Colombian Culture - Married women and nightlife in Chicago

[j33680]

I have been married to a Colombian woman for almost 13 years.  She tells me I am out of touch with Latin Culture because I get upset when she goes out until 4:00am with her single friends at least once a month.  I am never invited, even when she invites her brother or I hear some other male friend was invited.   She wants her own finances to be hers, and mine to be ours.  Her family won't help so I don't think I can take this much longer.  We have one child and I take care of her the most.  Is this normal Colombian behavior for a married woman?   Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

[robert angel]

Does she have a job, a marketable skill? Do you have a lawyer yet? Do you have family around you to help you? For a year, I paid child support unnecessarily to my ex, who was making more $$ than me and importantly, kept the kids less than I did. Things sound pretty bleak for you and how it ends up depends on such variables. If for nothing else, this place ought to let you vent. Believe it or not, things can get better, but it helps if you believe. In chess, white moves 1st and as such, has an inherent advantage. With one son in diapers, the other entering kindergarten, I did not want a divorce for the longest time. But when I came to my senses, I came to realize it was inevitable and filed first. I have zero family around where we live, so that made it harder.


Hate to say it, but I'll be honest--it sounds like you're being taken for a ride --one that's not going to end well unless you are able to exert more control. Used. If it appears hopeless, run and regroup. I'm not trying to 'dig' at you. Your truest friend will stab you in the front, slapping you with harsh realities. They know it's painful, but they do it to hopefully save you from an even worse fate.

[ignorante]

she goes out until 4:00am with her single friends at least once a month.  I am never invited, even when she invites her brother or I hear some other male friend was invited.   

I can't imagine that happening but one time. 

She wants her own finances to be hers, and mine to be ours.

  LOL!  And you allow this to happen?  Segregate your finances today and start building up a war chest to protect yourself.  Is it really this difficult for you to understand what she is doing?

We have one child and I take care of her the most.  Is this normal Colombian behavior for a married woman?

Are you really needing an answer to this question?

[2tallbill]

I have been married to a Colombian woman for almost 13 years.  She tells me I am out of touch with Latin Culture because I get upset when she goes out until 4:00am with her single friends at least once a month.  I am never invited, even when she invites her brother or I hear some other male friend was invited.   She wants her own finances to be hers, and mine to be ours.  Her family won't help so I don't think I can take this much longer.  We have one child and I take care of her the most.  Is this normal Colombian behavior for a married woman?   Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

This is not acceptable behavior by any married woman. My advice is to never attribute unacceptable
behavior to cultural differences. I would stop this behavior immediately.

[Calipro]

I have been married to a Colombian woman for almost 13 years.  She tells me I am out of touch with Latin Culture because I get upset when she goes out until 4:00am with her single friends at least once a month.  I am never invited, even when she invites her brother or I hear some other male friend was invited.   She wants her own finances to be hers, and mine to be ours.  Her family won't help so I don't think I can take this much longer.  We have one child and I take care of her the most.  Is this normal Colombian behavior for a married woman?   Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

There is a lot to unpack here if you are going to make the right decision....Colombian Culture has nothing to do with your situtation. You have been married 13 years and still need to take care of your kid so I'm assuming the child is yours...and not some other guys....otherwise you really have no business being married in the first place.

I'm married and I much prefer spending my free time with my kid than my wife. She doesn't go out much as we are living in the states and she really doesn't seem capable of making friends here.

But when we visit Colombia she will go out with her friends and stay out all night at times and I don't complain ....I just stay out with my friends as well.

So I guess my first question is why do you care if you wife stays out until 4am once or even twice in a month....are you really that worried about losing her or are you just but hurt because you aren't doing what you really want to do.

I mean if everything else is going.great it just seems like a little over kill to end a marriage with a child involved over a once a month night out with her friends.

I mean really she is giving you a license to do anything you want....so why not develop a night time hobby as well.

Seems like a fair trade off for being able to spend time with your kid daily and not pay child support just to visit your kid from time to time..

I only have one joint bank account with the wife and that is for income tax returns etc. She has no access to my bank accounts ...hell she has no idea what i even make. House is paid for and in and irrevocable trust that will go to my daughter when i die so it isn't part of the marital assets. She has a car is her name and I have one in mine. The money in my 401k is all mine since i haven't put any money into it since i married. 
Bottom line is....if you are doing what you want and your wife isn't costimg you anymore than a full time maid then whats the problem.
Sure she might cramp your style but it isn't like you can have the dancing girls over as you have a child at home.

But yeah when your kid moves out..
It would be the time to make your move...so plan ahead.
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[robert angel]

Don't think the OP is coming back anytime soon...

[JWR]

I have been married to a Colombian woman for almost 13 years.  She tells me I am out of touch with Latin Culture because I get upset when she goes out until 4:00am with her single friends at least once a month.  I am never invited, even when she invites her brother or I hear some other male friend was invited.   She wants her own finances to be hers, and mine to be ours.  Her family won't help so I don't think I can take this much longer.  We have one child and I take care of her the most.  Is this normal Colombian behavior for a married woman?   Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

You didn't give us a whole lot to go on here.  It's pretty hard to get the picture from a paragraph.
13 years is a pretty good run, and I think all you can expect from one of these marriages, kids or no kids.  That's about how long my marriage to a Calena lasted.  Got my wife educated as an RN, and once she was independent, out the door. 

I think you have to ask yourself some tough questions.  Do you even like her or love her anymore?  By the time my wife hit the road, looking back I was also over it.
Marrying a Colombiana is like tiger taming.  You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger.
Doesn't sound like she respects you anymore, and once the respect is gone, it's only a matter of time.
Start preparing yourself financially for the divorce.  Start preparing yourself emotionally, and don't neglect your mental health.  These breakups are a total train wreck in all ways. 

I would never take one of these girls out of their country again......never.
Reach out to us, and also if you have any friends you can trust.  Many people are just waiting for the "I told you so."  Take good care,

[Elexpatriado]

I have been married to a Colombian woman for almost 13 years.  She tells me I am out of touch with Latin Culture because I get upset when she goes out until 4:00am with her single friends at least once a month.  I am never invited, even when she invites her brother or I hear some other male friend was invited.   She wants her own finances to be hers, and mine to be ours.  Her family won't help so I don't think I can take this much longer.  We have one child and I take care of her the most.  Is this normal Colombian behavior for a married woman?   Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

Strange..havent been on here for a while, but found this same  post on another Colombian Forum

Importing is a bad idea for so many reasons.

Best to try and spend as much time in Colombia as you can, and if possible relocate