Permiso?

[Montrealer]

Just got off the phone with the Mrs. Monty.  All is good on her side.

Something strange that I'm not used to and wondering if it's a latin culture.  Here's the short version of the conversation.

LS:  I was invited tomorrow to go see a movie with a group of friends, is it okay if I go?

ME:  Sure, have a good time.  What movie are you going to see?

LS:  They don't know.  But are you sure it's ok?

ME:  Sure have fun, you don't need my permission to go out.

LS:  But there will be guys there also.

ME:  (Jokingly) Are any of them your husband or lovers?

LS:  NO, they're just friends from University

ME:  Have a good time.  Are you coming home late so I should know if I should call tomorrow?

LS:  I'll be back by 6 at the latest.  So call me then.  Are you sure you don't mind?

ME:  I trust you.  Have a good time.

LS:  OK

ME:  You don't need to ask my permission to do things.  You're not my slave, you're my wife, my equal.

LS:  I'm you're wife, so I do need your permission.  Thanks.

ME:  No you don't, but if it makes you feel better, go ahead and ask any time and I'll probably say yes.  I would never ask your permission to do anything.  I may tell you and if you have an objection we will discuss it.

And so on.....

The question I have is, is this normal in Colombian culture for the woman to get the mans permission before doing anything?  My wife is definately a stay at home wife, which matches my personality well, but asking permission to do the tiniest things seems a little odd to me.  Have any of the married/serious dating men had simular conversations with thier lady?

I hope that she will get more accustomed to taking her own initiative, because I don't want her to ever feel she can't do anything.

Any comments on the issue guys?

[Houndog]

I think "asking" not "telling" is customary in most culture!!!

[Montrealer]

I think I'm more used to "I'm going to the movies, or do we have anything planned" sort of speak.  I dunno, caught me a little off guard.  Especially since I'm not there.  I hope she doesn't think that she *can't* leave the house without permission.  That would be unfair to her and a real cruddy way to live.  IMHO

[Houndog]

The phone rang & I didn't get to finish.

I think what you are going to find is that Woman in General & Especially Latinas "WANT THEIR MAN TO BE JEALOUS & Possesive".  This is how they are taught to recognize the mans love. Now I'm not talking taking either to extremes, but I would bet her comment "but there will be men there" was said because she expected a response of something like "what do you mean other men there?"....To them this shows your possesive, jealous side which to them equates to I LOVE YOU.

What they are used to is a very hot debate at the point of her comment from SA men and I certianly don't suggest acting the jealous, overbearing fool, but I think some acting (at a minimum) on your part will go a long way to show her you Love her.


Try and keep in mind that women think differently & percieve things differently from men.

HD

[TXAK]

Hey Monty...

It's not really about permission.  She's just showing you respect.  

Todo  bien, primo.

TXAK

P.S.  Remember the simplest answer is usually the correct one.

[sean126]

My wife is the same way....It was a little wierd at first, but now it's kinda nice.  I extend the same courtesy to her too also.  It's a "respect" thing.

[Montrealer]

Could be a culture thing, but I kind of like TXAK answer of showing respect.  Either/or it caught me a little off guard.  Next time I'll try to act a bit jealous and see how it goes.  But I think she'll see right through it cause she knows me.

[Houndog]

Monty,

have you spent years together? If not, she feels she doesn't really know you, and in all honesty your original question/post shows that you don't "really" know her and understand how "they think" .

HD

[Montrealer]

We just got married last month.  It's true we still have alot to learn about eachother, but this was something new that caught me off guard a bit.  It's slightly out of nature, but we haven't really had a chance to spend any quality time together as husband and wife except for the honeymoon.  Everybody is going to have quirks about that we'll discover about eachother over the next little while.