Just Want to Introduce Myself

[Grimjack]

I've been lurking on the forum for a few weeks, reading the archives and getting a lay of the land. I figured it was time to register and introduce myself.

I am a 38 yr old WM from California. I've been married twice. I lived in Panama in the early 90's for 2yrs while in the Army and ended up marrying a girl I got pregnant down there. Thought I was doing the right thing. She was great while we lived there (of course we had a maid and she was used to living in the upper class for Panama) When we got to States she got "americanized" and eventually left me for her Boss (I didn't want her to work, she didn't want to stay home.) in retrospect it was probably better we split up as I married her for the wrong reasons. Just feel bad for my boys.

I married my 2nd wife, an AW, about five years ago. She has become everything you hear AW to be. The changes would be almost comical if it wasn't my life I was talking about. In the five years we've been married she has gained almost 50lbs, stopped cookiing, pretty much cut me off sexually, and is constantly nagging. If I had known about sites such as this, or nomarriage.com, I believe I would have been more discriminating in my choices. I'm in the process of contemplating divorce....I am still interested in meeting a loving, kind woman, but as I watch AW more closely I'm not sure if that's possible here in the US.

Having lived in SA I think that after retirement (12-15yrs)I would like to retire down there. I guess that my reason for joining the forum is two-fold:

(1)talk to other men who have been where I am now. Are you ultimately happier having left your AW? How did it affect the kids to bring a bride from SA? How bout your friends and family?
(2)If I decide to go this route (which isn't a sure thing, I might just swear off women completely) I want to be as informed as possible.

Thanks for reading and hope I didn't go on too long.

[sean126]

Welcome to the forum Grimjack, we are glad you joined us.  Feel free to jump into the discussions and even start your own topics in the general section.

[drm64]

Welcome grim. As for your questions, I have been much happier with my Colombian wife than I ever was with my AW of 14 years. For me there is no comparison. I have a 13 year old boy and 10 year old girl both who love my wife very much. My wife came to the states last June and my kids and family took to her immediately.

[Grimjack]

Hey guys thanks for the warm welcome so far......DRM- How does the ex deal with your new wife? having an ex and a current I know it can be a pain in the best circumstances..

[fathertime]

Hey guys thanks for the warm welcome so far......DRM- How does the ex deal with your new wife? having an ex and a current I know it can be a pain in the best circumstances..

I second Grimjack's question!  Give us some details here if you are comfortable doing that, perhaps there is something that will help me avoid a landmine or two.

Fathertime!

[michaelb]

Hey guys thanks for the warm welcome so far......DRM- How does the ex deal with your new wife? having an ex and a current I know it can be a pain in the best circumstances..

Well, I can tell you how my current and ex deal with each other-they don't. I'd advise you to arrange your affairs in a similar manner.

[drm64]

Regarding the wife and ex relationship, when my wife arrived last summer, the ex tried to be nice but I think the act got to be too much for her. She hates to see me happy and on one occasion last summer the ex told me if I didn't spend all my money on my new hot sexy wife I would have more to spend on my kids. Neither of us took to kindly to this "advice". I reminded her she already gets half of my income and I will spend my half how I please. After that, my wife didn't want any more to do with her although they both fake nice when we are exchanging the kids. My wife loves going to the local Y and my ex just got a job there. My wife says the ex always busies herself so as not to need to make eye contact with her. I suppose things could be worse, but that's life with an ex.

[utopiacowboy]

My ex wife and I get along very well. In fact my wife's kids frequently go to my ex-wife's house to see their stepbrothers and sometimes they sleep over there. We usually have a joint Thanksgiving dinner at one of the houses and frequently stage joint birthday celebrations as well. My wife and ex-wife are cordial to one another but the lack of a shared language limits their communication.

[fathertime]

Thank you DRM for the information.  Sometimes with me one question breeds several more. I hope you don't mind.  Just tell me, if I am prying too much!

How much notification did you give your former wife, that you were remarrying?  I have not notified mine & don't intend to for a while. Did the fact that you brought your new pretty wife from a foreign land change your child care status in any way?  Did your former wife just automatically trust your new wife with 'her' children?

Thanks,
Fathertime!

[drm64]

Fathertime,

I'm an open book, so whatever I can tell you that helps...

My ex knew from the beginning about my trips and their purpose. I have always made longer trips (2 weeks) which affected my time with my kids so the ex had to know more details than I would have normally shared. Our divorce was civil and we haven't had problems because of my trips. I just had to let her know about the timing and length of the trip and would make up time with the kids when I returned. As far as her trusting my wife with the kids, that never became an issue. If it had I would have raised hell because my ex had her boyfriend living in the house with my kids.

(Your reference to my "pretty new wife" made me laugh!

[bcc_1_2]

i have absolutely nothing to really say here since i've never been married. but i do know guys that are married or stuck in a relationship. if you are still living with her and she has access to your computer I'd probably clear the history and the cookies.

unless you want her finding planet-love.com, mailorderbrides, goodwife etc. Don't want her getting a heads up you are going to bail on here. not until she gets the papers anyway 

i will say reading things like this give me the motivation to travel and meet new people.

[fathertime]

Fathertime,

I'm an open book, so whatever I can tell you that helps...

My ex knew from the beginning about my trips and their purpose. I have always made longer trips (2 weeks) which affected my time with my kids so the ex had to know more details than I would have normally shared. Our divorce was civil and we haven't had problems because of my trips. I just had to let her know about the timing and length of the trip and would make up time with the kids when I returned. As far as her trusting my wife with the kids, that never became an issue. If it had I would have raised hell because my ex had her boyfriend living in the house with my kids.

Thanks DRM,
It is good to hear these details from someone else.  I am a little more closed off towards the ex at this moment, so she will be one of several 'wildcards' in the beginning.

(Your reference to my "pretty new wife" made me laugh!

Glad you got a chuckle from it, but it is true right?  She is pretty and new, not pretty new, as in recently purchased pretty new!

 

Fathertime!

[drm64]

Fathertime,

I guess you have it right on both counts. We have only been married 6 months, so I guess she is pretty new (although not recently purchased ) but she is really more pretty than new. She is returning to Colombia alone on Friday for a month, her first trip back since coming to the states. I will miss her much.

As for your wildcard, I hope it works out for you. What stage are you at in bringing your woman here? Does the ex know anything yet? Do you have kids and do they know anything yet?

[fathertime]

She is returning to Colombia alone on Friday for a month, her first trip back since coming to the states. I will miss her much

An opportunity for some temporary freedom is a good thing.

As for your wildcard, I hope it works out for you. What stage are you at in bringing your woman here? Does the ex know anything yet? Do you have kids and do they know anything yet?

No I haven't told the kids or ex.  If I tell the kids they will tell the ex and I would rather not have her in the loop at this stage.  Perhaps about a month before arrival, I will start to let people know.  The children like my lady so the anouncement of her pending arrival should be a happy day for them as well. 

Fathertime!

[drm64]

Fathertime,
What is your children's idea of your woman's coming? You said they like your woman but you haven't said anything to them because it will get passed along to the ex. Are the kids in the dark about the details of how a woman can come here (fiance visa)?