i found this list online
feel free to add to it if you wish
Driving:
No left turn signs are merely forms of art put up by the city to reduce posters and graffiti.
Lines on the roads are there to help drivers to drive straight and are only effective if you center the vehicle over the line.
Parking lots extend into the street.
No loading and unloading signs refer to guns.
Intersections are jeepney stops.
Loud scooters go faster.
The only street signs are on the street that you don’t want.
The ability to drive is NOT a requirement for a drivers licence.
Dogs:
Dogs are litter and garbage disposals, not pets.
Sometimes used for food when unexpected guests arrive.
Barking is never heard by the owners, only the foreigners.
Continual barking is the sign of a good watch dog. Quiet ones are dinner.
Videoke:
Used mostly by those that can’t sing, only yell.
Don’t have volume control.
The worst singers wait till 1am when all the relatives are passed out.
Even the most impoverished families can afford to rent them.
Are required at any and all gatherings.
Stores:
Lines are for everyone else.
Senior lines are used by the “busy†people.
15 items or less refers to the peso coins in your pocket, NOT the items in your cart.
Training for store clerks consists of learning one line. “Out of stock
Reaching for an item in a store is an indication to the hovering store clerk that you require help in knowing what it is for, and is explained to you, along with the product next to it that you have no interest in.
In order to stop store clerks from following you in a store, ask for something.
Cashiers require a calculator to figure out the change from 2 500 peso notes for a 999.00 bill.
Shoe stores don’t have different sizes in the stock room, there is no stock room.
Electronic, cell phone and appliance stores only sell display items.
All purchases require 3 people and 2 bills (one is hand written).
Plastic Garbage cans are used for water, streets are for garbage.
Sidewalks are for vendors
If you don’t look, then the cars can’t hit you.
When exiting a jeepney, immediately cross the road.
Malls don’t have garbage cans.
On 4 lane roads, the two outside lanes are for the farmers to dry their crops.
Always wait till the oncoming car is close before you pull out in front.
Jeepneys are social vehicles, they are always found in large groups.
Headlights are used to signal other vehicles that you intend to do something stupid. At all other times (especially at night) they should not be used.
When walking at night on roads without lights, its better to wear dark clothes.
Shoes are to be removed and left in the doorway so everybody else can stumble over them.
When you get to the top or bottom of an escalator, stop and stand there and look around to block anybody else from getting off
pig
