An even more basic question: Should I get married?

[FlyingMoose]

I don't know if this question is so general as to be out of the scope of this forum, but since I'd prefer to marry a foreign woman, and since you guys seem to give good advice, I'll post it here.

I've been trying to decide if I should start looking for a wife.  I'm 32, and have never been married.

There are several reasons I've been thinking about this question.  One is that a number of people I know have died recently.  It's made me realize that I won't live forever.  If I want to have kids, I shouldn't wait too much longer, because I don't want to die when the kids are young, nor do I want to be too old to chase after them as they grow up.  I think that I should get started by 35 (which is probably about how long it would take to find a girl, get her over here, maybe wait a while, and then have a kid or three.)  I'd probly look for someone around 25 so she'd be young enough to have some kids, but old enough to be mature.

Another reason is that I don't want to be alone.  I'm currently close with my parents, but they won't be around forever.  I'm an only child and I'm not hugely close with my other relatives.  I have friends of course, but that's a different type of thing.  Also, I've noticed that guys (including myself) tend to be much happier when they have a woman in their life.  I suppose the desire to pass down my genes also figures in there somewhere.

On the other side, I don't know if I'm ready to get married, let alone have kids, and from what I've read a Filipina would insist on it.  Also, I have a small business which isn't doing great lately, and I can support myself, but I don't know that I could support a family.  I'm currently working to expand the business, and hopefully the economy will improve, so I'll probably be better in this respect in a couple of years, but of course there are no guarantees.  (If anyone is curious, my business is in the field of publishing).

It would also be a huge life change, and probably a lot more work.  I get stressed out too much already with work, so I'd be hoping that having a wife would be enough to counteract the extra stress of everything.  Right now I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life, without any meaning to it, and I'm not very motivated to work hard on the business.

Also I was thinking that it would be good to find a nurse for several reasons.  One is that she'd probly be good at raising kids.  Also, she could work and make some money if all else failed, or even just if she wanted to (since I work home and it might not be the best to be together 24/7).  And I've always liked medical stuff, and probly know enough to talk shop with her.

Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated by me and probably others on the forum.

[william3rd]

Rest assurred- ANY woman is going to insist on kids.  To claim otherwise is to deny one's reason for being. I see that you were looking at Chinese or Fil before and now have decided on Fil? Are you still visually impaired? It seems your most important issue is having a driver.

Should you get married? I dunno. You have given several general reasons that most people give to rationalize getting married. Should you wait? I dunno- that is your choice.

This is a choice that you will have to make and nobody can make it for you. Are you ready? Maybe. You are voicing the thoughts. However, dont put it on a timeline.

[pchip]

I've noticed that guys (including myself) tend to be much happier when they have a woman in their life.  I suppose the desire to pass down my genes also figures in there somewhere.

I'd be hoping that having a wife would be enough to counteract the extra stress of everything.  Right now I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life, without any meaning to it

Also I was thinking that it would be good to find a nurse for several reasons.  One is that she'd probly be good at raising kids. 

FlyingMoose,

We are alike on the above 3 points.  I am different as I've been married and have 3 kids already.  However, I'm not closed off to having more kids, specially if the novia doesn't have any (yes I'm going to the Latin side).  Being 34 now, should this happen, my bio clock is ticking as well since I want to be young enough when they leave for college.

I've been asking myself this question for the past year or so, and everywhere I turn, there seems to be a single answer: only oneself knows.

Idea, would be to start the search now, maybe it will motivate you at work.  Also if you do find someone special, you will have a lady in your life, and even long distance (or especially long distance) you will then be motivated at work.  Understand that this does not come from an expert (far from it!!) but would be my line of thought if I were in your shoes.

Good Luck

[Jeff S]

I was once in your shoes - early 30s never married successful career - wondering if that is all their is. I also never had an interested in marriage per se, but when you find someone who does it for you, you end up figuring out that you should seal the deal. These days it can be undone if it turns out to be a complete disaster, but if it's right you probably wouldn't let that deter you from making the commitment.

In many ways being married reduces some life stress but creates some new, different ones as well.

Putting arbitrary things like looking for a nurse are probably more restrictive than not, but it's your call. Probably the most important thing is finding the right culture for you, then find the right girl from that culture.

BTW - What kind of publishing?

- Jeff

[FlyingMoose]

Thanks everyone for the advice so far.  I like hearing from other people with similar experiences.

Rest assurred- ANY woman is going to insist on kids.  To claim otherwise is to deny one's reason for being. I see that you were looking at Chinese or Fil before and now have decided on Fil?

Are you still visually impaired? It seems your most important issue is having a driver.

I'm leaning towards Fil, but I figured I'd ask the more basic question first.  Some of the reasons are that I tend to have too much anxiety (I think it comes from running a business), and Filipinas are more laid-back than chinese in my experience.  They also tend to speak english well, unlike the Chinese.  And, I find the sound of Chinese to be like nails down a chalkboard, but Tagalog doesn't bother me.  The downsides are that I like the Chinese look better (of course, there are chinese-looking Filipinas) and that I'm a devout atheist.

It's more a combination of neurological and visual (look up nystagmus) and it's genetic, so it won't go away, unfortunately.  I don't want to marry someone just because I need a driver, I could move to an area where I could use public transit, and the area I'm in now I can walk to pretty much everywhere I need (although the area sucks in general).  However, if I did get married, it would be best if one of us drives, and that one probably isn't going to be me.

BTW - What kind of publishing?

Our current product is at http://patbar.com .  It's a patent bar review course, for people who want to take the patent bar exam and become patent attorneys or patent agents.  Our next product will be a pre-law-school video course.  The course is mostly done, and is excellent if I do say so myself, but one never knows for sure what's going to sell beforehand.  Most of the remaining work is website and marketing related.

I've done a lot to simplify my life recently, including outsourcing a lot of stuff, closing down a side business I had which wasn't doing much, divesting myself of some internet domains which were causing me anxiety (long story), and once the new products are ready I'll be taking on an employee or two to help out with some stuff. 

[z_k_g]

Moose,

Welcome to P-L.

I would suggest reading the archives, searching for major questions, and reading the most recent posts from 2010 mostly, you will get lots of gems from that!

I also chose the Philippines for my search, its a good fit and the pinays are much more laid back in most ways.  In other ways they are pretty much like all Asians, very family oriented. 

Good Luck, post and participate!

Zulu

[Jhengsman]

Thanks everyone for the advice so far.  I like hearing from other people with similar experiences.

I'm leaning towards Fil, but I figured I'd ask the more basic question first.  Some of the reasons are that I tend to have too much anxiety (I think it comes from running a business), and Filipinas are more laid-back than chinese in my experience.  They also tend to speak english well, unlike the Chinese.  And, I find the sound of Chinese to be like nails down a chalkboard, but Tagalog doesn't bother me.  The downsides are that I like the Chinese look better (of course, there are chinese-looking Filipinas) and that I'm a devout atheist.

The Tsinoy, Chinese/Chinese Mestizos, tend to be around Manila. I know many who seek Filipinas specifically are looking for a province girl. While there are atheist I have never heard anyone admit it. But it would not be a show stopper either unless you made it an issue that she must leave the Church or must not baptize the children.

[robert angel]

Hey Flying,

Re:

>>The downsides are that I like the Chinese look better (of course, there are chinese-looking Filipinas) and that I'm a devout atheist<<

While I kind of find the term 'devout atheist' something of an oxymoron--a contradictory figure of speech if you will, I respect everyone's beliefs or convictions. Nonetheless, that particular characteristic is going to greatly limit the percentage of the population of Filipinas who will sincerely be attracted to you for the right reasons, at least with out serious reservations or compromises going in.

Then, if you're really intent on finding one with strong Chinese physical characteristics in the Philippines you're narrowing things down even more.

Most communist countries have become more tolerant of religious beliefs that include belief of God in recent times, but you might have better luck in those countries and perhaps you should widen the net of your search, so to speak.

That's not to say you can't find an ideal mate in the Philippines and its certainly not to infer that you 'low key' or go 'over the top' in trying to minimize or explain this facet of who and what you are--quite to the contrary.

But there's a whole lot of women who'll marry you, thinking "I'll try and make him find religion' or 'That's not so bad, I can accept that"--but I you don't want go into a marriage thinking that mindset is such a great idea. Things like that have a tendency to come back and bite you.


I think it's best to be as up front about as many personal characteristics you have, including any bad habits or things she might perceive as such--anything she might find irritating in your life, now or later. I tried pretty hard to do that with my wife, although I guess when cultures meet, you can never explain them all, or realize the magnitude some habits/characteristics will create over time between the two of you. Nonetheless, I think trying to reveal who and what you really are realistically will work best in the long run.

Personally, I think people should, whenever possible, wait a couple years at least, before having children to be a bit more certain that the kids will have a solid pair of parents to look up to for a long time.

Not to get you down or to count you out, Flying--far from it, I'm just encouraging you to put in the leg work so it works out right. Salute for laying it out 'as it is'.

Good luck guy,

Robert

[Dave H]

And, I find the sound of Chinese to be like nails down a chalkboard, but Tagalog doesn't bother me.  The downsides are that I like the Chinese look better (of course, there are chinese-looking Filipinas) and that I'm a devout atheist.

Hey FlyingMoose,

I would have to say that I find Tagalog spoken properly, to be quite pleasant sounding. But spoken badly, loudly, rapidly, and with whinning... Don't get me started on that nasty "s o c i a l" crap known as "Taglish!"

Dave

[Ray]

Moose,

I agree with Dave H. "Street Tagalog" can be extremely annoying. Another point is that while Tagalog (or Filipino) is one of the national languages, there are something like 170 separate languages in the Philippines and more Filipinos speak other than Tagalog as their native tongue. I find most of the Visayan languages much more pleasant to the ear than Tagalog or Ilokano for example.

And to sum up Robert's lengthy discourse... I think the Philippines is not a good choice for a "devout atheist". Keep looking elsewhere is my advice. 

Ray

[FlyingMoose]

While I kind of find the term 'devout atheist' something of an oxymoron

What I mean by that is that I'm extremely unlikely to change my beliefs.  Even if I were to pretend to believe in a higher power, I wouldn't be being true to myself.

[Capstone]

Most communist countries have become more tolerant of religious beliefs that include belief of God in recent times, but you might have better luck in those countries and perhaps you should widen the net of your search, so to speak.

The Chinese government's official stance of course is that China is an atheist country but in actuality you would be somewhat hard pressed to find a Chinese who would consider themselves to be a devout atheist. My wife's family on her mother's side are all Taoist and on her father's side are all Buddhist, while her best friend's family are all Christians who attend church every Sunday. Being a devout atheist certainly would not present any roadblocks with a potential Chinese mate but finding one who would actually consider themselves to be the same would not be as easy as one might think (although certainly not difficult either). 

[Dave H]

Moose,

I agree with Dave H. "Street Tagalog" can be extremely annoying.

I find most of the Visayan languages much more pleasant to the ear than Tagalog or Ilokano for example.

Ray

Thanks Ray,

"Street Tagalog"...that's a new term for me to describe that nasty screaming and screeching that tries to pass itself off as Tagalog.

I also find most of the Visayan languages to be more pleasant than most Filipino or Tagalog that I hear spoken. They seem much smoother and melodious. I suppose it helps that the Visayan languages are usually only spoken by native speakers.

Dave

[Jeff S]

There is no God per se in Buddhism or Taoism, and I find most devout atheists are not devout deniers of anything spiritual, just deniers of the semitic (Christian, Jewish, Islamic) god concept. Eastern religions are extremely different than Western ones. Don't dismiss it as people just praying to Buddah instead of Jesus, as I've heard ignorant people opine. Eastern philosophies are not about a God, an afterlife, or doing things so that you appear holy to others, either here or anywhere else. They're about how to get along better here and now.

You'll find nearly all Asians to be very spiritual in some sense, whether it manifests itself as religion or what you may call superstition. Expect them to have a very different view of life and the world as you do, if you were brought up as a typical American with Eurocentric viewpoints and cultural outlooks.

[jm21-2]

I think if you're a devout atheist and think you could stand marrying a religious girl, you're almost certainly kidding yourself. There will be conflicts down the road. Not immediately but give it years and children and it will be there.

Speaking from my experience, Chinese are about the closest to atheist you will find in the world, but as Capstone said, Many are Taoists, Buddhists, or part of another eastern religion. My fiance is an atheist but still is influenced a lot by Taoist and Buddhist beliefs. She still worries about bad signs and dabbles in astrology, even though she knows it's probably not real. It's part of the culture and not something that will go away. But that's the same everywhere. I'm sure you can find atheists in the US who believe that chiropractors have healing skills or that refloxology works.

[Bob_S]

I'd probly look for someone around 25 so she'd be young enough to have some kids, but old enough to be mature.

You don't have to limit yourself in that respect.  Asian women not only look younger than their Western counterparts, but are generally physically younger and healthier.  My wife got pregnant for the first time at 39, and it was a smooth by-the-book pregnancy with no health issues.  If you find yourself smitten by someone who just happens to be your age, don't dump her because you think her uterus is too old by Western standards.

Another reason is that I don't want to be alone.

Desiring companionship is a completely valid reason to seeking a mate.

I'm currently close with my parents,

How close?  A momma's boy is a curse for any potential wife, be she Western, Eastern, or Southern.  Do you have your own mind?  If you future wife wanted to name your children something traditional from her own country, and it sounds odd to your mother, who will you listen to?

Also, I've noticed that guys (including myself) tend to be much happier when they have a woman in their life.

If you got a good woman, that is so.

I suppose the desire to pass down my genes also figures in there somewhere.

Don't pick her just because she has functioning ovaries.  Find your match.  Do you really want kids?  Not just passing down your genes.  You can go donate to a sperm bank if that's all you want.  Do you want to be involved in the raising of these small humans into mature functioning adults?

Also, I have a small business which isn't doing great lately, and I can support myself, but I don't know that I could support a family.  I'm currently working to expand the business, and hopefully the economy will improve, so I'll probably be better in this respect in a couple of years, but of course there are no guarantees.

Courting a foreign spouse takes money.  It can tap all you got.  Raising a family also drains resources.  If you know you're not in a position to do it now, you are wise to put it off.  but there's always something that'll come up to try to drain your resources.  Some new opportunities, some chance to build your business further.  At some point you're going to have to make a choice.

Also I was thinking that it would be good to find a nurse for several reasons.  One is that she'd probly be good at raising kids.

Not necessarily.  Those two don't automatically go together.  She could be a Nurse Ratched!  My MiL was a nurse.  And according to my wife's stories, she was effectively raised by her grandparents.

I'm leaning towards Fil, but I figured I'd ask the more basic question first.  Some of the reasons are that I tend to have too much anxiety (I think it comes from running a business), and Filipinas are more laid-back than chinese in my experience.

Are you seeking a Ying to your Yang?  It may not work out that well.  It could end up adding more to your anxiety.  Ask any of the guys here.  Hey, JM, W3, Cap, FT!  How does that visa and immigration process help your anxiety levels?  Give you a few gray hairs? 

They also tend to speak english well, unlike the Chinese.

Don't let that stop you if you match Chinese better.  There are millions of Chinese (okay, maybe hundreds of thousands) who speak English well enough to get along.

And, I find the sound of Chinese to be like nails down a chalkboard, but Tagalog doesn't bother me.

That I can understand.  I lived near Little Saigon for a while and met some sweet Thai and Vietnamese girls in the area, but the sound of SE Asian languages is like water torture to my ears.  Japanese, and to a lesser extent Korean and Mandarin Chinese, just sounds more lyrical when spoken by women.  Even when I have no idea of what is being said (which is most of the time).

The downsides are that I like the Chinese look better (of course, there are chinese-looking Filipinas) and that I'm a devout atheist.

This issue was brought up previously on the Latin board.  A Catholic girl is going to want her children christened and probably attend catechism.  Would you be okay with that?  How do you think it will go down when Moose Jr. comes to you and asks about Jesus and do you believe in the infallibility of the Pope like Mommy Moose?  For spiritual compatibility, a Chinese Taoist Atheist or Japanese or Korean Buddhist Agnostic may be a better match.  Though as JM notes, Eastern (and in my experience, Russian also) atheists and agnostics will still have some superstitions and pseudo-sciences that substitute for religion that guides their life.

[FlyingMoose]

Thanks for the replies so far.

This is getting off the topic a bit (as this thread was originally about whether I should get married at all).  But thanks for clearing up that it probably wouldn't work out with a Filipina for the religious reasons.  I think part of it is that the God-based religions insist that their adherents try to convert others, while the Eastern religions do not.  If my wife thinks I am going to hell because I don't believe in god, it probably wouldn't work out.

I suppose I should concentrate on finding a Chinese girl.  I guess one of my criteria would be to find one whose voice / speech doesn't irritate me. xD  And chinese is difficult to learn.  I wouldn't mind the Eastern religions, I might even get into it.  Just because I'm an atheist doesn't mean I have a scientific-only worldview, for example I wouldn't be averse to trying meditation or Eastern medicine, because if something works, it works whether or not it's been proven by a double-blind study.

I'd still appreciate any insight on whether I should get married.

[jm21-2]

It's a personal decision whether to get married or not. Personally, I moved every year for several years as I pursued my education and it really made me think about how nice it would be to have a companion. My classmates who were married were so much more happy as they didn't have to re-create all their social networks from the ground up. Now, living in a small town without too many interesting people my age, a lot of that still holds true.

I think you'll probably know deep down when you're ready to get serious about marriage. Otherwise just wait and see what happens.

Courting a foreign spouse takes money.  It can tap all you got.  Raising a family also drains resources.  If you know you're not in a position to do it now, you are wise to put it off.  but there's always something that'll come up to try to drain your resources.  Some new opportunities, some chance to build your business further.  At some point you're going to have to make a choice.

In the last year I was gone abroad for about 35 days and spent maybe $8k. Having a small business, all the expenses keep going while you're gone. It's a huge financial drain. Then there are expenses with weddings, immigration, honeymoon, buying her a car when she gets here probably, and then of course supporting her (and potential children) after she gets here.

Nurses are not necessarily better at raising children. I'd argue that they are worse than average for the most part, but a lot of that is personal bias. Being a nurse is a hard job and you work hard to get there. It can also require a lot of overtime or holiday hours. Any job like tends to attract people who are more workaholics than average. Workaholics do not tend to want to be house-wives.

Are you seeking a Ying to your Yang?  It may not work out that well.  It could end up adding more to your anxiety.  Ask any of the guys here.  Hey, JM, W3, Cap, FT!  How does that visa and immigration process help your anxiety levels?  Give you a few gray hairs? 

Still waiting on the second notice. In December I was so depressed I barely made any money. It is a hard process to go through.

Don't let that stop you if you match Chinese better.  There are millions of Chinese (okay, maybe hundreds of thousands) who speak English well enough to get along.

And an easy way to meet a normal girl is English practice...

That I can understand.  I lived near Little Saigon for a while and met some sweet Thai and Vietnamese girls in the area, but the sound of SE Asian languages is like water torture to my ears.  Japanese, and to a lesser extent Korean and Mandarin Chinese, just sounds more lyrical when spoken by women.  Even when I have no idea of what is being said (which is most of the time).

I don't really like Cantonese (sounds kind of whiny imho), but Mandarin is fine and a lot more common. Bear in mind there are hundreds of dialects in China, some of which are extremely beautiful to hear. The only time you'll probably hear them talk is when they're on the phone with their family/friends back home anyways. Chinese seem very willing to adapt to speaking English at home. My fiance wants to teach any children we have Mandarin though, which is hard to object to seeing how fast Mandarin-speaking countries are rising in power.

[FlyingMoose]

How close?  A momma's boy is a curse for any potential wife, be she Western, Eastern, or Southern.  Do you have your own mind?  If you future wife wanted to name your children something traditional from her own country, and it sounds odd to your mother, who will you listen to?

I would consider my mom's input, but wouldn't be afraid to name the kid against her wishes.  She wouldn't mind that.  She probably wouldn't stand for it if I was treating my wife badly, though.

You can go donate to a sperm bank if that's all you want.  Do you want to be involved in the raising of these small humans into mature functioning adults?

Ha, like they'd take me with all my screwed-up genes... xD

Are you seeking a Ying to your Yang?  It may not work out that well.  It could end up adding more to your anxiety.  Ask any of the guys here.  Hey, JM, W3, Cap, FT!  How does that visa and immigration process help your anxiety levels?  Give you a few gray hairs?

I deal with a lot of government bureaucracy in my job, it doesn't bother me.  Things that would bother me would be like waiting for a child to come home from their first date, or if they were sick or had a medical problem, things like that.

This issue was brought up previously on the Latin board.  A Catholic girl is going to want her children christened and probably attend catechism.  Would you be okay with that?  How do you think it will go down when Moose Jr. comes to you and asks about Jesus and do you believe in the infallibility of the Pope like Mommy Moose?  For spiritual compatibility, a Chinese Taoist Atheist or Japanese or Korean Buddhist Agnostic may be a better match.  Though as JM notes, Eastern (and in my experience, Russian also) atheists and agnostics will still have some superstitions and pseudo-sciences that substitute for religion that guides their life.

This might be a problem, as I'd probably tell the kid that, in my opinion, it's all BS and there is no God.  I wouldn't mind them going to ceremonies, but I wouldn't want to lie to them about what I believe.

[thekfc]

  Hey, JM, W3, Cap, FT!  How does that visa and immigration process help your anxiety levels?  Give you a few gray hairs?   

I think that JM hair have changed from black to gray to white. I got mine when I least expected, I just open my email and there was an email from USCIS.

   
Still waiting on the second notice. In December I was so depressed I barely made any money. It is a hard process to go through.

Hang in there, it will be coming soon.

  I don't really like Cantonese (sounds kind of whiny imho), but Mandarin is fine and a lot more common. 

I am more used to Mandarin because I have been hearing it in the movies for ages and I did learn a little Cantonese & hear it more often on the street here in NYC. Although I cannot speak them (except for a few phrases/words) - I can tell the difference. Whenever I buy a HK movie, I always try to get one with both soundtrack so I can change from one to the other.

[FlyingMoose]

Having a small business, all the expenses keep going while you're gone.

Last time I was away for a couple of weeks, we got a ton of orders, and I was joking with my dad that we should go away more often. xD  And, the little extra money that we spent because of being away (paying retail instead of wholesale for shipping, answering service, etc.) were more than made up for by not using A/C or computers during that time and suspending UPS daily pickups.

I could outsource a few things and stay out of the country permanently if I really wanted to.

[jm21-2]

Last time I was away for a couple of weeks, we got a ton of orders, and I was joking with my dad that we should go away more often. xD  And, the little extra money that we spent because of being away (paying retail instead of wholesale for shipping, answering service, etc.) were more than made up for by not using A/C or computers during that time and suspending UPS daily pickups.

I could outsource a few things and stay out of the country permanently if I really wanted to.

You are a lucky man. If I include lost profits I lose a few grand every week I'm gone. Far more expensive than the actual cost of the trip.

Why not try to stay in another country for a month or two, or even move abroad for a while? You can get a gig working 4-5 hours a week as an English teacher in China at a university just for visa purposes and to meet people.

[FlyingMoose]

You are a lucky man. If I include lost profits I lose a few grand every week I'm gone. Far more expensive than the actual cost of the trip.

Why not try to stay in another country for a month or two, or even move abroad for a while? You can get a gig working 4-5 hours a week as an English teacher in China at a university just for visa purposes and to meet people.

I would be lucky if we were making money right now. xD  We lost $30K in 2010 and things are looking worse for 2011.  There are few job openings in patent law right now, so people aren't taking the exam, plus they're very price-sensitive.  That's why I'm working on some new products, so we have more than one source of income.  Even though the one new product we've done so far came out better than I could have hoped, I'm still anxious about whether it'll sell, some products just bomb.  However, I've long been a student of investing, and have learned about diversification, so our next product will be aimed at a totally different market, using totally different advertising strategies, basically nothing in common.  Hopefully at least one will succeed.

[Bob_S]

I would consider my mom's input, but wouldn't be afraid to name the kid against her wishes.  She wouldn't mind that.  She probably wouldn't stand for it if I was treating my wife badly, though.

That's good.  Especially if your mother lets your future wife know she is on her side.  I know in Japan, MiL's have a stereotypical reputation of being nasty witches to their DiL's (and some of it is earned!).  I don't know how it is in China or the rest of Asia.

Ha, like they'd take me with all my screwed-up genes... xD

Gawd, I understand that.  The older I get, the more I discover how screwed up my genes are.  I wouldn't want to curse some unknown child with all my inherited hidden digestive intolerances.  Thank goodness my wife comes from stronger stock with some radioactive mutant healing abilities thrown in.  My MiL is a surprisingly tough old bird, and hopefully my little girl inherited some of that.

My fiance wants to teach any children we have Mandarin though, which is hard to object to seeing how fast Mandarin-speaking countries are rising in power.

Bilingualism will definitely be a benefit for your future rugrats.  They'll be able to talk to their grandparents!  (Though my Sweetie Pie still doesn't quite get that there are people in America that don't understand her Japanese and that there are people in "Nippon" that don't understand her English.)

[Ray]

I think part of it is that the God-based religions insist that their adherents try to convert others, while the Eastern religions do not.

I can’t speak for the other religions, but that isn’t true for Catholics. Catholics are not pressured to convert anyone.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in the Church, but the non-Catholic partner is not required to convert or be baptized. There are a few jurisdictions in the Philippines where the local policy requires the other spouse to convert but that is not Catholic Church policy.

However, the fact that the non-Catholic is a devout atheist is more likely to cause problems, therefore it would be advisable to look elsewhere IMO.

Ray