GO FETCH ME A WOMAN
Part One:
I am a 51 year old attorney living in Orange County, California. I am a sole practitioner that has a one-man office....no secretary...nothing...just me. I have been married one time and have been divorced for 14 years, and have two grown children. My daughter is 27 years old and is in her second year of medical residency in Tulsa, Oklahoma. My son is 21 years old and a junior at Oklahoma State University.
I stumbled across the Planet-Love board by accident. The more I read the more interested that I became in the idea of seeking a wife in the Philippines. As I saw it, at my age the only thing available for me are women who have been married several times before or are living with some man. Plus, they are usually overweight (that means “fatâ€). I had never given much attention to Asian ladies because I had this stereotype image of them. I figured that they were all a bunch of short, skinny ladies....and I like a lady that has more shape to them. But as I read the posts of many different individuals I could tell that they were very satisfied with Filipinas. Furthermore, men that were married seemed to be happy with their choice. I figured that I should at least explore this avenue as a possibility.
In April, 1999, I decided to give this penpal thing a try. I went to a few sites provided on the Planet-Love board and selected some ladies to write. I initially wrote to about 60 ladies and got responses from about 25-30 ladies. At first I decided to keep this thing to myself. I’m a lawyer and others might not think this was the type of thing that a respectable attorney would do. I went out and rented a post office box so the ladies could respond to me there instead of at my office. I figured that this way I wouldn’t have to be answering a lot of questions about my own private life. (I’m a very private person and don’t like people knowing too much about my private business.)
Well.....that lasted about 3 weeks. Three of the secretaries in the office complex where I have my office found out what was going on, and to my complete surprise they thought the idea was very good! (I thought that American women were supposed to hate this mail-order-bride idea!) Anyway, I decided I would enlist the assistance of these 3 ladies as my personal advisors. I’ve always believed that a woman can see things in another woman that us men can’t see, so I would tell these other ladies about the different Filipina penpals and let them read their website biography. Furthermore, when the penpals would write I would let these ladies read the letters and give me feedback.
I found ladies to be some of my strongest supporters and encouragers. Frankly, none of the people I worked around were at all negative about the idea of going to the Philippines in order to find a wife. After about 3 months one of the ladies that was scanning the letters told me that she didn’t know who I would end up picking, but that she felt Tess was the best choice for me. Only one person I talked to had anything negative to say. She told me that it was a waste of time to go to the Philippines because the country was just so poor and dirty. Her advice was for me to go to a museum in downtown Los Angeles. (That idea really sucks!)
I think that the smartest plan is to write a lot of ladies, and then narrow it down to 3 or 4 that you will go visit personally. However, I didn’t do it that way. I went to see just one lady. Her name is Tess Bola. But even though I only went to visit one lady, I did have a Plan “B†and a Plan “C†just in case things didn’t work out with Tess. My Plan “B†was actually about 15 to 20 addresses and phone numbers of other ladies that I could go see if necessary. My Plan “C†was the address of a Filipino husband and wife I know in Bacolod, Philippines. He is a pastor and could easily introduce me to some eligible ladies in his area.
By the way, how would you men pack a list of 15 to 20 addresses such as this? Such a list can be dangerous if the lady finds it. She will say that you don’t believe in her and were planning on failure so that you could go see these other ladies. The other ladies at the office here in California told me immediately that I had to be careful because my suitcases were likely to be searched by Tess. I asked them how they knew this. They said, “Cause that’s what I’d do if I were her and you came to visit me.â€
Here’s what I did: I typed up the 15 to 20 addresses and sent them to myself in an e-mail. The addresses were in a file labeled “New Clientsâ€. That way I would not have any incriminating evidence on me if Tess was to go through my suitcase. On the other hand, if things didn’t go well then all I had to do was go to an Internet café and open up my e-mail.
It’s strange, but I distinctly remember selecting Tess’ photo when I first began the writing process. From her photo I considered her to be attractive....but it was not her looks that I remember about selecting her. There was something about her looks that kept telling me that she was a person of substance that would be worth getting to know. I came back to Tess’ picture 4 times before I finally decided to select her.
Tess Bola is 36 years old. She has a college degree in management. She worked at a book publishing business in Quezon City (that’s a part of Manila). She has never been married and has no kids. And she looks just like June Cleaver in a pair of tight blue jeans.
I wrote to Tess Bola and got a response back. We began to communicate via email. Then I started calling her on the telephone. When I got her letter back I was pleasantly surprised to find that she was much, much, much more attractive than her picture on the website. (Actually, several of the ladies I wrote to were quite a bit better looking than the original picture that I saw of them.)
About the turn of this year I realized that it was time for me to go to the Philippines for myself and visit these ladies. I began getting the passport last September, 1999. In February, 2000, I purchased my ticket and set my feet in concrete.
I left my apartment and headed for the Los Angeles Airport at 9:30 PM on April 13, 2000. My flight was schedules to leave at 1:05 AM on April 14. As I traveled on Asiana Airlines I tried to sleep all I could on the flight, but was not able to succeed at it. The food was good, and the stewardess were very nice. I had a 2 hour layover in Seoul, Korea. From there I boarded another Asiana Airlines flight for the 4 hour trip to Manila. I landed at Manila at 11:56 AM on April 15, 2000.
I was amazed at how calm I was about this whole thing. I’’m sure it was because I had read so many posts of others on this board who had made the trip. Frankly, even if you are new at something you can read the successful experiences of others on this board and learn what to expect. You can gain a lot of confidence and assurance by absorbing the experiences of others.
As I stood and waited to pick up my baggage I told myself that I didn’t have to fall in love or find a wife....but I did have to have a good time and learn about some new people. What a foolish thing it would be to travel 8500 miles and not enjoy myself! I was amazed at how nonchalant and peaceful I was about this whole matter.
I had no trouble going through customs. I headed out of the terminal to meet Tess.
I had sent Tess some money ahead of time and told her to meet me at the airport. I had decided that I would just change several hundred dollars at a time and let her be in charge of spending it. I had heard these horror stories about the taxi drivers and how they would cheat a Yankee. I figured Tess would be much less likely to get cheated because she understood them and their language. Also, by letting Tess decide what hotel I stayed at...where we ate...what we did...etc., I would get a chance to see firsthand how this lady spent money. (You men might want to find that out ahead of time!).
I exited the terminal and was met by a blast of heat. I walked down a walkway looking for this lady named Tess that I had so many photos of. About halfway down the walkway I spotted her...it was at the same instant that she spotted me. Our hands shot up into the air to signal each other at the same time and we started walking toward each other.
(To be continued....)
GO FETCH ME A WOMAN
Part 2:
I had expected to see a sea of people at the airport and expected that I would be pushing people out of the way to get to Tess. However, that was no the case. The airport wasn’t busy so it was not a lot of problem for Tess and I to get to one another. I gave her a friendly hug, and asked her how she was doing. She told me that she had been waiting about an hour and a half.
I had sent some money ahead so that she could meet me at the airport. She has brought her 15 year old niece “Ness†along with her. Ness is a very charming young lady, and I instantly was impressed with her. Tess and Ness had taken a taxi to the airport, and then instructed the taxi to wait around. We made our way across the parking lot to the taxi, and then began the journey to Tess’ home. The traffic was heavy around the airport, so the taxi moved slowly at first. Tess and I sat in the back seat and Ness sat in the front seat with the driver. Tess had selected an air conditioned taxi; however, because of the heat it took some time for the car to cool off. Tess got out her hand fan and began to fan me in order to get me cool. I just sat there, nonchalantly acting as if this was the was I was used to being treated by all women! The fare for the taxi was p700....that’’s about $17.50. Not bad for about 5 hours of use.
I had told Tess to pick out a hotel for me that was near where she lived. I told her that I wanted hot/cold water, air conditioning, and clean. She selected a place known as “Hotel Frendyâ€. The price was $31 and that included breakfast in the morning. She made a very good choice here, and I would recommend this as a good basic hotel. (It’s not fancy, but it’s clean and quiet.) Later in the trip I stayed at the Las Palmas and then Palm Plaza. These are better known hotels and they cost $37.50 per night. However, the Hotel Frendy was bigger and quieter, and it was cheaper. (“Free†is one of my favorite words!) The Hotel Frendy is in the same locale as Las Palmas and Palm Plaza. It’s within easy walking distance of the Robinson’s Mall.
Tess helped me unpack and then we went for a walk to the Robinson’s Mall. I must say that I eyes were burning very badly. I don’’t know if it was the pollution of Manila or whether it was from the long and tiring flight. Probably both. Anyway I had to send Ness after some Visine for my eyes. Tess’ friends had cooked a special chicken dinner for us so we had to rush over to her house as soon as possible.
Tess lives with a 30 year-old lady from Iloilo. I will describe the apartment to you because some of you men will be taking trips to the Philippines and you need to know what to expect. Tess and her roommate share a small two story apartment located in Pasay. The downstairs is a 14x14 room and has a water faucet which provides cold water only. There in an inside toilet facility, but they have to carry in water to flush the toilet. The stairs leading upstairs are very steep....more like climbing a ladder than climbing up a stairway. The upstair is also a small 14x14 room that is a bedroom. There is one shutter which opens and closes....no window glass. They paid about $75 a month for the apartment. I am very picky about cleanness, and all the homes that I was in were very, very clean.
The next morning Tess and I met for Breakfast and then we just spent the rest of the morning at the hotel talking and getting to know one another. After lunch together we took a taxi to Fort Boneficio to visit the American Cemetery. This is quite a beautiful and impressively designed monument to the American soldiers who fought in the Philippines in World War II. I think you will enjoy this place. We then went to Intramuros. This is Spanish for “inside the walls†and is the old city. Frankly, this sounds interesting......but it is a dud!
By the time we got back to the hotel it was getting late. Tess took charge of packing for me. The next morning we would be flying from Manila to Cagayan de Oro. So Tess packed a small bag full of a few clothes, and the rest of my clothes and luggage were taken to Tess’’ home.
On Monday morning we flew to Cagayan de Oro to visit with Tess’ family. Tess was raised in Butuan City, Mindanao, but moved to Manila to attend college at age 17. Her parents still live in Butuan City. Tess’ sister and family lives in Cagayan de Oro, so Papa and Mamma took the bus and went to meet us in Cagayan de Oro. I had heard quite a bit about this city and was looking forward to visiting it. As you regulars here on the Asian Board will recall, our good friend Nathan McDonald lives here.
The flight was smooth, and landing at Cagayan de Oro is a memorable experience. It is like they cleared out a runway in the middle of the jungle and you land there. As I got off the plane I kept expecting Humphrey Bogart to come up and greet us. It’s quite a charming place. After you get into the small terminal you then wait for them to unload your luggage and pull it to you.
Anyway, Tess’ sister and parents met us at the airport. Again, Tess took charge and selected a hotel. She met a man there who had a van to carry passengers from the airport to the hotel, and she quizzed him about places to stay. She told her parents to take a taxi and go on home, and that we would catch up with them later. We then got in the Hotel Van and headed out for the Hotel. The road from the airport is really charming. It is surrounded on both sides by beautiful trees, and the road winds around all the way into Cagayan de Oro.
The hotel that Tess selected in Cagayan de Oro was “The Country Village Innâ€.....and it was great. This place was a wonderful place to stay, and if you are going to Cagayan de Oro I would eagerly recommend it. The room was about $40 a day including your breakfast (you can get a cheaper priced room there). The facilities are extremely nice. They have two very good restaurants. One thing that Tess and I especially enjoyed doing was getting up at about 6:00 am and going swimming in the huge swimming pool. We would have coffee and breakfast by the pool area.....all alone.....just the 2 of us. By the way, I had mangos for the first time. Very, very good. Do you know how the proper way to eat mangos is? You let Tess cut them and feed them to you!
After we unpacked we headed off in a taxi to be with the family. Tess’ family are quite nice people. They are not pushy, and are very open and friendly. Her parents speak very good English. Of course I brought “pasalobong†for everybody. The sister’’s house was made of
cement blocks with open window areas. This design allows for a cool breeze to sweep through the house with the aid of just a fan. The house was very clean and I received a warm welcome from her relatives. The house was very simple, but I marveled at how practical it was.
Tess’ sister lives about 2 blocks from the beach so we could get the nieces and nephews together and take regular strolls to the beach. I especially liked the young nieces and nephews. They are easy to get along with and very charming. As you walk along the streets the people are eager to wave at you and call you “Joeâ€. At the sister’s house they cooked squid just for me....and it was so tough that I couldn’t chew it.
On the second day with the family, Tess’ mother asked me: “What are your intentions with our Tessy?†And fellas, I was ready for her. You see, I had read Dan’s post and I knew what to expect. In typical, evasive American way I calmly said, “That’s a very good question. I think that
we’re going to have to sit down and talk about that before I go back to the United States.†Isn’t that a brilliant, non-responsive, evasive answer! Fellas, I was sooooo proud of myself. Of course, I meant that Tess and I would talk about it when I left Manila next week. But Momma didn’t miss a beat. She said, “That’s a good idea. We’’ll get the family together tomorrow and we’ll all just talk about this!†WOW! I nearly choked. Visions of Dan’s Filipino inquisition loomed in my head. I could just see myself getting grilled for 4 hours by relatives just like Dan wrote about. I ran outside and headed for Tess. I told her what happened and said, “You’ve got to save me from this!†“You’re a lawyerâ€, she said. “You should know what to say!†(Ouch! That didn’t seem like a very sympathetic thing to hear.)
One of my concerns about being in the Philippines is that I am a picky eater. I was worried that I would get over there and not like the food. If you have that concern, then forget about it. You will have no trouble finding McDonald’s, or KFC, etc. I ate well. Even though the Philippines is a third world country you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much of America is already there.
Also, you will not have any trouble finding Internet cafes. These are extremely popular, but the prices will vary. It was very cheap in Cagayan de Oro, but it was most expensive in Baguio City. The Internet cafes make it easy to send posts back to the Asian Board and keep up informed about your adventures. Also I would write to my kids and keep them informed about where I was staying, etc. That way if the Moslems kidnaped me, they would know where to start looking!
Cagayan de Oro was a delightful place to vacation. You should go there if you get a chance. The had a nice mall in the city that is 5 or 6 storeys tall. Even though you are going to a third world country you will be amazed at how much of America is already there. Most of the taxi drivers were either listening to 70's rock-n-roll and to Nashville country & western.
Let me also say here that I paid for several things here in Cagayan de Oro involved with this family get-together. For example, one of the nieces had a birthday so Tess went out and got cake and ice cream for everybody. I took the entire clan out to eat 2 or 3 times. I paid the round-trip bus fare to get her folks and younger sister to Cagayan de Oro plus the taxi fares. I was not asked to do this; however, it should be obvious the it is the right thing to do. Remember: no one is a cheaper, tight-wad than me, and the cost of all this is very small.
On Thursday (4-20-00) we flew back to Manila. Our flight was 2 hours late so we had to wait around a crowded airport. I found myself staring at the Moslem women going around with their faces covered and wearing the traditional clothing. Perhaps it was because of the tragic killings in Mindanao by Moslem radicals. Tess noticed that I looked at the Moslem women and I asked her questions about them. Frankly, the idea that a man would marry a lady who did all she could to make herself look plain and undesirable fascinated me. I just don’t understand it!
We arrived back in Manila at about 3:00 PM.
(To be continued)
GO FETCH ME A WOMAN
Part 3
This time I checked into the Palm Plaza Hotel located at Pedro Gill and Adriatico. This is a very stately place. The price was P1,500 ($37.50) and did not include free breakfast. The restaurant is good here, but the rooms are too small. I just felt crowded after having the abundance of space offered at the Hotel Frendy. On the other hand, maybe I had been spoiled by the splendid hotel we stayed at in Cagayan de Oro.
Two quick notes here. First, the phrase “P1,500" means “1500 pesosâ€. They use the “P†sign just like we do the “$†sign. Secondly, the typical free breakfast would be eggs, rice and your choice of milk fish or beef. It’s very tasty. If you like toast and eggs, then you’ll also like rice and eggs.
The next morning we got ready to leave town again, this time for Baguio City. We took a taxi to the bus terminal. The price of the one-way bus fare to Baguio City was $6 each. We left Manila at 11:00 AM and arrived in Baguio City at 4:00 PM. I had been told by someone here in the States that I could take an airplane and save several hours time. That would have been a big mistake. Frankly, the bus trip was one of the best parts of my trip to the Philippines. The bus trip wound through the countryside and allowed me to see what the country of the Philippines and the people were really like. You know, it’s possible to visit a country and never really see the country or its people. You just travel to a string of tourist spots. I think this is a waste of time. It’s not reality.
Our bus stopped at several stops along the way and we could get off and walk through the roadside markets and mingle with the people. The people at the roadside market/bus stop are quite friendly. I took quite a few pictures and everybody wanted to be in the pictures. We passed tobacco fields, rice patties, and corn fields. There were chickens, goats, ducks and pigs. We saw people plowing the fields with caribou and 1-bottom plows. The bus would slow down and allow cattle to wonder leisurely across the highway. At one point the bus stopped to allow a mother hen to get her chicks across the road. Also, the bus driver had a rather primitive method for his “rest stopsâ€. He simply stopped the bus, stepped outside the door, and found relief. Well....so much for modesty! (I might add that this method is still used extensively by bus drivers in the state of Arkansas. “Arkansasâ€....as many of you probably already know....is an old, old Indian word meaning “trailer park trashâ€.)
One of the simple pleasures of this bus ride was getting some cups of Magnolia ice cream. I got mocha flavor and Tess got mango flavor. Then we shared these flavors with one another. It can be a very romantic process to just relax and travel through the country side eating ice cream together! By now I had been with Tess for 5 days and we had been very relaxed and open to one another. I had complete confidence in her.
I don’t know how to describe it, but if you men have been there you will know what I mean. I just felt that now was the “right†time to ask her the big question. So as the bus rolled along the Filipino highway I put my arm around Tess and drew her close to me. I placed my mouth close to her ear so that she could hear my question....I didn’t want her to miss a single word I had to say. I didn’t know exactly how to say it to her....I think that a guy just has to speak from his heart at a time like this. But I said, “Tess, Honeyâ€. She said, “Yes, Baby?†I said†Uhhhh, I’ve been with you nearly 6 days now and there’s something I’ve got to ask you. I can’t wait any longer.†She said, “What is it, Sweetie?†I said, “Do you think O. J. Simpson really killed Nicole?â€
Baguio City is know as the “summer capitalâ€. It is located north of Manila, and is one of the most popular tourist sites in the Philippines. Also, it is one of the favorite “honeymoon†spots in the Philippines. (I believe that SteveG. and Melly went there on their honeymoon.) It is quite thrilling to take this bus trip from Manila and experience the sights as you start climbing up into the mountains. Baguio City is located at 4500 feet above sea level so it is quite a bit cooler than the city of Manila. You get a breathtaking view of the mountains and valleys as you travel. This trip was worth the 5 hours it took to get there. At one point the road narrows to one-lane. If you are in the Philippines you don’t want to miss it.
We arrived in Baguio City at about 4:00 PM. We did not have a hotel reservation so our first project was to find a hotel room. Fortunately, that was quickly taken care of....again by Tess. (Remember, this was Easter weekend. I really didn’t think we would be able to find a place so easily.) We stayed at the Prime Hotel in downtown Baguio City. The price was $50 per night and included free breakfast the next morning. Because it is up in the mountains it had a ceiling fan rather than air conditioning. And there was no TV. This was the most expensive room I had; and it was also the most blase hotel. But Baguio City is a tourist trap, so you take what you can get.
We then went out to get some film developed and walked around the downtown area. It began to rain....and it rained....and rained....and rained! We bought an umbrella and 2 simple plastic raincoats at a department store and walked together in the rain back to the hotel.
The next day (Saturday) we ate breakfast and then looked for an internet café. I wanted to check my email and also post on the Asian Board here at Planet-Love. Because we went to the Internet café generally every other day Tess became acquainted with the Asian Board postings. I let her look at Howard’s website and Dan’s photos at his site. I told her about Tim’s trip to Hong Kong and Don’s trip to the Philippines. We read Ray’s posts about his trip through Mindanao and Camiguin Island (I believe). Charles was posting his reports and we read about his trip together. Tess was quite impressed. Anyway, from the very beginning Tess thought that the Asian Board was a very good idea. There was never any shyness on her part about wanting to get involved and post on this board.
Let me interject a point here about the importance of keeping in touch with your family and friends while you are in the Philippines. I frequently read posts from men about how their family and friends are opposed to them visiting a lady in a foreign country. Perhaps a certain amount of their objection could actually be concern and love for you....they do not want you to make a serious mistake. However, if you are open with them and respond positively to them I believe that many times you will win them over. When I was in the Philippines I tried at least every other day to visit an Internet café and contact my two children. I would pick up post cards with beautiful beach scenes and send family and friends a couple of quick notes each day. (It takes only about 30 seconds to write an address and say “Having fun. Wish you were her with me.â€) By doing this, it includes friends and relatives in my life and plans. It tells them that I love them and that I want to share my future with them. This paves the way to building a good relationship between your future wife and your relatives. In sum: INCLUDE as many people as possible; exclude as few people as possible. Let’s face it: I doubt that any of us have too many people that truly love us and care about us. We need all the love that we can get. Let’s build bridges rather than barriers. Is this kissing butt? Well, maybe. But it’s time well spent!
We ate lunch at a restaurant called “Max’sâ€. I was looking forward to this because I had heard about what a fine restaurant it was. I also understand that there is a Max’s Restaurant here in the Los Angeles area. However, it was the worst meal that I had in the Philippines. I will not go back there again. (But I’m not going to eat squid again, either!) From there we went sightseeing at Shephard’s Hill and walked through the tourist shops. Because it was Easter weekend the streets were crowded with tourists, and the boy scouts were being used to direct traffic. I must tell you that Baguio City was by far the smoggiest city that I visited in the Philippines.
(As a side note, let me say that air pollution and environmental pollution made an impression on me. Your eyes will burn. And as you ride alone the highways of Manila you will see an enormous amount of trash and garbage floating in the rivers. Recently I saw a picture in the paper of 2 young Chinese men floating down a river in their boat and the garbage floating around them was appalling. The article mentioned that something like 6 of the ten most polluted rivers in the world are in the country of China. This is a shocking situation. For example, I am politically a conservative and therefore do not like a lot of governmental regulations such as OSHA, etc. However, I was made aware of how serious the problem of pollution could be if there were no regulations at all. As in most areas of life, the solution is finding the proper balance of the two sides.)
Baguio City was very busy and the traffic was exceptionally heavy. Maneuvering in traffic is a real experience in the Philippines. If there is an opening all the taxi drivers head for it at 60 MPH and see who chickens out first. When it came to crossing the street, I just took hold of Tess’ hand and let her lead me around.
The first few days I was in the Philippines I was very concerned because I really didn’t have this mystical feeling that “this is the woman for me.†(You’ve read those kind of penpal stories. You know what I mean.) All that I felt with Tess was extremely comfortable. I felt like I had known her all of my life and that she was a part of me. I felt that I could easily talk to her about anything. I felt like she was entirely trustworthy and dependable. However, by the end of the trip I realized that this was the best feeling I could expect. Think about it...when you’re 20 years old you have these “This is the one for me....I can’t live without this woman†feelings. But then you marry her and then you find out that you can’t live with her. (Been there....done that....remember!) At 51 years of age the most important feeling to have with the lady is that of being comfortable and having complete trust in her.
I was impressed with the responsible way Tess handled herself and took care of the responsibilities. As you will recall, I had decided that I would just let her be in charge of making all the plans, booking flights, taxis, hotels, dining, etc. She handled it like a real trooper. There was no signs of pressure or nervousness by her at all. She was a responsible and mature adult in every aspect. That was very important to me because I was looking for a lady that could act responsibly and make decisions for herself. I was not interested in finding a lady that I would have to “babysitâ€.
We were schedules to leave Baguio City to return to Manila on Sunday, however all the busses were booked full (Remember....it was Easter Sunday.) We ended up having to stay over in Baguio for an extra day. You may want to keep this in mind when you travel in the Philippines. I was scheduled to return to the United States on Tuesday; therefore, I had no problem spending an extra day in Baguio. However, if I had been scheduled to fly out on Monday, then I would have been in a terrible fix not being able to leave. Just don’t let yourself get scheduled too tightly.
We left Baguio City on Monday at 11:00 AM to return to Manila. This bus stopped at a lot of stops, and frankly it was 8:00 PM by the time we got to Manila. We were both absolutely exhausted.
(To be continued)
GO FETCH ME A WOMAN
Part 4
Monday, April 24, 2000, would be my last night in Manila. This time Tess checked me into the Las Palmas Hotel. We had determined that rather than staying at only one hotel I would check out several so that we would know which was best. Well, we should have stuck with the first one that Tess picked out: Hotel Frendy. Best price and biggest room.
The Las Palmas Hotel looks much like the Palm Plaza Hotel. That’s because they are owned by the same corporation/person. The price was $37.50 per night and did not include a free breakfast. And just like the Palm Plaza Hotel the room was small and cramped feeling.
On Tuesday, April 25, 2000, I woke up early and Tess came by to help me pack my clothes. After breakfast we went over to Tess’ place and finished packing the things that I had kept there.
I finally decided to ask Tess a question that I had been wondering about for many days. “Tessâ€, I said, “where are all the whores that I was told to expect everywhere I went. I haven’t seen any. What have you done with them?†She said, “It’s holy week.†I said, “Well, they’ve still gotta eat.†Fellas, I spent 10 days in the Philippines and didn’t see a single hooker! (Being a Baptist minister for 17 years can pretty much ruin you for life.)
My flight was scheduled to leave at 1:15 PM. We left for the Airport at about 10:15 AM. I was amazed at how quickly we were able to maneuver around the streets in Manila. You see, I had been reading posts from others on this board about how bad the traffics was in Manila. Well, I guess that I was just extremely lucky, but my entire stay in Manila we did not have any traffic congestion problems.
When we got to the airport I was able to quickly get through the lines at the counters and get my bags checked and ticket confirmed. We then waited together in a coffee lounge. We were both extremely tired after our 10-day vacation. I don’t think that either of our minds were functioning at full capacity.
As the time of my departure drew near, I got up and went to the restroom. The place looked kinda strange, you know, none of those white latrines on the wall. I thought, “Heck, it’s because we in a third world country and they can’t afford them.†So I just used a regular stall. That was just fine until I turned around to leave and ran face-to-face into a woman. Opppppppps! Uhhhhhhhh! The lady didn’t stick around too long. She started running for the door as quickly as possible. (I think that this lady was Cristina, but I couldn’t be for sure because she wouldn’t stick around long enough to let me introduce myself. Let me say that this was the only unfriendly and snooty person I met during my entire trip to the Philippines. Let’s not judge the Philippines by this one snooty, unfriendly lady who refused to look me in the face and talk to me in a ladies restroom in Manila. (LOL)) How come you never have your camera on you when you need it? Does this ever happen to you guys?
(I told Tess about this experience, but I don’t think she believes me to this day!)
All too soon it was time for my plane to depart. I kissed Tess good-bye and boarded the plane. Fortunately, the trip from Seoul, Korea to Los Angeles, California was not heavily booked. I had the entire row to myself. Therefore, I could stretch out and lay down like it was a bed. That was very convenient. I landed in Los Angeles at 2:15 PM on April 25, 2000.
Let me interject a point here. As I said earlier, both Tess and I were extremely tired by the last day of the trip. We were really dragging around the airport. I think that the tiredness explains why I walked into the ladies restroom. (Either that or maybe I’m just a pervert.) Anyway, when I left Manila I was frankly perplexed and uncertain about Tess’ feelings toward me. We had discussed marriage, but I wanted to be sure that this was what she really wanted. When I got back to the United States I wouldn’t have been surprised to have an email from Tess telling me that she didn’t want to get married to me. I told this story to a lady-friend who is just graduating from law school. She became quite agitated and told me that I was completely wrong in reading the situation. She explained to me that Tess was a quiet person rather than a type “A†person who is vocal about everything. She explained that Tess doesn’t put a lot of things into words. As I quickly discovered from talking with Tess, my friend Ana was exactly right.
There are two points to be learned from this experience. First, don’t jump to conclusions when you are trying to “read†a lady from another culture. Many of our conclusions may be completely wrong. That is why communication is so important. Don’t guess what she is thinking; ask her. Second, this shows the importance again of having a lady-friend that you can run things by and get her opinion. Women and men are not one product with only a different body suit. Women and men think differently. Women can better understand what another lady is thinking.
Some of you have asked me how I approached the subject of marriage with Tess. Well...uhhhh....I really didn’t. You see, one afternoon in Baguio City she pulled out the packet of fiancee immigration documents that I had brought with me and started asking me how to fill them out. I kinda figured that this meant “Yesâ€. Will somebody please correct me if I’m wrong.
I submitted the fiancee visa documents to the INS on June 5, 2000, and I received my return receipt on June 8, 2000. I have not heard anything from the IRS yet. It’s just a waiting game now.
Tess has used this time to go ahead and gather the necessary documents for her end of the process. She already has her passport, birth certificate, police clearance, etc.
Additionally, Tess has informed me that she wants to get a driver’s license. I like this idea. Also, I am impressed at Tess for doing this because it demonstrates to me that she thinks for herself and is a responsible adult. I am glad to pay for driving lessons for her in Manila. I figure that if she can learn to drive in Manila she can drive anywhere! Finally, (as we all already know) the last person in the world that should try and teach a woman how to drive is her husband!
Now let’s wrap up some loose ends.
First, how much did the trip cost? Here’s my breakdown:
Round trip air from Los Angeles to Manila: $720.00
Round trip air for 2 from Manila to Cagayan de Oro: $250.00
Hotel for10 days: $400.00
Food and spending money for 10 days: $700.00
This was not an expensive trip. I did not stay at 5-star hotels, but they were all clean and comfortable and had hot/cold water. I never had the feeling that I was pinching pennies or that I wished I had the money to do more. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and did whatever I wanted to do. The point you should get from what I am saying is this: you don’t have to be rich to go on a trip like this. Anybody of average means can swing a trip like this and have a wonderful time. Quit talking about it and do something about it. Just go for it! You can afford to go visit your penpal.
Second, how does my family feel about this? I gather from reading numerous posts over the last year that many of you perhaps have family and friends that have not responded well to your desire to visit a lady in the Philippines. And I’ve read your responses that “To blazes with these people. If they don’t like my wife then I don’t care to have anything to do with them.†That’s real macho, but wouldn’t it be better if you could have them AND your wife? Here’s my suggestion. Include them in your trip as much as possible. Take every opportunity to share photos of your trip with these relatives and friends. Talk in warm and excited terms about it to them. When they see that you are genuine (rather than fanatical) about your endeavor they are likely to loosen up and wish you well.
I have a 21 year old son who is a senior at Oklahoma State University. I told him from the start about what I was doing in writing ladies in the Philippines. Also, he got married last summer and he’s too busy with his own thing (hmmmmmm) to worry about me. Basically, he told me that he is for me in whatever I do about this.
I have a 26 year old daughter who is in her second year of medical residency. Her husband is in his third year of medical residency. Bear in mind that her husband is one-half Chinese (His mother is from Taiwan...married to a soldier). At first she was not in favor of this penpal idea. She wanted me to stay here in America and find “June Cleaverâ€. However, as time went on and I kept talking with her she has gotten much more open. And note that her objection was that she didn’t want me to marry some lady who only wanted a green card to get to America and then who would require that I hold her hand and lead her through life. Frankly, I think that my daughter is right to be concerned about this. (Her intention is to protect me...not to deprive me of any joy. I appreciate that.) Her attitude now is that she realizes Tess and I are a good couple and that she wants what is best for me.
Notice that I didn’t start a fight with my kids over this matter. I don’t want to alienate them. I want to keep their affection AND add the affection of a wife. So I kept talking with them....kept the doors of communication open....and they began to see it in a new light. Over time they get to know her more and more and learn to like her also. (Think about it....it’s not an immediate thing to like this lady. It wasn’t that way for you either. It takes time and patience. Keep a warm and loving atmosphere between you and your family and they are likely to learn to love her also.)
Third, I would advise you men to write to lots of ladies (50 to 60 at least), then narrow it down to 3 special ladies and GO VISIT THEM! In your first letter tell them that you are planning to come to the Philippines within the next 12 months. Don’t you realize that these ladies get lots of letters from Yankees who tell them the same things that you are saying. But they never come to see the lady. These ladies shouldn’t believe a thing you say until they see the whites of your eyes!
Just think about this: If you just go and see the lady then you have probably increased your chances to marry her by 1000 percent. (You can’t get her if you don’t go see her...right?). Because you have gone to see her, she realizes that you are serious and that she can take your words seriously. But if you drag your feet and put her off then some other Yankee is going to come get her.
In all, I wrote to about 80 ladies. I had the basic “form†introduction letter on my computer. There were about 5 places in the letter that I could insert the ladies’ name in order to make it more personal. I put a dollar bill in each letter so the lady would have postage money (I consider this just basic courtesy for an American man. Some of you tight-wads are saying, “Yes, but what about those 40 ladies that you send a dollar to that didn’t write you?†Well, they probably used it to write to you. So all of you guys send me my dollar back!) I also enclosed a photo of myself in each letter. I believe that you should put your best foot forward by sending your best picture. I went to a passport shop and had a photo taken in a suit and tie. It cost me $11 for 100 wallet-size color photos. Then I tell them in the letter that this photo was just taken....so they don’t think it is me 10 years ago. As they write back I then send them a more casual photo of my in casual clothes. In each letter she should get another photo of you. This ties them onto yourself by words and sight.
Out of these 80 ladies I wrote, 40 wrote me back. I was easily able to weed it down to 8 or 10 ladies. I made this a matter of serious prayer and it came down to two women: the one that looked the best in a short mini-skirt versus the one that looked the best in tight blue jeans. (Isn’t it strange how God works? Go figure!)
Notice...I was able to get it down to 8 or 10 ladies, but I didn’t want to weed it down any further. Then some ladies just stopped writing to me. Of the 3 finalists I went to see only Tess. As it turned out, Tess was really the only choice. She was head and shoulders above the rest. My point is this: Take action. Get headed in the right direction. And quite often when you can’t....or won’t....make a decision, life will often make it for you. Isn’t that simple? This entire process is really quite easy.
THE END.
