So, I've been chatting with a couple of girls

[new_here]

hey guys, it's been a while!


So, I've been on date in asia for a while, and been talking to the same couple of girls on skype for a few months now from the phillipines.


I was kind of wondering if there's anything i should be suspicious of, or any warning signs in particular.
They both seem genuine, so i was just wondering if maybe i've missed something, or i'm not using the right head to think with!


So, any advice would be greatly appreciated.


If you have any questions, just ask


Thanks

[new_here]

Also, are there any particular questions I should ask them?

[Fosgate5]

If they ask for money, gifts, mention its their birthday, cant pay rent, college final run. Just stop talking to them and report your profile. Listen to your intuition. I even caught a few using filipina model pictures in their profile. If you use cherry blossoms pay attention to the ISP location. If they claim to be in a location that contradicts their ISP location run. If their profile says they are in the Philippines, ISP shows USA but they say they are in Berlin....ding ding ding! If they say they are visiting or in Africa visiting etc Particularly Nigeria or Ghana....you got it run. If their profile says they have no kids and they reveal the have a kid... Same deal. Anytime they contradict their own information they provide, there is a good chance they are hiding something and it is best to avoid them.


Jamie has a good page on his site and even though he is geared toward Colombians, it has relevant information that a guy would want to know from a woman in any country outside the U.S. [size=78%]http://www.latin-wife.com/Hispanic-women.asp[/size]

[kai #2]

Really just stay diligent. If it feels funny, it probably is. Use common sense, don't let your little head and your feels over-ride good judgement. Frankly, If I was you, I'd go to the Philippines with or with out being able to meet these / any woman and get a feel for the Philippines anyway. If you're goal is to live, stay and be there, you need to make sure you can over come cultural and economic differences . If you can't, you probably won't want to stay anyway.

tl;dr Just go and get a feel for the country and its people, culture and food at minimal

If they ask for money, gifts, mention its their birthday, cant pay rent, college final run. Just stop talking to them and report your profile. Listen to your intuition. I even caught a few using filipina model pictures in their profile. If you use cherry blossoms pay attention to the ISP location. If they claim to be in a location that contradicts their ISP location run. If their profile says they are in the Philippines, ISP shows USA but they say they are in Berlin....ding ding ding! If they say they are visiting or in Africa visiting etc Particularly Nigeria or Ghana....you got it run. If their profile says they have no kids and they reveal the have a kid... Same deal. Anytime they contradict their own information they provide, there is a good chance they are hiding something and it is best to avoid them.


Jamie has a good page on his site and even though he is geared toward Colombians, it has relevant information that a guy would want to know from a woman in any country outside the U.S. [size=78%]http://www.latin-wife.com/Hispanic-women.asp[/size]

[robert angel]

Also, are there any particular questions I should ask them?

Hey New-Here,

Welcome back! I think it's more a case of what NOT to ask and what not to say. Don't ask lead in questions enabling them to already fairly know what you want to hear, based on what you're saying--they'll feed it right back to you like a menu short order and prevent you from getting an accurate 'read' on what they're really all about and what they really want. You don't want to seem too anxious, but sometimes beating them to questions like 'Do you want children?'--"Do you want to work"' is a good idea and can save them telling you what they think you want to hear.

Same thing as if you're saying you fancy 3 kids, a pink house w/ a white picket fence. Say something like that and a whole lot of women on these sites will say "OMG That's EXACTLY what I was thinking--exactly what I've always wanted--we're PSYCHIC twins!"

So it's a bit like poker, you have to cover your cards and not throw out the wrong signs at the wrong time. Feel them out. I'd advise trying to see how they get along with their family--what kind of friendships they have--try and see how they've dealt with conflict and adversity. Sure as hell, you'll hit a rough patch with whoever you end up with down the road. Better to know ahead of time if they're likely to flip out and desert you or more likely to help you keep it together, helping you regroup.

If they're flighty and inconsistent, if they say they really like you, or especially if they say you're the ONLY guy on their list (doubtful--folks on both sides work the wonders of the internet) --but if they say you're 'it'---the 'one'--you should expect them to be on-line when they say they will be and not have to deal with implausible, ongoing excuses. 'Trust but verify'. If they hint they need money--run. Them being matter of fact about the often sad realities of life's hardships over there is one thing and not bad in and of itself, but when you sense they're setting you up for a charity hit, keep in mind a lot of these women are very, very smooth and will even wait a long time before 'setting the hook' and parting you from your money.

A good woman typically has too much pride and respect to ask for a handout. Be real careful about even non cash gifts. I know that sounds like Scrooge, but money changes everything. If you're engaged or damn close to it, the situation changes. Until then, PM me, I'll send you my address and you can send me all that stuff and get the urge out of your system, LOL.

If she's totally hot, hot, hot looking, just realize there's a long line and hope she hasn't been on dating sites too long. Even if she's a ten now, she's going to be a 9 and even an 8 eventually, so why go for the 10s that are typically much higher maintenance down the line? Take note of how it seems the hotter looking they are, the less likely they are to have much, if any college education or solid work experience.

I'd rather have a pretty lady from a big family back in the provinces--a family that values hard work, education and doesn't expect you to support them--the girl with a clean face, nice teeth and tidy clothes and just then imagine what she'd look like 'all dolled up' later on (as well as in some tasty lingerie)--I'd rather have that than some hottie chick, who spent her last pesos on perfect hair, nails, make up, and a fake Louis Vuitton purse, leaving me to wonder what the maintenance costs for all that would be  once she gets over here--to the 'Land of plenty". At least with the first one, the face you see is what you're going to be waking up to every morning for a while.

Maintain some reserve, don't make it sound like you're some loaded Daddy Warbuck$$, while gleaning as much information as you can about what she's really like. Trying to impress them with your' first world' lifestyle rather than with you and your personality, warts, farts and all, will probably just cause more trouble than it's worth, once she catches wind of reality....

And don't forget, time, time, time is the only true test. Of course a woman won't wait forever for you to commit and for you get your tail on the plane to meet her (and her family) face to face, but don't rush to judgment. Do keep in mind that if you wait too long, she'll meet some dude who DID get on the plane. It took me a few trips and although coming home alone was a bummer, I still made sure I had a great time over there. The people are super nice --there's all sorts of interesting things and sights to take in. So as a bit of prep, just tell yourself: "OK--I hope this is going to work out--I hope she's THE one--but IF she's not, I am damn well gonna have a a great vacation and adventure!" (albeit an expensive one)

[new_here]

Thanks for the replies guys.


I've definitely naturally done some feeling out - ive asked about kids, etc.


i asked one of them if they chat to other people, and she said yes, and she'd met up once with one recently, but it seemed the guy was only after one thing so she didn't see him again, and is talking occasionally to another guy, so at least she's honest! Things have gotten a bit, raunchy on webcam, a few times, is this something else i should read in to? (she also sent me a couple of photos of her in underwear that were taken a few months ago) However, she very quickly after talking said she loved me, which felt a bit of a warning sign, so i'm not sure what that means. she lives with some cousins and friends in a boarding house type place.


The other one (who i trust more) Has said she spoke to people in the past, but no one was serious so they've gone off dia, and at the moment i'm the only one she talks to. She works nights so she can talk a bit when she's at work. We flirt a lot, and she seems really cool.
Although she did say she used to drink a lot when she was younger(12-18) but only drinks once every couple of weeks now.


I haven't mentioned much about money at all to either of them, just as it hasn't come up - they know im studying at college and do charity work though.


I was kind of thinking if things go well with one of them, maybe i could buy them a ticket to come over here for a couple of weeks in the new year (just as it's a little more difficult for me to travel). Or should i definitely go there first in[size=78%]stead[/size]


Thanks again

[Ray]

I was kind of thinking if things go well with one of them, maybe i could buy them a ticket to come over here for a couple of weeks in the new year (just as it's a little more difficult for me to travel). Or should i definitely go there first in[size=78%]stead[/size]

Let me be blunt if I may. Don't let all this on-line chat fantasy with chicks(?) in their underwear go to your head.

Forget about her visiting you here. Visa fees? Travel expenses? Plane tickets? You might as well flush that money down the toilet.

YOU should be the one to visit HER. Do you have a passport yet? That's step one.


Ray

[new_here]

ok, blunt is good


I do have a passport, yes. The issue is, i need support as i use a wheelchair, so it would actually be cheaper to get the girl a ticket to come here. But I could go there in 2015 instead if it's more important that I go there.

[utopiacowboy]

For most people in the third world, it is quite difficult to get a tourist visa to come to the US for a short time. If she is honest and says she is coming to the US to visit a guy who paid for her ticket and expenses, she will be guaranteed to never get a visa. They want people who have middle or upper class lives in their home countries that they must return to because the fear is that once they get here, they will never go back home. A fear which is quite warranted.

[new_here]

Ahh, ok, i assumed it would be easy enough to get a tourist visa. I live in the uk, i should probably mention!
Looks like i'll be going to the Philippines next year!

[new_here]

Ahh I wrote up a reply and it didn't go through properly! How frustrating.

Maintain some reserve, don't make it sound like you're some loaded Daddy Warbuck$$, while gleaning as much information as you can about what she's really like. Trying to impress them with your' first world' lifestyle rather than with you and your personality, warts, farts and all, will probably just cause more trouble than it's worth, once she catches wind of reality....And don't forget, time, time, time is the only true test. Of course a woman won't wait forever for you to commit and for you get your tail on the plane to meet her (and her family) face to face, but don't rush to judgment. Do keep in mind that if you wait too long, she'll meet some dude who DID get on the plane. It took me a few trips and although coming home alone was a bummer, I still made sure I had a great time over there. The people are super nice --there's all sorts of interesting things and sights to take in. So as a bit of prep, just tell yourself: "OK--I hope this is going to work out--I hope she's THE one--but IF she's not, I am damn well gonna have a a great vacation and adventure!" (albeit an expensive one)

I've not spoken about money atall to either of them.
how long is too long to wait?
Are there any questions you would ask before meeting up, and things i might not have thought of?


Just to add a bit more info, these aren't just the first two girls i spoke to, i've spoken to quite alot on dia and skype, just in case anyone thought this was just the first two!

[dewey4350]

I don't know everything NTH -but there are so many ways to do this wrong. Trust me I have done it wrong twice. Never send money it took me a while to learn that. I see a lady now that has never asked for any help, we have known each other for four years now. She works and is from the southern part of Cebu and is a country girl. The only red flag- I heard you mention was that she had a cam. That's very expensive to have and to maintain for a single female. You also said she worked and was in a boarding ( I take it. its close to her employment?) house. All that's very expensive! And for wifi to be in a boarding house at all is also a little if-ie. Yes like the elders say go there see for yourself. You send a large sum of money there you'll never see it again. And a tourist visa for someone to visit you is next to impossible for a working girl. Make your travel plans control you destiny and your choices. OBTW everyone there is a huge storm getting ready to hit the middle islands ( Cebu and the eastern outer islands are gonna get driven again )......

[new_here]

I won't send money, I've learnt that much from here!
one of them doesn't have a cam, but some of the units at her work do, so she sometimes goes on skype at work.


The other has a cam on her phone, and the wifi in the boarding place is terrible. Why is it if-ie, I'm just interested so I can learn what to look for. - To be fair, she is the one I've had doubts about.
 

[Gato4Astrid]

Forget about her visiting you here. Visa fees? Travel expenses? Plane tickets? You might as well flush that money down the toilet.

Ray

Make sure the sewage pipe is big enough 

[Gato4Astrid]

ok, blunt is good


I do have a passport, yes. The issue is, i need support as i use a wheelchair, so it would actually be cheaper to get the girl a ticket to come here. But I could go there in 2015 instead if it's more important that I go there.

Are you saying that it is MORE EXPENSIVE to book flights cos you have a wheelchair??  That's discrimination!!!

[new_here]

Are you saying that it is MORE EXPENSIVE to book flights cos you have a wheelchair??  That's discrimination!!!

No, but I would also have to pay for flights for an assistant, and accomodation/travel will cost more out there I would assume.

[Gato4Astrid]

No, but I would also have to pay for flights for an assistant, and accomodation/travel will cost more out there I would assume.

Do you get DLA ?    I am deaf, and I get DLA

[new_here]

Hi, Yes I do get DLA


What I meant earlier is that it would be cheaper for someone to come here, but it's ok if i need to go there

[Gato4Astrid]

Hi, Yes I do get DLA


What I meant earlier is that it would be cheaper for someone to come here, but it's ok if i need to go there

Asking someone to meet you for the 1st time isn't really the right move.  You could easily get scammed!


Always best to visit the ladies' countries first, regardless of your disabilities.  You could always treat holiday for your assistance and you would have his/her company there while meeting the lady.    If things don't work out with the lady, you will already have the company of your assistance. 


My friend who is deaf-blind  (Usher is the correct term.  Very tunnel vision).  He always pay for his assistance on holidays every year.   Yes, free holiday for him lol


Alternatively, you could find a Filipina in your own country.  I am sure that there are many of them in England especially many of them are NURSES - who will be your wife & assistance too

[dewey4350]

NTH- I think you may be over thinking all this too. Just be careful I think that's all anybody is trying to tell you.Generally I love these people and the 98% of them are genuine. All I can contribute to your working girls and boarding houses is that normally its a small room sometimes shared by at least four women at a time. ( cheaper that way ) and that there is a shared restroom and shower room. There are no cable outlets or usb ports. There is a strict routine- the girls I know work like men. Sometimes 10 and 12 hour shifts. The few I know get mad if the company cant work them more than 8 hours a day. Then the companies OMG that's another thing the pay is  no time and a half no double time just extra hours. The ladies I know will go to work sick feeling bad what ever it takes for the wage. Most companies have a clinic inside to care for the  if there, sick looking for company care. They maybe sent home for three days loosing wages.Plus the company will dock them for the care....Almost all of the companies have canteens on site too, that way they can complete the old company store routine.Charge you for your food but with just a 30 minute break it limits your choices and time. I take it that's when you talk right? during her breaks if she is at work has any of the talks been over 30 minutes? Most of the employers wont even let them have there phones during break. Just at there lunch. If there in Manila or working for a better cooperation like IBM or Call centers maybe. Just because the other lady doesn't have skype or the net doesn't mean shes not the diamond in the ruff. How you handle your meeting is on you. I think alot of the condos and motels are hipa thoughtful and compliant. If not stay on the bottom floor use the service and have them meet you. I think you'll better off meeting them.

[alejandro]

Ask people on the board if there wife's have relatives that are interested, even better if they can provide photos from Facebook with the prospective penpal, even better. You will hear the Canadian option, visitor option, sister option etc., I have heard all types. Best way is through direct recommendation, fly to Cebu, meet your girl, come back and file K-1, she will be here less than six months. Good luck.

[JamesDonut]

OOps wrong thread..