Fresh Start

[Ghost]

Please bare with me.  I'm an intelligent man, but I haven't made the best relational decisions.  I make no bones about where I'm at in life - or where I've been for that matter, so "honesty" and "owning up" to previous bad decisions are standard for me.

I've been married three times - had the last marriage anulled.  During my twenties I literally jumped from relationship to relationship, and once from a divorce to a marriage.  After forcing myself into a 33yr. old's form of time out, and a few years past my anullment in 2004, I am ready to move on... at a very slow pace, willing to give the "international" a try.

Without giving a long, drawn out - psychologist's dream of an explanation, I can summarize by saying that I married so many times, attempting to fill the void of a family on the inside, which I never experienced in my childhood.  That's it - session's over.

I took the necessary time to dig deep, do a lot of soul searching, and correct the inadequacies of all the psycho-garb-explanations and self-discovery.

I'm 35, self-employed, stable, and happy.  Obviously, I still have the void of a wife and family, and that is something I still desire - and I know there is nothing wrong with me desiring that.  However, I have been married multiple times, and I am certain I don't want to have yet another sequel in the marriage/divorce Motion Picture Drama.

Specifically, I'm seeking feedback and advice on the "American, whose been married and divorced..." issue.  Does anyone have any insight as to how this issue is perceived by Columbian women?  Is it an automatic, complete act of blasphemy in their culture - - to accept relationship, courtship, and possible marriage to a man who has my track record?  

It is safe to say that while the Columbian census sites lower numbers on the marriage scale that divorce is therefore, more than likely NO WHERE NEAR the proportions on the U.S. scale.  This is why I am  wondering if maybe my track record will speak "taboo" to the local, Columbian female population.


Obviously, the wisdom and emotional intelligence I have gained through my failed marriages is going to come in handy, but it was also gained at a painful price, and I'm not looking to be the Arnold of Emotional and Relationship Muscle, in that sense!

Again, I'm not looking for a marriage to spin off from a trip to South America, and I'm not looking to repeat performances of things I've already been through.  The fact that I've been single for almost two years is a major, personal accomplishment, wherein I've grown and matured on many levels.

I want to make the right decision with respect to going this route for a serious relationship, which will hopefully lead to marriage.  

Any insight on the afforementioned would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Ghost

[Brazilophile]

Ghost,

I am not in the dempographic you are interted in but I have gotten feedback from Latinas regarding formerly marreid men.   The Colombianas I met did not have strong negative reactions to divorced men, even if they were married and divorced several times.

The two most important issues to them were

1) Is she COMPLETELY out of your life?  

COMPLETELY means  UTTERLY and ABSOLUTELY OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND HOME TO THE EXTENT THAT SHE NO LONGER EXISTS FOR YOU!   I cannot overstate the importance of you having NO CONTACT OF ANY TYPE with any previous woman you were intimate with.

2) Do you have children by her?

Clearly, this relates to 1)  and can be a deal breaker.   No Latina wants to compete with another woman as mother to your children.

A few years ago, another poster by the name of Rob Anderson went through this.  If you check the archives, you might find his numerous and lengthy posts on the issue of removing EVERY TRACE of your ex from your house.

[drm64]

Hey Casper, Congrats on the self discovry. I think that is absolutely necessary tp find out who you are before you can begin to know what you are looking for. I did the same thing and had a real sense of "knowing" I was ready to pursue my mate. At the risk of sounding immodest, I would recommend reading my post " Misadventures of the Well Intentioned". It might save you a lot of heartache. As far as your record, I've always said " We are products of our past and to love me today is to accept me for my past." It is not necessary for new relationships to know all the kir, but I do believe the relationship should be strong enough to handle knowing it because you never want to feel you cant be honest about any past issue that may come up. About how colombian's feel about divorce, I think it would be rather hypocritical of a person to judge you for all your failed marriages when Colombia is full of women who have had children out of wedlock. At least you made the commitment. It sounds to me like you'll be ok but proceed with caution. Colombia is full of beauties who could easily make you lose your focus. I'd be glad to discuss with you in more detail my experiences if you are interested.

[Jamie]

This Colombian woman was directly corresponding with an American numerous times and she asked me my opinion of him having been divorced 5 times. I asked her how many times does a man have to be divorced before you realize there is something wrong with the man? While I saved this young girl I suspect 3 divorces may only temporarily raise eyebrows. I have never heard any concerns with guys that had two.