vacation they save for. Remember many are sending 1/3 of their pay home for support. The rest is paying for their own expenses. It would be like if I asked you guys to come visit me in Rapid City SD during the Sturgis Rally, if you can find a dive hotel it's $700 a night, or split a rental house for $3k a night, Food prices are about $30 a head for breakfast, lunch and dinner about $60-100. Not everyone in the family can afford that but that one family member that the price doesn't impact so much can pay.


Then there is the obligation thing. Once I proposed to her and flew back to the states she is MY fiance and I was more than happy to send her about $200 a month to help her pay for things like her CENMAR, Embassy Visit, Medical, final trip to her home providence, suitcases etc. Why? Cause she's my fiance and going to be my wife. Time to man up! Those expenses the US Govt are prices for US Citizens, not Philippine prices. Was I fearful that she was going to take money and run..not really. I took the time to know her and paid attention to consistencies and inconcistiencies. Do they line up all the time? No. There are times Ana did not want me to know about problems with the family and would tell me something to satisfy my curiosity. I would find out months later in conversaiton that the story had changed and call her out. Her sisters kids staying with her mother were misbehaving one instance. Another was her Sisters husband had fertilizer stored for the seasonal rice crop, roof breached during the rains and washed about $200 in fertilizer away, but she did not want to concern me with that or ask me for money with it and they made things work (he sold the family motocycle their means of transportation I found out later.)


That's just it, everyone is afraid of the scam and rightfully so. But you really gotta try and understand their situations, economy and basic human needs when your going into this. It can get expensive as you want but it is by no means peanuts all the time. I found out my wife was contributing about 1/3 of her salary to her mothers care (her father is deceased). I did the math on how much she got per hour, how many hours a day, days a week (6 days) and converted from PHP to USD and saw $60 pop up. Huh, I can swing that until she gets a job here and double or tripple that. I was so fearfull when guys talked about supporting the family etc. You gotta remember how far a dollar goes there. I was relieved at first when my wife told me she was the youngest daughter (the oldest daughter has the responsibility the most in supporting the family.) Now I'm thinking this isn't going to be so bad sending a little cash to help her mother. She did ask me once before we were engaged, her mother caught pneumonia and didn't have the funds to cover it. When I asked how much it was like $35, I sent $80 and told her to make sure she gets enough meds. She has always been appreciative of everything I have purchased for her and try to help her out. When she got here in the cold weather climate her skin and hair started to get really dry. We tried several different things and we are still searching for a long term solution. But I see her chats with friends how I buy her these things trying to help her and their exchange is that she is so lucky to have someone caring like me etc.


Telling you. It's a 180 flip from any woman I have ever dated. I'm afraid I'm going to break her at times. She rode with me once to a claim that involved 50 miles of greasy gravel roads after an inch of rain the night before. 40 miles in and I had to pull over so she could puke. Last week I gave her a glass of wine and she got drunk for the first time in her life. An hour after drinking she the room started to spin and she wanted to goto bed and pass out. The next morning she tells me, "I don't understand why people drink alcohol." Then I smoke a cigar a couple times a month. Recently said she wants to try it. With my track reacord I may want to avoiid that one. Right now she enjoys the smell of it...lets keep it at that. Facial hair. I thought filipinas hated facial hair. I shaved my gotee off and we visited a friend that grows a beard competitivly and uses the oils, balm etc. She loved how soft it was and the smell from the product. So now I'm growing a pet on my face at her encouragement.

[Wildstubby]

I have been following your story with some piqued interest. I am going to attempt the K-1 visa route along with my novia and her children. So any pitfalls and successes draws my attention. I think that we are all in the same boat where we've, (I hate to generalize but I'll bet its closer to the truth!), are tired of the scorn and at times, outright indignation of domestic women here. Granted, women are women and they all carry that 'X' gene. But yours and Robert's stories are proof that culture doesn't make them all the same! I think of all the time and money I wasted on eHarmony and POF with domestic women that in retrospect, left my head spinning. The 'dinner daters', (all they wanted was a free meal), etc, etc, etc! I almost went to the PI. Having spent time in the US Navy and my friends having Filipina wives, I was indeed interested. But I just couldn't force myself to a 20+ hour airline voyage. So I kept it in this hemisphere and I am happy, and in the end, that's all that matter for us. But keep us informed of the entire 'journey'. So myself and other's can benefit from your total experiences.

[robert angel]

I have been following your story with some piqued interest. I am going to attempt the K-1 visa route along with my novia and her children. So any pitfalls and successes draws my attention. I think that we are all in the same boat where we've, (I hate to generalize but I'll bet its closer to the truth!), are tired of the scorn and at times, outright indignation of domestic women here. Granted, women are women and they all carry that 'X' gene. But yours and Robert's stories are proof that culture doesn't make them all the same! I think of all the time and money I wasted on eHarmony and POF with domestic women that in retrospect, left my head spinning. The 'dinner daters', (all they wanted was a free meal), etc, etc, etc! I almost went to the PI. Having spent time in the US Navy and my friends having Filipina wives, I was indeed interested. But I just couldn't force myself to a 20+ hour airline voyage. So I kept it in this hemisphere and I am happy, and in the end, that's all that matter for us. But keep us informed of the entire 'journey'. So myself and other's can benefit from your total experiences.

Visajourney..com is a very good source for a lot of information on details, visa types, timelines and pros and cons and other info on all these particular details.it's slso free and pretty current info.

[Wildstubby]

I'm there Robert_angel, but it sometimes makes a better impression when you get the information first hand here, like Fosgate5. I'm going to try to do it without a lawyer or maybe with the advice of my lawyer/friend. From what Fosgate5 says, you can't ever have enough evidence to prove the relationship. I want to have as much paper work in my hand from Colombia so I don't have to 'rely' on their (non)existing postal service. I'll be heading there on the 9th for a week.

[mambocowboy]

Visajourney..com is a very good source for a lot of information on details, visa types, timelines and pros and cons and other info on all these particular details.it's slso free and pretty current info.

Yep. Visajourney was my guide from k1 through green card

[robert angel]

I'm there Robert_angel, but it sometimes makes a better impression when you get the information first hand here, like Fosgate5. I'm going to try to do it without a lawyer or maybe with the advice of my lawyer/friend. From what Fosgate5 says, you can't ever have enough evidence to prove the relationship. I want to have as much paper work in my hand from Colombia so I don't have to 'rely' on their (non)existing postal service. I'll be heading there on the 9th for a week.

=Wildstubby link=topic=8646.msg136407#msg136407 date=1540757217]
I'm there Robert_angel, but it sometimes makes a better impression when you get the information first hand here, like Fosgate5. I'm going to try to do it without a lawyer or maybe with the advice of my lawyer/friend. From what Fosgate5 says, you can't ever have enough evidence to prove the relationship. I want to have as much paper work in my hand from Colombia so I don't have to 'rely' on their (non)existing postal service. I'll be heading there on the 9th for a week.
[/quote]
W.S., buddy,I'm in no way, shape or form meaning for VJ.com to be the singular, never mind primary source of info to submit to USCIS.

To the contrary, save every iota of communication, contact evidence. If your chat app doesn't archive to allow printing, take screen shots. Many computers, even phones can synch with your printer nowdays. I know it can be thousands of pages, maybe every 2nd or 4th...page, but showing logical continuity.

Chat, phone logs, screen shots of various apps while on line too whenever possible.  Stuff that seems insignificant can actually later be important.

Airfare, hotel, restaurant, shopping reciepts too.

And pictures , then more pictures. Wear different outfits, and above and beyond all, try to HAVE as many photographs as possible, with as many family. members as possible.

Also have you and her write heartwarming, hand written letters to each other, expressing your intent to marry.

I know I sound anal, OCD, but between what Fos taught us and what I mentioned my wife told me this weekend, they're more nit picky and you cant be TOO careful.

Keep it all ORGANIZED. My wife went to the embassy inteview--she so nervous that she was literally shaking..She had to answer personal questions too.

But she had all the above organized in an accordian folder, with color coded tabs.

We were really worried that we'd nonetheless be rejected beause of our wide age difference....

I sorta doubt this happens anymore, but apparently the Embassy official was SO impressed with her albiet nervous inteview, her superbly. complete organized folder, that before my wife got home, while sitting in the taxi, the Embassy official texted my wife, congratulating her on being appoved and wishing her the best in her "new country".

You might not need it, but 'just in case'-I'd advise she knows as MUCH about you as possible. What you do for work, 'cutsey names' you have for each other, your B Day, kids, pets names, other names, the name and the climate and general details of your state.

The kid's names, even the pet's, favorite foods and color - a LOT of stuff...

And make sure she dresses conservatively! NOT too much make up, decent dress, shoes, NOT like a two dolla ho!

[robert angel]

Above is a repost of what was here. I was sleepy, needed a good nap. She should know some about your family details too, if you have kids,names, ages. Also if you've been married before, how many times..What you do for work too. Still groggy, but I Woke up, realized I hadn't sent this b4.

AND after a while, the window of time to hit send/post no longer works. I'd have been pissed, because it all disappears forever like 'poof'!!!
I was tired, punch drunk then and now, and there are typos and redundancies, but I think the above info, if and when you have to deal with that irrational, irregular squid they call "USCIS",  just might help you...

Gotta run. I think the '11th Commandment ' for. Filipinas is:  "Thou shall stop everything, sit together and eat the meal so lovingly prepared ". Besides, while I was out all day, at the flea market and a car show, she fixed three different large dishes, so that while she's at work this week, I'm not just eating pop tarts, tortilla chips with salsa, canned chili,  canned soup and cookies!! I typically hate pumpkin flavored things and it seems EVERYTHING now has a pumpkin flavored varient, but she experimented and in addition to three large portion main dishes, she made "Baked pumpkin squares" --l nicked a couple before nap crashing and they're good!!!

[utopiacowboy]

I had to laugh about the question regarding cooking. My wife never cooks but she is happy to eat whatever I put in front of her.


Another amusing comment was regarding Filipinas and the US Navy. My son was in the navy for five years including two years in Japan. He says the Filipina wives run the Navy since not just enlisted but a fair number of officers have Filipina wives. Apparently they maintain quite a network.


As for the increased scrutiny these days, I think if you show up at the interview married to a widow and her three children they won't ask any questions. All they wanted to do was put the names together with the faces. Here's your visa, next!

[robert angel]

I had to laugh about the question regarding cooking. My wife never cooks but she is happy to eat whatever I put in front of her.


Another amusing comment was regarding Filipinas and the US Navy. My son was in the navy for five years including two years in Japan. He says the Filipina wives run the Navy since not just enlisted but a fair number of officers have Filipina wives. Apparently they maintain quite a network.


As for the increased scrutiny these days, I think if you show up at the interview married to a widow and her three children they won't ask any questions. All they wanted to do was put the names together with the faces. Here's your visa, next!

LOL, U.C.-- Lately you've been sounding a bit disgruntled here, seemingly uncharacteristic of you overall. But no one with two wits to rub together could doubt that you have a great heart and have actually shown it by demonstration, especially for the younger, disadvantaged generation.

There oughta be some kind of medal for you, for 'all that'-- but folks like you typically find what you do, what you've done, as a greater reward than any certificate on paper or some medal given to you could ever provide.

You seem to do what you do for intrinsic reasons, and the kids turning out well makes it all the better, more than worthwhile in your mind, I imagine.

And unique guys like you are all too rare.

I bet as the kids are older now, that the 'empty next syndrome' is gonna hit ya hard.

But hey, how many bedrooms in your house? I've been following The news, seeing bus loads of young people from central America getting ready to make an enmasse run on the border.

What's your address again? LOL....

But fugettaboutit in terms of Filipinas and "networking"....Before The internet was a fraction of what it is now, no FB, Whatsapp, etc., when spotty Yahoo messenger, working out of internet cafes was IT, I could be chatting a Filipina in Davao, Mindanao Philippines, getting sweet with her, and get somehow, another Filipina, 7000 islands away to the north, would somehow find out I was chatting this other woman and angrily call me out on it.

Then and now, We called it the:  'bamboo telegraph'

[robert angel]

The Halloween party this year was a reunion of sorts....Here's a pic of a gal I met online here in the states  and almost married, a long time ago. She hasn't aged well.

The next pic is of the kids she had with one of the guys she was with later on...

[robert angel]

A few more...

Compliments to the wonderful Alee Temple Shriners, who we're proud to support. They always 'do' Halloween right---and help a LOT of kids in need 365 days a year.

Another ex---I like blondes, but brunettes still usually win out. (usually)

Then below that are some of the guys from back in my bar room days...

Then, below THAT there was that really big fellow, who I think kinda liked my wife....

Finally, bottom pic was a couple nights before the cold front blew into town, right before the Alee Temple event. It's at a romantic little restaurant that's slowly branching out to nicer cities, called "Better Than Sex" (it's actually not) but all they serve is great desserts and fine drinks.

But wifey's not preggars like she looks in the pic in that thick 'foo foo' black poodle type sweater, which she's wearing under another sweater!

In fact, she can still fit into the few pieces of clothing left from her college days!

[robert angel]

My Journey
 
 
Also there was in the back of my mind the “Mail order bride” idea of what people would think
               So how’s family and friends? I’ll tell you what, you will never be asked, “So how did you two meet.” So much. I disassociated myself from two family members, one being my mother in the last year. They have both had it coming but I had learned both of them where scheming, planting the seed and providing the fertilizer that was TNT in my old fiancé. I was sure as He L L not going to expose Ana to those two hens. I learned quickly that as many people that wish you well there are equal number that just wanna see a good crash and they want to be a part of it. My typical response to the above question, “I found her on the inside cover of Filipina mail order bride monthly.”. They usually look at you like a deer in headlights as you look at them straight faced.
             

..

We were very fortunate that my family immediately, wholeheartedly accepted my wife. And even select members flew in from coast to coast to beautiful St. Augustine, FL, where we chose to celebrate our marriage. My late Mom and sisters took her out the day before, buying her gifts and helping her do light make up the 'day of" and like most traditional Filipinas, my wife knew nothing about applying make up.They were all like bridesmaids.

My Dad hosted and paid for a really nice dinner for about twenty five of my closest family and friends, at a lovely restaurant.

I'm sure that cost more than the catering and wedding cake bill I paid the next day, but even then my parents gave us a check as a wedding gift. I think it was for $1500.

But nice as all that was, had it been just her and I on the beach, with a ring from a box of Cracker Jacks, it would have been just as good.

I sometimes joke: "They love HER more than me!"

But the REST of the world??

Those who still believe in that archaic "Mail Order Bride" and other ignorant B.S.??

Ignore them. The most I gave back, playing with their heads really, was to reply:

"Yeah, she''s from the Philippines, a "Mail Order Bride"-- top of the line model, she even came in a MANILA. envelope!"

Now and in the end, it really just boils down to you and her.

[Wildstubby]

Robert_angel said:

Those who still believe in that archaic "Mail Order Bride" and other ignorant B.S.??

Ignore them. The most I gave back, playing with their heads really, was to reply:

"Yeah, she''s from the Philippines, a "Mail Order Bride"-- top of the line model, she even came in a MANILA. envelope!"

Now and in the end, it really just boils down to you and her.

Hah! I like that, "Manila envelope!"

As I have stated on another BB, the only thing that matters is if both of you are happy. Whatever anyone else thinks aint worth beans!

[Fosgate5]

Speaking of Journey. The last couple weeks have left me dumb founded at times. I didn't think she would be into any of the 70's or 80's rock. Buddy and I were talking about concerts and he told me Journeys current lead singer sounds pretty freakin close to Steve Perry and how they found the guy singing on youtube in manilla and he could do Chicago, Guns and Roses etc. I checked out a few youtube documentaries and clips on the guy and I asked the wife if she knew who Journey was and Arnel Pineda is and she looked at me like I was from a different planet as she said of course I do with the "You mean you don't know?". Yeah, so maybe I've been under a rock for the last 10 years when it comes to Journey. Here I thought she was not into 70's or 80's rock. So we start listening to Queen, Abba and she pretty much knows them all. Holy crap. I try to stump her thinking about stuff my mother would listen to when I was a kid and started to play The Carpenters- Gold" thinking she won't have a clue. First song starts up, "yesterday once more". She starts in singing with the first chorus like she was part of the group. My jaw dropped with amazement. She owned me like a cheap leisure suit. I gues Anthony Bourdain said it right in his No Reservations episode about the Philippines. You could be a successful musician and give a filipino 5-6 hours and they could probably do a better job than you.


This is just one of the many things that continue to discover and impress me about my wife everyday.

[robert angel]

Speaking of Journey. The last couple weeks have left me dumb founded at times. I didn't think she would be into any of the 70's or 80's rock. Buddy and I were talking about concerts and he told me Journeys current lead singer sounds pretty freakin close to Steve Perry and how they found the guy singing on youtube in manilla and he could do Chicago, Guns and Roses etc. I checked out a few youtube documentaries and clips on the guy and I asked the wife if she knew who Journey was and Arnel Pineda is and she looked at me like I was from a different planet as she said of course I do with the "You mean you don't know?". Yeah, so maybe I've been under a rock for the last 10 years when it comes to Journey. Here I thought she was not into 70's or 80's rock. So we start listening to Queen, Abba and she pretty much knows them all. Holy crap. I try to stump her thinking about stuff my mother would listen to when I was a kid and started to play The Carpenters- Gold" thinking she won't have a clue. First song starts up, "yesterday once more". She starts in singing with the first chorus like she was part of the group. My jaw dropped with amazement. She owned me like a cheap leisure suit. I gues Anthony Bourdain said it right in his No Reservations episode about the Philippines. You could be a successful musician and give a filipino 5-6 hours and they could probably do a better job than you.


This is just one of the many things that continue to discover and impress me about my wife everyday.

Haha,  May we be married to Filipinas for a hundred years,  but were that the case, we'd still not know, not realize, a whole lot about them and their culture. Nor them about ours. And a lot of 'stuff' we sweat and make a big deal about, isn't any 'big deal to them.

We're STILL learning things about each other's worlds.

But stuff, traditions that have sort of drifted to the wayside here, like joining together and eating, praying  they do take that seriously. Hell, over there, it's:

'"Stop the world, we're eating."

A stranger there has 2 beans to eat for the day. Before he eats, he offers you one, you take it, then he sincerely thanks God for those 2 beans.

Here the guy would gobble them up and if anything, pray for a big sack of beans.

No cellphones while eating,  in a land where cellphone use is even greater than here. They give thanks. And family loyalty.

And why oh why are so many people, with so little to nothing of the 'things' people in the USA equate with 'happiness, SOOO freaking happy?

I never can understand that. People all smiling. Music everywhere.

It's like maybe they slipped happy pills in the water supply, I dunno, but a few weeks there and I'm seriously reevaluating what really matters in my life and nation. To her, no small kindness, no matter how non material,  goes unnoticed.

But new mushy, sentimental love songs are huge there and the old classics never fall from radio station rotation. Current hip hop and pretty much all the music we might hear or see on TV or youtube here gets noticed there, but yea, the mushy old stuff rules overall.

Pop bands and musicians that long disappeared from the top 40 and touring here decades ago, are not only radio staples over there, but still play live shows to huge audiences, raking in big bucks from the 104 million population. Bands, guys you thought were dead are alive and well over threre. There are karaoke machines in even the tiniest barangays full of old and new 'standards.'

Elvis AND Frank Sinatra are not dead!

Just don't DARE to sing Sinatra's "My Way" in karaoke or otherwise, as in a nation of family, nation, team and company loyalty, it represents the height of arrogance.

Big artists like Bruno Mars and the Bieber pack huge arenas. K Pop? HUGE. Rather than see the 'must see' movies here, Korean soap operas and Filiipino and dubbed Chinese programming is just as fine, if not preferred.  There are also chains and leather wearing metal heads and as for Guns n Rose's,  let me just say I know a few kids there who's parents named them "Slash".

Then there was the dust covered teenager in the bank line, looking poor and uneducated, who told me, cluing me in that unbeknownst to me, my 'new' pawn shop cell phone was ringing Gioachino Rossini's classical composition "March of the Swiss Soldiers, the William Tell Overture"---Feck, I only knew it as the theme song by from the old TV series 'The Lone Ranger ----

"Dada dun, dada dun, dada dun, dun, dun...."---then repeat refrain---anybody hear 'get it'--know it?

I had NO idea it was a classical 1829 Italian opera music piece. But that kid knew.....

Never judge a book by it's cover....my parents were right.....

And they have their own Filipino native music 'artists' that will forever remain dear to their hearts, even if they are so sappy sweet, I get tooth decay just listening.

After 13 years married and talking almost every day for 4 years before that, I'm still 'catching on' to things "Filipino'. And still realize that English slang, expressions and especially metaphors I have been using for years, have been, to use an appropriate description, been 'flying right over her head'-- as she has always been good at reading around my verbal language and nonetheless grasping the meaning overall.

Just for one example, we live not far from the sea and usually a few times a week, walk around a lake. I'm sure at least a hundred times when it was rough and windy, at the beach, at sea, at the lake, I've said "Those white caps are really something" Guess she associated what I was saying with windy weather and that was that, but I chanced to ask her what 'whitecaps' were and she had no idea.

I explained the ripples on the water get bigger, become waves, when the the waves get bigger, they curl and foam and spray comes off them, and then we call that 'white caps'.

But to most traditional Filipinas, like my long winded posts, that's an unnecessary word, basically bull sh!t---stuff she knows and has long known damn well , that they're just 'waves' or 'big waves'. She's too kind to tell me KISS="Keep it simple stupid" so unless absolutely necessary in her mind, she let's it blow on by.  I guess sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.

Oh well--- I am her human thesaurus when necessary I suppose, as she has asked me to help her with English expression so it's not all for naught, I guess..