approved! so here's the thing......

[one350z]

......I feel great and postive about my novia.  She is awesome, but how do I protect my assets.  We all know, and propably our calena's and novias know this as well.  All they have to do is pick up the phone and dial 911 and make a false claim.  So agin I ask........how do I protect my assets?  They are not substantial, but this is more reason to protect them.  Will having someone I trust putting a lein against my property save it in the courts?  What can we do to protect ourselves.  We all feel that this experience can be trying, even take longer then we thought.  But we all need to help in protecting ourselves.  Any thoughts???  Derrick

[fathertime]

First: Greetings and congratuations. 

......I feel great and postive about my novia.  She is awesome, but how do I protect my assets.

I don't know much about pre-nups, but I do know that rules vary from state to state.  Why don't you see a lawyer and get into the specifics of your situation.  Your concern is legit., and should be addressed.  From what I understand you must be careful in how you even bring up a pre-nup, if a woman is pressured into signing one, by the threat of being forced to leave, it can invalidate the whole damn thing. 

You MUST protect yourself, you will be mightly pissed later if you don't take some precaution now!  Be strong and bring it up to your lady, even if it seems uncomfortable.  I don't know if you already had kids but if you do they are great reasons for a prenup, and any reasonable woman would understand that.  Good luck and keep us posted on what you find out, if you don't mind.

Fathertime!

[one350z]

a prenup is almost no good these days.  If she choose to do so at a later date she could call the police and tell them what she pleases.  At that point I am still responsible for her.  But, now I have legal problems and I need to support her and a lawyer for her.  Then, they will drag it out and make it last until she has been here long enough to become a citizen.  I have a lot of faith in her, and I believe in what I am doing.  But, how do I protect myself.  The prenup will not work these days.  Currently, I do not have any chidren and have no plans to have any.  This may change several years from now.  She is a beautiful woman and very caring, I am fortunate that I have some great friends that help me look out for my interests.  They are concerned this can go bad in a very quick way.  I am moving forward with her, and I believe I am doing the right thing.  A lawyer is an excellent idea.   Let's share the wealth as we hear it, pass it on.  Derrick

[fathertime]

......I feel great and postive about my novia.  She is awesome, but how do I protect my assets.

Well obviously I am not sure what your assets are but if I were trying to cover my ass for a while here are some thoughts.
1. I would put assets into VERY trusted family or friends names. If the house were to remain in your name, I would consider mortgaging the house to the max and storing the cash in a "Safe" account in your name or another family member or friends.
2.I would keep an emergency cash fund in case you had to do battle.
3.I would give my lady access only to accounts where there is a limited amount of funds available.
4.  I would protect my passwords and account numbers.   
 
   I am being really extreme here but if you had a hunch your woman was going to claim "Abuse" you could begin documenting your whereabouts at all times with witnesses.  That way if she claimed you abused her on such and such date, at such and such time, you could pull out your ledger and prove you were elsewhere with so and so.  To take it to another extreme, you might need to set up cameras as a security system in your home, in case burglers were to come .  Of course these cameras would prove you did not abuse your wife since your actions would be recorded, she would be proved a liar and you would be free to send her back. 

That was fun! Do you have any other ideas?

Fathertime! 

[utopiacowboy]

Sounds like you have your doubts? My question is why would anyone marry anybody that you had these kinds of doubts about? Also, why not marry someone who has as much to lose as you do should things go south?

[sean126]

I'm with UC.  

You can "if" something to death and get yourself all worked up to where you can't even trust her, at all.  Everyone gets cold feet...but don't get crazy.  It's good to protect what you have before your married, but keep it in perspective.  You can do anything and everything and still end up getting burned in the end, if you marry the wrong nutt.

Marriage is serious biz.  It's supposed to be for life.  Both of you should be ready, mentally and understand the definition of compromise.  If you having doubts about her character then put it off.  Make sure it's legitimate fears and doubts concerning her and not just a "what if" fest.  That is a no win situation and can go on endlessly.  Like..."What if" she made you mad enough to lose your temper and you killed her?  See my point?  

If you don't really know this woman...then don't marry her until you do know her or find someone who makes a decent living and has as much to lose as you do, like UC suggested.  Without trust, I honestly don't see how you can sincerely love this woman.  If you go into a marriage waiting for the bomb to drop...many times it's a self fulfilling prophesy and you will, indeed, end up getting a divorce.  Plan ahead, but don't put so much negative thoughts and energy into it that it's doomed from the start.  This is suppose to be a HAPPY time.  We should all be happy we found someone willing to put up with our sorry butts.  Especially Sir William!!  LOLOLOL.  

[Jeff S]

If you live in a community property state, like California, document your current assets very well before you get married - Get your home appraised, run a Kelly Blue book on your cars, have your CPA accountant calculate all of your current investments and debts on an balance sheet. There is no keeping any marital assets from her, such as investment appreciation after you're married or anything you buy after marriage - and she is not entitled to any separate property before you were married. Do not mingle separate and marital funds. Make investments and savings after you're married in new, joint accounts and keep your pre-marital assets in your name only. And talk to a lawyer to make sure you're doing everything right. The truth is she is entitled to half of everything you acquired after you were married, no matter who made the money - and entitled to nothing you acquired before. The only time people have to turn over their separate property is when they "give" it to their spouses whether they knew what they were doing or not, by co-mingling funds, adding her name to your investment account, or home deed. When you get married, keep your old accounts, but do not contribute any new money into them. These will be your separate assets (though she will have claim to half of any appreciation after you were married - that's why you need to document them.) Then after you marry, start everything new with both of your names - these will be your marital assets.   

[michaelb]

3rd vote with Sean and UC. If you don't trust her, don't marry her. That was simple. If it's just a big bunch of "what if's" eating at you, don't do that to yourself.

[william3rd]

Yeahhh- I am with the Sean group- no trust, it'll be a bust.

And if the glove dont fit, you must acquit.

[one350z]

Many many great responses.  Thank You!  Trust in her, yes  I do.  She has given me no reason to not trust her.  For the past 8 months I speak with her nearly everyday.  I have known her since 2004.  I have made 2 trips to see her exclusively.  I have met her family, I have snet a care package and recieved thanks from her and her family.  The relationship is good, I care about her a lot.  But I do know I am entering a legal contract between her and I.  I will have sole responsibilty of providing and taking care of this woman during the first 3 months.  I anticipate things working out beautifully, but if the chemistry isn't there and she decides she wants to stay and makes a scene......  things can become bad,  My interests are providing a loving relationship and moving forward, while protecting my ass.  I will be communicating more of this topic with her so that she understands my needs, and that I am not hiding things from her.  Marriage is an institution however it is also a business deal in the eyes of our government.  I am under contract!  My actions are to contact a lawyer and start protecting my assets, discussing this with her.  And to move forward with my relationship with her.  Thank You guys for your help, if I learn anything from my lawyer I will certainly share.   

[william3rd]

If the chemistry isnt there, give her the means to return home, write your letter to the government informing them of no marriage, and get her out of your house. . . .

[Ray]

I anticipate things working out beautifully, but if the chemistry isn't there and she decides she wants to stay and makes a scene......  things can become bad...

350,

You say that you trust her, but I hear a lot of doubt in your posts. Do you trust yourself? If the chemistry weren't there you should know that by now.

Perhaps you need more time to get to know her a little better. That visa is good for 6 months. Why not use that time to be sure?

In the mean time, do consult with that family law attorney.

[utopiacowboy]

If the chemistry isn't there?

If you don't know that by now, why are you going down this path? It sounds to me as though you picked a hot chick who hasn't shown any obvious red flags and you're hoping things work out. I would wait until I found someone with whom I had spontaneous combustion in the chemistry department.

[bigstew33]

Wow this is stuff I don't like to read before finding a woman and marrying her.  I started wondering how many men has this happened to?  Is this something that happens all the time?  I am sure it happens but I am thinking maybe not an epidemic.  But then I am thinking if this is even a discussion maybe this happens way more than I ever thought. 

[sean126]

Bigstew,

It happened to me with my first sweetie patootie.  I came to my senses though before it was too late.  I was wishing and hoping to much and at the same time having serious doubts.  In my case, it turned out to be a justified and smart decision to cut her loose.   I could have easily went the other way though, if I was a little less intense and more laid back.

[bigstew33]

Bigstew,

It happened to me with my first sweetie patootie.  I came to my senses though before it was too late.  I was wishing and hoping to much and at the same time having serious doubts.  In my case, it turned out to be a justified and smart decision to cut her loose.   I could have easily went the other way though, if I was a little less intense and more laid back.

Oh just great, I am a laid back guy

[Fuzzyone]

  I think you should have thought about this before you filed the paperwork. I understand your fears on this subject, I would go to a lawyer and draw up a prenup and then talk to your girl about it. If she does not blow up then you should be ok. I would have it signed before she came here, because once she is here funny things happen like a abuse shelter that believes anything the woman says.

  My marriage to a Peruvian girl ended up just costing me a couple of grand to get rid of her. She still writes me e-mails sometimes to tell me how everything is going.

[JamesDonut]

And keep in mind it's alot harder to cut ties after the fact.  You can find yourself in a real twilight zone if you don't clear your mind and make the right decision.

[Researcher]

  Trust in her, yes  I do.  She has given me no reason to not trust her.  For the past 8 months I speak with her nearly everyday.  I have known her since 2004.  I have made 2 trips to see her exclusively.  I have met her family, I have snet a care package and recieved thanks from her and her family.  The relationship is good, I care about her a lot. 

Doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.

[bcc_1_2]

Forget what country she is from, if you have a lot more wealth than your potential mate you  need a prenup. its different state to state, but you need an attorney to draw one up. the good thing is even if this girl doesnt sign it you have it for your next one. also, make sure she has an attorney representing her and advising her. this way she cant claim she was forced to sign it later it get thrown out on the street. her attorney will explain that regardless of her decisions she has a paid ticket and traveling money back to her country waiting for her.

I've seen some poor advice in her so I will make some suggestions. There is no need to take out unneeded mortgages or loans, or to entrust your friends/family with your property. A prenup if executed like I have stated above will protect your stuff. It will also protect her interests in future assets you joinly own if she decides to get a job. I wouldn't allow her to be able to have any interest in your retirement or investments (or liquid assets aka cash) until she has been with you at least 10 years. After 10 years you can cut her in on those. Maybe she is entitled to 10 percent after 10 years and 20 percent at 20 etc. Of course it doesnt allow her access to any of the money unless you divorce and also even after divorce she cant touch it until it matures.

Also in the prenup you need to address custody issues and alimony. I'm against alimony personally. If she doesnt work she would be able to get it too. If you plan for her to be a stay at home mom you want to at least try and limit the amount of alimony sell would ever be able to collect.

remember you are just trying to prevent anyone who just wants to come to the usa and screw you. at least thats what it sounds like. if she lives with you for 15 years and the marriage sours...well hey it happens.

here is an example. say you own a 400k house have 800k in a 401k 100k stocks 70k in short term cds and savings. you are 50 years old 2 cars one in your name on in hers. one boat in your name. she doesnt work and only worked part time for spending money that she kept in her own account. she has 10k in that account.

she walks away with the following. her car, her 10k. 10% of your 800k (but she cant touch it until you retire and start using it) it will mature maybe to several million, but she only gets 10% of the 800k. So you could end up with 2 million and of that amount youd owe her 80k. She entitled to 10k of your stocks and also 10% of your savings.

so basically she will eventually end up with her car. 10k of her own money. 80k when you retire. and she gets 10k if she sells her cut of your stocks.

you keep your house, your car, and the vast majority of your money and investments. you owe only a fair amount in child support an no alimony. that will hold up if you get her legal representation too.

[william3rd]

not necessarily, probie. . . . certainly not in CA.

For an MBA, I didnt know you got a law license with it.

Folks- read my prior postings on prenups and the like, especially the one that I posted in September. And- go see that family law attorney for advice. Somebody in your state and locality. Not some clown selling canned prenups on the internet or not licensed to practice in your state.

The law on SS in CA is currently: Spousal Support provisions in an otherwise valid prenup may be set aside for equitable considerations.

[bcc_1_2]

no sense in getting in an argument over it. i've spoken with a cpa/attorney friend of mine and that was the advice given basically. however i dont live in california. i can assure you that you should read about the transfer of possessions to friends and family to avoid loosing them in a divorce, bankruptcy, etc. it isnt pretty.

[william3rd]

BEFORE YOU MARRY. Otherwise the ol' family court just reaches out and drags it all back. . .

[bcc_1_2]

if you do this to intentially avoid avoid the court sytem (divorce, bankruptcy whatever) they can drag it all back in if they figure out what happened. even if you are a year away from bankruptcy and you do it.... the creditors can still get at it. same goes for marriage. if you do this 6 months before you get married, if she is out to get you... it will be pretty easy to find out.

[william3rd]

The nice thing about family courts is that they have a time limit. Every thing that you own going into a marriage is separate. It is then up to you to prove that it is still separate at the end of the time. . . .