What is virginity worth these days?

[herbrags]

I not make any point if woman is virgin. If her heart is good and full of love she make good wife for man.  I don't think good man should ask woman about virgin or no virgin.

[soltero]

I have always been VERY creeped out by mature men that place a great deal of emphasis on a woman's virginity. They appear to be lacking in some way either physically or psychologically and just seem weird. Either they have doubts about being able to satisfy a woman who has had some experience or they feel so insecure about the performance of prior partners that they wish she had no one to compare their lackluster skills to. There may be other explanations for this desire, but realistically, these are the only ones that come to mind when I think of any proponent  of virginity who is not a virgin themselves...

[Bear]

I for one place a lot of value on virginity but it isn't a deal breaker as I have said many times in the past.  To me it says volumes about the girl, things I've grown up to value.  It says things about the guy too but mostly that there is a double standard.  I reported on a few months back where went the question came up I just happened to be going to a Filipino function and I cornered about 6 of the ladies talking and brought up the subject (and a few others).  They even prefer (although only 2 were virgins when they married) the girl be a virgin and the guy not!?  When they know the girl is not it effects their reactions to them (odd though because the majority weren't virgins when they married and they were intermingling at this party?).  They seem to want the guy to not be because they don't want to be hurt (not a 100% on that) and they think (probably from horror stories of girls who just married) its better if he isn't.  I guess once your married the slate is wiped clean?

As for me, it's a religious issue.  Once I divorced my "ex" I did not play around but stayed celebate because I felt since she was I should show I could do the same.  I also hold the priesthood and know its a sin, so I think it particularly bad for a priest to knowingly sin.  I had hoped to find a virgin but I guess I just didn't think they existed when I met her!  So I wasn't even expecting that she was.  So there is no reason to add me to your list of guys who only want virgins and I really don't think that typs of guy is around here (this board).  MOF, my wife and many Filipinas I've talked with say if they have had sex the men of their country no longer want them so they look in America because we are less judgemental about it.  So if you want to look for those who only want virgins look in the country you are searching in for a wife and you might find the reason that girl is looking for you.

Now If the girl I was courting indicated she had bunches of lovers she would not be my type of girl.  She has no moral strenght.  I can see a few mistakes, rape, marriage, etc, what I call reasonable excuses, but someone who just goes the the last guy from the bar on Friday night - not my type.

The Bear Family

[jm21-2]

For the record, I'm 26 and an atheist. Not 50 and Christian. I did not ask if she was a virgin or not either, she just spontaneously mentioned it to me as she thought she was "not perfect" because of that and didn't want me to have that expectation.

[creeper1]

I have heard it said by women that their first time is not their best because of the pain involved in penetration etc .  However there remains the male fascination for it and it is deeply ingrained in our pschyes. You don't have to look at it from a religious point of view, you can look at it from a Darwinist point of view. THe biggest waste of resources for a man is to invest in bringing up kids that are not his own. Getting a virgin is a way making sure your genes are past to the next generation.

That's what makes virgins desirable.

It is different for a man. We have seen the movie "40 year old virgin". The stereotype projected is a star-trek loving geek of a guy who simply couldn't get any. I suspect that is why women prefer their husband is experienced.

If it's a double standard, it's a double standard. Incidently I do not beleive that Asia is an easy place for getting virgins. I believe here in Korea that most girls over 25 aren't one and if they are they are Christians.  What I mean is sort of hard line Christians.

If you look at the Philippines you can see the same thing. Having a child out of wedlock no longer carries the same stigma with the current generation (especially in Manila) . Some are even admired for being able to go it alone as a single mother. 

[Ray]

Getting a virgin is a way making sure your genes are past to the next generation.

That's what makes virgins desirable.

I don't think so. Virginity has nothing to do with passing on genes. A virgin can be sterile too.

[CeeTeeEnn]

What's virginity worth? Virginity, the preservation and pursuit thereof, is worth whatever it happens to be worth in the eyes of it's donors and recipients. To many western girls it seems to be an embarrasing appendage best discarded with the onset of puberty. To a few it's a priceless treasure to be saved for the man of their dreams or carried to the grave. Similarly, to some guys their partner's virginity is an unnecessary distraction viewed in a negative light. And to others, it may be their prime reason for travelling to meet and proposing to a girl in a far away country with whom they have little in common culturally, linguistically, or otherwise - and after already having refused to commit to (not to mention broken the hearts of) a string of beautiful, sincere and genuinely interested women from his own country solely on the grounds of their previous experience. Each unto their own and viva la difference.

I honestly don't think Christianity has much to do with it anymore. Catholic women in the West are pretty much notorious for not paying heed to sexual abstinence before marriage. Some Evangelical or Pentecostal Christian women may still do, but as anyone who has ever dated one will testify, these people are only compatible with their own kind. I won't comment about the other faiths as I have little knowledge or interest in them. I also don't think it has anything to do with any primeval desire to ensuring the paternity of offsring, at least not in 2009. No, I think the retention and pursuit of virginity has more to do with an individual's wish to do their own little bit in pushing back the 60s sexual revolution and confining sex to marriage or some other permanent monogamous relationship - restoring a bit or order in the chaos of today's sexualised society. And seeing that most posters here regard the 60s sexual revolution as a hugely damaging episode in Western history, i cannot see how this it itself should be seen to be a bad thing.

If a Western guy wishes to find a virgin bride, he can find one practically anywhere if he has enough worldliness and "game". If there aren't enough attractive and compatible ones in his own country, he can search in Latin America or Asia where he will receive more attention and be exposed to more dating opportunities, thus improving his chances of finding not just any virgin bride but the right one. And if this doesn't work, he can still travel to a country in Central Asia or the Middle East and procure a virgin bride by other means. Nevertheless, any sincere guy who makes the decision to leave Western women behind and chooses to commit to a genuine long-term relationship with a woman from a Latin or Asian culture deserves my full respect and admiration, irrespective of what their personal reasons for choosing to do so may be. And I hope this forum will continue to serve as a means for guys who have made this journey to offer eachother advice and support, irrespective of their individual circumstances and personal differences.

There; I hope that puts the end to the hot air.

[jm21-2]

For most guys I've known, it has a lot to do with the girl being committed to the idea of marriage (e.g. that she would wait for marriage despite all the pressures). Also a sense of territorialism/possession, sorta like how most guys do not want their girlfriend/wife talking about her past flames with them. I guess Soltero would call that being insecure, and whenever his girlfriends talk about how great her prior boyfriends were in bed and what they did with her he gets a real kick out of it and an ego boost. From my experience that attitude is somewhat uncommon, but kudos to him.

[soltero]

I guess Soltero would call that being insecure, and whenever his girlfriends talk about how great her prior boyfriends were in bed and what they did with her he gets a real kick out of it and an ego boost. From my experience that attitude is somewhat uncommon, but kudos to him.

I am unused to being second to anyone. I have never had to experience having a woman tell me that any other guy was better than me at anything. Maybe that is why I have very little use or understanding for those that have those types of feelings. I try to empathize, but I find it very difficult. Men should always attempt to excel at whatever they do. I guess that there are always going to be winners and losers, and having been a winner for the majority of my life has made me admittedly unsympathetic towards individuals who would rather restrict the experiences of others rather than step up and try to exceed instead of limit. I find any attitude that would restrict or limit others in order to make someone else more comfortable to be both crude and unmasculine. 

Striving for excellence and achieving it is much more of a masculine endeavor than preferring that someone has no one to compare a man to. That seems weak and cowardly, and I apologize for my bias, but I was brought up in a way that made such desires seem unsettling.

[Ray]

I have never had to experience having a woman tell me that any other guy was better than me at anything.

Maybe she didn't want to hurt your felings... 

[soltero]

Maybe she didn't want to hurt your felings... 

I am not that easy to hurt. I would prefer a woman tell me the truth as you can't improve if you don't know what you are doing wrong. I am sure that I have never given any woman any reason to lie to me on that level. My sentiments are very sincere when it comes to honesty. I prefer it to anything else.

[jm21-2]

Soltero, didn't mean to be insulting to you or anything. I didn't mean what I said in a winning/losing or better/worse sense. Personally, I don't want to hear anything about her former flames and I would never talk about my past loves with a girl who I liked. Most guys I know do not want to hear anything about the ex (whether he be a stud or a crack addict). Actually, I would hate to know my girlfriend used to go out with a total loser. I would question her tastes, self-esteem, and goals a bit at that point.

[soltero]

Soltero, didn't mean to be insulting to you or anything. I didn't mean what I said in a winning/losing or better/worse sense. Personally, I don't want to hear anything about her former flames and I would never talk about my past loves with a girl who I liked. Most guys I know do not want to hear anything about the ex (whether he be a stud or a crack addict). Actually, I would hate to know my girlfriend used to go out with a total loser. I would question her tastes, self-esteem, and goals a bit at that point.

jm21-2, I did not take your comment in a negative way. I hope that my comments here aren't ruffling any feathers either. I understand that people have strong feelings about the subject matter and I have never really voiced my opinion on it before, so I enjoyed having the opportunity in this thread. When it all boils down, guys are going to like what they like for whatever reason, and will do what they want to do regardless of any discussions that might be either pro or con.

As for what my girl may have done before me, I have a very simple rule...it doesn't matter. As I have gotten older, I have had to amend that somewhat, as I have a much lower tolerance for BS, but I like to think that there is always room in love for a clean slate. Every new relationship should be just that, and as hard as it is to get rid of excess emotional baggage, I don't see what place it has in something new. I would like to think that I am open minded enough to be able to date the town "Ho" and forgive her past, but I don't think I am nor will ever be there, but to demand that a woman be a virgin when I could not be further away from being one myself is not something I feel comfortable with.

[Dave H]

3.8 million! I am hiding...I must owe millions to Richard Branson!

[Bob_S]

"Virgin Poker"?  Cue the Beavis and Butthead joke.


and "Virgin Active"?  Isn't that an oxymoron? 

[Bear]

But don't you think "Virgin Comic" is the best?  Whats so funny about it?

Or "virgin megastore".  What!?  Could it be that easy?   Mom ! I want the redhead.  Please!!!

Virgin Mobile.  Probably why they are virgin - they would stay still!!!

Virgin Credit Card - everyone has a price.

Virgin Books - booooorrrring.

The Bear Family

[Cbear]

What about virgin trains? Thats an awful lot of virgins.

Virgin life care, must be nuns at an old folks home.

Virgin experience days, hhmm, just how does that one work?

[Staggo]

I am not a virgin and my love knows that.  But her virginity and anybody's virginity for that matter is a private issue.  I am not sure what virginity is worth today, but I know that God (in my humble opinion) does everything for a reason.  By being a virgin when I was married make my marriage work?  I dont think so.  I was married at a young age, had three children, and then the marriage break up was that the result of my wife not being a virgin?  Again I say no.  I believe there is a plan for all (waiting for all the naysayers to this) and I do not think virginity has anything to do with it.  I do know that I have gone through trials as a man and a husband, and I believe that these have made me stronger.  What trials have these potiential wives gone through.  I look at my little tiger every day on cam and wonder how she has gotten through everything.  She has shown me that she is a beautiful, God-fearing woman every day we have been together.  I did not care after talking to her and getting to know her whether or not she was a virgin.  I was in love with her because she is the one for me.  Assigning a value to something that has happened in the past is not the way to judge.  If a girl is young, and inexperienced in the world, is that what people who actually read these posts want?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  But for me, I proudly say that I have met another person that I do not want to live without, and I accept her for who and what she is.  If you want to use a standard to judge, then do it.  Personally I think it is wrong to do that since the people who seem to think virginity is ALL IMPORTANT are not Virgins themselves.  Judge not others lest ye be judged yourself.


Again, sorry.  I am not religious, but I felt the need to write.

[Heruamen]

  open minded enough to date the town Ho Soltero hehehehehehe i cannot stop laughing. That was pretty funny, but I understand where you are coming from cous. 
For me personally her not being a virgin is not a deal breaker or something I would hold over my womans head, but at the same time the knowledge that I am the only man this woman has ever been with would probably make me just a little extra happier and amazed.  Its not something that can be explained in rational terms.  With that said though I would still love her for who she is virgin or not.

[stevjulietb]

According to Yahoo, 40% of kids born here in USA, are born from single parents.  Think its not a problem, try dealing with a 14 year old (student) boy who has no dad!  So I think all this freedom to do what you want, comes with consequences.

Steveb

[Bear]

So I think all this freedom to do what you want, comes with consequences.

Freedom for some but not for all?  Why should a single pregnant mother not be considered free? - no man to tell her what to do!  Why should society be concerned about children being raised without the teaching of a Dad at home? - even if crime increases and responsibility to the community declines!  Heck! Even the choice of disease is their own so why use condoms or protection?  Let VD and AIDS spread! 

No one goes one though past, "Does it feel good for me!"  We are the "me generation".

The Bear Family