Controling Jerk at Walmart

[Bear]

Yesterday after an awesome meal at Pei Wei for Honey's birthweek (Yeah, I spoil her) we stopped at Wal-mart for a few items.  While walking the isles looking fir what we cam for, Honey noticed a young Filipina (heard her say something in Tagalog) who was being very rudely talked to by a man (we guess her husband) as if she was some sort of idiot because she didn't know how to do something-probably very American.  I completely missed this event  I wanted to find and introduce ourselves to them but Honey wouldn't let me - did not want to know the guy!

Has anyone run into similar situations where someone (at least in my opinion) could benefit from knowing you but your spouse didn't think it proper to get involved?  I thought at least the girl could get some help/relief if she needed and her guy not be so upset (probably cause she burns water - just teasing).  Ya know, the "support group" concept.  Was I wrong?

The Bear Family

[Ray]

Was I wrong?

Yes.

I don't think it's a good idea to try to inject yourself into other folks' marital problems, especially those of total strangers.

Stay out of it.

[Bob_S]

Your noble instincts are very gallant, but I'd follow your wife's lead on this.  She is wise and even-tempered.

[stevjulietb]

Sounds like the guy acted like a jerk, but, maybe he was having a bad day, or a headache.  We all have our moments.

Steveb

[Romello]

Intervening into someones else's martial problems and sometimes make things worse.

It could have very well been something very simple, you never know.  Now, on the other hand....

If you witness violence, you should call the police and keep visual, never intervene.

[Bear]

I listen to the wifey but I sure felt sorry for the girl. Honey described her as okay with it but it seems to me she must have felt pretty abandoned (I guess that parts in my mind).  I probably would have tried to change the subject and start a conversation that might suggest some help.  I could never humiliate my wife in front of others?  Individual confidence in my opinion is a necessary thing in life.  I just imagine giving up my whole life to come halfway around thew world to be part of someone's life and be belittled and humiliated with no knowledge of how to get help.  Scarey!

When I had a procedure done last month I found that there are even more Filipinas living near us than we knew but they said they'd give us a call and hadn't yet so I was also kinda hoping this was and "in" to someone in that group.  We were told that there was practically a whole street of them less than a half a mile from this particular Wal-mart.  Oh well, another day.

The Bear Family

[Dave H]

I only step in when I witness physical violence! Not always a good idea...as I have had the 'victim' jump on my back and attack me from the rear on more than one occasion. Then what do you do...hit the victim too? Nowdays, I try to keep my response verbal and say I am calling the police. Things usually de-escalate rapidly.

As to someone "being rudely talked to"...who knows what transpired before this event. Maybe she roasted and ate his pet dog that he had since he was a kid!  Maybe it was justified. I try not to meddle in other's affairs and make assumptions. My wife has been given cards from "church ladies" in the US, who insisted that she call them WHEN she was in danger. These ladies had never even met or saw me, but heard one too may stories on TV about American-Asian relationships. Want to hear rude...you should hear how some of the foreigners (mostly Europeans) talk to their wives here in the Philippines.

Dave

[Cbear]

I gotta say I heard an Aussie get in to it with his wife in PI when we were waiting on our driver to show up. I guess he had called his driver and he hadnt showed up yet, so his lady made a smart comment about Rolo not being there on time and then it was on. He belittled her awful. But she did show complete disrespect for him before he did. Still, I wouldnt have done it.

[flipflop]

How easily things can be misconstrued.

My lovely Filipina wife probablay doubles my slary at this point and regardless of how much she delegates to me because im the American things can still be misunderstood by casual onlookers

for instance

My wife has taken an interest in local auctions. I hate the freakin things but since her car accident I do all the driving which means I have to at least participate some in her new found way to find bargains. Last time she loaded up on furniture I went and got a Budget rental truck and hauled everything home that way. This last time the guy that runs the auction house sent a few of his guys in a truck to drop our stuff. There was quite a load and I told my wife we should give them $20 and I would help them bring it to the rooms where it belonged. They agreed and when the work was done the wife was having a nice little conversation as these busy guys were trying to hit the road. Sometimes I can be sarcastic and I am sure these two henpecked American men were'nt ready for when I looked at my wife and said

'You better get these boys some money"

And I dont think that is what totally blew them away. My wife had a very domineering father and I believe he conditioined her that when he says hurry he means run. So when I said the above to my wife she broke into a trot heading for the front door to get the money.

Both of them looked at me with eyes poopping out of their sockets. To them I had just ordered my foreign wife to get some money and she tookoff running to satisfy my demands. Inside I was laughing but I didnt say anything

If they really knew how things went around here they would understand that my wife is the Queen Bee and im just a scout along for the ride. Oh well they left with the impression they did and I got a laugh. I didnt have the heart to shattered their perception of what had just happened

[Bear]

Excellent point!  Its our experiences that focus the perceptions that we judge by.  Honey did say the girl looked okay with it and since I didn't see then event I judge by my wife's not wanting to have anything to do with him.  Very good point.

The Bear Family

[flipflop]

Right Bear, the funny part to me is that I know what these guys are going home too. If they so much as uttered the stuff I had said their american wives would be telling them to stuff it if not dishing out some physical abuse.

Sometimes the communication barrier can be a good thing. My Filipina didnt interpret what I said as anything but me trying to help the busy gentlemen who just did her a really big favor. An AW would have taken total offense to my tone and started a freakin war right then and there. I really do my best to stay off the AW hating but feminazis are ruining this country

[Bear]

I'm always amazed that my wife expects me to tell her what to do (not all things but quite a few).  She actually gets upset and confused when I don't.  But don't you dare make her mad?!  Who's in charge?  Definitely not me, or at least only when she tells me I am.

The Bear Family