Wife's Male Friend

[braziliangirl]

Alabamaboy,

In your case maybe makes sense. If it's just to make a point, just a pedagogic method, and you are not really going to do, it maybe can be safe. But if you start actually doing, it can poison the whole thing.

I do agree with you and bcc. Friends should become friends of both parties. That's how I do with my male friends here that get committed.

[utopiacowboy]

Alabamaboy,

In your case maybe makes sense. If it's just to make a point, just a pedagogic method, and you are not really going to do, it maybe can be safe. But if you start actually doing, it can poison the whole thing.

I do agree with you and bcc. Friends should become friends of both parties. That's how I do with my male friends here that get committed.

Poisoned? It's already poisoned. Making empty threats is worse. If you make a threat be prepared to carry it out.

[Alabamaboy!]

it was not an empty threat, I was adding the names. She asked me why I had not written to her that day and I told her I spent the best part of the day adding the "friends" back onto my my MSN, and spent a couple solid hours chatting with ladies that I added. I told her that. And in reality, I was not doing anything bad. I was chatting about my fiancee, and the fact that I was doing the papers for the visa. And I was practicing my Spanish. I was not hitting on them or anything like that.

But I did tell my girl exactly what I was doing. And it was fine with me if we played things her way or my way. But probably if she has 250 guys on her MSN, and I have 250 girls, the relationship is not going to work out in the long run.

And she "got it" right away because she knows how it is. That the girls would be hitting on me (like they were). And she would realize that she is not the only beautiful woman in Colombia that would like to get with me.

My theory with all that baloney is: if she and I are chatting with "friends" couldn't the relationship be much better served with us using that time to build our own relationship, learn each other's language better?

With Colombian women, and people in general, it is not a good policy to make empty threats. I don't do that. You always need to be ready to cut bait if things are not the way you want them. There is not a lot of good reasons to stay with someone who is not in harmony with your way of living life, when there are so many other fish in the sea.

[Alabamaboy!]

And I do not look at this as "forcing" anyone to do anything other than it may "force" them to look at their own life and to make a decision if having a serious relationship is more important than passing funny emails back and forth about how someone saw the image of the Virgin Mary in an empanada or something.

I have had several women who said they were looking for a serious relationship with me, then when you are on MSN, they are obviously chatting and laughing with their friends at the same time you are trying to have a serious conversation. And you try to tell them you do not have a lot of free time to be sitting around waiting for them while they are chatting with other people, that it is kind of rude, and they tell you that their friends are very important to them, etc. So of course those women were eliminated in a couple of swift keystrokes, because it is pretty obvious that they are not really ready for a serious relationship. They are still in "party mode". The actions do not match the words coming out of their mouths.

They need to realize that in most cases a decision needs to be made that they will need to pass from that party mode, childlike phase into adulthood if they want to have a meaningful relationship with a gringo. And if they are not ready for that, fine, then the gringo will continue his search with other women, as long as he is not braindead.

[Alabamaboy!]

And again, another warning to all the newbies in the house, age has nothing to do with all this. I have had 35 year old women who are still doing crazy stuff like this, and have never grown up. They are great to go out with. Spend a couple hot nights or a weekend in Cartagena or on the beach in Rodadero, but not really someone you would want to get married to or to have taking care of the family checkbook or your children.

[flipflop]

you're a control freak. How long have you been married to thsi girl. You'll be doing the MSN 250 GF dance until you divorce.

[Alabamaboy!]

I am not a control freak. I do know that if you are hoping to have a relationship with a beautiful Colombiana and she has 250 guys on her MSN, most of whom are in her hometown,  and you are over here in the States, that the relationship is probably not going to be a smashing success. And why bother when there are manyyyyyy others to choose from.

And about me failing and dishing out advice???  Funny you made that remark, because as it turns out, she was the one who made the mistakes and was the failure and readily admits it. So why don't you STFU and go back to the Asian board and try not to make a clown out of yourself.  

And by the way, I am not married to her yet. I would not be so stupid to do that.

In your defense though, you are married to a Filipina, and they are not nearly as hot or flirtatious as the Colombianas (in general), so your comments make perfect sense with women from there. I would never have a problem with such things with my Filipina ex. I would trust her completely and never had any problems with her in that regards.

But if you are going to try that same approach with a hot Colombiana? Wow, you are begging for a nightmare. Especially if she is Costena.

[robert angel]

Is anybody getting a tad bit --shall we say 'defensive' here?






"I am not a crook" (Richard M. Nixon)

[Researcher]

   Robert, it's just par for the course...



   Researcher

[Neal Sandman]

Hi Everyone,

I didn't realize this thread was still active. I will try to reply to the posts that came in since I last logged on.

Henry asked, Did she agree to stop? The answer is no. I think they have stopped however, at least that is my gut feeling, knowing my wife. She is very obedient in the marriage, and it is important to her. I think that as soon as she saw it bothered me, she put a stop to it. At least that is what I will believe until the next phone call or present.

Zach asked what did I mean by it didn't go well. Well, it wasn't an argument, but she didn't tell me she would stop it either. I believe she will stop, however, knowing her. If she doesn't I will have something more to say-to them both.

Bob_s asks if he is an old coot. I would say that he fits that profile. My wife tells me he is an older man who is a widower. Maybe I am blowing things out of proportion, but I would rather err on the side of caution, than let things go and face the consequences.

brazillian girl asks how is the marriage going overall. I would say that it is going well. We just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary and have two kids, 4 and 6 whom we both love dearly. I believe we are both still in love with each other-which is why I worry about this incident. Knowing the Colombian character, I think it is better for me to say something and be jealous, rather than let it go, as is the propensity in my own culture.

Thanks for taking an interest.

Neal Sandman

[robert angel]

Yes, Researcher, it does seem par for the course, more so in the Latin Forums than the Asian, from my limited experience.

I have 3 Uncles who married Hispanic women and it ( the bickering in the Latin Forum) sort of mirrors their temperaments from what I observed. When it was good, it was very good--when it was bad it was awful. 'Kisses and hand grenades', we used to call it. Those aunts always treated me like a prince and were great advisors to me in how to handle a woman and to be careful regarding unwanted pregnancies. Many a night I spent at their homes when my father and I were at great odds with each other. Sadly, all three marriages produced beautiful children, but ended in painful divorces.

I used to date Latino gals and it was never a dull moment, I tell you. I do miss the food, espec. the rice and beans, the parties and great drinks though. The drama, I can do without.

"I don't care what everyone's saying about me--I'm NOT paranoid!!"

[Jeff S]

Hey just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T out to get you does it?

[robert angel]

Jeff, In that regard, Satchel Paige--one of the most under appreciated and greatest pitchers baseball's ever known, (who was unfortunate to be a black athlete during our most racist era in sports) had some great quotes and the first below (just a few of many he had follow) sort of illustrates the silliness of paranoia and worrying:


"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."

"Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines."

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"

"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter"

"Money and women. They're two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else. Same with money."

"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching."

"You win a few, you lose a few. Some get rained out. But you got to dress for all of them."


"My pitching philosophy is simple; you gotta keep the ball off the fat part of the bat."

"I never had a job. I always played baseball."

"Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common."


"Mother always told me, if you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you, it won't sound good to no one else."

I'd really like to post some quotes from another baseball legend -- Yogi Berra's great quotes, but Planet-love might boot me for busting bandwidth---so here's a link to a few funnies for those who like a chuckle or two...

http://rinkworks.com/said/yogiberra.shtml

[Researcher]

  Robert, I like the sayings regarding age.Good ones.



  Researcher

[ignorante]

I'd slam the booze eat the candy and give her a good pokin

  Best advice ever!  LOL!  Sorry, reading old threads and got a good laugh out of this piece of advice!   

[JimD]

“I am not a control freak. I do know that if you are hoping to have a relationship with a beautiful Colombiana and she has 250 guys on her MSN, most of whom are in her hometown, and you are over here in the States, that the relationship is probably not going to be a smashing success. And why bother when there are manyyyyyy others to choose from.

And about me failing and dishing out advice??? Funny you made that remark, because as it turns out, she was the one who made the mistakes and was the failure and readily admits it. So why don't you STFU and go back to the Asian board and try not to make a clown out of yourself.

And by the way, I am not married to her yet. I would not be so stupid to do that.

In your defense though, you are married to a Filipina, and they are not nearly as hot or flirtatious as the Colombianas (in general), so your comments make perfect sense with women from there. I would never have a problem with such things with my Filipina ex. I would trust her completely and never had any problems with her in that regards.

But if you are going to try that same approach with a hot Colombiana? Wow, you are begging for a nightmare. Especially if she is Costena.”

Alabam I think you are a control freak but I also thing you post above is 100% right on the money.

[kojak]

 Best advice ever!  LOL!  Sorry, reading old threads and got a good laugh out of this piece of advice!    

Yeah that was pretty dam funny!

I got a good laugh at the "in Colombia it is not uncommon to have friends of the opposite sex" only Colombian guy that's ok with the wife receiving gifts from other men are to busy poniendo los cuernos aka "poking around" with too many other females to care, even then is about "machismo" and usually there is hell to pay.

[Gato4Astrid]

When I was with Liz, my ex-prometida, she used to tell me not to talk or to look at other ladies.  I respected her wish, but I did not even talk or look at any other ladies.   But when I visited her for the 2nd time, she flirted almost all the men and took rather 'imtimate' photos of her and other men - and no 'imtimate' photo of me and her at all !!!    Still telling me not to look at other women when I didn't !!

" Only women are allowed to flirt and men do not " ?

Obviously, she did not respect my feelings at all.

[fathertime]

When I was with Liz, my ex-prometida, she used to tell me not to talk or to look at other ladies.  I respected her wish, but I did not even talk or look at any other ladies.   But when I visited her for the 2nd time, she flirted almost all the men and took rather 'imtimate' photos of her and other men - and no 'imtimate' photo of me and her at all !!!    Still telling me not to look at other women when I didn't !!

" Only women are allowed to flirt and men do not " ?

Obviously, she did not respect my feelings at all.

Hey Gato,

My feeling is that if a Colombian girlfriend is feeling comfortable enough to make these types of demands during your short visit, that in itself is a problem.  She did not respect you and she was controlling you.  Your relationship was doomed so she did you a favor by cutting you loose.  Perhaps you will find that there is something to be learned from this experience.

Fathertime!