Familly support costs

[Viking]

I guess if you marry a Filippina or a girl from a poor country you'll be expected to send money to her family every month.. Or isn't it so?

How much is it common that they'll be satisfied with?

Obviously I guess they will want as much as possible.. But I thought that maybe there are some general patterns..

[jm21-2]

A lot of guys here don't send anything. I've heard $200/month thrown around a bit though. Or whatever their wife wants to send (within reason) if she's working.

Chinese (and Taiwanese) children often send money home to their parents monthly or as money gifts on holidays. My girlfriend sends about $500 on Chinese New Year, but that's low because her brother is not working while he studies for government exams and she doesn't want him to look bad by giving more than him.

[robert angel]

Re:

>>>I guess if you marry a Filippina or a girl from a poor country you'll be expected to send money to her family every month.. Or isn't it so?

How much is it common that they'll be satisfied with?

Obviously I guess they will want as much as possible.. But I thought that maybe there are some general patterns..<<<

It's a really good idea to discuss what's not only 'reasonable', but what you expect to be abided by before you marry. We did and all the same, the amount we send is still greater than what we intended originally. Her family is in farming and the price of crops are down and prices for everything else up. With four siblings in college and both of my wife's parents facing serious medical issues--well, we just deal with it and help as best we can.

My wife works--it's not essential, but she is really in into work and they love her to no end--she's the hardest working person and also the most positive. While others piss, moan and complain, she tries to think of solutions and how to bring up morale. And the money she makes, pretty much covers what's sent home.

Knowing that almost all of the money goes for tuition, other school expenses and medical, makes it a lot easier to tolerate. They're definitely not living high on the hog off of us.

One of the biggest dangers we can run into is that after a while of sending money every month--a dependency develops and it can be real hard to stop or cut back--even can create 'bad blood', sadly enough. I don't see that with us, fortunately, but I've seen it in a lot of other cases. People overseas often assume we're filthy rich and lead lives of leisure 'as seen on television'.

We look forward to when her sisters and brothers are all done with college for sure, but then I'm sure we'll be considering sending them to other cities--countries for better and more expensive medical care. It's always something!

[Gato4Astrid]

I guess if you marry a Filippina or a girl from a poor country you'll be expected to send money to her family every month.. Or isn't it so?

GOLDEN RULES TO REMEMBER ...........  Most of them are suriving everyday without the help of gringos!

[Capstone]

My wife and I send money to her parents every year during the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year). We send them this money not as a means of support but rather to show our respect for them. My wife's parents are what I would consider to be upper middle class and certainly don't need any money from us in order to help them get by but Chinese children are expected to show respect to their parents by doing this -  it is a continuation of something that she has done since she was in high school.

This past year we gave each of my wife's parents 5,000RMB (about $735 each) and we gave her 2 nephews 500RMB ($73) each. Her parents also gave us money for the Spring festival as well - Her dad gave me 2000 Hong Kong dollars ($250) and her mom gave me 1,500RMB ($220) and they gave my wife a bit more than that - so it is not just a one way street.

My wife and I fully discussed all of this before we got married and I was on board 100%, so there has never been any friction about it at all.

[Capstone]

GOLDEN RULES TO REMEMBER ...........  Most of them are suriving everyday without the help of gringos!

Hey Gato,
This is the Asian board so you won't find any gringos here - just your occasional laowai, gaijin, farang or kano  

[Ray]

My advice:

Don’t send a monthly stipend. Once you start down that road, you just took on new dependents for life. They will likely plan their lives around that expected monthly stipend and even borrow against it in advance. What happens if you get laid off down the road or have a family emergency of your own? Then you’ll have to cut them off or cut back on their monthly “income”.

I strongly recommend that you instead set aside a little money whenever you can in a separate savings account or whatever makes it easy for you. You can send something on special days, Christmas, or when there is an emergency back home, but they shouldn’t have a regular payment if possible. Something like $200-300 per month into a savings account should be enough for most situations.

Emergencies will come up, so be prepared. If there are no emergencies for a while, your wife can use that savings fund for a trip home. A trip home for her can run about $2-3k

Helping a young family member back home with college tuition costs can be a good investment for the family, but you should set limits and monitor progress.

Balikbayan boxes are also a nice way to help out while not sending cash money. Once a year is fine.

When you do send money to the family, make sure it is funneled through a reliable family member who can keep tabs on where it is going. NEVER let any money get into the hands of someone who gambles, drinks excessively, uses drugs, or who will not seriously seek employment if physically able to work. Those family members should be left to fend for themselves.

Not everyone sends money home. It’s optional, but usually expected.

Ray

[robert angel]

There's a lot of good advice here on this topic. It seems that Chinese and Filipino referenced posts are substantially different, but when Capstone says:

>>We send them this money not as a means of support but rather to show our respect for them<<

My wife's family got by OK before I came along and before their eldest daughter came to the USA. Somehow, I think her siblings would still get through school w/o us, but it would probably mean selling some of the COMVAL or Bohol land, which belongs to all of us and is pretty sacred to her parents. They are not materialistic in the American sense, but they revere their land for its stability in rough times and each place seems to have the ghosts --the spirits--of loved ones there.

But as much as anything, her giving back is about respect. She feels that everything she is--what she has become, her manners, education and all the love she's recieved and returns, stems from them. As they sacarficed then to put her through school and to raise her right, she feels she should do her part now. Her younger sisters won't have it nearly as hard.

It's different there, but as we don't have children of our own, as neices and nephews and God children come along back in the Philippines, she sets aside bank accounts in their names and tries to make sure that they are secure and the money's set aside until they're adults. $50 or $100 or so a month over 18 years can really add up.

She feels that someday that she'll be old and having outlived me, that she might need someone to look out for and care for her a bit. In her family, a kindness is not easily forgotten and chances are that just as her generation and the generations preceding hers have done, the next generation will hopefully carry on the tradition of caring for their elderly. They're not as quick to stick old folks in nursing homes and basically forget about them over there.

Once again, Ray's spot on here:

>>Emergencies will come up, so be prepared. If there are no emergencies for a while, your wife can use that savings fund for a trip home. A trip home for her can run about $2-3k

                                                                     &

Helping a young family member back home with college tuition costs can be a good investment for the family, but you should set limits and monitor progress.
                                                                    &
Balikbayan boxes are also a nice way to help out while not sending cash money. Once a year is fine.
                                                                    &
When you do send money to the family, make sure it is funneled through a reliable family member who can keep tabs on where it is going<<

We probably average one big and one smaller balikbayon box a year. To me, it's almost like a sport, finding great bargains on things I know they'll love and appreciate more than my own sons probably would.

Last week, with July 4th sales raging,, I found that the Gap was selling really nice super light weight cotton polo shirts in very fashionable colors as well as the nicer V neck light weight T shirts--normally $18 to $40 a shirt. for about $4 a shirt. I picked up about 15 of them. Victoria's Secret had 75% off on their most popular perfume, "So In Love"--$52 bottles for like $13.00 ea. That stuff is strong and lasts all day and was priced cheaper than Aqua Velva...

It about killed me when my wife told me that perfumes and colognes are such an indulgence for her family, that before I started sending her bros some guy's colognes, they'd sometimes spray a dash of whatever I sent HER to be extra fresh, ha ha. And they're the straightest guys sexually you'd ever meet-- well educated, but still farm raised guys who could rip the legs off a carabao (ox--water buffalo)with their bare hands.

I think we almost have a good natured game of 'one upmanship' here on P-L about the amazing amount of goods, the variety and appreciation they garner over there and who can get the most in one of those boxes. I think the 'most' will always increase and it feels great to know how much they look forward to what in the big scheme of things, isn't that major for us--we actually enjoy being able to do it.

[Celtic_Jorge]

How's this?

DONT DO IT.  Its a [snip]ing scam.  They survived before you came along right?

Unless you are a mega rich, and money is nothing to you, might as well wipe your arse with it......  But then, why are you doing this?

Someone tried to drag me into this bull[snip], total scammer........  I basically told her not getting a scratch off a penny from me, and she [snip]ed right off.  Now she's busy on Thai Love Links looking for another farang...  good riddance.


JUST SAY NO.

[Ray]

How's this?

DONT DO IT.  Its a [snip]ing scam.  They survived before you came along right?

Unless you are a mega rich, and money is nothing to you, might as well wipe your arse with it......  But then, why are you doing this?

Someone tried to drag me into this bull[snip], total scammer........  I basically told her not getting a scratch off a penny from me, and she [snip]ed right off.  Now she's busy on Thai Love Links looking for another farang...  good riddance.


JUST SAY NO.

Uh, Jorge…

We are talking about a married lady and her husband helping her family by sending home money.

This thread is not about some guy sending money to a strange woman overseas that he has never met in person.

Ray

[Celtic_Jorge]

We are talking about a married lady and her husband helping her family by sending home money.

Ray

Thats what "mine" wanted.  Hundreds every month after marriage.

[piglett]

Thats what "mine" wanted.  Hundreds every month after marriage.

Hold on there CJ don't blow a gasket 
My wife & I had a long talk about this exact subject long before we ever married.
You see in the Philippines the parents put all their money into educating their children.
In return they will expect their children to all send them a small some of money once they get old & can no longer work. The figure i got out of Marily was about $200 a month. However this would be split between all of their children. Granted i am sure that they will expect more from their daughter who married a kano , so i figured we would be on the hook for $100 a month. The good news is that Marilys mom is only 49 & her dad is 55 so hopefully they still have many more productive years in them.

I have no interest in making her parents dependent upon us so sending them cash every month is just not going to happen. I think it will go more like this. Marilys mom has a small store on town. she sells vegtables & fish mostly but there is room for other things too. I thought an ice machine mite be a good addition & maybe a coke cooler.
I would rather spend $5000 &make her moms store the best on the island.
I feel this would do much more in the long run than just handing out cash like i have an endless supply. I think a small presentage of Marilys paycheck each month will be put aside & when enough has accumulated then we will make the next improvement over there. I think somewhere around 5% of her pay should be enough but i could be way off base........guess I'll start to find out in a year once she arrives here.


piglett     

[Dave H]

I guess if you marry a Filippina or a girl from a poor country you'll be expected to send money to her family every month.. Or isn't it so?

Hey Viking,

No stipend in my case. It depends on the lady and family.

Dave

[Ray]

I would rather spend $5000 &make her moms store the best on the island.
I feel this would do much more in the long run than just handing out cash like i have an endless supply.

Terrible investment!

For $5k you should be able to open & stock a dozen stores so everyone in the family has one.

Sari-sari stores in general are a bad investment and will probably end up being a black hole to throw more down.

I would be VERY careful about making any commitments for "investments" over there until you have thoroughly researched your options.

Ray

[robert angel]

Re:

>>Sari-sari stores in general are a bad investment and will probably end up being a black hole to throw more down<<

HOW can they be 'bad' investments? It a lot of areas, they have them every 20 - 30 feet apart along the road and they sell pretty much the same thing!It MUST be a sure bet!

 The soda pop would only have to cost more because of the electricity costs the RP is famous for, but they would definiitely be 'different'. They might even be the swank, pampering of customers, Lexus Dealer equiv. of a sari sari over there!