Hello all

[Old_dude07]

Hi all, I hope you all remember me    I hope you all have been doing well, been a while since I last posted. 

Well had some interesting experiences to say the least.  I remember writing about a lady from Vietnam trying to go to school here in the states, that never panned out.  Well I was able to re-establish communication with a lady from Thailand, so I few to meet her twice.  First time was to see if there was any chemistry, which I thought there was, and the second time to spend more time with her and meet her family.

She speaks o.k. English, not a whole lot but enough to understand.  I met her in Bangkok for a few days, liked her enough, and then went to where she works in another province.  She has a receptionist job so on her days off we spent time together.  After I came back to the U.S., we emailed, chatted and phoned each other several times a week.  I enjoyed this but there were a few times when she seemed to be a bit too accusing of me (asking why I didn't answer her calls, which is hard to do when she calls me at work and I don't carry my phone with me inside the work area, thinking I had a girlfriend, etc.).

Not too long after I decided to meet her again as I felt a real connection with her.  And she wanted me to meet her parents.  I know that this is a very big step in the relationship, and I felt strong enough about it to do so.  On the second trip all seemed to go well, but there were a few things that didn't go so well, including a little spat we had at a small bar/restaurant when a guy started chatting with her.  It was just a small chat, and nothing more happened when he realized I was with her.  But she blew up at me, saying I didn't care about her and why I didn't "protect" her.  It was then I started to realize maybe she has some weird mood swings, and is very temperamental.  But still I felt a strong connection with her, and I visited her parents whom I really enjoyed meeting.  Not the richest of people but very humble and treated me great.

During our discussions I told her I would love to live in Thailand one day but for now due to my job, debts, and finances I cannot leave the states in the near future.  She agreed with this, and I gave her some gold, a ring and a bracelet.  Unfortunately, our latest chats and calls have not gone so well.  She says she wants to stay in Thailand with her family, and that she cannot wait for me forever, that she needs someone close to her.  She says I need to change my heart and that I don't truly love her.  She accuses me of hating her family, and why I didn't discuss these issues with her before, and what would she tell her parents if things were to not work out between us.

These accusations and other things have slowly but surely eroded the attraction I had for her before.  In retrospect I wish I did not visit the parents, because I know the face issue is huge in Thailand.  If we were to break up it would bring great shame on her, and for this I would feel horrible.  I don't know why she has all these issues and mood swings being sweet one day and accusing the next.  I guess I should have paid more attention to it when she told me that a year before we met she broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years (a very bad breakup).

So that is where I am at now. 

[evoltnvii]

I cant tell you what to do man but i think you have one of 2 things going here. Either she thinks you are being a guy looking for fun and maybe are not commiting to her enought to make her feel secure maybe due to her lacking fluent english skills. Or the other possibility is that you have a girl with some emotional hangups due to the ex or possibly other reasons. Either way tread lightly and do what you think is right dont conform to what she wants just because she wants it you are not married. There are always other girls and if she is too inflexable to want to be with you here maybe shes not right for you. Just food for thought.

[Bear]

From the way you describe the time with her I suspect in the back of your mind you've already made your decision.  Couples should make each other comfortable and help each other in a non-adversarial way-I mean aren't you supposed to be best friends?

The Bear Family

[piglett]

I am going to have to side with Bear here.
looks like the start of a really bad marriage.
If it is hard now then what will it be like in 5 or 10 years?
do not walk but RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i would try to find one without all that baggage
there are plenty to choose from


just my 2 cents
piglett

[Ray]

If we were to break up it would bring great shame on her, and for this I would feel horrible.

So feel horrible if you must, but stop making excuses for her behavior.

This does not sound like a happy relationship, so why not just end it now instead of prolonging the misery for both of you? Saving face is a dumb reason to stay in a failed relationship.

If you want to break it off, and I assume that you really do, just be a gentleman about it.

You'll get over it and she'll get over it.

Ray

[Old_dude07]

Evoltnvii, you are right, it's probably a bit of both, but I do think she has a lot of emotional hangups from her last relationship.

I agree with you Bear and piglett.  At first we had that connection like best friends, I also believe two couples should be great friends besides lovers.  I think in my mind, even subconsciously, I already have decided there is no real future for us.  If it's like this I highly doubt it would get better.  She is much too needy and clingy, and unfortunately I should have picked up on those cues.

You are right Ray, I am making excuses but I don't know why I feel bad about it but maybe because of the whole 'face' issue in Thailand, especially as her parents (and neighbors) constantly ask about me.  She is a very nice looking girl and is always hit on by guys, so she'd have no problems finding another guy.  I'll have to find a nice way of breaking this off soon, well as nice as it can be.   She will be venomous and hateful but can't really help that I guess. 

[michaelb]

Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. Drop off the key, Lee, and set yourself free.

[Ray]

Old Dude,

Perhaps she has hang-ups from her past relationship or perhaps her last relationship failed because of her hang-ups?

She will be venomous and hateful…

You know her and if that is really how you think she’ll react if you gently break it off, then all the more reason to dump her now. I wouldn’t worry too much about her family in this. They know her better than you do and are likely fully aware of her “problems”. Let her throw a tantrum if she has too but be a gentleman as I suggested and you will have no lasting guilt in breaking it off with her. You don’t have to explain your decision to her by pointing out all of her faults...just end it and move on with your life.

So she’s a very nice looking girl but apparently with some serious emotional issues. Yes, I’m sure some other guy will jump at the chance with her but like her past relationships, and her relationship with you, she is likely to get dumped again if she is like you describe. Perhaps she will find a guy who will marry her quickly without taking the time to really get to know her as you have.

You sound like a guy with a good head on your shoulders and a good basic understanding of the culture, so I think you’ll do O.K. in the future with another lady.

Good luck,

Ray

[piglett]

Old Dude,

Perhaps she has hang-ups from her past relationship or perhaps her last relationship failed because of her hang-ups?

You know her and if that is really how you think she’ll react if you gently break it off, then all the more reason to dump her now. I wouldn’t worry too much about her family in this. They know her better than you do and are likely fully aware of her “problems”. Let her throw a tantrum if she has too but be a gentleman as I suggested and you will have no lasting guilt in breaking it off with her. You don’t have to explain your decision to her by pointing out all of her faults...just end it and move on with your life.

So she’s a very nice looking girl but apparently with some serious emotional issues. Yes, I’m sure some other guy will jump at the chance with her but like her past relationships, and her relationship with you, she is likely to get dumped again if she is like you describe. Perhaps she will find a guy who will marry her quickly without taking the time to really get to know her as you have.

You sound like a guy with a good head on your shoulders and a good basic understanding of the culture, so I think you’ll do O.K. in the future with another lady.

Good luck,

Ray



Ray you are rite on the money on this 1

time to be a gentleman & send her on her way

[Old_dude07]

Thanks Ray, I'll learn from my mistakes next time around.