Met a Filipina I want to marry. What do I do. Step by step

[scottpott59]

Hi everyone. I have been online with a woman from the Philippines for a few months now and have become very interested in her. She has not asked for anything from me and on yahoo messenger she is never on there like so many that bounce off and on all day. She only comes to talk to me. I would like some step by step advise from someone with real experience how to go about  marrying this girl. I see so many different things when I google so hopefully someone out there can tell me what the truth is. Thanks, Scott

[Capstone]

Hi Scott - welcome to the board. I know that you may be having great feelings & thoughts about the possibility of meeting someone special and the possibility of marriage down the road but my advice is to slow down and get your bearings straight so to speak. The first thing that you will want to do before setting your mind to marriage is to actually go and meet this girl in person and experience how she acts in her own surroundings around not only you but also around her friends & family. Spending time with her in person is critical before making any hasty decisions. Another important reason for visiting the Philippines is to experience the Filipino culture first hand and then decide if that culture is something that you can live with for the rest of your life - if you marry someone from a different country/culture then you are not only marrying that person but also the culture that comes along with it.


After you have spent some time with her and if you then still feel that marriage is the way to go then the first step you will need make is to decide if you would rather get married in the Philippines or in the U.S. The decision on where to marry will then decide which visa path that you will need to take - either a K-1 fiance visa or a CR-1 spousal visa. The steps for these 2 types of visas are different from one another and require different forms, requirements, etc.


Good Luck & welcome aboard!

[scottpott59]

Capstone. First thanks for your reply. Which do you recommend. Marry there or here? Which is the least expensive or easiest as far as paperwork, wait time , etc. I do not have a lot of money( she knows this) and want to do it as smooth as possible. I am already planning a trip there in Nov but am also trying to look ahead at my options. Thanks, Scott

[Capstone]

The decision to get married in the US or in the country of your future wife is a personal one which will need to be made after discussing the various options among yourselves - she may have some really strong feelings about it. In my own case, I went the K-1 fiance route and married my wife in the US after taking 4 trips to visit her in China. In hindsight though, if I had it to do all over again I would  take even more trips and then get married in China and go the spousal visa route - but that is just my preference for my situation.


I can break down most of the costs associated with each visa type for you though.


For the K-1 fiance visa route the costs are:
$340 when filing the I-129F visa petition
$240 for the K-Visa application fee at Embassy/Consulate
$1070 for Adjustment of Status process (green card) after getting married in the U.S.
Total $1650 for K-1



For CR-1 Spousal visa the fees are:
$420 when filing I-130 visa petition
$230 for filing DS-230 immigrant visa application
$88 when filing I-863 Affidavit of Support
Total  $738 for CR-1

I did not include the costs for the required medical exam, vaccinations or postage which are required for both visa types as these vary by location.


Each visa has its pros & cons. A fiance visa is usually a little quicker to get than a spousal visa but costs more in the end as you must pay an additional fee to adjust status to permanent residence (green card). Where as the spousal visa usually takes a bit longer to get but you receive a green card soon after arrival and at no extra cost.

[Gato4Astrid]

Hi everyone. I have been online with a woman from the Philippines for a few months now and have become very interested in her. She has not asked for anything from me and on yahoo messenger she is never on there like so many that bounce off and on all day. She only comes to talk to me. I would like some step by step advise from someone with real experience how to go about  marrying this girl. I see so many different things when I google so hopefully someone out there can tell me what the truth is. Thanks, Scott

You need to go to Philippines and meet her first.  You might not like her when you meet her in real. 

[thekfc]

Hi Scott,
            Welcome to the Planet.

I agree with & will echo everything Capstone said in his first post to you.

I would plan anything marriage related on the first trip especially before first meeting in person....way too many things can go wrong.

This first trip of yours you should be concentrating more on the dos & don't, what to look for, places to visit, places to avoid, things to avoid, what to wear, what to bring and enjoying/experiencing the place people & food....all these we can help you with or point you in the right direction.

And after you return sit down, do a re-evaluate and ask yourself a few questions like "will you be comfortable with that culture?", "are you planning to or will make more trip there?",  etc, etc, etc. Then proceed from there.

Personally, I would marry over there in the presence of her family....that would be priceless to her (but that is a decision the 2 of you have to make).

Also what part of the PI is she from? The members here covers most of the major regions and could give you valuable info. For me its Metro Manila & Pangasinan.

[scottpott59]

KFC. Thanks for your input. She lives near Davao City. Any tips for anything there? Scott

[thekfc]

KFC. Thanks for your input. She lives near Davao City. Any tips for anything there? Scott

I think that Robert's wife is from/close to that area & Ray have been to almost every part of the PI. They can give you more valuable/accurate info - I have never been to that region (I am mainly Luzon).

They should be popping into the forum any day/hour.

[evoltnvii]

Congrats of finding a Pinay and Welcome


I only have a few bits of advice and they are my opinion.

Slow down and take you time. There is no reason to rush into marriage she isn't going anywhere if shes a keeper.


Read some books. A book on filipino culture and another on important topics to discus with your partner before marriage helped me and my wife more that I can explain.


Take a trip to visit. The longer you can stay the better. Visit her home and family stay with them and make sure you can live with them as in-laws.


The K-1 is more expensive but you get to bring her here for 90 days without having to be married. This could give you and her time to be really sure you can live together in the USA and that this is what you want. It also gives you time apart after your last trip to make sure you want to marry this person after giving your experiences together more time to sink in. Think of it as a cool down period like buying a gun.

[scottpott59]

I am loving all this advise. Any idea of what a good period of time for a first visit should be. Scott

[evoltnvii]

I say whenever your ready and shes comfortable. At least a few months i gave it 7 before my first trip.

[scottpott59]

How long is an appropriate amount of time to stay on the first visit. Also should I get lots of pictures and save all receipts for proof. Scott

[evoltnvii]

Amount of time depends on what you and her feel comfortable with. I went for a month because my girl was on summer break from teaching and we spent about half with her family and half alone traveling.


Pictures with you and her together and you with her family are important. Visa stamps, hotel receipts, letters etc all work great for proof of relationship.

[thekfc]

How long is an appropriate amount of time to stay on the first visit. Also should I get lots of pictures and save all receipts for proof. Scott

As everyone is different, there is no magic number on the amount of time to stay on a first visit - for some, 1 month is ideal & for others 2-4 months. Take into consideration how much can you afford & how many days you can take away from work. Also factor in time for visiting the different sites, spending time with her family, etc,. 
You are going in Nov & the X-mas festives should be in full swing (The X-mas season unofficially started a few days ago when the 'bers started ).

My first visit was about 21 days & I did a 1 month+ followup visit to get married there and after she arrive here (NYC), I (we) did additional visits. We have a visit plan for next spring and maybe one for x-mas 2013 - I am already pricing tickets (& doing dummy booking) for the x-mas trip .


And yes - save everything & take lot of pictures.

[robert angel]

Hey Scott,
 
Welcome--your in a good place to pick up some pointers. It's great that you have very positive feelings towards this woman, but I don't think it'd be quite right for either one of you to make it a 'foregone conclusion' that you're going to get married before you've even met. Wait til you're 'eye to eye' and have met her family too. Don't forget the adage: "Marry a Filipina and you marry her family too"---A few minutes ago, I just sent $75 to the Philippines for my Mother in law's birthday!....
 
It has been done before and seemingly worked out--'The one woman, one trip, wedding and everything', but it's not something that's commonly recommended. I say 'seemingly worked out' because guys here are more likely to post on their successes rather than their failures. We're more likely to catch them on the ascent, when they're hot and heavy and ready to nab a bride, than afterwards, when they've crashed and burned. People are more inclined towards giving lessons than citing lessons learned....
 
That's unfortunate, because we can learn a lot by both. I'd go so far as to say there's more posting about logistics than there is about relationship's interpersonal dynamics and what makes them work--or not work out.
 
 It's real easy as the webcamming and conversations get more and more intense, to talk about each other's dreams and move from there, to the 'what ifs'--then onto actually planning 'how are lives are going to be',  to 'our wedding plans'--all before spending a minute together in real life.
 
To an extent I can say the above from personal experience, although we weren't that far ahead of ourselves that we were planning a wedding and I made a few trips before I was ready to face her family and ask the 'big question'.
 
We really like Davao City and surrounding areas a lot and there are a few other guys on here who are similar in that regard. If you want more info on the area, feel free to drop me a line. It's a great place with a lot of friendly, somewhat laid back folks and I could see most people enjoying enough things there to have an enjoyable 3 or 4 weeks 'seeing the sights' and all that....
 
Good luck--I'm all but positive you're going to enjoy your trip!
 

[Bob_S]

Which do you recommend. Marry there or here? Which is the least expensive or easiest as far as paperwork, wait time , etc. I do not have a lot of money( she knows this) and want to do it as smooth as possible.

Marry here or there, it doesn't matter.  It's going to be expensive with lots of hair-pulling paperwork and demanding patience patience patience.  There is no easy way.  If you want easy and cheap, marry the lonely widow down the street at a quickie Vegas drive-thru wedding chapel.  You don't seek a foreign spouse because it might be easy, cheap, or quick.  You seek a foreign spouse because at the end of the process, you'll have a better quality spouse (depending on what qualities you value) than you ever could find in your local dating pool.


Yes, save your receipts as proof of travel, and get photos of the two of you together, together with her family, together in front of major tourist sites, stuff like that.  First trip could be a week or two.  Plan for a second trip of longer duration.  The first trip is just to size up the potential for a relationship.  Be willing to walk away if you aren't in absolute 7th Heaven on the trip.  Don't try to force it just because you are lonely, thinking it'll all work out later when you bring her home.  If you two aren't clicking right then and there, it'll just get worse when you get her to the States.  That's my lesson learned from my mistake with a beautiful but cold Russian girl now more than a decade ago.