TRANSLATION

[IKENKY]

Hello,
 I'm new to the asian board but was in the Russian forum for 3 years at one time.
 I am now married to a filipino and have a question for you.

 Could someone translate this for me?
 It's pangasinan.

 I can give more detail later....


 "Sana nga, matuloy.  Kahit maglaro lang ako ng slot machine, ayos na, hehe...
 Someday, baka yumaman tayo, anytime, puwedeng pumunta kahit saan.  Sana, di pa
tayo masyadong matanda pag nangyari yun, hehe.."
 "If you're
anywhere near Vegas, mag-casino tayo pag andun ako, hehe."

 Thanks and I'll check back.
    Ike

[tessbrittain]

 "Sana nga, matuloy.  Kahit maglaro lang ako ng slot machine, ayos na, hehe...
 Someday, baka yumaman tayo, anytime, puwedeng pumunta kahit saan.  Sana, di pa
tayo masyadong matanda pag nangyari yun, hehe.."
 "If you're
anywhere near Vegas, mag-casino tayo pag andun ako, hehe."

my translation:

I hope it will push through. Even if we will just play at the slot machine,it's okay with me..
Someday, who knows we will get rich, anytime, we can go anywhere. I hope we will not be too old when it happens...
anywhere near Vegas.. we will hit the casino when i'm there...

i hope this helps...is there trouble in paradise???

Tess

[IKENKY]

Thank you Tess...

Trouble?-Yeah sort of...
Mostly confusion...

This text was from a "friend" in Vegas that I found my wife had written to prior to going to San Diego about a month ago....Her original plan was to take in Vegas as well....so I am suspicious as to what the e-mails were about.
She should not plan to meet another man in Vegas and "play" slot machines if she is my wife....ya know...

Reply if you wish and I will tell you more or even provide more for translation.

Thank you again as this is important to me.

 Ike

[Ray]

[Dave H]

Hi Ike,

Welcome to the Asian Board! Sorry that your first post wasn't a happy one!

Dave

[dinda]

hi guys...

what is the meaning of 'Red Flag'?

and hi Ike, hope everything will be good for u...


regards,
Dinda

[IKENKY]

Yeah...Hi everyone...
Sorry my first post here had to be a negative one of suspicion....
But here's my story.

For three years I corresponded with a young lady from MOLDOVA (a former Soviet State). I had intentions of going to MOLDOVA to meet her after three years of telephone conversations and letters (both e-mail & snail mail)...then, I fell victim to a spinal cord injury that cost me my $1,000 a week job and ultimately ended my dream of traveling to MOLDOVA to meet my girl and carry on our dream of being together....
So..
Being DISGUSTED with American women I decided that I should not stop my quest for marital bliss because of this new obstacle. So I decided to search for a forign born bride who was already in the states.
I did my searching and came up with a Filipino (although I wanted a russianesque type bride) and decided to give it a go. Well, after the first few months I told her I did not think it was going to work out, her argument was that we needed to try harder (rational being that she actually had no where to go except back to the streets of So. Cal.). So I continued to try to make it work. We bicker alot and always have. Sometimes we get along quite well, but at least once every two weeks there is a battel of wills.
Anyway, we got married in 2004 and have fought to make the marriage work for the sake of our daughter (hers by another relationship in the Phil's-whom I have now legally adopted) and our son, who is mine. She also has another daughter whom she left in the Philippines. I was never really complacent with any of this because she now has three different children by three different men....not to mention the various relationships she had since setting foot on American soil back in 2000.
Guess I rushed in and maybe made a mistake.
By the time I found my wife she had been in USA for three years and the damage was done.....yep, you guessed it.....AMERICANIZED to the max!
She has an entire clost full of clothing that she wore while on the west coast that I do not approve of because I am in Kentucky, a very conservative "bible belt" area. You just can't wear a thong with zebra print skin tight bicycle shorts and a sports bra in my little country town and expect people to think good of you. That kind of clothing may pass in So.Cal. but not here. She learned that, but still we have trouble with her wardrobe. She seems to enjoy wearing the more "fashionable" attire that she was so fond of while out west....things like backless or vaneer shirts and other things, which are minor and a big change from the beginning, but still...I feel a married woman should dress and conduct herself like a lady. Not a teenager.
Anyway again, she recently went to visit her father in San Diego and upon returning I found several items of clothing that she knows I don't like and she does not wear stuff like that around here. So yes, my suspicions arose because a woman would only dress liberally in order to attract the attentions of other men. Even if the attentions are as far as it goes that is still not my definition of a faithful wife.
And like ANY woman I have ever known, if we are out in my little town and someone notices the "exotic" lady...she plays it to her fondness and then (like all women I have known) tells me that she was not enjoying the stares of the men who were watching her and that it was all in my head.....again, the sad severity of her having became americanized.
When I see eye contact with MY OWN EYES as well as her lifting the back of her shirt and bending over and all the other pitiful sickening things a woman will do to attract the eye of a man...it hurts me and bothers me.
The sad truth is that this behavior leads to trouble and eventually will dissolve our "relationship".
So yes...I stumbled upon some messages written to a former "class mate" about possibly meeting in Vegas when she went to Cali. to see her dad. And yes suspicions arose. And suspicion is still present although I will have to dismiss it all due to having circumstancial evidence only and nothing solid to say that she did cheat on me while away. And she may not have...but recently my daughter began playing soccer and while at practice and the games my wife seems to have made a friend in the attentions of this other guy who attends the practices and games with his son...
And again, when I asked about this I was told it was all in my head.

So, for the sake of my son, I will carry on and hope for the best.
She DOES know however, that one time infidelity is cause for immediate divorce with no questions asked. It is just quite humiliating to have to sit at the soccer game while she does "streaching" exercises with the kids and glances at this guy as often as possible while telling me "I am doing nothing wrong".

Whatever...

Look guys, before YOU make the same mistake I did, be AWARE that AMERICANIZATION is the most deadly poisen to any and all of your dreams.

Make sure they were good girls while in the Phil's and make sure they stay that way.
America IS NOT a good role model for a happy family.

You KNOW that or you wouldn't be here....

I'll be back,

                Ike

[michaelb]

So, you married a woman you aren't happy with. If you posted in chronological order, you already knew you weren't happy with her BEFORE you married her. I fail to find the connection between her behavior and the behavior of ALL women, or even all AMERICAN women.     

Dinda, a red flag means 'stop, danger'. Goes back at least to the days when they had to signal trains by hand, probably even before that.

[Bear]

Wow!  No idea.  The Filipinas I've seen go bad really go bad.  You definitely pick one.  But I think you can take it back or at least get it under control for a future parting.  Filipinas do not respect wimps and in this case you gave her too much freedom so she sees you as a wimp, they consider them worthless and deserving of all the heartache they get.  A man protects them, a wimp lets them do what ever they want which means they'll look for a man. 

Start slow, but start.  Use the word "NO" a lot.  Call her actions what they are to her face, but don't argue, arguing means you lost.  Be firm and do not give in on anything, if you say it, mean it and do it - period.  Call her a bad girl, bad daughter, bad wife, bad mother to her face and around others she has respect for.  If you still love her then make sure she knows that but her actions are unacceptable.  Basically you have to "TAMPO" her.  If she worth the effort you've already put into her she'll get back under control.  If not you wasted a few years and learned a unwanted lesson.

You have my sympathy.

The Bear Family

[Bob_S]

what is the meaning of 'Red Flag'?

Red Flag is a warning flag.  Literally, it is issued by the U.S. Weather Service to warn of strong winds, and it often is a clear warning to local fire departments that strong dry winds make for dangerous wild fire hazards.  Expect danger.

In dating and personal relationships, "red flag" has become a metaphor.  It is used to suggest that there is a serious problem of some kind in the relationship.  In Ike's case, his wife going to meet a male friend for a vacation is a red flag.  It doesn't mean automatically that she is having a sexual affair (what if the male friend is homosexual and not romantically interested in her?), but it does set up a situation where that can happen.  And as such, it shows disrespect to Ike for her to go anyway and clearly not care about his feelings.

[Dave H]

Hey IKENKY,

How did your wife immigrate to the US. Was it through her parents, a former spouse, or a work visa? She certainly isn't the conservative type of Filipina that most of us are fond of! Her behavior sounds like that of a former GRO (bargirl). I don't think it is "Americanization" that is the problem as much as the freedom to unleash her wild side, without being chastised by family, friends, and the community which would occur back in the Philippines. Check out this link. Perhaps it applies and may explain things more clearly. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

Dave

[Ray]

Ike,

From what you posted so far, I see this as mostly your problem.

You obviously liked what you saw when you met her and married her, but now you expect her to change into an entirely different person. What you see is what you get.

I think blaming America for your troubles is pointless. If you don't like "Americanized" women, then don't marry a woman in America and don't bring a foreign wife to America because they will all pick up American traits. However, which traits she adopts depends mostly on her character, not the environment.

I wish you luck in your marriage, but the prognosis doesn't sound good if you expect her to change into someone that she is not. And if you're so concerned about what your neighbors think of her, move!

I would relax and enjoy the ride and don't be too overly concerned with infidelity unless and until it happens. Then dump her like a load of manure.



Ray

[Jeff S]

Hey Ike - I agree with the crowd. You opted to marry a women with two kids by two different men and, by your own admission, you "did not think it was going to work out." Well, "ya pays yer money and takes yer cherce." That kind of woman, especially a Filipina, isn't a nice bible belt conservative girl. It has nothing to do with whether she's been Americanized" or not. That kind of any nationality girl isn't a nice, conservative bible belt kind of girl. She is what she is, and that's what you picked. Don't expect her to change much, so get used to the ride.

She may be willing to grow up if you start growing some cojones like Bear said, and quit bickering or battling wills with her. Set the rules and abide by them - no anger, no tears, no hard feelings, and no remorse. Calmly and assertively tell what you expect and what the consequences will be, then stick with them. That's about the only way out I see. If it ends up driving her off, well hasta la vista, baby. Better now than later. Every day you invest more emotion and effort into a doomed thing, the harder it'll be when the end comes.

I'm not saying to turn into an arrogant a-hole, just be firm and show leadership. In fact I'd also add a layer of sweetness, too - the kind you shared when you were dating. Maybe you aren't the man she married either. It'll make sure to reinforce that you are a great guy and worth putting in the effort for.

Anyway, welcome to the forum and please keep us posted on your progress.

- Jeff