Barranquilla the return

[benjio]

Oh yea and be careful with that other lady who's emailing you.  It might be a set up.  Maybe your novia is friends with her and they're testing you to see if you're really sincere or just another shameless sleazeball.

True! This happened to me. When I caught wind of it I told the girl she was too childish for me to take her seriously in a relationship and it was better for us to remain friends. The second (and final) red flag was when she tried to make it seem like I was somehow wrong for having a problem with her trying to pull that bull$hit in the first place. 

[robert angel]

True! This happened to me. When I caught wind of it I told the girl she was too childish for me to take her seriously in a relationship and it was better for us to remain friends. The second (and final) red flag was when she tried to make it seem like I was somehow wrong for having a problem with her trying to pull that bull$hit in the first place. 

+! "All is fair in love and war" And you'd better believe it now and even more so after it's over....

[stevekoozer]

Hey Steve,


I'm not 100% sure what you'd classify as "disappointments" but I'm going to go ahead and assume you're talking about the standard, bad sign, red flags and undesirable reactions/behaviors that have all given us all a moment of pause when first getting to know a woman. After 7 years of dating in Latin America I think it's more realistic to seriously consider which "disappointments" you're willing to put up with as supposed to thinking you'll never encounter them in the right woman. There are simply too many potential complications that come along with the cultural differences. I've seen gringos end it with girls for what I thought were pretty dumb reasons. But I've also had gringo friends tell me I was an idiot because of some of the reasons I've given them for parting ways with a girl. This is especially common amongst gringos that live in Latin America and are well aware there's always another one right around the corner.


I guess what I'm trying to say is prepare yourself. Some guys can't handle the hot-blooded, argumentative, jealous and irrational behavior. I've seen guys that had serious problems with their girlfriends dressing too provacatively. This is especially common in Rio because of the beach culture. For some reason almost all the women (and men) I've met from the coast of Colombia have a serious problem with lying. Usually not life or death, world ending lies but I've learned they'd rather be deceitful if they can avoid confrontation or having to take responsibility for a mistake. A lot of otherwise very good women aren't self-motivated enough to learn English fluently. My current girlfriend came from an affluent family that kept maids, nannies and housekeepers so she's absolutely useless around the house. I could probably sit here and fill up an entire page with these little nuances of Latin American Culture but I'm sure you get my point. Keeping an open mind, thinking with the big head instead of the little one...yada, yada, yada. All those things are very importat when you're still in hunting mode. But when you get to the, "trying to make it work and last" phase, it's all about patience and understanding...looking at those "disappointments" as stepping stones that eventually allow you to escalate to a higher point in the relationship instead of obstacles that prevent the relationship from going any further.

Yup I well understand these things. So if your girl is as you say not very good around the house do you do the majority of the house work if you two are currently living together? None of my business if you do or don't live together just curious on the house work arrangement.
 
 With the other chick contacting me I am not putting too much into that. I am pretty sure they don't know each other. I have had women here pull the same stuff though over the years and I don't think it is a unique thing to Latin women I would say that in general does not matter where the woman is from something like that can and does happen everywhere. Anything like that for me is a "see ya later" type event .


If you are in BAQ the same time I am we could get together for a beer if you have the time would love to hear more of your insights on Colombia and BAQ one on one. I might even be coerced into buying LOL 

[robert angel]

My wife was raised to excel in school, get into a good college, get a good job and work hard. Growing up, she could do the 'basics'-- cook simple dishes, keep the house clean etc., but that wasn't really highly stressed like school was. She did as expected, earning two Computer Engineering degrees in 5 years, then getting an Internship in her senior year in the Engineering Dept. at Coca Cola. They liked her so much, they hired her on when she graduated. At first as they do there, it was 'contract work' six months at a time, low pay, no benefits. When she and I got 'serious' they were making her a 'regular'-- a very big deal there, where jobs are few and thousands apply for a single opening. She worked Logistics, six days a week, 12 hours a day,  and once a month on Sunday for inventory.

But when she came to the USA she decided, all upon herself, that besides working, which she insists upon, that her role was to also keep up the house and learn to cook.

Well, cooking--the foods, recipes--even the appliances here, are different and w/o getting embarrassing, let's just say "It was funny at times'. She started out simple--a few ingredients per recipe, adding more complexity as time went by.

Today, my biggest gripe is she tries to tweak recipes, making them a bit healthier, which doesn't always work out. Brown rice instead of white, (amazing for an Asian) less salt, and until I, as a half Italian guy forbade it--whole wheat pasta. She was killing me, trying to keep me healthy! But we've pretty much found balance there too.

I don't mind her country's foods, but unlike some couples we know, where the wife makes and eats her food, then cooks an additional 'All USA style' meal for the husband/family, we all eat the same thing. The kids too. No, I won't eat dried fish or a few other things--'delicacies', but that's rare and often she'll make that outside on the grill or propane stove and share it with her girl friends.

But the point is, when she came here, she adopted the ways and lifestyle of a somewhat conservative, maybe even 'old fashioned' wife, and she was all about it.

But it wasn't a big surprise--we discussed it a bit before we married and I encourage guys here to discuss what and how they think--'expect' your respective roles to go. Maybe if she had maids and servants before, it'd be a whole lot different, but if so, that's something you'll want to get a handle on before getting hitched.

[robert angel]

Hey Steve,


I'm not 100% sure what you'd classify as "disappointments" but I'm going to go ahead and assume you're talking about the standard, bad sign, red flags and undesirable reactions/behaviors that have all given us all a moment of pause when first getting to know a woman. After 7 years of dating in Latin America I think it's more realistic to seriously consider which "disappointments" you're willing to put up with as supposed to thinking you'll never encounter them in the right woman. There are simply too many potential complications that come along with the cultural differences. I've seen gringos end it with girls for what I thought were pretty dumb reasons. But I've also had gringo friends tell me I was an idiot because of some of the reasons I've given them for parting ways with a girl. This is especially common amongst gringos that live in Latin America and are well aware there's always another one right around the corner.


 Usually not life or death, world ending lies but I've learned they'd rather be deceitful if they can avoid confrontation or having to take responsibility for a mistake. A lot of otherwise very good women aren't self-motivated enough to learn English fluently. My current girlfriend came from an affluent family that kept maids, nannies and housekeepers so she's absolutely useless around the house. I could probably sit here I guess what I'm trying to say is prepare yourself. Some guys can't handle the hot-blooded, argumentative, jealous and irrational behavior. I've seen guys that had serious problems with their girlfriends dressing too provacatively. This is especially common in Rio because of the beach culture. For some reason almost all the women (and men) I've met from the coast of Colombia have a serious problem with lying.and fill up an entire page with these little nuances of Latin American Culture but I'm sure you get my point. Keeping an open mind, thinking with the big head instead of the little one...yada, yada, yada. All those things are very importat when you're still in hunting mode. But when you get to the, "trying to make it work and last" phase, it's all about patience and understanding...looking at those "disappointments" as stepping stones that eventually allow you to escalate to a higher point in the relationship instead of obstacles that prevent the relationship from going any further.

We've looked at hot blooded, jealous, irrational behavior and at lying. As for dressing too provocatively, I like my woman looking good, even if she's heading off to work or out with girl friends. Stylish. But I don't want it 'hanging all out' --none of the come f___ me pumps--no six inch stilettos with skinny jeans, or the ten alarm, wet look, fire engine red lipstick. No purple eye make up. Not her style anyway.

A few times, maybe as the dryer has shrunk it a size, I have said 'no' to her wearing a blouse or slacks to work that I thought were a bit too tight. She asks me to look her over each day and approve anyhow. But she's not into the spandex, lycra 'sprayed on' pants/leggings look anyway. She's the first to put in a tiny safety pin if it looks like people might be able to look down her blouse.

But if you need to tell her to 'tone it down' a lot, or even far worse, if she's like a high school kid and when she leaves the house she changes her 'style', you've got problems coming....

[benjio]

Yup I well understand these things. So if your girl is as you say not very good around the house do you do the majority of the house work if you two are currently living together? None of my business if you do or don't live together just curious on the house work arrangement.

Steve, I have a cleaning lady that comes twice a week. I do all the cooking when we don't go out to eat. She actually likes my cooking more than anything she's ever eaten and even when she does get a hankering for something like sushi or Brazilian Cuisine, she usually pays...not me! I'd rather cook or have leftovers any night. It's too expensive to eat out often here.
 

If you are in BAQ the same time I am we could get together for a beer if you have the time would love to hear more of your insights on Colombia and BAQ one on one. I might even be coerced into buying LOL

I'll be there towards the end of September, leaving around the first week of October. PM me when you get into town if you're going to be around.

[stevekoozer]

Steve, I have a cleaning lady that comes twice a week. I do all the cooking when we don't go out to eat. She actually likes my cooking more than anything she's ever eaten and even when she does get a hankering for something like sushi or Brazilian Cuisine, she usually pays...not me! I'd rather cook or have leftovers any night. It's too expensive to eat out often here.
 




I'll be there towards the end of September, leaving around the first week of October. PM me when you get into town if you're going to be around.

 Right on man another guy that likes to cook and prefers to do so. Can't comment on eating out in Brazil never been there but perhaps one day. I cooked a couple of times on my last trip for the girl I am currently seeing. When I told her I was coming back in Oct she asked if I was going to be doing any cooking? I just about p!ssed myself laughing because she is a pretty good cook ( well lunches anyway) and she makes pretty awesome deserts even though sweets are not really my thing. So I will see how she does with dinners and breakfasts. I will cook too and help her out when she is cooking....... If I am allowed in the kitchen

 Will shoot you a PM for sure when I am down which is the first week of October hopefully we can meet up schedules permitting. I offered to buy no problem unless you are one of those guys that can down a 24 pack LOL.

[robert angel]

Right on man another guy that likes to cook and prefers to do so. Can't comment on eating out in Brazil never been there but perhaps one day. I cooked a couple of times on my last trip for the girl I am currently seeing. When I told her I was coming back in Oct she asked if I was going to be doing any cooking? I just about p!ssed myself laughing because she is a pretty good cook ( well lunches anyway) and she makes pretty awesome deserts even though sweets are not really my thing. So I will see how she does with dinners and breakfasts. I will cook too and help her out when she is cooking....... If I am allowed in the kitchen

 Will shoot you a PM for sure when I am down which is the first week of October hopefully we can meet up schedules permitting. I offered to buy no problem unless you are one of those guys that can down a 24 pack LOL.

Might want to look out about buying. While I honestly have no true idea, I wouldn't be surprised if Benjio knows his way around a good, single malt scotch, lol

[stevekoozer]

Might want to look out about buying. While I honestly have no true idea, I wouldn't be surprised if Benjio knows his way around a good, single malt scotch, lol

If he does then he is just fine in my book!!!!!! seldom do I get to have a dram of fine single malt with someone who appreciates the nuances of aqua vita. If we are going to talk scotch lets do a thread in the off topic forum as there has to be at least a couple of guys here that like a wee dram from time to time.

[Juan Valdez]

ignorance is not bliss. If you don't stay tuned to an extent, bad stuff can happen, especially if you're in a rough patch in your marriage/relationship.

So, the day she stops worrying about me and other women, about 'temptation'--I'll start worrying!

+1

Well said!