Who Calls The Shots in Your Relationship? What Would You Do With This Situation?

[JimD]

Yes that has happened in Cali too. Obviously the residents are against it since it would increase their tax/monthly bills while making no change in the crime or noise levels.

[Researcher]

       What? They want to increase taxes without actually doing anything in return? I thought that only happened in the US.

      Researcher

[Alabamaboy!]

Today my wife finally told me that the brother in law who was supposedly so sick got the results and does not have TB. That's great news, but damn how long did it take to find that out? A month? Six weeks? At this point I don't even care what he has and did not even ask about him again. Obviously nobody there was very concerned and/or unwilling to do anything to help the guy or protect themselves. The guy himself didn't even care about himself. Colombia.

[benjio]

Soledad...gotta love it.

[Alabamaboy!]

Soledad...gotta love it.

Yeah, the problem it seems is Soledad. It seems like the whole family, the whole barrio, the whole city she lives in is just very content to stay in that nasty place without doing anything whatsoever on their part to get out. It is like they are paralyzed or something.

Oh another development in the household there is that one of the sisters supposedly has a fiancee who is a police officer. I found that out when my wife mentioned something about "aire" in the bedroom where there are like 7 of them sleeping. I was surprised by this because when I was there the last time, they only had one little floor fan for the whole house. I asked where it came from and my wife told me her sister bought it with the money she was making as a medical tech. (she is now not working). Then I asked how she bought the laptop that she has. And she said that was from her fiancee, the police officer. I asked what his name was because she is a facebook "friend" and never saw anything about a fiancee. She told me "Alex", but when I searched her 200 friends, no "Alex" there. My wife said he is a police officer and very serious and does not want to be playing on facebook. Yeah right.

Anyway, it is nice to know that there is another person who actually has a job to help with the family. Either that or they are all lying and the sister is actually still working or is with a narco, married guy,  or something else. But it is obvious once again that I am not being treated as a real part of the family or they are hiding things to make sure that I feel a strong obligation to continue helping the family out financially a bit.

[benjio]

Yeah, the problem it seems is Soledad. It seems like the whole family, the whole barrio, the whole city she lives in is just very content to stay in that nasty place without doing anything whatsoever on their part to get out. It is like they are paralyzed or something.

Oh another development in the household there is that one of the sisters supposedly has a fiancee who is a police officer. I found that out when my wife mentioned something about "aire" in the bedroom where there are like 7 of them sleeping. I was surprised by this because when I was there the last time, they only had one little floor fan for the whole house. I asked where it came from and my wife told me her sister bought it with the money she was making as a medical tech. (she is now not working). Then I asked how she bought the laptop that she has. And she said that was from her fiancee, the police officer. I asked what his name was because she is a facebook "friend" and never saw anything about a fiancee. She told me "Alex", but when I searched her 200 friends, no "Alex" there. My wife said he is a police officer and very serious and does not want to be playing on facebook. Yeah right.

Anyway, it is nice to know that there is another person who actually has a job to help with the family. Either that or they are all lying and the sister is actually still working or is with a narco, married guy,  or something else. But it is obvious once again that I am not being treated as a real part of the family or they are hiding things to make sure that I feel a strong obligation to continue helping the family out financially a bit.

Soledad, El Bosque, La Paz, Los Andes, San Isidro, La Libertad, El Valle, San Felipe, Villa Flor, etc...almost every barrio in the Sur Occidente Division of Barranquilla is filled with people that live in horrible 3rd World conditions; but they seem perfectly content and do nothing to improve upon their quality of life. Organizing a simple neighborhood cleanup would make a huge difference in some of these areas, but the people just don't seem to care. Trash everywhere, dead animals, crumbling buildings people still live or do business in...it's actually pretty sad. It's not even a matter of money there, it's just a lack of pride. Then if you ask a Barranquillero, they'll tell you the city is the most beautiful on Earth. I'm not sure if you've ever seen it Bama, but there is a popular calle in La Paz where there is a tree growing out of the middle of street. When I ask taxi drivers why it's there, they all have a different story, but they usually also make it a point to tell me how many times people have hit it. I then ask them why doesn't someone cut it down and fix the street, to which the response is usually silence or some lame a$$ excuse.
 
I know a few Colombian National Police Officers in Barranquilla. I can believe that the guy, if he truly exist, doesn't have a Facebook Profile. There are a lot of rules they have to follow and publicizing yourself as a law enforcement official probably isn't the smartest thing to do in Colombia. I will tell you this though...unless he's a high ranking officer he does not earn enough to buy an air conditioning unit. My ex-girlfriend, a sales girl in a grocery store, made more money than a policeman makes during their first five years of service.

[Alabamaboy!]

I definitely want to see that tree when I go back there next time. Nice.

Yes, I am pretty sure there are no police officers making cash like that. And if they are, I doubt they would be  blowing it on buying a laptop or aire conditioning unit for their fiancee, when they are not even living there.

Either the sister is doing something dirty, bought the thing on "credit" somehow, or is with a narco o married guy. I know how to work a calculator and know there is no way to have those things when she has worked only about 6 of the last 12 months and was making about 600K per month, minus the transportation, minus her lunch every day.

[beginthebeguin]

I have a lady friend that lives in Vista Hermosa barrio. Unemployment is rampant in the city and nobody is ever sure of their job. Her 19 year old son had a first job for just a short while in conjunction with a school work-study program. He started out selling cell phone plans for one of the big cell carriers. Guess what, no results in sales, no job. The poor kid is devastated. She has worked for years as a retail sales cashier and finds the location of her worksite changing from month to month. If she didn't have it close to a bus route, she would be in dire straights just to get to work.
And getting even a small 5000 B.T.U. air conditioner for the family is like getting manna from heaven. AB is not making this stuff up.   

[benjio]

Begin,
 
Is your girl from Cali? I know people that live in Vista Hermosa there.

[fathertime]

well AB,  hopefully all the familial bs well end when she arrives here...you will probably never know what really goes on in that house....for me i don't ask many questions of my wife's family...she shares stuff when she wants to and that is just fine with me, i don't want to give too much imput on how to make things better because i figure i don't really know all the facts so i wouldn't be offering the best advice in that situation. 


Fathertime! 

[whitey]

I know a few Colombian National Police Officers in Barranquilla. I can believe that the guy, if he truly exist, doesn't have a Facebook Profile. There are a lot of rules they have to follow and publicizing yourself as a law enforcement official probably isn't the smartest thing to do in Colombia. I will tell you this though...unless he's a high ranking officer he does not earn enough to buy an air conditioning unit. My ex-girlfriend, a sales girl in a grocery store, made more money than a policeman makes during their first five years of service.

That's weird.  The wifey told me the police make good money, manage it very poorly, and are known as mujeriegos.

[benjio]

That's weird.  The wifey told me the police make good money, manage it very poorly, and are known as mujeriegos.

I have no way to verify this but from what I've been told pay for the first 5 years if you are not promoted to a higer rank is $350,000 COP biweekly. After the first year there are special squads you can join that pay a little more.
 
Your wife is right about them being womanizers. In Barranquilla it's not out of the ordinary for a policeman to have two seperate families.

[Alabamaboy!]

I have no way to verify this but from what I've been told pay for the first 5 years if you are not promoted to a higer rank is $350,000 COP biweekly. After the first year there are special squads you can join that pay a little more.
 
Your wife is right about them being womanizers. In Barranquilla it's not out of the ordinary for a policeman to have two seperate families.

I guess my father in law is an overachiever since he has three separate families.

I do know he is retired and he gets 300K/month plus some kind of basic health benefit package for him and the family.

[jb]

I guess my father in law is an overachiever since he has three separate families.

I do know he is retired and he gets 300K/month plus some kind of basic health benefit package for him and the family.

I immediately thought,   Which Family?

but seriously, i wonder if kids from his 2nd and 3rd families are covered with medical?

[Alabamaboy!]

I immediately thought,   Which Family?

but seriously, i wonder if kids from his 2nd and 3rd families are covered with medical?

Yeah, that's true. Which one?

I don't know about that one. It is pretty weird because everyone of his children to the 3 different women all seem to be grouped around the same age. And they all kind of get along I guess because they are all facebook friends to each other. My suegra even lets the other kids (late teens-20's) stay at the house without any real drama. Now that is "laid back"!

I believe everyone in Colombia is covered for basic care, but who knows if they get any benefits related to his retired police benefits.

[JimD]

... Soledad. It seems like the whole family, the whole barrio, the whole city she lives in is just very content to stay in that nasty place without doing anything whatsoever on their part to get out.

Alternatively they could work to make it better.

[opusone]

Ab,


Nasty quagmire you're in my friend. Pack mentality permeates throughout latin society and you , nor me, will ever change that. Until you get her away from that  and she starts maturing in your cultural ways,you're definitely stuck with it.  This is a tricky one to answer because if you convince someone to  haul him off you could very well be seen as an uncaring person. You better believe there will be whisperings concerning your character. To complicate the situation, you don't live there and therefore calling the shots from abroad has little or no effect on what the family decides. You're sorta like a pseudo pack leader and you know exactly why at this point. You really can't expect your girl to do much about this because she controls nothing in that house and certainly wouldn't risk looking like she could care less if he dies or not, or what the family decides to do (This should tell you where you are in the pecking order). The best you can hope for is that he leaves on his own(unlikely), or he expires.


Can you take a trip down there anytime soon and sit the family down and try to sort this out? I think maybe a face-to-face meeting is in order since you don't want your wife getting infected, yet you don't want them to start thinking you're the typical a-hole , cold gringo, bossing the family around .  I would fly down there right now if I thought this was serious and could jeopardize all that you have worked so hard for. Just a thought. Good luck man


Opus