Hey guys, I'm new here but just infatuated with this Colombian woman

[whitey]

Well quelindo, definitely a good learning experience for you ... especially to begin understanding that courting and having a relationship with a latina is very different than with a gringa.

I can't comment on latinas from other countries, but here are some thoughts/advice about colombianas:

She's been jealous from the start, which is expected, but I don't think I realized how much it might have bothered her because she wouldn't come out and say anything directly.  The problem is for me, I'm so used to American women and she's the first Colombian woman I know.

Colombianas are jealous, some much more than others. If she is a colombiana and is not jealous, that means she is not interested in you.  IMO, this jealousy is not irrational - virtually all Colombian men cheat, and there is a 100% certainty that she has grown up hearing many stories from close friends and family members, and/or having been cheated on herself (and maybe even being a cheater herself). 

How she behaves is a different matter, and so is the type and how much jealous behavior you will tolerate.  Some colobianas are pretty crazy - others like my wife I like to think of as more possessive than jealous (although she can be mildly jealous at times too).  To have a good relationship, both people have to give and earn trust, and that comes through demostrated behavior over time ... words don't cut it as Colombian guys will make up all kinds of stories and she won't be pre-disposed to believe you. 

I play it cold as ice with American women, because they are so restrained, lacking of passion, guarded, and play games.  I did the same with her to a lesser extent, but I don't think it goes over well.

Right you are!  This is one of the games you don't have to play with colombianas, and it's VERY refreshing to be able to be genuine and affectionate and passionate with someone, without losing their respect like with a gringa. 

I never felt like I played any games at all with my wife, nor her with me.  Since we became novios on my first trip, she has always given me 100% of herself, and I've tried to do the same for her. 

It may help for you to watch some Colombian television shows and movies ... observe how the men behave with the women.  Of course this isn't reality so you have to take it with a grain of salt, but you'll get good insights into the cultural expectations.  The men will often be portrayed as sweet talking, affectionate, passionate ladies men while still maintaining their masculinity and self-respect ... not like a wimpy rom-com guy in a gringo movie that does anything for the girl while she stomps all over him. 

She texted me "Happy Valentine's Day Mi Amor" on Valentine's Day and I hit her back with something sweet and then asked her a question if there was a good time to call her, and she never answered...so I just blew her off.

So we talked after Valentine's Day and she was sad because "she wanted me to make it special for her".

The two most important days for a colombiana are 1) her birthday and 2) Dia de Amor y Amistad which is celebrated in September.  Because this woman is living in the US and you are gringo, Valentine's Day would be substituted for Dia de Amor y Amistad.  If you don't call her first thing in the morning, find several ways to show her you love her, including gifts (they just have to be thoughful, not necessarily expensive), then she will be very disappointed.

Colombianas are a little high maintenance in this regard, but they will do the same for you and shower you with love and affection - so you will reap the rewards as well.  It's not one-sided like many of us find with gringas.

Over the weekend I must have really pissed her off.  I can understand though.  Nothing too bad Friday but all these stupid girls hit me up on Facebook because I think they see I like this Colombian girl and they're jealous or whatever.  I suppose I enjoy attention (love it, what can I say) and so I kind of vaguely flirt back but clearly emphasize I like Naty.  I wasn't buying all the way into her because I'm just so used to these cold fake American women showing interest then suddenly stopping once I give them undivided attention.

If you become serious with a colombiana, you'll have to cut this stuff out quick.  I can't see it going over well if you were in a relationship with a gringa either.  You may as well tattoo "Player" on your forehead.

Re Facebook in general, I think it's an excellent and very useful tool for developing and maintaining relationships of all different types, and especially with romantic ones in the distance.  But it all depends on how you use it. There is nothing inherently bad about it, but people who use it unwisely can get in all kinds of problems.

Well, Saturday I reunited with 2 old college friends and we drank way too much.  She was out clubbing herself, but I'm not a jealous type although I worry about an ex-bf of hers.  I texted her something sweet, and didn't realize it was 5AM.  She wasn't too fond of that LOL.  She didn't even respond since then actually but I saw her say to her friend "Lies People Always Tell: "Mi Amor en 5 estoy ahi!!!!!"  I really didn't say anything too untoward but she
was probably wondering why I was up at 5AM and thinking I was with some other girl.

Of course she's going to be upset with this kind of behavior - wouldn't any decent woman?  Not sure how the young gringas are these days, but does this impress a serious woman?

Best of luck ... it's a learning process ... keep on talking, reading, and asking questions ...

[quelindo]

Ahh very good points, thank you really.


I had just cut ties with her totally, as she straight up ignored me from Saturday to Today.  So...I was like whatever, just deleted her number and the Facebook.  That's just excessive and it wasn't like she didn't get my messages or anything she was just ignoring me.

Then 6 hours later (as I was typing this) of course she texts me out of the blue.  Funny how that happens. 


Whoooo boy I bet she is so pissed, and I don't know that I even wanna deal with it.  I'll just let her chill for a while.

It doesn't matter, I know that regardless I should not deal with her because nothing good will come of it for me.  Damnit, I hate that it does give me that funny nervous feeling that she texted me...I can't help but like the girl.  Still, I know better and it's time to move on so I shall.

Maybe I will learn some Colombian cuss words or something haha.  Ay dios mio.

[Ray]

 
This is a perfect example why I think Facebutt is for teenagers and girls.
 
Too much silly drama...
 
 

 
 

[JWR]

Ha ha ha.....all this drama and they never even met in person.......
 
 
 

This is a perfect example why I think Facebutt is for teenagers and girls.
 
Too much silly drama...
 
 

[Gato4Astrid]

This is a perfect example why I think Facebutt is for teenagers and girls.
 
Too much silly drama...
 
 

Facebook is a good way to keep in touch with family and friends.  I have a family living in Australia whom I have not seen or heard for more than 10 years until the arrival of Facebook.


I keep in touch with my deaf friends/communities via Facebook.  Most of them whom I haven't seen for years.

[whitey]

Facebook is nothing more than a more modern and much more robust version of the telephone.
It is not intrinsically good or bad.

I wouldn't consider the phone a waste of time just because certain people have used it to enquire if your fridge is running or if you have Prince Albert in a can. 

[JimD]

- virtually all Colombian men cheat

This maybe something you've heard but it's not true. The the rest of your post was very good.

[whitey]

Thanks Jim.

Re the cheating thing ... living in Colombia I'd imagine you have a wider circle of Colombian friends and acquaintences than me ... but are you saying this is widely overstated?

I don't have any Colombian friends who've told me they have NEVER cheated on their wives, have several others that have cheated in the past (they always seem to get caught), and a few that I haven't had the conversation with.

Do you know a lot of Colombian guys that haven't cheated?

[michaelb]

Well you'll have to let him out, Lady Astor's gone his bail.

[JimD]

Whitey
No not a lot but some so to say virtually all do is not accurate.

[Gato4Astrid]

Do you know a lot of Colombian guys that haven't cheated?

Colombian women do cheat !!!  My ex-prometida is one example!  Her friends (women) too! 

[stnmasn]

Cuantos anos  tienen los  Facebook lovers en este post? Tienen que ser teenage children....Casi no puedo creer este....es tan rediculo que  es entertaining!

[whitey]

Cuantos anos  tienen los  Facebook lovers en este post? Tienen que ser teenage children....Casi no puedo creer este....es tan rediculo que  es entertaining!

Y tu mi amigo, cuantos anos tienes?  Los ancianos de edad o espiritu no entienden Facebook. 

[stnmasn]

No soy viejo pero no entiendo Facebook yo supongo......pero es un buen diversion

[JaxPaul24]

 Quelindo,
Dude...you come off in your initial posts as someone who has some game, redhead guy, popular with the ladies, this and that... You spend all this time posting about some chick you met through facebook who you obviously highly infatuated with even though you have never met her in person.  Some good people get on here and tell ya to basically stop analyzing the situation so much and just get on down to Miami and meet her.  Some even told you to slow your roll a bit because according to the picture you posted of her she would be just another girl in Colombia! Which I totally agree....
Now it looks like old girl has been playing games with you all along. You tried to play some silly games with her on FB and she kicked your booty to the curb! Basically she put you in check because you sent her how many messages apologizing??? So after no contact from her you decide to end it (end what exactly?) with her and you have gotten rid of her number and FB connection. I believe you even said she wasn't that intelligent anyways! THEN.....lol...in your most recent post you say she has sent you a text and you haven't responded YET? You even admit that she's giving you that nervous feeling just from her text....
So my thing to you is........C'mon MAN! You don't sound like a guy who's confidant with the ladies! You got sprung by a girl through facebook whom you have never met in person. You tried to play some game on her and it backfired on you. So you end it with her even though she's actually the one who stopped communicating with you and then insult her intelligence literally and then ONE text from her and whala......she's got you feeling all nervous inside! LOL....
Guys have already followed your posts up with solid info/guidance like they always do. I just think it's kind of silly to be doing so when this wasn't even you chick. You didn't have a relationship with her so how can you get dump or like I said above....get kicked to the curb?
As far as I'm concerned this chick is American. She might be Colombiana but she lives here now and in MIAMI!!! The girl is learning the "American Woman" way of life right there in the American Latina Capital of the World...Miami!
I'll share this with you real quick....I met the this beautiful girl in Cali, Colombia when I was there this last October. She and I only knew each other for about 2 days max but those 2 days had been nice together! I was leaving for Santa Marta on the 3rd day of knowing her and after an all nighter of great dinner, great drinks, great dancing, great after party and great early morning munch.....my best friend jokingly invited her to go with us to Santa Marta. Well.....she said yea, I'll go! So dumbo crazy me was like....let's go get online and find you a ticket! Hahaha....well I found a cheap ticket and her flight actually got her to Santa Marta before we did.  Dude....from the time we arrived at my buddy's apartment the "Diva" in her kicked in. One of the things that was cool about her was that she spoke good English. She had family in New York and she was educated. She was introduced to me by mutual close Cali friends so that's how we met. Anyways...in 3 days with me in Santa Marta this girl did not offer to cook, wash dishes, straighten up the apartment, wash some laundry....nothing. Me and my friend cooked the meals, washed the dishes, everything! I wined and dined her for 3 days. We ate at some nice restaurants, hit some clubs, went out to the islands, bought her little things like a sun hat, beach towel, ect. This chick acted like she had been with me for years! Never said thank you, never offered to help out and didn't pay for nada! Finally by the 3rd afternoon and not even caring to be around her anymore I started asking more questions about her trips to the states. After awhile of this and that, it finally came out that she had actually had lived in the states off and on for about 9 years! She had spent her teens and early twenties living in Queens, NY and had been back in Colombia for about 18 months.  I was like.....HA!....I knew it.....no wonder you're so damn spoiled and ungrateful! And lazy! I didn't say that but I was thinking it. LOL.... She wasn't a bad girl, she was just a bona fide American diva! She was AMERCANIZED!!! lol... So I said nope, this chick isn't spending one more day here with me. I kindly told her that I thought it was best that she went back to Cali. I jumped on the net, got her a flight out the next morning and counted my losses over a cold Club Colombia! She was upset and embarrassed but oh well, I didn't go all the way to Colombia to play the same games that are played in the states! She was beautiful girl, lots of fun but that's all she was and so no need to take care of her like she was my lady. Soooo.....to me man, that Colombiana of yours is basically like any other American woman. The questions your asking and the curiosity you have about Colombianas I don't think really apply to her anymore, she ain't no different from any of the other American girls you holler at....
So, let's get back to what this forum is all about which is usually pursuing love with a Latina that resides in their native country. Quelindo you would most likely be knocked off your socks if you ever decided to actually go to Colombia. You will be in awe of the beauty of these women and the attention that you will get from them. When I went my first time I had a "Rock Star" feeling that first day or two! It was GREAT! However, then the hard part kicks in which is trying to figure out among all this beauty which girls you actually want to pursue. You gotta figure real quick who is real and who is not. The process is not easy especially for those of us who are only there for a week or two at most. The thing that gets my attention with you is how you have handled this experience with this girl over facebook. How are you suppose to handle the REAL deal down in Colombia? These girls will eat you alive if you aren't careful. What I mean by that is Colombia is a 3rd world country man where daily survival is the norm. If you are not careful you could easily get your heart broken, get taken advantage of, get robbed or even worse get killed! You got to be very careful because the experience can be overwhelming in both a good or bad way. Some guys go down there and are so cautious of this that they end up not having the best of time because they are too afraid to open up and give the experience a chance. Even more so however is the men who get their heart broken and/or seriously taken advantage of while they are there.
So my advice to you is your going to have to get serious if you're serious about pursuing a Colombiana in Colombia!  These little games that your used to playing with AW are useless in Colombia.  Believe me, these women play enough games down there that the last thing you'll want to do is try and be a daddy mack!  There are plenty of sincere and loving women down there and the best way to find yours is to be just as sincere and loving to them.  But during your pursuit if things are not going the way you like it, then you gotta be able to call it quits, regroup and go on to the next!  This little Colombiana friend of yours on FB....I have about 5 of them on FB now.  Girls that I have met on Colombian Cupid who I end up talking to more and more and then we end up doing the FB thing which I like because I able to see awhole lot more of her and her of me.  I get all the Papi, un fotico para ti!  Un beso Papi, buenas noches!  I get all that man from them and others that I have already met while in Colombia.  But it's just FB, until I actually go down and see these women in person and spend some time with them then it's just FB fun, nothing to get serious about. You need to get on Colombian Cupid and start getting some practice.  You will be bombarded with women wanting to get to know you and you will have to figure out who is real and who is not and even the real one's sometimes are NOT good girls! Like others have said, it's a process and for the most part it's not an easy one and so not everyone is cut out for it....  I myself am enjoying it and I am more serious than ever about finding my special one. I'll be there in April, my 3rd trip to Colombia in 13 months! 
JaxPaul Out!   

[quelindo]

Thanks for your judgement, dualy noted.  Perhaps I'm just not like you or other people here.


Anyways, best regards and all.

[JaxPaul24]

 Well Quelindo, I didn't mean to chase you away man. You were cool about sharing your interest and current experience with a particular Colombiana. You kept it real and I had to keep it real too especially with the whole facebook thing and playing games back and forth. The whole thing sounded silly to me...
 
Also, I didn't mean to sound so negative either when it comes to American women as I'm sure their plenty of good one's out there. For me at 40 years old, I'm just tired of dealing with them. I spent over 10 years living abroad and my best relationships have been with non-American women. So 2 years removed from a rocky 7 year relationship with an American women from the Bronx, I'm done with them! Hahaha....
 
What I was trying to convey to you by sharing my Santa Marta experience was that until you just go and see these women in person and spend some time with them, you'll never really know what your in for. I think that goes for any woman, regardless of where they are from. The other thing about that experience was that even after spending some time with them you still never know what your in for. Taking that chance is part of the experience but like I said, when it isn't going good then you have to be prepared to do something about it or that's when things can go really bad for ya. Go back and read some trip reports man, many of them sound similar to your current experience. A guy goes down to Colombia, meets some Colombian girls, picks one out that he likes, goes on a date or two, she talks sweet, flirts, says all the right things then bam....she stops answering his calls. She totally blows him off. Guy starts moping around, trying to figure out what just happened, only has a few days left in Colombia, is confused, staying in his room, asking anyone and everyone who will listen what could of possibly happened. Then, sometimes the guy will snap out of it and starts re-connecting with some of the other girls he met and liked and starts arranging some dates and then BAM.....ol' girl comes back smiling and apologizing cause her grandma got sick and her cell phone broke and lo siento papi and ladi ladi da......dude goes right back to her. Three days later...he's back on the plane broken hearted, money spent and confused as hell! Crazy...but it happens all the time.
 
So anyways man, if it's something you seriously want to do then I encourage you to do so. You'll have a great time and just the experience of being in a country like Colombia will last a lifetime!  As you have already seen, their are a lot of good people on here that can help stir you in the right direction!
 
 
 
 
 
 

[Gato4Astrid]

If your girlfriend has a facebook but do not want to invite you, that means she might be hiding something from you!!

[JWR]

They often have a couple facebook accounts to throw you off the real story.  I've been chatting with a girl, then found her real facebook account with the photo section not restricted to friends.  There she is with her boyfriend.  This has happened more then once.
The face fb account usually doesn't go back very far, and has only a few friends and photos.
Things are often not as they seem.