Advice for First timer

[fourholesn1]

Hello Everyone! I've been reading the forum for a while now and have gained some good info, thanks to all who have posted.

I am 47, divorced for 7 years and starting to realized I will never find the right woman for me where I live which is the Bible Belt mid-west. I'm kind of a non-practicing Buddhist and when I asked myself what I really need in a wife I decided a petite, non-smoking Buddhist wound be a good start which got me to thinking about an Asian wife. After reading some of the advice here I am thinking about exploring Thai women as they are almost all Buddhist and petite and I know an American guy with a Thai wife and they are great together it seems and she is great. One thing though is I am done with child rearing and so would like to find an attractive woman age 30-45 who doesn't have children younger than 13. What's my chances of finding that?

Also, I'm investigating the different dating sites and so far ThaiDarling.com seems to be the best for someone like me. Anyone have an opinion on that? I've also read on this site that I should learn the language of the country I select but I really can't see me learning much Thai beyond the basics. Big problem or not?

My last question is about making a trip to Thailand. It seems like there are a few ways to go about this. One is to get to know women via email/chat/phone and narrow it down to one person then go spend two weeks with them in Thailand. Another would be to narrow it down to several choices then go and meet them in person to narrow it down to one. Another would be a romance tour to meet a bunch in person for the first time. My issue with options 2 or 3 might be financial, it seems those options would require two trips to get to the point of a marriage proposal and I'm not sure I can afford that, at least not without a year of space in between trips. On the other hand with Option 1 if that one person doesn't work out I might have wasted a trip. Anyone have an opinion about each option and experiences to share?

Thanks again to everyone!

Scott

[william3rd]

I used Thai Love Links and met my fiancee in their chat room. WE spent 3 months online with cams and then I went to meet her in her home city. I had talked to several women before I went to meet one only.

I have also been married to Thai women of less than admirable character.

You need to see if a woman intends to bring her child over. Many will leave the child behind with grandparents.

your prime search should be 35-45 if that kid thing is a big deal to you.

Knowing her language and culture will help you understand her and communicate.


Romance tours to Thailand are a colossal joke. No decent Thai woman is going to a cocktail party to meet men like that. Do not buy into the agency tour BS. That is not the way to meet a quality Thai woman. There is one agency tour that locates themselves midway between the two major red light districts-Gee, I wonder why they did that

Your best bet is to establish your communications early and go over to meet one or two. Go to their cities if they are from outside of Bangkok.

I have  alot of information that I can share with you. Keep posting

[fourholesn1]

Thanks for advice William. Yeah, I was wondering about those romance tours, I'm scratching that as an option. I went over to Thai Love Links and created a profile and looked through the profiles, seems like there are a lot of good prospects there so I'll probably pay for a gold membership and try to chat with a few.

Regarding your comment "been married to Thai women of less than admirable character".....any advice on how to avoid someone like that and on finding the gems? I know that getting to know them is probably the best way but I wonder how well I can know them from so far away with a language barrier.

[Ray]

I know that getting to know them is probably the best way but I wonder how well I can know them from so far away with a language barrier.

Take your time! There are no shortcuts.

Communicate often by letter, e-mail, online chat, and phone. Visit as many times as it takes to be reasonably sure of what you are getting into.

I would try to concentrate on women with good English skills only. You'll also find lots of English-speaking Asian ladies in the Philippines, Singapore, and Hong Kong.

[catz]

Take your time! There are no shortcuts.

Communicate often by letter, e-mail, online chat, and phone. Visit as many times as it takes to be reasonably sure of what you are getting into.

I would try to concentrate on women with good English skills only. You'll also find lots of English-speaking Asian ladies in the Philippines, Singapore, and Hong Kong.

That is some of the best advice that you will ever get! It doesn't matter what country you are looking at finding your life partner in. If you follow this advice and use your brain you will be fine.

Catz

P. S. Welcome to Planet Love!

[william3rd]

Here is a couple of hints. . . .

If an attractive girl born in a province is living in Bangkok working, what kind of job is she doing? Has she a college degree? If she has a degree, that is better but, if not, she is there for the money and you definitely want to meet her friends and coworkers to verify what she says is true.. If her friends work at night clubs, say good bye.

Before I met my fiancee, I had already met her family via webcam. You should be meeting her family early in the relationship.

Sex is something that is not supposed to come easy in Thailand. If she is divorced or widowed, then the rules are up to the woman.

Dowries are frequently paid to the family of unmarried women. You dont need to worry about that now.

TLL is a good place to start. They have girls from all over the country. Take your time and communicate.

[fourholesn1]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I took out a membership at TLL and have chatted with a nice 40 yr old pre-school teacher. I do plan to go slow and try to use all the technology I can muster, like video. So far I have been limiting my search to college educated women. There are many that are college educated. Is a Bachelors degree over there the same as one here in terms of what you learn and the difficulty in getting? Also, can a woman with a career like nursing or finance continue that career in the US?

William, you said "Dowries are frequently paid to the family of unmarried women. You dont need to worry about that now." Do you mean I never need to worry about it or just not until I meet someone?

[william3rd]

If you propose marriage and she is single, you may have to consider whether the family is going to request a dowry. If you say no she loses face if she goes with you. Dowries can be quite high or just a few hundred dollars. Good families will give it back to you later in perhaps a house or land.

[Jeff S]

A nursing degree from outside the US does not automatically mean she can work as a nurse here. She must become a licensed nurse here in the US if she wants a job as a nurse, which means passing state board exams. These usually require excellent English skills as well as a thorough knowledge of American techniques, regulations, and procedures - not a slam dunk even for a degreed and experienced professional trained in another country. Certainly she could get a job as a nurse's aide or other less professional positioin while she studies to take the test.

Business and industrial type degrees like finance or most engineering positions, don't require having state sanctioned licenses, so she could work in these fields. The trick would be in finding someone willing to hire her. If she is knowledgable, professional, and has excellent English skills, this will be somewhat easier. Know, though that finding someone fluent in English anywhere ion Asia outside of the PI is pretty rare.

- Jeff

[fourholesn1]

Again, thanks for taking the time to post. I have been busy on thai love links. I set some pretty severe searching criteria and still had hundreds of matches. Then I went through and added the ones that seemed promising to my Favorites. I ended up with 95 so I see what is meant by it can be overwhelming. I then went in and picked the best 8 and emailed them. So far 6 have read the email I sent and 5 replied positively. These are all beautiful, educated, mid-30's women (I'm 47). That's a refreshing change from looking in the US where there are few to choose from and then few of those will reply. So one of the 5 who replied teaches English in a High School so her English is very good. After reading the forum here and from my early experiences,  I wonder why finding a wife in Asia is not more common??

[william3rd]

Its an acquired taste. . . . .

[Jeff S]

It may look easy now when you have younger attractive women interested in you, but when you have to spend a couple grand and take at least a week to go on your first date, just to see if you have any chemistry, and more often that not it ends up like a first date here in the states - that is, thanks, but no thanks, you begin to understand why this is not for everyone.

- Jeff

[G Bala]

Here's the media's current general view of international romances
(basically negative which naturally I do not share).

I apologize in advance if someone may have posted this before on another part of this forum.

CNN Video Report (May 16, 2007): "Asian Mail Oder Brides"
http://www.cnn.com/video/player/player.html?url=/video/specials/2007/05/16/delacruz.asian.mail.order.brides.cnn

[fourholesn1]

I guess you're right, I've always thought Asians were the most beautiful and generally attracted to the Asian culture but that's me and not most people. My problem is going to be getting over to meet someone in person. One trip per year is about all I can manage. I'm hoping to be able to develop a solid relationship via email, chat, and video. It seems to me that using all those technologies would allow me to determine if we're going to click when meeting in person. I'm thinking an exchange of home movies on DVD could be really useful to get a feel for their mannerisms, sound of voice, the way they walk, etc. Anyone have any suggestions or experiences to share in this regard?

[fourholesn1]

I've seen several reports like that one, they are all biased towards the negative it seems. I'd like to see a report that shows both sides of the issue evenly. I'd also like to see a report that compares american-american marriages to american-asian MOB marriages, rates of abuse, divorce, murder.

[Jeff S]

How do you suppose she is going to generate a video for you to look her over with? At best you might be able to get her in front of a web cam at an internet cafe. If the way she looks (outside pictures,) walks, talks, is of major importance to you, the only way you're going to find those things out, is by visiting. You can only get to know her so much on internet chat. If she's not a native English speaker, you're going to have quite a few, sometimes maybe even funny, misunderstanding along the way. There is no substitute for face time IMO, and not just a vacation in paradise walking hand-in-hand along the beach. You need to see her in real life and she, you. You need to know how she reacts in all sorts of real world situations. If you think you can only afford one trip a year, I'd do whatever it takes to turn that into two or more - sell stuff on ebay, bartend in the evenings, or something else to build up a travel fund so you can spend some real time there. Just my 2 cents.

- Jeff

[william3rd]

Most of the girls on TLL have access to webcams either at home or through an internet cafe. You should be able to be speaking and seeing each other daily.

The webcam carried my relationship light years ahead.

[fourholesn1]

Well I wondered if there might be someone or some business over there that I could hire to shoot some video, then burn it into a DVD and mail it to me. As far as face time goes, about the most I could hope for would be two, two week trips. I already work two jobs so extra income is out, although selling some stuff is possible. So I am trying to think creatively on ways to substitute for face time. I'm definitely not the best candidate for doing this in terms of finances, or being someone who travels overseas for business, or even to have some frequent flyer miles, nada, zip, zilch. But I believe if I meet someone who I really want to be with and she really wants to be with me we'll figure it out.

[Ray]

Scott,

Overseas airfares are expensive but there are ways to cut the costs significantly.

Find out when the high and low seasons are and try to plan your trips for the low season. Airfares can vary widely with the season.

Check local travel agents in your area or ask for recommendations from other members. For a destination country, you often find small travel agencies that specialize in that destination. They can get lower rates by using ticket consolidators.

Some airlines offer special low fares if you do your booking and ticket purchase on line directly from the airline. Shop around because two passengers sitting next to each other may have paid wildly differing prices for the same ticket. Spend some time on line researching airfares and discount policies.

Look for special package deals. For example, Cathay Pacific used to offer an All Asia Pass that might save you some money.

Look into Air Courier companies and brokers. Members can sometimes save big bucks by giving up some of their baggage allowance and accompanying overnight shipments for international businesses. If you’re flexible and like to travel light, you can sometimes save a bundle.  http://www.websciences.org/dvhpub/COURIER.HTM

After you get there, you have all kinds of options to save money on accommodations, local transportation, and meals once you find your way around.

Ray

[fourholesn1]

Wow that would be awesome if I could get a good courier rate! I didn't even know that existed, good tip Ray!

I need to go shopping for a web cam.......

[Bear]

in the 8 years since I first decided to travel this path I have not met anyone who has nor have I successfully obtained a courrier rate.  Not that I'm saying its not possible but it does seem pretty secretive and difficult to obtain.

The Bear Family

[fourholesn1]

I was looking for some actual rates for future flights but it doesn't seem like I can get that info without paying a $40 membership fee. I don't care too much for that. When I am getting closer to traveling I may call them up and see if they can quote me a rate before I spend the $40.

[william3rd]

I have a friend who made several trips as a courier to Bangkok. The company took a $200 deposit from him and he received 75% off of fare prices to Bangkok from Los Angeles. He was restricted to Carry on luggage each time, which something that I wouldnt do but he got frequent flyer mileage as well.

He is living in Thailand now and I do not know the courier service that he was using.