never thought i'd say this....

[RJS]

But I love webcams. I just got off my second uninterupted 3-4 hour conversation with a girl since friday. I know you guys are going to advise caution, but she is the cutest girl in the world to me right now. All of her little mannerisms are incredibly attractive and I made her laugh and blush a hundred times... Things that just weren't captured by still images. I'm pretty much rearranging my trip so that i can spend as much time with her as possible because i'm feeling that good about the possibilities with her and it's definitely mutual. She's even got the exact job I was hoping my future wife would have. She's on vacation at the same time as I am and she's basically offered to spend as much time with as I want her to. I can't wait till december. In the meantime, we're gonna be speaking a lot. She's already pretty good at english and we're going to help each other learn each others' languages.

[David]

That's great!  I know some other people will tell you to exercise caution, but hey, whatever makes you happy right? We've only got so long, might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

[fathertime]

I'm with you RJS.  The webcam has been great for me too.  Although my conversations are often interrupted, my lady is a great sport about it, which says something in itself.  

It is a great way to learn a little something about your lady.  When I met my girl after webcamming for months, she was much hotter than on the webcam.  A very pleasant surprise!  

I am curious, what job did you always want your woman to have? Stripper?  Just kidding man, but I am curious.

Continued good luck.

Fathertime!

[bigstew33]

I am curious, what job did you always want your woman to have? Stripper? 

Fathertime!

FT

Wow. 

Thats why I love you man

[jm21-2]

I'm planning a trip for either this winter or spring (or maybe two trips if I can scrounge up a bit of extra money), and don't plan on trying to meet any girls on either of them really...so  I wouldn't even worry about it if I were you. If it falls through you've still got a nice vacation, and learned a bit about the culture.

[utopiacowboy]

Go for it, dude. My wife and I used to web cam all the time and I thought she was smoking hot in the web cam. When I saw her in person, she was even hotter. Damm, I felt like I had won the lottery. Gotta love those web cams.

[RJS]

I'm with you RJS.  The webcam has been great for me too.  Although my conversations are often interrupted, my lady is a great sport about it, which says something in itself.  

It is a great way to learn a little something about your lady.  When I met my girl after webcamming for months, she was much hotter than on the webcam.  A very pleasant surprise!  

I am curious, what job did you always want your woman to have? Stripper?  Just kidding man, but I am curious.

Continued good luck.

Fathertime!

I always thought a nurse or school grade school teacher would make the perfect wife. She's a nurse and will be finishing up her university next year. More importantly, it means she's caring (she really loves what she does), she'll earn a decent supplement income, and she'll be able to work as many or as few hours as she wants, depending on what else is going on in our lives.

It's funny... I started off all gung-ho about the latin dating sites and was talking to tons of women, but I lost interest in the girls I "met" pretty fast and no longer have much desire to meet any of them in person. The girl I'm talking to now was the last girl I messaged before my membership expired and she's the only one I care to meet at this point.

Obviously things could change for the worse when we meet in person, but the odds of that happening seem to be rapidly decreasing imo, at least from my end, and i'm pretty certain from hers as well. I've seen pics of her at all angles, video from the webcam, and in terms of personalities, interests, and what we both think we want out of a relationship, we seem completely in-sync down to a love of classical and opera.

What I really love about her though is that she's really trying hard to communicate with me. I've spoken to a number of girls that said they spoke english but never really did with me, likely because it didn't come as easily as spanish. This girl insists on speaking english all the time, even though i'll sometimes say things she doesn't understand or she doesn't quite know the words for. I'm learning spanish as well, but her english is better than my spanish at this point and she says the most important thing is just to be able to communicate well. She also puts herself on busy whenever we talk so nobody else bothers her.

[David]

Cool!

What type of webcam service are you using? Yahoo? I've used that before, it did me fine, but haven't used it for awhile.

[utopiacowboy]

There are several ways to do it, MSN, Yahoo etc. We used Yahoo Messenger.

[sean126]

3 things....webcam, a rubber chicken and lime green jello!   Look out now!!!   

[RJS]

3 things....webcam, a rubber chicken and lime green jello!   Look out now!!!   

Sean, I've been thinking about it off and on for a week. I still have no idea what you are suggesting... You've got a twisted mind, dude.

Anyway, an update... We were speaking on the phone yesterday and we both agreed not to see other people until after my trip in the case that we just don't get along. But, I think that is highly unlikely because we already speak so much (hours every day) and have a clear view of what each other look like. She was supposed to go to a beach resort with her friends for new years, and had initially invited me to come, but she changed her mind. She's now cancelling on them so that we can spend all our time alone away from friends/brothers/parents.

After she told me that, I immediately inquired about her interest in visiting Machu Picchu with me, which is where I was originally intending to go after I split-up from her and her friends for the remainder of my trip. She said it was too expensive and that she didn't think she would be able to go (she usually travels on her own money). I said that if she took her travel money that she was going to use for the beach resort and instead spent it on travel to Cuzco, that I would pay for everything else. And she actually insists on paying for her plane and bus because she doesn't want to abuse the situation (I can't imagine any of the city-women i've dated doing this and they have a lot more money).

So, that's what we're going to do. We'll take a bus (her suggestion to save money: they have these deluxe buses with big lounge chairs and lots of leg room instead of the normal uncomfortable ones) back from Chiclayo to Lima overnight, fly to Cuzco in the morning, and then spend a few days there and at Machu Picchu. We're actually staying overnight in Aguas Calientes at the Inkaterra Machu Picchu (at $500/night we're only staying for one night) so that we can be at the Citadel for sunrise and before the tourist train arrives. I tried to book new year's but it's full, so we'll be there on the 1st of Jan and spend New Year's in Cuzco. This is also the safe bet, since if any travel arrangements get screwed-up, or one of us gets sick because of the elevation, we won't miss the most important part of the whole trip.

Anyway, she's ecstatic, as you could imagine, and she hasn't even seen the Inkaterra yet, which I think I'm going to hold in reserve as a surprise. As much as I want to show her, I think i'm gonna tell her we have to stay in a really cheap place in machu picchu, and then when we get there her jaw will drop. 

Just a side-note, but she's always trying to save me money. I basically intended to book the best hotel in every spot I'm staying in, but with the much larger expense of machu picchu and cusco for 2, I may have to downgrade in a couple of places, but maybe not. I'm still finalizing and tabulating all my costs.

Either way, this is gonna be the best vacation ever.

[bundy_138]

Good for you RJS.  Sounds like you are in for a good time.

The first thing I looked for on my first trip to Cali were the "money askers" and those who paid for there own stuff (taxis, meals, entertainment, etc)  My novia floored me by being on time for our dates, paying for meals, paying for the taxis, and helping me save money on everyday purchases.  She tries everyway possible to save money when I visit her and she never asks for anything.  That was a big plus in our relationship.  The guys I stayed with in Cali were dumb-founded that I had a girl that was self sufficient.  I hit the lottery when I met my novia and I count my blessings everyday!

Sounds like you found a good woman.  Treat her good and you should do great!

Congrats!

Bundy

[sean126]

Wow....that's one heck of a first date!    Sounds like fun though, I hope it all works out well for you.

ps.  You may want to take rubber chicken with you on your trip.  You never know when it might come in handy.

[JamesDonut]

Congrats!!  Sound like you are on the right track.  I would still keep my eyes open for red flags as you still have not met her in person.  I wish you all the best!!

James

[RJS]

Ya Sean, it is. It's a 3 week long first date lol. No pressure, right? I'm sure if I told anyone this but you guys they would tell me i'm crazy, but what do they know?  I wouldn't have invited her along for the rest of my trip if I thuoght there was any chance of a personality clash or the trip going poorly. I just thought it would be a really nice thing to do for her given all the time she's dedicating to be with me because it's really not something that's affordable on a peruvian wage when you live on the opposite side of the country and have other responsabilities. Her mother has lived there all her life and just went for the first time a couple years ago.

James, I definitely will, but I think this girl is above board. I've put her through a number of subtle little tests, seen her with her friends on webcam, and i'll be spending about a week with her and her family. I'll have lots and lots of time to judge how she interacts with me and others. If she's pulling the wool over my eyes she'll have to be the most crafty woman on the planet.

[jm21-2]

Sounds like a great trip and a nice girl. Good luck man!

[Santanger]

what web site did you meet her on and whats your opinion of it? 

[Dan Las Vegas]

Good luck on your trip!!! I did the same thing as you, went off to visit only one woman and things have worked out very well for us....Be sure and post a trip report when you get back, I'd be very interested in hearing about Peru.

Dan

[Brainiac]

RJS, my wife is peruvian and as it happens, we'll be in Lima over Christmas.  Perhaps we can meet.  I have a few comments that I would say to anyone going to Peru.  I don't know you nor do I know your history on this site. I'm just offering some friendly, hard-earned advice.  We can talk more on or off line if you wish.

I know it is romantic to spend all your time with one person, but perhaps you should make it a point to spend time with her around her friends and family.  You will see her in her environment and aspects of her personality will stand out as a result that might not be seen when alone with her. 

I have had a very rough relationship with my wife, although she really is a sweet person.  If your lady friend is at all jealous, I recommend you move on as it will likely get worse when she is taken out of her native environment.  In my wife's case, the transfer has magnified both the good and bad in her, but the bad has been so bad that it has swallowed up most of the good in her.

Also, because you are on vacation, you are going to act differently with her than when you are back home in the USA making a living on our hectic schedules.  She knows nothing of that kind of life.  If I could do things over, I would have orchestrated a couple of days during my visits when we would have had to follow a rigid schedule. 

Finally, remember that you are out of your element, you're in vacation mode, and you're looking for romance.  It's a thrill to be meeting someone in an exotic place and travelling with that person.  Plus, you're going to be thinking about how difficult it is to get away from work to come back and visit her, or someone else if it doesn't work out with her, how much money repeated visits over the next couple years are going to cost, you'll wonder if both of you can wait that long, etc.  All those things and more mean subtle pressure you may not be aware of that could influence your decisions about her.  I think most men feel the need to rush this project along and then sort things out once she is here.  You gotta avoid that thinking at all costs. 

The fact is that because it is a long distance relationship, you need to give even the small things that aren't obvious red flags much more scrutiny than you would have to if dating a woman in your neighborhood.  An LDR changes the lenses you need to use when considering her character and actions.  Believe me, all those little things she does now that you can easily overlook can become huge when she is transplanted into your environment.  Take it slow and be a little skeptical.

Peruvian women believe, I mean REALLY believe that your money is her money and her money is her money.  You've been warned. 

It is every peruvian's dream to visit Machu Picchu: you are giving her a great gift.  Be sure to get a guided tour of the site as it is large with many hidden sights that can be easily missed or passed over.  It's cold in Cusco at night and you'll be going during the rainy season, so be prepared for landslides, hotels without heat and the altitude.  MP is not so high and you should feel fine there if in normal health, but Cusco is around 11,000 feet.  Since you're flying from Trujillo to Cusco you'll need a couple of days to acclimate.  Be careful with your belongings around the train station in Cusco, as there are pickpockets and occasional muggings. 

I wonder what you plan to do for 6 days in Chiclayo?  Well, I mean, there's not much tourist activities around there anyway.  The museum of the Lord of Sipan is excellent and you can see the ruins where the remains where discovered.  The beach near there is Pimentel.  It is long and sandy and has many holiday homes used just in summer and sit empty the rest of the year.  If you are looking for more tourist activities, you might want to go to Cajamarca while you're in the north.

Cruz del Sur is the best bus service in the country.  Be sure you get the best class ticket you can, because even then you don't know if the toilet will work, but at least you'll have a nice comfy seat. 

[RJS]

Thanks for the insightful reply, Brainiac (and to everyone else for the encouragement). Thanks to the guys on this forum i've got my eyes wide open, even though I'm very excited. My parents had an aweful divorce that dragged on for 4 years so I'm aware of the consequences should I make a poor decision concerning marriage. My great fear in life is marrying the wrong woman and I've always been a very rational about my selection methods, perhaps too much so, because I'm very analytical about everything. Like I said, on the surface, she seems to be everything I want, but I'll definitely dig deeper when we actually meet because i'm aware of the dangers that are only magnified by her being a foreigner (ie. being on the hook for 3 years after she gets here).

You asked about Chiclayo. Yes, it's a long time to spend there, but that's where her family lives. We're going to do daytrips to the tourist sites and maybe the beach. She's got that week all planned out in her mind, but I planned everything else (and there will be a couple days of rigorous schedules  ). I'll definitely have lots of time to see her interacting with family though. I'll be going to her parents' house at least a couple of times for christmas dinner and on other nights I'm sure as well. She is very happy I agreed to this because she seems to really love her parents (as opposed to me and mine lol). Her father is an educated man (an engineer), which is good, because I relate better to people of intelligence. I'll probably meet some of her university friends in Trujillo as well.

Anyway, I will certainly remember the things you've said. And about the money, I'll be sure to discuss this at some point. I think we both want a relationship that will work long-term, so we're very open and direct about everything, and it has been like that both ways from the start.

Santager, LatinAmericanCupid is the site I used. It's the only one I highly recommend. I'm a young, good looking guy that dresses to the 9s, and I got lots of interest from lots of women, but only on that site. I got orders of magnitude more interest on LAC than on match.com or cybercupido. I would log on at times and get 10-15 guinos in an hour during peak times. This, I think, is the secret to the site. It seems a lot of girls watch the who's online, or possibly the search engine automatically puts those people at the top.

Oh and I'm not sure about Lima because I haven't scheduled any time for it yet. It would likely be towards the end of my trip and I leave on the 7th. If you're still around then, maybe we can meet up for drinks after I figure out exactly what I'm doing.

[michaelb]

(ie. being on the hook for 3 years after she gets here).

One of our immigration experts like William or Ray can correct me if necessary, but I think the affidavit of support is binding for ten years, not three. In three years she can become a citizen, but the affidavit of support is still in effect. OTOH, (they can correct me again if necessary) it only applies if she receives public assistance.

[Ray]

If you are referring to the thee-year term of obligation under the I-134 Affidavit of Support, I believe that is generally considered to be unenforceable.

The real legal obligation for support goes into affect when you submit the Form I-864 Affidavit of Support when you sponsor your spouse for an immigrant visa or she adjusts status after marriage.

There is no 10-year limitation but your liability ends if the beneficiary works in the U.S. for 40 qualifying quarters, which sometimes equates to at least 10 years of work. Your obligation as a sponsor also ends if she becomes a naturalized citizen, leaves the country permanently, or dies. Otherwise, you could be on the hook for life.

I don’t think this support requirement has actually been enforced in very many cases. Though you could technically be sued for general support other than for benefits received under government programs, I think this happens very rarely. There are serious legal obligations involved but they are not widely enforced.

In cases where the marriage lasts only for a short time, I have heard of guys asking the USCIS to be released from their obligations under the I-864 affidavit and their request was granted. An immigration attorney could possibly help here.

Ray

[RJS]

I'm not american, guys. 

[william3rd]

Where the I864 has been getting a lot of play is in the family law courts of the various states where it is mistated to be a minimal amount of support for the alien above and beyond what the Family Court is normally inclined to grant. Different states have resulted in different results.

THere are cases in which the petitioner has been allowed to "withdraw" the I864 but these are more in situations where the actual green card has not be granted and this would be more as a matter of contractual "consideration" since the underlying "contract" requires the grant of residency