Hi To All Especially Old Friends

[tpdtom]

Hello Everyone,

It's been several years since I've posted. I was always more of a lurker than a poster. Since I was watching you from the sidelines I didn't have too much to say. I was just taking it all in and learning. In 2003 I visited the Phils, and met a few internet friends in Manila and Cebu, including a couple people from this board, but didn't make any love connections and they seemed to prefer to remain anonymous as far as having met up with me was concerned. Many thanks to the ones who showed me the great hospitality. You know who you are  .

All this time I've been meeting and writing Filipinas and wondering when and if my 'Mahal' would appear. When you LEAST expect it is the answer! Bottom line is, I'm planning to travel to one of the most remote and unpopulated areas in Mindanao next April, the Compostela Valley. It's even hard to find this place on a map. The day I arrive I'll ask my girl's Father for her hand in marriage, after her college graduation, and the next day will be my wedding day ! I know, I know. It sounds too whirlwind, but we talk every day on the net and I know this is right. I have been a skeptic before, and the real and intended victim of many scams. I'm not a newbie anymore. This one is a 'one in a million' and I'm bowled over by her great qualities and values. I'm 56 and never married, no kids, and I thought that I never would be. She's 28 and a graduating teacher and caregiver. She's never seen a city ! They've only had electricity in her town since June, and her family still doesn't ! They haul their water from the river and cook over an open fire. Plain rice is the normal fare. Despite all those hardships she remains happy all the time, and has a beautiful faith in God, which is very important to me in a wife. I only hope that I can live long enough to fulfill all my responsibilities as a husband and father. Nevertheless, my deep self-examination of my feelings, and a lot of prayer, tell me that this is the right think to do.

In the months to come I'm sure that I'll have a few questions, and I know that someone here will have the answers. It'll be nice to have that support, and thanks to all of you who regularly help the members here...Tom

[Jeff S]

Hi Tom:
Glad to have you posting. Best of luck in the wilds of Mindinao.
- Jeff

[Ray]

Hi Tom, welcome aboard!

Another Mindanao lady. They're the best!

Will this be a traditional Filipino church wedding (kasalan)? Mine was a blast and I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

How long before the wedding will you arrive? You should try to have AT LEAST 2 weeks to prepare. Allow one business day for the Affidavit in Lieu of Certificate of Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage, which you get at the U.S. Consulate in either Manila or Cebu. Then you will need to allow at least 10 calendar days for the marriage license, which you normally get in her local municipality.

Does she have an older brother? If so, you may want to ask her brother for her hand first, before the father. Ask your girl about that.

Good luck on your upcoming trip and have a great wedding and honeymoon.

Ray

[tpdtom]

Hi Tom, welcome aboard!

Another Mindanao lady. They're the best!

Will this be a traditional Filipino church wedding (kasalan)? Mine was a blast and I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

How long before the wedding will you arrive? You should try to have AT LEAST 2 weeks to prepare. Allow one business day for the Affidavit in Lieu of Certificate of Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage, which you get at the U.S. Consulate in either Manila or Cebu. Then you will need to allow at least 10 calendar days for the marriage license, which you normally get in her local municipality.

Does she have an older brother? If so, you may want to ask her brother for her hand first, before the father. Ask your girl about that.

Good luck on your upcoming trip and have a great wedding and honeymoon.

Ray

Well Ray, glad that you saw this. Yes, it will be a Filipino Catholic Church wedding. I either never knew or had forgotten about the 'Affidavit in Lieu of Certificate of Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage'. What my girl told me was that we could just go ahead and get married by the Priest, and that due to her friends and relatives in that municipality the marriage license could be backdated later or something similar. The only reason that I even care about the license is for her US Spousal Immigration status, and to keep her family happy. She was willing to come here on a fiancee visa, but admitted when pressed that she and her family would be happier with a traditional church wedding. To arrive 2 weeks earlier is very problematic. As it is, their bamboo house is 5'7" from floor to ceiling, and I'm 6'. I guess it wouldn't support my weight either, so they're building an addition to the house just for me and my time there. Concrete, and tall enough . That is supposed to be the "honeymoon suite" too. Then we are leaving for Baguio the day after the wedding. I feel badly enough about them building the room, but they have no refrigeration or even a well. I think if I stayed more than a couple days I'd be guaranteed to get sick, don't you ? To further complicate matters, there is no hotel for miles and miles, maybe hundreds of miles. As I said in my initial post, she has NEVER seen a city !

The biggest glitch if I were to arrive two weeks early is where would I stay ? She engineered this plan for me to arrive one day before the wedding, the day of her graduation from college, and then get married the next day, and depart the next. It's all touchy because of her honor, and my health while there. I have diabetes, and I suffer from the heat in the Phils. I have to be careful not to get dehydrated and if you can't drink the water I don't know what you do.

She's the eldest, so am I supposed to ask her younger brother prior to asking Dad ?

Now I'm beginning to worry about the details. I thought the Barong Tagalog would be the worst of it  ...Tom

[Bear]

Hi Tom,

Congratulations.   Funny how you can be cooking from a dirty kitchen but still get on the internet or phone someone on the other side of the planet. 

When I got married in Davao they made us wait 10 days and we had to have a health course?  To me it wasted half of a 17 day vacation.  I too knew before I got there we'd marry but I had to ask her father then do all the government interference stuff before we could get married.  Ended up with only 6 days for the Honeymoon and 50 week separation that followed.  But somehow I got smart before I went and sent Honey money to have a phone connection put in her families nipa hut, then I brought her a laptop and paid for her to get Zoom cards.  Before marriage we chatted about 3-4 hrs a day when she could find a way to get on the internet but once she got the laptop we were chatting 6-8/day everyday.  Might consider that option.

The Bear Family

[Ray]

Tom,

That 10-day wait for a marriage license is a hard-and-fast law. I would definitely not try to get around it because you may possibly have big problems later on with the NSO and visa stuff.

When you apply for the marriage license, you will need to present that Affidavit from the consulate and a copy of your passport or birth certificate. You will also need to attend some sort of marriage classes and/or family planning stuff. The 10-day wait for the license is mandatory by law. Some offices make you wait 10 business days but most go by calendar days.

The church will also need more documents and require some pre-marriage counseling. Make sure she gets a printed list of marriage requirements from the parish office and sends you a copy. You will usually need a recently issued baptismal cert and confirmation cert if you are Catholic. The counseling classes may be able to be expedited or waived.

If the church is willing to do the wedding without a license (doubtful because it’s illegal), I would still get a civil ceremony later with all the legal documents. Backdating the license application can potentially get you in big trouble when the embassy sees your arrival date at her visa interview. If the 10-day wait is going to be a huge problem, I would have your girl or her family check with a local municipal court judge to see if he can waive the 10-day wait. The ONLY legal way to get a waiver is by a sitting judge in the courthouse!

I would strongly recommend against having the wedding the day after you arrive. I got there 3 weeks early and am glad that I didn’t cut it any closer. It is impossible to get the affidavit from the consulate on the day of arrival and then have the wedding in Mindanao the next day. I would do whatever you have to do to have AT LEAST a month for your trip, preferably 5 or 6 weeks. If it’s a matter of vacation time on the books, your employer may allow you to take a leave of absence without pay(?).

As far as where to stay, I can see how that may be a problem. How many hours are they from Davao City? Without an air-conditioned room in a hotel, you may be very uncomfortable to say the least. Remember that April is about the hottest time of the year over there and it is HOT! I would definitely stay with her family for at least a couple of days but it would be real nice to have a backup room in a hotel or pension house somewhere nearby. Make sure you have bottled water and take a bunch of chewable Pepto Bismol tabs (2 before eating anything).

If she is the oldest, forget about the brother and go straight to dad for permission. The oldest brother has a special place of respect in traditional Filipino families and that’s why I mentioned it.

For that barong, you may be able to but one off the rack in the major cities, but if you’re large-sized you may need a couple of days to be fitted at a tailor. You could always send her a long-sleeved shirt of yours and a tailor could use that for measurements before you arrive, but good luck on the wedding day!

Ray