Hello Team PL

[woofus_90]

  Hello everyone,
 
I’d like to say hello and introduce myself.  I’m a 42 year old professional living in Arizona, single never married and no kids.  I’ve got everything working well in life—great job (university professor), good life, great friends. No jail time, gambling problems, substance problems, *or* alien abductions where I was probed against my will.
 
The one area not yet fulfilled—finding my life partner.  I have had some great relationships, but my past seems to be an experience of a few relationships where they were gaga over me and wanted marriage, but it wasn’t mutual, and vice versa.
 
I do love Latina women and I do have time off for travelling during the holidays, spring break, and summer given my job, so I’d like to take a shot at looking into meeting a woman from Central or South America.
 
I fall somewhere between  GQ material and Quasimodo’s nephew.  Closer to the former than the latter. I could go on and on about me, and how wonderful I am  8-), but I’ll wind down on that to ask a few questions.
 
I guess my first question is: how to get started.  I have read from posts here that colombiancupid.com can be a good starting point?
 
Next, in terms of a starting place for conversational Spanish, does anyone have any CDs or online programs, etc… they could recommend. I’m NOT reading good things about Rosetta Stone. I was basically fluent back in college, but that was many moons ago.
 
Final question: It definitely appears that many/most of the men on here, and other sites I have reviewed, save their two thumbs up with a twist rating for Colombian women. Can someone fill me in on why that is the case, compared to Latinas from other countries?
 
I’m looking forward to more chats and advisement. Any other thoughts for this newbie would be appreciated.

 
SJ

[michaelb]

Hi. Looks like I'll have to be first to welcome you. OK, learning Spanish, well, if you're in Arizona, from what I've been hearing on the news it seems that you could find plenty of native speakers to practice with. Mexican Spanish is somewhat different than Colombian Spanish.....I usually use the analogy of English in GB vs. English in the United States (and both of those places of course have their own regional differences), but any practice is better than no practice. I don't know much about Rosetta Stone except that they advertise heavily. Are they  the ones who claim they can teach you a language in 10 days? I doubt that very seriously. 

Why so many married to Colombians or looking in Colombia? Availability and willingness. When I began the search, I started looking for Mexicans and was surprised to find many more Colombians then any other Latin nationality, in fact it seemed that the Colombians outnumbered all the others combined. Maybe it was the war making the ladies more interested in looking outside their country, maybe it was the proliferation of agencies that Colombia had  8 to 10 years ago....who knows? But that's the way things were, and still are to a great extent.

How to get started? Some guys use agencies, some guys use online services such as the one you mentioned, some guys just go down and see what shakes out....depends on what they are comfortable with.

[Jeff S]

Hi DL and welcome.

Personally I like Rosetta Stone - especially if you're already familiar with the language. It'll definitely sharpen your conversational skills because it teaches you to think in that language and react to real world images and situations. It is NOT about memorizing grammar and word patterns.


Most men headed to Colombia in the past because there were lots of agencies there, and the women didn't have in innate aversion to joining one. The original founder of this board found it was easy to get women to sign up in Colombia, nearly impossible in Mexico because of a more conservative attitude in Mexico, thinking that it cheapened them. These days with the internet and the ability to meet people anywhere, there just isn't the necessity to utilize brick and mortar infrastructure designed to support gringos abroad. This is especially true if you have some abilities with Spanish.


The first step I've always recommended is to find out which culture you're most compatible with. Are you a party guy? like cultural events? like growing an your own food way outside of town? a quiet, nose in a book kind of guy? What are you looking for in a woman? If you're looking for a serious, intellectual woman to spend your life enjoying the art scene with, going to Cali filled with party girls living for the moment might be fun at first, but frustrating in the long run to find what you're looking for. Conversely, if you want someone to stay home on your 25 acres an hour's drive from town and raise a bunch of kids, along with organic vegetables and livestock, looking among professionals in Buenos Aires probably wouldn't be the most productive idea. As we're fond of saying, the first place to look is always in the mirror.

[InSanDiego]

re: looking in the mirror, I agree, not only for looking for a woman, but also in building a relationship. It's easy to get carried away with the attention one might get from multiple women in a foreign country initially, but in the end, if you're looking for a monogamous relationship, it's going to require work. We are after all, talking about what will out of necessity be a long distance relationship for a period of 6 months or longer, and will require that we visit their country more than once, and eventually visit just one woman. That involves risk, effort, and perseverance on our part as well as hers...

[InnocentVixen]

The first step I've always recommended is to find out which culture you're most compatible with. Are you a party guy? like cultural events? like growing an your own food way outside of town? a quiet, nose in a book kind of guy? What are you looking for in a woman? If you're looking for a serious, intellectual woman to spend your life enjoying the art scene with, going to Cali filled with party girls living for the moment might be fun at first, but frustrating in the long run to find what you're looking for. Conversely, if you want someone to stay home on your 25 acres an hour's drive from town and raise a bunch of kids, along with organic vegetables and livestock, looking among professionals in Buenos Aires probably wouldn't be the most productive idea. As we're fond of saying, the first place to look is always in the mirror.

Jeff always offers such great advice all those questions are very important things to ask yourself before you get overwhelmed with all the attention you'll get... and believe me I know you will get plenty even if you did look a little like Quasimodo!


Welcome and I wish you the best~

[woofus_90]

I don't look like Quasimodo AND my name is NOT Rumplestilskin. For the record.

OK, so you guys have already been helpful. I am NOT after a party girl  (Cali or otherwise). I'm sure  attention like that would be very flattering and make me feel all tingly, but I'm about 15 years past any desire for living to party.

Does this  party-girl stereotype hold for the majority of  women of Cali (or elsewhere), specifically in the 26-ish to late 37ish age group? I'd really like to find someone who is past that--am I having unrealistic thinking about that for a mid-to-late 20's well-educated woman? My speed is more dinner parties, beers/wine with friends, hosting parties at my place, travel, movies, night in with the lady,  occasional dancing, hike/ski, etc...

I've started my search at ages 26-37--I'm 42.

SJ

[pfkwagen]

Welcome doglover_50, please let us know when you travel and your experiences to find your future partner. 

As for my experience,  I found the girls in Bogota more calm and seriously toned down compared to Cali & Medellin. Don't get me wrong, not all calen'as are partying every weekend but like Jeff mentioned, you could find one that serious and educated, but you'll have a better chance of finding one on a spot that's more toned down to your standards.

At least that's what I got from my travels. Most Colombians consider Bogota boring (I agree to certain extent) but you'll find that the ladies are more educated. Where in Medellin and Cali, the ladies are extremely attractive but most lack eagerness to better themselves (education wise).

To better given you an idea, I was drinking a champagne bottle (North side of Bogota) with a lady that had a career as a banker . Where in Medellin, I was with drinking Aguardiente with this hot calen'a that worked as a waitress.

[whitey]

26-37 is a good age range ... ideally IMO you'd find someone between 28 and 32.  My wife is 13 years younger than me (I'm 48).

If you look for women in that age range, who have a post high school education, and who are employed full time, it will be very easy to weed out the party girls.

Guys like Fathertime and Alabamaboy have found good women that don't meet the above criteria, but I think you need have a lot of experience in Colombia, be realistic, and be a good judge of character to have their success.

[Bob_S]

My speed is more dinner parties, beers/wine with friends, hosting parties at my place, travel, movies, night in with the lady,  occasional dancing, hike/ski, etc...

A word to the wise, if you read the archives, you'd know that for any Colombian, a party is not a party without salsa dancing.  Ask any of the old hands here.  What you are calling a party, a Colombiana would call a boring business meeting.  If that's the speed you are looking for, you will have to put in some more time and leg work to find your match.  Not that it's impossible.  Look hard enough and you will find anything anywhere.  But your match may not be standing out so obviously.

[InnocentVixen]

or you could just look somewhere else other than Colombia, you seem to be open enough to the idea, like other poster mentioned most go to Colombia because agencies make life easier but if you are already looking for a non-average colombiana you might as well keep your options open.


There is lots of members here than can offer good advice about other places, that includes the female point of view from a Brasilera and a Mexicana, so don't be afraid to ask.

[V_Man]

Welcome! I agree that you may find it easier to find what you are looking for outside Colombia.   EG Lima Peru. Also you probably want to focus on the higher end of that age bracket. The best thing you can do is get stuck into your Spanish.

[raycjs]

welcome to the board,
 
i have used and still use Rosetta stone and it has worked well for me,
the best advice i can give you is take it slow and make as many trips as your wallet allows you. this will help you make sure you have the right one.
you have so many options so the best thing you can do is try to narrow it down to the type of women you are looking for and the country once you have done that enjoy your time looking and i wish you the best of luck....
 
Ray

[Gato4Astrid]

Mr Not Rumplestilskin


Welcome to the board.  It is not impossible to find your Cinderella in Colombia.  As you were saying that you aren't looking for a party-type girl, and your age range 26-37.  One of your speeds "hosting parties at my place" but you aren't looking for a party-type girl   What if you found a home-loving girl but do not like to host parties in her house???

[woofus_90]

All very helpful, everyone.  Thanks.

Let me clarify about the parties I host, as I can see this seemed inconsistent with what I am looking for. Every few months I have a dinner parties with friends.  Quite tame.  It's rare that we dance (though it happens--I have lots of international friends, so the dancing in the past year has been Turkish/Persian). I enjoy dancing (and am not half bad), but it's rare. I do live close to Vegas, so I take regular outings there

I think the most important thing I want to communicate from everyone's comments--My Cindarella would be an extremely bright bright woman who is attractive and lives life on the quieter side,--NOT a party-girl/trophy wife.

Speaking of all of this, I'm probably different from other men in this way, but...I am totally okay with being with someone who has a child (or maybe even two). As long as there is no psycho ex., and the kids are well-behaved.  Doesn't really matter to me if it's my own seed that is spread for another generation.  8-)

I have been talking for a while with a woman from match.com who is in Lima, so perhaps she may be a better match than a colombiana, if things continue.  She speaks excellent ingles, as well. 

I am having the experience other new fellows here, in that I put my profile on colombiancupid and am getting swamped with interests and emails and whatnot, so that is already a pleasant challenge. That, and working on my espanol.

DL

I'm not sure what other questions I have, but again

[vikingo]

Hi doglover, I recently joined this forum, so my post is somewhat late. I would suggest you look for a woman in her twenties who meets your standards. A 37 year old latina is almost over the hill, why go out of your way to look for an older woman; women get old all by themselfes. If you don't mind a woman with child your chances will more than multiply because it isn't easy to find one without who is also attractive and smart. Keep in mind though, if you want to take the child out of the country, should you get married to a single mom, the childs father will strongly object in almost all cases and there is nothing you can do, except bribe him substancially, as children here have very strong bonds with their dad and dad with his child even if he is a loser or has trouble finding a job. Also keep in mind that Latinas are very strongly attached to their son and he will be the most important thing in her life, more important than you'll ever be, it doesn't seem to apply to daughters, but they are usually even more fond of their dad than sons are. BTW, How are things working out with the peruana? I have seen some very lovely peruanas from Lima on www.loveme.com/women/women.htm

[Gato4Astrid]

or* alien abductions where I was probed against my will.

How do you know?     You might have been abducted but they have wiped out your memory from being abduction 

[woofus_90]

True that! Now that I think about it, I'm sure aliens from distant worlds have come here with the sole purpose of advancing their science by studying my gluteos then wiping my memory.  I wish they would love me for my mind and not my as*.

[woofus_90]

In answer to earlier questions, I continue to be in contact with the woman from Peru who speaks beautiful English. However, that will just be a friendship contact, as she is in final stages of a divorce. I also had good luck through colombiancupid.com with another woman and we are in contact.  Her English is pretty good as well, so I've been fortunate.  Anyhow, the search continues (despite my being probed)......

[z_k_g]

re: looking in the mirror, I agree, not only for looking for a woman, but also in building a relationship. It's easy to get carried away with the attention one might get from multiple women in a foreign country initially, but in the end, if you're looking for a monogamous relationship, it's going to require work. We are after all, talking about what will out of necessity be a long distance relationship for a period of 6 months or longer, and will require that we visit their country more than once, and eventually visit just one woman. That involves risk, effort, and perseverance on our part as well as hers...

InSanDiego,

Great points.

I think the risks are high, but also the returns. 

Building interpersonal relationships is the key.  In my experience that's been the focus and its very difficult, this journey is not to be taken lightly.

Zulu

[CeeTeeEnn]

hi DL, welcome to the forum.

I am (or should i say was) in a similar position to yourself; i work as a freelance college lecturer with various research interests and have for years dated Latinas on/off in my native London. However, I put off making the big trip down south for several reasons, one is the availability of single women from all over the world in the dating pool here, another is my work committments, but the most pressing one is my lack of good fortune in meeting a Latina right for me during my forays into both real and internet dating. I have since decided to to move on and take my search elsewhere (hence my lack of recent activity here.)

Nevertheless, i will say this. If you are keen to avoid party girls and looking for someone more serious and educated, capable of hosting and impressing at dinner parties then i'd advise you to broaden your search beyond the boundaries of any one country. The cliche of Latinas' (from any country) supposed lack of intellectual prowess has been discussed often here; i don't wish to revisit it save to say that it can be disspelled easily enough by numerous professional and acadaemic women in the Latin world's principal cities. However, I would imagine that the desire for such women to leave their (usually comfortable) lives behind to start a new one in the US may not necessarily be taken for granted, and for this reason more than any other I'd advise you to cast your net far and wide (no pun intended, but such single women are more likely than most to be found on serious Western dating sites.) Furthermore, IMO your desire to learn Spanish is thoroughly commendable (though perhaps it won't go as far as it might were you to pursue party girls, as educated and serious latinas are perhaps more likely to understand at least some English) as indeed is your willingness to accept women with a "past" and over the age of 25.

I wish you all the best in your endeavours and look forward to hearing any good news stories if and when they come.