Looking but need help

[txpoint]

I have been looking into finding a Foreign bride for a long time but I am very careful. I missed out years ago when I put an ad in a local paper and had this sweet little woman that was here on a school Visa had her friend contact me and we meet and I enjoyed the experience very much but she was sent back to Mexico and even called me begging me to come get her. I was stupid and did not at that time more than six years ago I had other things more important to me and was not ready for marriage. The experience has never left me and she made me feel more like a man than any other woman I have ever been with. Well enough about my stupid behavior.
My question is how is my best way to meet a woman from Mexico. I tried (Marry me in Mexico) but they are not taking members or they have closed I have looked into others and got tons of scammers but I have been lurking around long enough to know a scam I even check the scam email list and it seems most of the scams are from Russian women. I had a good six month email relationship with a woman from Columbia from Amigos.com but I could not get her to send me current pictures I would send them to her but she only sent stuff from her college days and some pictures you could tell were old. She got mad and stopped emailing me but I did not feel I was wrong for wanting a current photo.
 I live in Texas so I think finding a woman from Mexico would be best for me considering I could drive there if I want.
 I am 42 years old and looking at 34 to 40 age for me Like others I love the twenty year old hotties but I want a lasting relationship and think more to my age is best. Also I do not want kids or I want someone that has them but they are on their own. I prefer no kids at all.
Any help or advice to help me would be appreciated.

[Houndog]

I was talking to friend last night who's on your same journey more or less. GET CURRENT PHOTOS, PERIOD...for starters, because there's a saying about pics that is 1000% true "They All Look Different in Person, Some Better, Some Worse"!! The Moral is don't fall in love with a picture, simply use them as a guide. Most important is to Get To Know the REAL PERSON INSIDE.

Sorry, I can't help on the Mexico issues, there used to be several agencies ?

[Jeff S]

I never had any trouble meeting nice women in Mexico, but that has been some time ago. Knowing how to speak Spanish and how to dance will take you far there. Suggest you make friends with some Mexicans and have them show you the ropes. I used to manage a twin plant, one in the US and the other in Mexico,  and can tell you, knowing a local makes traveling to Mexico an entirely different experience than venturing there yourself.

- Jeff

[txpoint]

Believe me I wish I knew a local there, I have even asked around work. There are a lot of Spanish people at work and the problem is they do not understand why I wont to go to Mexico and find some one, they all want white American women. It is like a circle they do not understand why I want a Spanish wife when they all think American women are the best.  
 I wonder if we all just think the other is better when in all reality they all are women. My deal is I am attracted to Spanish women I also like a very small petite woman and I try to explain to them that American single women here seem to average 170 to 200 pounds anymore.
 I have had two girl friends from Mexico one I stated in first post and the other was a few years ago and they both treated me like I want to be treated. And both were very loving and affectionate. They got pleasure from making me happy and neither of the two ever ask me how much I made a year or even discussed money in any form they did not even ask what I did for a living. They were happy just going to the lake and watching the sun set together or just watching kids play at a park.
 I would have married the second one but she had two kids and they were young and I do not have patience for kids and I am not a good Father I just want it to be her and me. If the kids are on there own that is cool but I just cannot handle the little ones. I know it sounds stupid to most to give up a good woman over kids but I was married before and I never want to get divorced again and I knew this would cause problems later on.
 I have a new Question has anyone just placed an Ad in a newspaper in an location you want to meet some one or do you think that is a bad Idea?
I also have no problem using an agency but they all seem to be just in it for the money and do not really care about finding me a wife just the charges.  
 I guess like anything else it is very hard and not like in the old days of true mail order brides.

[Dan]

I guess like anything else it is very hard and not like in the old days of true mail order brides.

You might want to re-index your thinking about "mail order brides." I am not sure what your belief is about the "old days" - or even how long ago you mean when you write that - but I seriously doubt there was EVER a "mail order bride" phenomenon in the modern era (past 100 years or so).

As for Mexico, you can check out the links to agencies at the Home Page and you will find several agencies which specialize in women from Mexico. Here is the link -- http://www.goodwife.com/latin/

- Dan

[Houndog]

Well  for one thing get ready for a "reality check" on a couple of points...Latinas are VERY JEALOUS....because it's accepted practice SOTB for the men to have a wife and 1 or more GF's. So eventualy that side of them comes out...and you'll have to be mature & smart enough to deal with that issue in some way or another. Second issue is language, unless you want a stay at home wife that only shops at Fiesta, she will have to learn English to fit in & feel comfortable here and if you invite English speaking friends over for a BBQ, she will feel islated & left out...(not a good thing). Third, if you Do want a stay at home wife they will get Bored Out of their Minds in a short period of time and will be calling home everyday. Fourth, they are going to need a car to get out once in awhile to relieve the boredom and be able to go to the store to buy grocieries or go window shopping or any of many other things women like to do when they are bored . If you want her to work & build self esteem by contributing to "her" new family unit she will need a car & English to keep from being locked into maid jobs. And last on the short list, most of them of child bearing age are going to want Children to build what they consider "a real" family unit.

The list is a lot longer but there's the Prep Course of things to start thinking about.

As far as agencies, they are definately ONE of the Tools you will need in your TOOL BOX to find a woman that's wants to uproot her life & come to the US, certianly not the only tool, but agencies do gather together large groups of women in one place, (like a cool nightclub) that have a goal of meeting a Gringo. But they are only one tool and depending on your skills certianly not the only option.

[txpoint]

Dan
Originally mail order bride was that you ordered a bride through the mail. You would read their add and if you liked it you would order them but I have to say it can not work that way today to much legal issues if you get them and they do not work out.  I am not saying I want it that way I am just saying it is more of a money making scam now days and most end up spending a lot of money for nothing I do not want to do that and believe me I have looked at all those agencies and I am not going to pay for addresses or pay monthly payments to someone just to have some fat guy playing a joke on the other end leading me on.
I came here for true help if all you can say is here is a link I do not think that is help. Now if you have a link to an agency or know some one that you have used and are the real deal and are not out to just make money but to actually help me find my wife then that would be great news and much appreciated.
 I also wonder why the women from other countries do not use this forum to meet guys here that would be nice.
 It is the same thing with the personals now days if you look close they all have the same adds and most have the same pictures of women and all they want is your money even E-harmony is that way they clam to be this great new idea but in reality it is just a new way to get the old I’m not doing this again to say ok one more try and boom there goes your cash for nothing.
 Again don’t get me wrong I do not mind paying for help or a service but I want to achieve my goal from it.

[Dan]

Dan
Originally mail order bride was that you ordered a bride through the mail. You would read their add and if you liked it you would order them

When was that possible? Do you know anyone who has ever done things that way?

I came here for true help if all you can say is here is a link I do not think that is help. Now if you have a link to an agency or know some one that you have used and are the real deal and are not out to just make money but to actually help me find my wife then that would be great news and much appreciated.

Well, no-one is under any obligation to provide ANY help. It's not like you are paying for a service here. You have joined a community of people who are either searching like you are, or they have managed to successfully navigate their way to marriage - and in a few cases, beyond. If you don't find what you want here - go elsewhere. I daresay there are no better resources of information than you will find here - but if you do not believe me, you are invited to look somewhere else - with my best wishes for success.

As for the links, if you bother to spend a few minutes looking at the links - and at the pages which lead there - you will find that the agency listings here at GoodWife do, indeed, have to pass some scrutiny to be listed. In the near future, that process will become even more demanding - and be much more of an indicator of high-integrity services - but for now,the links are those who subscribe to the standards we have established - and those standards are available for your review. Just read them. If they do not fit your personal standard - discard the notion and find others, somewhere on the 'net (if you can), that does. Simple.

I also wonder why the women from other countries do not use this forum to meet guys here that would be nice.
 It is the same thing with the personals now days if you look close they all have the same adds and most have the same pictures of women and all they want is your money even E-harmony is that way they clam to be this great new idea but in reality it is just a new way to get the old I’m not doing this again to say ok one more try and boom there goes your cash for nothing.
 Again don’t get me wrong I do not mind paying for help or a service but I want to achieve my goal from it.

Sometimes women will post on these boards. At my other board (RWD), there are quite a few women who post frequently. Some are married - others are engaged - and a few are seeking mates. It happens.

That said, it is pretty easy to understand (if you try) as to why women would generally not be found here. It starts with their economic condition and the cost of internet and computing access in most countries. It extends to their lack of confidence in their language skills.

- Dan

[Ray]

I came here for true help if all you can say is here is a link I do not think that is help. Now if you have a link to an agency or know some one that you have used and are the real deal and are not out to just make money but to actually help me find my wife then that would be great news and much appreciated.

Excuse me, but it sounds as if you want someone else to do all of the work to find you a suitable wife. You aren't going to find that kind of help here.

The men here will gladly give you advice and share their ideas and experiences, all at no cost to you, but you have to do the hard work yourself in this game. Instead of complaining that someone’s advice was not “true help”, why not just thank him for the advice and then quietly ignore it if it isn’t exactly what you wanted to hear. You paid nothing for the advice so what have you lost? When you jump on someone for not helping you enough, you will soon find that nobody here will give you the time of day.

The same goes for the agencies. They are businesses and of course they are in it to make a profit. Any introduction agency should assist you in meeting eligible ladies, but perhaps you expect too much. After you are introduced to a lady or provided with addresses of ladies to correspond with, the real work is up to you. You must get to know her, court her, and ask her to marry you. Nobody here is going to do all of that for you.

Perhaps what you are looking for is not an introduction service but a true matchmaking service. I believe that there are some agencies out there that will hold your hand all the way through the entire process and do the bulk of the work for you, including finding only those women who meet your special requirements, but it won’t be cheap. Even then, it is still up to you and nobody else to choose the right woman.

[Houndog]

>>When was that possible? Do you know anyone who has ever done things that way?<<

Well I think in the 1700's to early 1800's there was actually some form of "mail order brides" for the early Pioneers & the Chinese that came here to build the RailRoads.....of course I'm not old enough to have met any that were there at the time...


Arranged Marriages do still exist in some parts of the world, China, India, Pakistan, maybe a few other places? But it's pretty unlikely any of us qualify for such an easy arrangement.

[Dan]

Well I think in the 1700's to early 1800's there was actually some form of "mail order brides" for the early Pioneers & the Chinese that came here to build the RailRoads.....of course I'm not old enough to have met any that were there at the time...

Yeah - I think that is right, or at least, that is how I understand it from reading some historical accounts of that time.

Arranged Marriages do still exist in some parts of the world, China, India, Pakistan, maybe a few other places? But it's pretty unlikely any of us qualify for such an easy arrangement.

Oh, I agree there are "arranged marriages". I worked in India for some time and know many people who strongly subscribe to the practice - young and old alike. However, that is still different that the stereotypical 'pick up a catalog, order a product (woman), pay the fee, and have it (her) arrive at your doorstep 30 days later with a nice bow ribbon attached - which is the characterization described earlier. I still contend that it just does not happen - regardless of the popular media's (and txpoint's) fixation on representing it that way.

FWIW

- Dan

[Houndog]

Oh, I agree there are "arranged marriages". I worked in India for some time and know many people who strongly subscribe to the practice -

ROTFL -- yea, wouldn't it be great if we could manage our entire lives in such a simplistic way....just "order the wife" and have her bring a pizza at the same time ....and since were dreaming, let's order a wife without pms once a month & the pizza!!!!

[utopiacowboy]

I lived pretty close to Mexico and I figured that a lot of Mexican women would be interested in a gringo who didn't live too far away. I corresponded with quite a few on amigos until one particular woman caught my eye among the new profiles. I never intended to look for a Colombiana or go to Colombia but she was the one. I've been married almost three years and she's still the one. We were watching a DVD last night and I could see her face in profile and her beautiful long black hair and I thought, Man this woman is gorgeous! When we met, she was 42 and I was 48 so even though she's no spring chicken, she's still one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

[Bob_S]

Well I think in the 1700's to early 1800's there was actually some form of "mail order brides" for the early Pioneers & the Chinese that came here to build the RailRoads.....of course I'm not old enough to have met any that were there at the time...

Yeah - I think that is right, or at least, that is how I understand it from reading some historical accounts of that time.

That was the basis of the old western Westward the Women starring Robert Taylor.  And Chinese immigrants to early California would send back for "picture brides" (selected from a photo a newly arrived family member would show them).
Matchmakers are still common in many cultures including Japan and the U.S. (where we hire professionals to hook us up but pretend it's not just another form of mail-order dating).

[jediknight]

arranged marriages are shifting to arranged introductions. some guys that i know from bangledesh tell me that their parents have and are introducing them to eligible women after discussing it with the girls parents. once both parents agree, then the couple meet to see if there is interest but are not obligated to marry, they each have the option to politely refuse. i'm sure arranged marriages still exist but in many countries that way of forcing people together without giving the couple a voice is slowing disappearing.
JK

[Jeff S]

That's the most common form in Japan also, and after years of being on the decline, it is now gaining in popularity again there. Marriages arranged this way, i.e., you're only introduced to people with similar acceptable backgrounds, tend to be more successful than typical hit-or-miss love marriages.

- Jeff