Why would she tell me to talk to other ladies?

[klz002]

Hi Folks.  If you don't mind, I'd like your opinion on another "situation" I find myself in. (Gosh, this long distance dating is difficult! If I knew how hard it was, I don't think I would have jumped into it!)

For the past 2 weeks I've been corresponding exclusively with a nice young lady from Cebu, PI. She was upfront with me about also talking to another guy, but we've been emailing and chatting and sending text cellphone messages to each other day and night.

Of course, I've been pushing her to , "dump him and pick me!", and seeing just how far she would like to commit to me.

Then, when we were chatting last night, she told me I should, "chat with other women". Naturally, I was crushed, as I considered this a polite brush-off. So this morning I wrote her a nice letter thanking her for chatting with me, but that I think we should break off our correspondence.

She sent me a bunch of emails back, basically asking me not to break off with her, and saying that she was just "testing" me, to see if I would be worth taking into her life.

Does this make any sense, or is this girl just getting her kicks jerking me around, like a puppet on a string? She knows I really, really like her. Why would she do something so hurtful to me?

By the way ..... she is from a fairly well-to-do family. She has her own PC, Cam, microphone, etc. I think I'm just an amusement to her.

Thanks,
Ken

[flipflop]

My guess would be that she is telling you to chat with other women because she is going to chat with other men until one of you show up on her doorstep.

[Ray]

I think I'm just an amusement to her.

Bingo!

You're getting pretty good at figuring this stuff out for yourself. Keep living and learning.

[doombug]

Sounds like she's using you as an insurance policy in case candidate #1 doesn't fall through.  This girl claims she was "testing" your level of commitment, yet she clearly has no sense of guilt about playing two guys at the same time.

By the way ..... she is from a fairly well-to-do family. She has her own PC, Cam, microphone, etc. I think I'm just an amusement to her.

Do you assume she's from a wealthy family because she has those toys?  

It's not uncommon for gringos to purchase such goodies for their sweetheart with the hope of holding on to them.

Cold ditch her and find someone more mature.

[Montrealer]

I would suggest giving her a brush off 5 word email.  If she continues, play hard to get.  Most women find playing hard to get attractive.

However, this girl is already playing mind games.  What happens when you meet eachother, fall for eachother, marry eachother, move in with eachother?  She will probably continue playing these types of games, only to leave you with the same headache than an AW would leave you with.

I would reccomend going to see her if you are really that into her.  Like FlipFlop said, she is probably waiting for the first guy to make the next step.

But get the ground rules straight before buying your ticket.

[Bear]

She is doing all of the above.  She'll play the game till someone shows up on her doorstep and puts forth one of those permanent commitment phrases.  I don't think you should dump her, I think you should do like she says, make sure shes the rtight one by chatting, e-mailing, whatever other girls till it time to go over there and meet her and who ever else you have met/chat with.

Spending 2-3 years on a bad choice is a big waste of time and can turn you off to foriegn girls real quick.  My goal was to be writting 20-30 when I finally picked 3-5 to go to visit.  Didn't happen that way but it is the snmart way.  The girlss will actually appreciate it if your are truthful with them about it as well and won't dump you because of it.

I was writting more than 10 when I met Honey.  Several of them seemed very promising and one in particular but once Honey came along I had a hard time remmebering their names and what we last chatted about.  Ended up dumping them all.

If she really is the one then you have to let her know it.

The Bear Family

[klz002]

Thanks for your responses.  

The other problem is she is too young - 23 years old.  I'm 47.

[Beattledog]

yes, you are to mature for her

Beattledog

[Jeff S]

It's pretty common for women to test you. This goes for both American and foreign women. The response that usually works best is cocky and funny. It has a way of turning on the attraction. If you turn into a wuss and say something like, "Oh no, YOU'RE the only one I want to talk to," you're probably history. She's teasing you, try teasing her back, you'll be amazed.

- Jeff

[Ray]

She's teasing you, try teasing her back, you'll be amazed.

Great advice Jeff!

For Ken: Yes, why not have some fun like Jeff suggests. You might want to tell her that you took her advice and you have been chatting with another Filipina. Then send a picture of your new chat partner, but use a common photo of a popular Filipina celebrity. She will probably recognize the pic, but let her try to figure out if your are naïve or just teasing her.

Here, you can try this photo of Angel Locsin, but don't use her name and pretend that you don’t know she’s a celebrity.

[klz002]

Well ..... I did tell her, "Okay.  I'll talk to other women."  And then she did IM me, right when I was in an IM session with another lady!!

To cut this long story short, now I am only IM and CAM with her, but I do email other ladies.  If our relationship keeps growing, I stop the other emails, and change my profile on CB to unavailable.

I still gotta admit that I don't like this internet dating.  Too much BS on BOTH sides.

[Montrealer]

So hop on a plane and go see her.

[Bataanj]

So hop on a plane and go see her.

My thoughts exactly.

[imbra-sucks]

"Cafe" and Cams" are two words i truly hate today.  If you spent anythime in the PI lately you see this becoming a second (or in some cases first) source of income.  It is unbelievable.  I saw a group of teachers in a cafe one night laughing their asses off at the idiots sending them money.  Many had 3 or 4 guys going at one time and they were making daily stops to Western Union to pick up their cash.

I am sorry but i could never trust anyone that i met on a cam, ever. Most everyday people don't have time to go sit at the cafe and meet guys.  I am glad i met my wife back in 1997 before this crap all started.  

If I was going to search for a wife in the PI today she would be from the country, never been to the cafe, and knows how to use a pen.  Eventually I will call her on a telephone.  It may take longer to get to know the lady but it also really cuts down on the scams.