What it has cost me to bring my wife to the USA

[BigBlock502]

I see some really crazy numbers out there that I cant figure out how you came up with them so I thought a thread about exactly what was spent to get thus far would be great.

Ok I have a pending K1 Visa at the moment and I'll tell you what I have spent to get this far. I met Yen from a friend who married a Vietnamese girl, so maybe this is where I'm seeing the cheaper expense becuase I did not go through an agency that charges. Here is the order in which I have spent money


$97.00 - Passport
$120.00 - Visa to enter Vietnam (travel angency got it for me)
$1061.00 - Plane ticket purchased 2 months before departure, round trip from Boise Idaho to Hanoi Vietnam
$500.00 - Money spent there including our engagement rings and ceromony and hotel. Stuff is cheap in Vietnam 11 day stay in hotel was only $88.00 (with hot water! haha)
$170.00 For K1 Visa application

And I figure about another $600 - $800 for her one way ticket over here upon approval. So I'm only  $1948.00 into it with another $600 - $800 to go and few more paper application fees for her ss card, green card, change of residency and that kind of stuff.... My freind told me once she gets here theres few more couple hundred dollar things ya gotta do and thats it.... So I'm saying if ya play your cards right get your plane ticket early and don't go spending money like crazy once your there it can be quite affordable.

Hope that helps any of you without large pockets like me...

Mike...

[jm21-2]

You had an engagement party in Vietnam, right? What about having the wedding there too? Don't mean to be rude or intrude, but seems like you could fly there, have an amazing wedding there, and still not be out too much. Then again, I can't ever seem to find the time or money to visit there even, hahaha.

[BigBlock502]

Because I was told by numerours people on websites like this that the K1 visa was much eaiser to get than the K3, but at any rate, my trip has been very affordable thus far......


Mike...

[Jeff S]

Not to worry you BB, but the cost of getting her here is chump change compared to what it'll cost after she arrives.

- Jeff

[Bear]

I seriously don't remember anything getting too expensive other than the flight there and back.  A friend of mine bough my airfare RT in Business Class.  I saved $4K and left.  When I got there I gave my wife $2000 to pay for the wedding and to see how she'd handle the money.  We did everything we wanted, flew everywhere and stay at pemsion houses from one end of R.P. to the other (not hotels) and bought what ever we decided too.  When I left I gave her $300 and kept $300 for myself.  The wedding had only cost $1800. so basically I'm saying I spent about $1400 to have a great vacation (after the airfare) for 3 weeks.

Once home I paid just over 800 for her K3 applications (2 filings) and started putting 200/mo in a debit account for her expenses.  She used more than the 200 twice and twice used none of it.  Most of the time she used about $120-140 to pay all her bills (college for her and her brother, etc.) and all her parents bills.

I flew back 10 months later for her interview and again travelled all over seeing the sites, this time staying in Hotels, bought her ticket to the states and paid for her to live in Manila (flying home to Davao twice) for several months before her visa was approved for what seemed like penny's - never going over the 200/mo I had budgeted for her and the $2K I had saved for the second trip (included airfare).

Totalled I spent maybe $7-8k and had 2 great vacations and an awesome BIG wedding.  Best value I ever got for my money.  I think having an honest, frugal wife helped because I've seem fools send their wife's/gf's thousands per month and have them complain it wasn't enuff?

Of course shortly before she got here I lost my job and had to take one at $10K/yr less.  Things really got tight when she first got here until I made this career change and moved into the office, but Honey never seemed to notice.  I guess it basically more what I was expecting/used too - not her.  I do not think of her as good with money because when she wants something she gets it without thinking it through and often has regrets afterwards, but never-the-less she does miles better than me.

The Bear Family

[BigBlock502]

"Not to worry you BB, but the cost of getting her here is chump change compared to what it'll cost after she arrives."


no worries here, I know it'll be pennies compared to american woman, ha ha....

But if I could ask, what are these costs that you talk about Jeff? As I'm not seeing them. If you could state what it is that cost the money and then what it costs that would be great. thanks...


Mike...

[Jeff S]

By your response, I'm guessing you've never been married.

Just so you know, I'm not a skinflint and don't begrudge spending money. I make decent money and enjoy my wife having the things she wants and thinks she needs. My wife is an excellent budgeter and saver, so I never worry about her overspending. In fact she's probably more thrifty than I am in general. But women just cost a lot more than men.

Let's start with the house or apartment you live in. If you're like most single guys you have twenty grand worth of electronics and less than twenty bucks worth of towels, linens, furniture, window coverings, cooking utensels, and such - and most of it was stolen from Holiday Inns, college cafeterias, and things your neighbors left at the curb on trash day. All of that has to go. While I think two towels are ample, one wet one and one dry one, that's not how women think. I'm perfectly happy barbequing a steak, and eating it with a k-bar and my fingers. Again more changes are coming.

Now let's talk clothes. I buy my jeans at Costco for $12.95. Do you have any idea what women's jeans cost? I'm not talking J.C. Penny here, go into a nice department store, like May Company or Nordstroms and ask one of the cute girls in there to show you some stylish jeans. After you pick yourself off the floor from the sticker shock, swing through the makeup department and ask some prices there on your way out. Men's underwear is 3.95 for a pack of three, and most of us keep wearing them til the holes are about as big as quarters. Better swing through the lingerie department too, just to check things out. I get my hair cut once a month or so for $15. Any idea what it costs for a women to get her hair "done?"

What do you plan to have her do after she gets here, while you're at work? Do you imagine she'll sit patiently at home tidying up and whipping up delicious meals for you when you get home? I see classes, English and others in your future. Are you planning to get her a car? teach her to drive? I'd strongly suggest not teaching her yourself, so there's tuition, books, car payments, maybe a driving school, and of course, insurance to contend with. Maybe you expect her to work? OK, maybe if she works, she's planning to support her aging parents back home.

What about trips home for her? Better plan on once a year or so, and she can't show up home after being married to a rich American wearing the same old ratty clothes she arrived in. Don't forget the truckload of gifts for all the friends and relatives that are obligitory. Trust me, you're only along to be the pack mule for the carry-on luggage alone.

Has your wife had proper dental care back home? Time for a trip to the dentist and that'll cost you. Most women have more, maybe not need, but at least percieved need to visit doctors, too. There are a lot more health and beauty aids in your future, too. Your tube of Crest, can of shaving cream and some disposable razors will soon be lost in a forest of bottles, jars, tubes, and packages with odd shaped things in them, and unusual shaped tools of various sorts.

Planning on letting her call home once in a while? You'd better and that bill will make you gasp. At least it did, me. These days with things like Skype it may be a lot less significant, but the little things add up. What about getting a cable channel in her native language. Pretty decent extra charge there, too. How about entertainment? Give me a six pack and some bait and I'm happy for hours. Think she will be?

Planning on having or raising any kids? There's a whole new set of costs.

My guess is that your first year together with her here will cost you three or four times what it did the year and a half or so you were dating and getting her here.

I'm not trying to scare you here, just open your eyes to the realities of married life vs being single. While it is true that a foreign bride may not be as demanding as a local girl who expects being treated like a queen, right NOW, women are women, and your foreign bride will take just as much attention as any women.

- Jeff

[tessbrittain]

Hi Jeff,

Good post! It made me laugh. The other day I thought of cleaning up our closet and re-arrange our clothes. I was surprise to see how many clothes I have compared to Stephen's,LOL ...not to mention the shoes....

I agree with you that women are different. Me, I enjoy rearranging our home, putting up different decorations, like right now it's spring time..so I changed all the colors of our bedsheets and towels to spring colors...2 sets of towels is not enough for me...and also I love to mix and match.

Everything you said is true. It will just add up. And I tell you those trip homes are expensive. Everytime I go home to the Phils..my budget is around $4,000.00 and Stephen let me go home at least once a year.

I don't spend money like crazy, I am a good budgeter. I go to hair salon's once in 3 or 4 months, I do my nails...I cook our meals...I even wash our cars imagine that...

It is just different when you have a woman...

Tess

[jm21-2]

That post was hilarious Jeff, especially the BBQ part, hahaha. I've been grilling a lot now that it's warmed up here and happy to eat off the grill so I don't have to wash dishes, hahaha...

I knew a girl who said she spent about $500/year on underwear...made my jaw drop. Definitely some expenses you don't think about at first.

[Ray]

Good post Jeff!

And you only touched on the tip of the iceberg!   

[Bear]

I agree Jeff.  But you left out the most expensive thing, at least for me.  Cameras for scrapping and computers for blogging.  I think my wife still knows and talks to every Filipina she's ever met.  Either online in differing places like MySpace, Friendster and Yahoo and her Scrapping sites.

You mentioned the clothes but they have to be put someplace, so I have extra pieces of furniture and bins in every room. I told her it was okay with me to throw away the kids old clothes - gosh, you thought I shot the president!  So I haveextra furniture and bins for them too   I made the mistake of showing her shoe sacks that hang from the door.  Now I have four and she's complaining she needs another.  Honey - little Emelda.  I keep telling her I don't have anymore doors she can put one on!

Another is the phone calls home.  Either on Yahoo or by phone.  Once a week at least.  Better plan at least $50-100/month for that.

The Bear Family

[catz]

Totally agree with Jeff's take on this and with Ray's "Tip of the iceberg" comment. Finding her, courting her, marrying her, and getting her into your country really are the cheapest part of the process.

 What you also need to have a huge bank of is patience. It may seem easy for you to go to another country and live but for the lady it can be a very traumatic event. She's instantly ripped away from everything she's ever known and put into an alien place with an alien language and alien customs. Sure, some can make that transition quite easily but there are many who take a long time to make that adjustment.

 If you don't have the patience to explain the same thing a dozen times or to answer the same question a dozen times or to be able to switch instantly to comfort mode when you come home to find her crying and unable to tell you what is the matter then you should step back and do some serious re-thinking about having a foreign born bride.

FWIW,
 Catz

[ReptilesBlade]

Once again, thank you all for the great info in this topic. Please continue.

[Jeff S]

I home we didn't scare bigblock off. I hope he's not shaking his head thinking, "OMG! What have I gotten myself into?"

Good point catz. Patience, patience patience. Couple an almost complete dependence on you, emotionally and financially, along with some enormous gaps in cultural expectations, and you can create some powerful emotional effects. The man has to be the pillar of strength that she can depend on. If you're a needy kind of guy, you'll have a hard time at this, especially at first. I think going through that period unscathed is what makes foreign marriages stronger and more resiliant that local ones. No one has to go through the hardships that our parents and grandparents went through as young couples any more, so there doesn't seem to be that reliance on each other for support that pretty much defined the purpose of marriage in the past. These days it seems the only reason people get married is a percieved need for their kids to not have a hyphenated name, and to avoid the risk of certain diseases, and you can see how things are breaking down. I read that the numbers of households headed by a single person has just recently overtaken the number headed by married couples.

Tess - you too? I thought we were unusual in having four separate and distinct decor colors. Oh well, at least my wife has that Asian minimalist artistic sense. Our across the street neighbor's house looks like a Hallmark store. Right now there are dozens of ceramic bunnies and baskets with painted eggs, and cutsie ceramic knick knacks crammed into every available square inch of space. All those will get put away next week and next month's knick knacks will come out. I swear they couldn't park a bicycle in their three car garage for all the "stuff" stored in there. It gives me a headache.

Anyone ever see the movie "Fools Rush In?" The part when Mathew Perry comes home, opens the fromt door, and sees the house interior, then steps back onto the porch and counts the houses from the corner to make sure he went into the right one, just cracked me up. It's so true too. If you have a big enough home, you may get a small room to yourself, guys, but if you think your input is wanted or needed as far as what your home will look like, faggeddaboutit.

- Jeff

[Humabdos]

Men's underwear is 3.95 for a pack of three, and most of us keep wearing them til the holes are about as big as quarters

Hey Jeff, where the heck do you buy a pack of three underwear for $3.95???
Are they used?
HUM

[BigBlock502]

ha ha ha no no, you didnt scare me off. I found it humorous yet true.. but I'm no stranger to being in a relationship. I have had 2 long term girlfriends each lasted 5 years before I found out american women are worthless. But my thread here was more directed at the costs you will encounter through the USCIS and paperwork to make them USA residents. Not so much what our dinner and hair cut budget will be after were together ha ha.. but yes it was a fun read at any rate ha ha....


Mike...